BunnyPuncher
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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 Posted:
Feb 01, 2004 - 22:48 |
 
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EMU TV Season 2 Week 2
-EMU TV music plays and the camera opens with a view of Rent Brockman sitting comfortably on 1 of 4 plush leather chairs arranged around a skull décor coffee table, the usual anchor desk is not in the picture-
Rent: “Good evening sportsfans! Welcome to EMU TV week two! We have a very special show for you tonight! Our panel of experts is here to discuss the season so far and take your calls! Let’s waste no time introducing our guests!”
-Rent stands up and waves towards stage right-
Rent: “Our first expert is a very revered Blood Bowl analyst and former winner of the Lynch Lobotomy Trophy Spawn Splatten!”
- A very dishevelled Ogre in a rumpled, ill-fitting suit wanders onto the stage, looks around the set and crams the remnants of a sandwhich into his mouth before sitting down. He waves to the crowd and smiles. Rent and Spawn exchange pleasantries. -
Rent: “Our second expert needs no introduction, well at least not in Carnador where he is worshipped as a god! TV personality and Blood Bowl analyst Drom Scary!”
- A rotund human with a goatee walks onto the stage. He’s wearing a suit so gaudy it is almost blinding. The tailoring however is immaculate. He shakes hands with the entire first row before sitting down, pausing to take a picture with a well endowed Slaanesh holding a “Marry Me Drom” sign. He fist pumps and yells “Buy my new video! Rock em Sock em 74! -
Rent: “Always good to see you Drom! Our final guest is that minister of the sinister, EMU CEO and President Nerfic BunnyPuncher!”
- An old well dressed Orc hobbles onto the stage accompanied by two large menacing figures draped in red robes and holding spears. Menacing music plays in the background. The old orc gives the audience the finger and then moons them before taking his chair. The red figures take up positions behind his chair -
Rent: “Welcome Boss! Whats with the goons in the robes and that music?”
Nerfic: “Ha Ha! These are my imperial guardsmen! Pretty Flashy eh! And my music is called the Imperial March, my own original work of course!”
- Nerfic mumbles something about having to find and kill a Young Skywalker. Drom Scary asks where he can get such a bright red fabric to make into a new suit. Spawn Splatten pulls another sandwich from his suit pocket -
Rent: “Well lets get down to business, what players have impressed you gentlemen the most so far this year?”
Drom Scary: “The kid I got my eye on is Atomic Rat from the EMU leading Rats on Parade. He’s good skaven kid who hits hard and leaves a dent in elf skulls on every block. Plus he’s got the speed and tackling ability to really bury those sons of guns into the astrogranite! He plays both ends of the field and is one of the most versatile players in the game. Plus he’s got heart, and ya can’t teach that!”
Spawn Splatten: “As you know Rent, the foundation of any good team begins with the guys who hold the line of scrimmage. It’s a real war in the trenches and it’s where the game is won or lost. I’m very impressed by Ostfriesland from Dollar Diplomacy she’s a big bull of a girl and knows how to get the job done.”
- Nerfic mutters something about having seen her spread in Play Orc -
Spawn Splatten: “The other two players I really like are Fighter and Black Mage the two big guys from 8-bit Theatre. There probably isn’t a nastier one two punch in the EMU. Both these guys are solid and dangerous.”
Nerfic: “Ha Ha! As you know I am always looking to appeal the children, they are the future of this great sport. We are trying to get Hilihar the blitzer from the Defenders of the fork signed to a long term EMU contract. He’s got the looks and personality to appeal to kids of all races. I’m gonna make this guy a star, and boy will he sell shoes!”
Rent: “All fantastic players and worthy of attention! I myself have been impressed with the hard nosed play of Thomas Rytter from Danmark. This troll really knows what he’s doing out there and is probably the most dangerous single player in the EMU! His blocks are a nightly highlight on our sports news broadcasts and he’s laid out more elves than venereal disease!”
Spawn Splatten: “And don’t forget Leptospira the star Gutterrunner from Revulsion. This guy knows Blood Bowl. He’s got all the physical tools to be a dominant player for seasons to come. I once saw this elf running for the endzone and BOOM! There Leptospira was, coming out of nowhere and popping the ball loose. This guy is a real game changer!”
Rent: “Now, who is likely the most underrated player in the EMU?”
Drom Scary: “Whoah nelly! I’d have to say that has to be Jimie Hendrix that dirty foul-master from Pop Goes the World. Listen up you kids at home, this guy is one of the reasons you always keep yer head up when yer crossing the lines! You get knocked over and this little guy will be all over you like stink on a skink! He’s put more guys out of commission than Carter has pills! He may be little but keep yer head on a swivel and keep an eye out for this guy. I once saw him crowd push a cheerleader! And she was his own mom!”
