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Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 03, 2017 - 14:36 Reply with quote Back to top

What a game. Excitement, passion, the fans had come out to see their heroes play.

The agility and flash of the elves vs. the bloody mind(less)ness of the ogres. and bloody it was. Watched on by the likes of Dirty Harry (its rumoured even Morg turned up to watch the game, personally invited by Harry as an equal), Eastwood set out on mission to prove he is the greatest Bro that EVER Lifted.

Meanwhile with some trickery and subterfuge plus the hiring of Grotty (another ag4 star), the Ogres got a first turn td, and then followed this up with a coast to coast hail mary pass score, confounding the elves.

Unfortunately buoyed by this success and too confident Voodoo fumbled an equalising HMP pass right in front of the terrifying Nienna who put the game out of reach as she worked her special brand of elven magic, securing the lost ball and scoring again. Disheartened hired star Brick couldn't muster the strength to get a final TTM TD in the final moments of the match.

As the final whistle blew, c9805222 turned to Konder and wordlessly handed over a large sack of clinking coins...

Back in the changing room, even the ogres cowered from c9805222's wrath, how could they on such a landmark occasion watched over by those that had made the team great in the first place, fail at the final hurdle when so much had already been done to secure victory against this team of elves, a team depleted and missing their iconic captain no less. Smash went to say something and c9805222 popped his hip out for him a second time in two weeks before stalking from the changing room as the ogre's screams echoed throughout the stadium, sending the masses of fans scurrying for cover.

The Sluggers new season was nearly upon them and he was now in the mood to put them through some proper pre-season training.

But first there were some witch elves to punish...


Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2017 - 09:17 Reply with quote Back to top

After their 100th match was in the books, the Archers of Avelon decided to take a bit of a vacation. Each went their own way. Kyteth was home with the kids, Revwe went hunting with Nienna, and Throthradir went site seeing on the Mandalian Coast. Even Corbis took a break by shuttering the Tarnished Crown and visiting relatives in the Kathian Mines.

However, Kondor was not seen for months. The witch elf Hera turned up for the next ogre match so she was not responsible for the extended disappearance. When the Archers finally reconvened practice three month later, he was unshaven and very unkempt. Game 100 had shaken him and the witch elf encounter had left him a bit unstable.

The first game after the hiatus was versus the High Elf team Whalelf Ballers. For some reason people always expected Coach Mr. T to be an Orc with a mostly shaved head. But it is not the case. Rather Mr. T is a coach you would never expect to see. He looks more like an accountant than a team manager. However, his methodical approach to the game had afforded him a measure of success. Today, Nuffle laughed at his statistics.

The Ballers could not dodge, they could not pass, and they could not catch. Even a simple sprint lead to tripping and injuries. Therefore, they resorted to fouls. A seafaring dark elf had been designated to officiate the match. While he hated both teams, he must have been a proponent of whaling. In all, he tossed five Ballers overboard for the ten fouls they committed. Quickly calculating the odds of that happening almost caused Mr. T to throw his abacus at the referee.

In the meantime, Revwe went about her business and put five points on the board to claim the One Turn Scum Fumbbl Badge.

As the Ballers retired to the changing room, Mr T was heard muttering about lies, damn lies, and statistics.


5-0 win vs high elves. https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?op=report&id=3933172

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2017 - 11:53 Reply with quote Back to top

The epic encounter between the Archers and the Lifters took place in mid-summer. For the next three months the Archers took a vacation, but Coach c98 went to work. While the Archers had faced both the Lifting Bros and the dark elf Titans, only the ogres had managed to pull off a draw. That needed to change.

Sure, betting on matches allowed c98 to rake in gold, but the unbearable high elves needed to be put in their place. To make sure that happened, he ordered all of his teams to the gym.

The titans were quickly in fighting shape with Helios stepping up to provide some muscle while ‘Big Daddy’ Cronus served as the team hammer. The RNG forgotten team was not far behind. The humans had not yet faced the Archers the but team captain Dirty Harry was ready to make someone’s day. As always, the lifters were ready to brawl.

Yet every player under contract to c98 was shocked when elves got the call to play. Eastwood considered them little more that mortal, and Cronus saw them as illegitimate grandchildren that were best forgotten.

C98 looked at Hercules. “More than Mortal will take the field tonight. Make sure that your lads strap their jocks and gauntlets on tight. I want to see blood and points.”

Hercules smiled. “You will not regret the choice. I’ll bring the gauntlets and while Electra probably will leave the jock in the changing room, I have a feeling she will put a point or two on the board.”

Hercules headed to the clubhouse and the murmuring ensued.

“Just hush!” shouted c98. “I’ve coached more than 180 games since I last faced the Archers. I chose More than Mortal because they can get the job done. If they fail, I will send someone else. But no matter what, each of you will probably get a shot at the Archers at some point so I expect all of you to be ready.”

The captain of the Bad Boys started to protest only to get popped in the mouth. “I don’t expect you orcs to think. Just do as yer told.”

So it was that with a hint of quiet confidence, More than Mortal took Avelon Stadium by storm upsetting the Archers and putting their names in the center of the blood bowl stage. Twice Electra made a pass to Eros that resulted in a score, and twice Hercules brought pain to the Archers. Vardan’s death marked the seventh time a c98 coached team killed an Archer of Avelon. It also placed him squarely on the Archer Kill-Team’s hit list.

As the Archers of Avelon retired to their changing room, they were scoreless, stunned and left to figure out how an unknown team was now commemorating a win in the middle of Avelon Stadium.

2-0 loss to pro elves. https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3933802

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 11:03 Reply with quote Back to top

It is a misconception that a great distance must be covered to find the realms of chaos. In truth, chaos is never far away. Take for example the chaos team Exalted Court. The stadium they called The Courtyard stood on the edge of the Badlands and was an easy ten day journey East from Avelon.

Nevertheless, most travelers steered clear of the region due to the infestation of Brigands and Marauders. The Archers however, traveled wherever they chose. Only a large band of orcs would dare challenge a dozen or more well-armed elven marksmen.

Today, they rolled right up to The Courtyard. Clearly it had once been a great stadium that hosted a successful but now long forgotten empire team. The façade had crumbled but the structure stood strong. Likewise the team that played here was ugly but it was built on a strong foundation. And just in case anyone doubted, the Exalted Court was unbeaten in their young professional existence.

As usual, in hostile territory, the Archers sent Kondor to the front door of the stadium first. As the coach he would make first contact, but as a human, he would serve as bait.

Once he was a stone throw’s distance from the main gate, it began to creek open. Through the opening came the largest beastman Kondor had ever seen. He would have thought the creature was a minotaur had it not possessed curled ram horns. Though the horns prevented any effort to wear a helmet, the beast was clad head to hoof in the Chaos Armor of Slaanesh.

“Hail Archers of Avelon!” came the greeting from the monster in the common tongue of the empire. “I am Coach Guardikai. I assume you fancy a match?”

“We do.” Shouted Revwe from the lead wagon before Kondor could speak. “Direct us to our lodgings. We will have no further dealings with your kind. Negotiations will go through Kondor.”

Annoyed at being rebuffed by an elf, Guardikai snorted and stomped the earth. “That suits me well. Go through the South gate. Your lodgings will be the rooms on either side of the corridor. See you on the pitch!”

Kondor donned a horned helmet and strode to Guardikai. Lowering his head, he offered the beastman a traditional greeting. Shocked at the human’s display of good manners he reciprocated and met the offered head-butt with just enough force to show respect without the danger of breaking Kondor’s neck.

Kondor found himself on his backside but chose to take it one step further. He stood and again lowered his head in a traditional challenge. The stunned chaos coach lowered his as well and delivered a blow slightly stronger than the first.