Spawn Splatten: “When I get asked this question, I always look to the future. Dula Shaleminer is an up and coming longbeard who plays for Three Feet Over Six Feet Under. He’s already great at holding the line and with a bit of in-game experience he’s going to be a superstar! The other player to keep your eyes on is that Raveena from the Bollywood Starlets. She’s been elevating her game all season long and the future only gets better for her. She’s also a wonderful girl and has a great work ethic.”
- Nerfic pulls a rumpled issue of Play Orc out of his suit coat and hands it to Spawn Splatten, and mutters “Page 23” -
Nerfic: “My pick has to be that talented blitzer from orkaForka Cocopuffs. This kid has all the skills to be a superstar, but he has the personality of a box of nails. Bo-ring! We are working with him on his speaking skills and have hired a great road agent for him. Soon his marketing appeal will match his on-field performance, and then boy will he sell shoes!”
Rent: “Thank you gentlemen that was a fantastic show. One thing I would like to mention is that Rat-King from Rats on Parade has chosen to retire. We are currently in negotiations with him to be the permanent member of the EMU TV staff. We’ll keep you updated!”
- Suddenly a white clad figure with blonde hair swings through the stage on a rope, he snatches the hat off of Nerfic’s head as he swings by -
Nerfic: “Skywalker! This time you will be mine!”
- Nerfic whips put a white tapered tube and presses a button. The device begins vibrating and making a buzzing noise. He tosses the vibrator down and pulls another tube out of his pocket. This time a blazing magic sword extends out of the tube and he runs screaming off the set followed by his two goons -
Rent: “On behalf of Spawn Splatten and Grom Scary, this is Rent Brockman, see ya next week!”
(For those who don’t know: Spawn Splatten = John Madden, the most famous NFL football analyst there is. He is also a rather dim-witted looking fellow, think the thing from fantastic four  (Drom Scary = Don Cherry, a hugely popular hockey commentator and stanly cup winner. He is also nuttier than a loon and has horrible taste in clothing).
As always feel free to provide feedback, criticism, etc. And make nominations for the end of season awards!. |
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Last edited by BunnyPuncher on %b %01, %2004 - %23:%Feb; edited 1 time in total |
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DreadClaw
Joined: Nov 17, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 01, 2004 - 22:55 |
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Wooo Way to go! loved it, need more!
Now where are my evil-do-ers in the reviews? my pagan himself splattered two elves in two games!!!! not too shabby for a pintsized mootMan!  |
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MixX
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 01, 2004 - 23:23 |
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BunnyPuncher
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 04:50 |
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Thank you guys.
Keep those All-Star nominations coming. The more you guys nominate the less of an arbitrary decision it is for me. Take a minute to look through the teams and pick a player that ctaches your eye.
Cheers. |
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DreadClaw
Joined: Nov 17, 2003
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Feb 02, 2004 - 06:00 |
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3 elves splattered by pagan! he sure doesnt like elves... or orcs... or beastmen... or chaos warriors...
damn he prettymuch haes everything that could harm him! |
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Wolter
Joined: Dec 26, 2003
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 Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 06:18 |
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OMG I got a player in EMU TV thats awsome  |
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BunnyPuncher
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 07:21 |
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BTW, The Elf Mangling Union is now the second largest group on fumbbl, and is the largest non-stunty leeg group. Thanks for your support gang! |
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MixX
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 02, 2004 - 14:57 |
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ok, I know this sounds kinda stupid, but who/what is Rent Brockman? (like race, age 'n' stuff).. also, I mean like Spawn Splatten is John Madden, is Rent then someone in particular? (I'm not familiar with american/british sports show hosts etc.) |
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BunnyPuncher
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 16:36 |
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Rent Brockman = Kent Brockman of Simpson's fame. Perfectly coifed middle-aged news anchor. |
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Mezir
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 16:46 |
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And the guy with Homer as his avatar asked, lol.
Nice newsthingy btw. |
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Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day; set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. |
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caileanhawk
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 02, 2004 - 16:51 |
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As always Bunny, good show |
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Thx
Caileanhawk
"Hospitality to the better sort, and charity to the poor; two virtues that are never exercised so well as when they accompany each other. " - Francis Atterbury |
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Zsarts
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 03, 2004 - 01:31 |
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Thanks for the good show - really funny stuff here 
Regards
Z |
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MixX
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Feb 03, 2004 - 01:41 |
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Well, I didn't know if Simpsons was making fun of someone from Real Life (tm) too.. that's why I asked.. |
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