Kondor was better prepared for the blow and this time it only knocked him to his knees. He was slightly dizzy but he again stood. This time he took a step backwards and spread his arms. “It seems you remain dominant in your abode. Will you be so kind as to show me around the premises?”

The beastman stepped forward and extended his hand to clasp Kondor’s in the traditional human form of greeting. “I will do so joyfully, and I hope you will accept the full hospitality of Slaanesh. And if you so choose, there is room for you among her followers.”

Guardikai turned and led the way through the main entrance. Once inside, Kondor was stunned by what he saw. The stadium was not only where the Exalted Court held games, it was the decadent abode for the followers of Slaanesh. Slaanesh devotees lived within the stadium and dedicated the building as a perverse temple to the pursuit of earthly gratification, hedonism and pleasure simply for its own sake.

Most of the denizens were beastmen or minotaurs, but a large faction were humans and there were even a few dwarfs and dark elves. Each race occupied a section of the stadium and they pitched their tents squarely upon the bleachers. On game-day the tents were dismantled so as to not block the view of the field. The rank of each house was easily understood by its proximity to the field and the size of their tent.

The dominant house was clear. At midfield on the home team sideline stood a magnificent stable. The posts were made of eight foot tall mahogany beams with an entrance directly onto the field. From his vantage point at the entrance of the stadium, Kondor looked down on the field and could clearly see the activity within the black, wooden corral. The beastmen within were not interested in gold or jewels, but stacks of weapons and armor were piled high. At least a dozen skaven and human slaves bustled around catering to the whims of the beastmen and beastwomen. Even the bedding made from straw was so clean and pure it gleamed in the sun.

Still, the beastmen were only the most dominant race in the arena, and the division between races was very fluid. The dwarven area was gilded while the dark elf section was velvety and seductive, and the human section was speckled with various proclivities.

Yet the separations were not always based on race. Some areas seemed to cater a preferred overindulgence. There were tents and stables dedicated to greed, gluttony, slothfulness, and lust. The most prevalent of these was clearly lust located in the Southern end zone from which came the beast and human sounds of pleasure and pain.

Looking at the thousands of revelers worried about nothing but their own desires, Kondor temporarily gave in to the temptations.

“Honorable Guardikai, will I be required to be on the sideline for the game tomorrow, or will it suffice for me to simply be in the building? If I choose to watch the match from the vantage point of the stands, will I fulfill the requirement that a Coach attend the match for each team?”

Guardikai smiled broadly. “It would be against the Slaanesh creed to require a guest to do anything but follow his own pleasures.”

“Thank you Guardikai.” Said Kondor. “Please do not allow the wagon train to leave me hear after the match unless I decide to stay.”

Two days later, Kondor forced himself to leave the stadium and join the wagon train. As Guardikai had hidden the mules, the Archers of Avelon had been forced to set up a small camp outside of the stadium to wait for Kondor. Corbis did not rejoin the team until three more days had passed. Only then did Guardikai returned the mules.

Neither Kondor nor Corbis learned the final score of the match until they returned to Avelon and caught a three week old copy of the Avelon Gazette.

2-0 win over chaos. https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3934455

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 14:00 Reply with quote Back to top


As Kondor reached for the door handle to the tavern called the Tarnished Crown he had a very bad feeling. It was too loud. There seemed to be a riotous festival going on. He was never invited to parties, and all the liquor that flowed made him nervous. Still, Corbis said there was important business to take care of so it was time to find out what was happening.

When Kondor opened the door he knew coming was a mistake. On the wall opposite the door hung a giant Fumbbl Badge with the word Fan Factor printed under it. Spinning on his heels, Kondor turned to leave only to run smack into Squiglet, who nudged him back inside.

When his eyes adjusted to the light he looked around and saw a room full of coaches he had coached against and the entire Archer of Avelon Team.

AKA Renton put a hand on his shoulder. "We are here to see you get tattooed. How fun is that?"

Kondor began to protest and tried to pull back to the door. Unfortunately, c98 took hold of his other arm and led him to the bar where he was greeted by Coach Rbthma.

The rotter had a needle gun in his hand and clearly meant to use it. Through Coach Rbthma's slurred rotter speach Kondor thought he understood "Don't worry, I washed with soap. Plus I don't think I have intentionally infected anyone in years."

Arktoris patted Kondor on the right side of the rib and told Rbthma to put it right there.

In the background, Malmir could be heard shouting over the jeering crowd. "Everyone raise your glasses to the Archers of Avelon. May they lose their next 50 matches at our hands!"

The jeering got louder, but all Kondor could hear was the buzz of the needle gun in Rbthma's hand.

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 20, 2017 - 07:39 Reply with quote Back to top

Within the heart of the Badlands stands the fortified city of Hightower. While it was built as a military outpost, the presence of soldiers and their stipends soon brought merchants who camped outside the city walls. The merchants brought slaves and began farming beets and turnips as they were the only crops that grew in the region. Eventually a moderate sized population developed outside of the confines of the citadel, and in the old world, where you find inhabitants, you will find a blood bowl field.

Today, the pitch has been turned into a minor stadium and the merchants have banded together to sponsor a team. The coach was chosen from the merchant ranks and based on his penchant for fixing games, C98 was clearly the best choice.

The next difficulty was choosing a name for the team. Living in the Badlands, the outpost and its denizens felt forgotten by the emperor. That fact had its advantages and disadvantages but it was a sore point for the directors of the city. They bantered about team names like Forgotten of the Crown but in the ended decided that such a blatant team name would draw unwanted attention from the Emperor. They settled on the Team That the Ring Forgot. Unfortunately the paperwork was misfiled with the commissioner’s office and officially recorded as Team That RNG Forgot. Sure they could have paid to fix the error but the miserly merchants did not want to spend another piece of gold on the matter. Besides, the error seemed fitting for a team in a place that no one would remember.

The only reason Kondor even knew about Hightower was because C98 mentioned that he coached a team in the Badlands. Since the teams schedules happened to coincide, the Archers of Avelon made a stop in the town on their return trip from the Exalted Court.

Seeing simply a human team from a back water town, the Archers of Avelon took the match thinking it would be easy money and a good tune up game. They were wrong. C98 had the humans in top fighting condition and they quickly set about dismantling the Archers. While the archers had never been a truly muscular team, it was shocking that the humans threw twice as many blocks and managed to drop five fouls on the Archers.

When the Archers finally climbed back into their wagons for the ride back to Avelon their egos were bruised and Kydeth’s leg was broken. They told themselves that they would never underestimate humans again. Kondor smiled knowing that soon they would find excuses for why they lost the match when the truth was they had simply been outplayed.

3-2 loss to humans - https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3935570

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 23, 2017 - 05:49 Reply with quote Back to top

Kondor had no idea who Borg was or why this band of rats hated him so much to name their team after him, but after watching the Anti-Borg on the field, he felt sorry for the poor fella. Surely, Borg must have done something to earn their wrath, but he would have to be a pretty resourceful fellow to face these rats.

To be sure, the Archers did everything they could to win the game but they just could not remove enough players from the field to clear the way to put a helmet on the key skaven players. Uhurat was simply too fast and scored too easily. Meanwhile Worfrat and Ratner had the muscle to injure elf after elf.

To be simple, it was a match where the Archers did not have the players to win. As long as the one turn rat and a mighty claw rat were on the field, there would not be much chance of a win for the Archers. Poor Borg was sure to learn the same painful lesson.

2-1 loss to Skaven - https://fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3935747

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 26, 2017 - 08:51 Reply with quote Back to top

A losing streak will leave a bad taste in the mouth of any professional athlete. It motivates you to work harder and take your frustration out on the next team you play. When the losing streak pertains to High Elves with an overinflated ego, the motivation only increases.

Such was the case in this match. Adding to the motivation was the fact that the Archers would be facing orcs, and a team of orcs almost always come with a few lucrative contracts an enterprising elf can collect.

So it was that Coach Jelmer led Deeprootz Happy Chappies into a game at Avelon Stadium against the Archers.

In the opening half the elves concentrated on building a lead and went into the locker room ahead 2-1 and then scored early in the second half to effectively put the match out of reach. With the game in hand Throthradir decided to make some gold on a contract. As the clock ticked down he saw an opening and attacked the star orc blitzer Gary the Greek. While Gary was a skilled Blood Bowl player, he was no match for the assassin’s blade. He fell dead on the pitch with the cheers of the Archer of Avelon fans ringing in his ears.

Soon thereafter the whistle blew and the Archers of Avelon left the field victorious and jubilant. All was well once again in Avelon.

3-1 win over Orcs https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3937818

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Oct 27, 2017 - 09:53 Reply with quote Back to top

“They will never agree to it.” Said Kondor. “The Archers are the only professional blood bowl team in Avelon. There is no way they will share the stadium.”

“You have to help me Kondor.” Replied Corbis. “I could lose the Tarnished Crown. Those half-men will burn the place to the ground if they don’t get their way. I already pay the Downtown Bakers a monthly fee to keep my non-union doors open.”

“Why don’t you just join the union then?”

“Bah. I am philosophically opposed to unions. Next thing you know I’ll have to pay a basic wage to the serving wench. Besides, they would never let me join. I am a gnome and they say my feet are too big.”

“Tell you what. I will get the Archers to play an exhibition match if Querulus agrees that the Downtown Bakers will never go pro…. And he lowers the prices on sticky buns at the Archer games.”

When the match ended, Querulus rushed to the Archer sideline.

“Dang it Kondor, that was supposed to be an exhibition match. Throthradir injured 6 of my players. He even killed Johan.” Said Querulus.

“Johan has been a Dead Man Walking since he joined the Bakers. He served a poison pie to a dark elf. Throthradir just picked up the bounty. Plus, the Archers wanted to make a point. There is only one pro team in Avelon, and if the Bakers want to go pro and share the stadium they will have to go through the Archers to earn it.” Replied Kondor.

Querulus huffed. “You know, we could cut off all concessions at Archer home games.”

“You won’t do that. You make too much profit off the buns and popcorn. Oh, and leave Corbis alone as long as he pays his dues. The Tarnished Crown is under Archer protection.”

Querulus raised a hairy fist. “You will regret this Kondor. Somehow I will make you and all those elves pay.”

Kondor turned his back and left the field shouting over his shoulder. “Get in line. Maybe someone can teach these elves a lesson.”

3-0 win over halflings https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3938047

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Nov 15, 2017 - 05:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Good evening Blood Bowl fans and welcome to a special Cabalvision broadcast on the Fumbbl Network. I am Rhys ‘Sidearm’ Gilroris and I am accompanied by Neesha Aludra a founding member of the Archers of Avelon. Tonight marks a landmark event as the Archers of Avelon will take the field for the first time in pursuit of the Fumbbl Cup…. Or any other cup for that matter. In this competition, there are no easy foes so it should come as no surprise that the opening draw put the Archers against a formidable squad of Chaos Dwarfs called the Crazy Romans who are coached by the equally insane Coach Rappe. Neesha tells us about those Chaos Dwarfs.

Thanks Rhys. This team will not fall easily. They are led by a pair of Super Star Bulls named Nero and Varus. Both can easily break a tackle and both are quicker than most centaur players. It will be a long night if the Archers do not figure out how to corral those two. However, they cannot pay too much attention to that duo and forget that the dwarf blockers are brutes. If they don’t keep their heads on a swivel they will find themselves in the mortuary. It is a tall order and this game will show if the Archers are ready to compete in the greatest competition in the Old World. May Nuffle have mercy on them tonight!

We can only hope he does Neesha. But that is none of our concern nor is it the concern of the Crazy Romans. Crazy Roman fans want elf blood and they are likely to get it. But they will have to watch themselves too. The Archers will take the field with a quadruplet of living legends.

Revwe Larereta is the top active Fumbbl High Elf scorer and no one can argue that she is currently the top High Elf Blitzer in the league. In fact, only the late Aegnor of the Phoenix Gate Guardians has more Career TDs, and only the late Arbane Lightshiver of the Phoenix Guard Griffins may be considered a greater all around star Blitzer. Revwe comes to the game with 58 Casualties inflicted, 42 TDs, and this will be her 95th career game.

The other original Archer to take the field is thrower Nienna Nenharma. This elf is piling up the High Elf thrower records. No high elf thrower in the history of the Fumbbl Confederation has scored more often, rushed for more yards, or caused more casualties. In fact only four other high elves in any position have ever rushed for more yards. She takes the field with 952 yards rushing, 18 casualties inflicted, and 20 TDs. With three individual Fumbbl Badges to her name, Nienna is a certified legend of the game.

You played with both of these elves Neesha. What can you tell us about them?

Yes Rhys, I am proud to say that both of these elves were my team mates. I have watched them develop into the legends that they are today. Both Revwe and Nienna bring ferocity to the field that other elves fail to match. Most viewers probably do not know that only three High Elf throwers have committed more fouls than Nienna. These two stars have passed this game time attitude to the rest of the team which has carried a couple of their teammates to greatness. Just look at the other two Archer Legends that will take the field today.

Kydeth is “the other blitzer” for the Archers of Avelon. She is the only blitzer in the history of Fumbbl to throw 50 passes or more, and only the late blitzer Aegnor rushed for more yards in his career. With 37 TDs to Kydeth’s name, Revwe is the only other blitzer playing the game with more TDs. The broken hip she suffered early in her career has made her a step slower, but she is still an integral part of this team.

The junior legend on the team is Throthradir Falavoul. He/She has become the fan favorite with more MVP nominations than any other High Elf catcher playing the game. She is already listed as one of the top five catchers to ever play.

In fact, a recent survey showed that all four of these elves are listed among the top 20 High Elves to ever step on the blood bowl pitch.

That is incredible Neesha. Viewers may ask how the Crazy Romans can hope to compete against a team with four players of that caliber. The problem is that these four cannot do everything and amongst the remainder of the Archers, only Meldalf Aedfaere can be considered much of a star. The best that the rest of the team can hope to do is get in the way of the charging dwarfs. As we all know, that is not usually a good idea and will likely to mean plenty of elf blood on the pitch.

We are moments away from kickoff and Coach Rappe has chosen to defer to the second half and kick the ball to the Archers. It is an interesting choice considering the fact that he could have chosen to punish elves on the line of scrimmage, gain a numerical advantage, and then slowly grind down the field for a late first half score. I would consider the choice an early advantage to the Archers.

The ball is in the air and in an early surprise move, Throthradir has moved to pick up the ball rather than Nienna. The Dwarfs are bringing pressure so she has moved to the protection on the North side of the field. The pressure is still coming strong, and she is forced to get the ball down field and into the hands of Kydeth. We are nearly midway through the half and Kydeth is surrounded but she is very elusive. With a leap over the bull Nero, she dodges into the endzone to put point on the board.

The score is nice, but this is not how the Archers drew it up in the pre-game planning. There is too much time on the clock. The ensuing kick-off lands near Varus who easily picks it up. He quickly moves it downfield. Amazingly, the elf armor has been sturdy and the nasty dwarfs have been unable to cause any damage.

Ahhh, listen to those fans boo! They recognize a mix-up in the Archer backfield. The positioning is not right. A short blitz by Gaius put Kydeth on the ground stunned and out of play. The Archers scramble to recover but no one is in position to stop Varus from scoring to equalize the match. That whistle takes us to halftime and the following announcement from our sponsors.


A dozen halflings, orcs, dwarfs, and skaven appear on the Cabalvision broadcast arm in arm and a tune is heard playing…

“I’d like to teach the world to play blood bowl in harmony. I’d like to buy the world an Orca Cola and gang foul it with this company.”
The broadcast goes blurry and then focuses back on Sidearm.

“What was that advertising troll excrement?” he is heard to say as he adjusts his cravat and gets ready for the second half of play.

Welcome back for the second half Archer Fans and I would like to personally apologize for that mind numbing commercial.

The Archers have kicked the ball towards the Chaos Dwarfs, but even before the ball is in the air, they have started moving. It is a Blitz! They have caught their opponents flat footed. Throthradir is under the ball, and both blitzers have leapt over the defensive line to screen him. He…She…whatever… has the ball and has been screened away from the most proficient opposing tacklers.

Still the bulls have him in their sights and manage to knock it free. Now Kydeth has picked it up and moved near the endzone. Again the bulls come for her and again she goes down. Varus picks it up dangerously close to his own touch line. Surrounded by dwarfs, Nienna pushes him near the crowd. If only Meldalf can just nudge him, the Archer fans will take care of the rest.

The bull is terrified. Meldalf is confident. Meldalf lunges forward and takes a devastating kick from the centaur’s front hoof. He goes down hard. Varus breaks free of Nienna’s feeble tackle attempt and runs safely down the sideline.

What a disaster for the Archers! They are in no position to prevent another score. They are scrambling to put up some sort of defense but it is hopeless. Revwe makes a heroic solo blitz on the stronger bull but… wait, the ball is free. She actually brought down the beast. Nero can’t pick up the ball but the dwarfs are moving back. If she can some how get the ball to safety this will go into overtime.

Revwe picks up the ball but has nowhere to run. She is pushing hard to get away from the dwarfs with the ball and trips over the uneven turf. With seconds to go, Varus picks up the ball and scores.

What a heartbreaking loss for the Archers. Defeat pushes out glory and the Romans celebrate at mid-field. They will move on and face the Nurgle squad Bloody Clawsome. For the Archers and their fans all they can do is watch the remainder of the cup and wonder what would have been if their defense had been better, if Revwe had not tripped, or if Meldalf had pushed that bull into the stands.

On that note, I this is Rhys ‘Sidearm” Gilroris and Neesha Aludra bidding you farewell until the next Archer of Avelon broadcast.

2-1 Fumbbl Cup loss to CDs - https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3939080

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Feb 13, 2018 - 08:22 Reply with quote Back to top

After crashing out of the Fumbbl Cup in their debut match, Kondor tried to placate the fans by quickly scheduling games against some bruisers. The plan was to escape with his life by providing enough blood and beautiful play to keep the most fanatical fans entertained. To that end, Kondor contacted an admired coach called HeyGuys and asked if his Nurgle team had an available spot on the schedule.

On paper this one looked like the Xenobiotics were going to be outclassed, but the coach cracked open the coffer and contracted the Despoiler, Lord Borak. Borak’s presence on the field combined with coaching skill made the game even.

From the opening kick, it was clear that the Archers were still stung by the Fumbbl Cup defeat. They made several terrible on the field decisions including a pair of ill-conceived fouls on Borak. The Archers would score to end the half but they would also be severely outnumbered in the second.

Xenobiotics methodically worked their way down the field crushing any elf that stood in their way. Fenian tried to stifle the Nurgle advance only to have Leroy Palewing blatantly drown him in the mud at mid field. Fortunately, the rot was in Fenian’s system, and without missing a moment of the action he arose to join the rotter ranks.

When the teams finally retired to their respective locker rooms after the match, Kondor was satisfied with the results. The Archers had sustained five casualties including the death of Fenian, and the fans seemed to be in a better mood.

1-1 Draw vs Nurgle


Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Feb 13, 2018 - 09:24 Reply with quote Back to top

After a game against Nurgle, it normally takes weeks to clean and disinfect the stadium. Fortunately Corbis brought word that Coach Esraymuk had taken up lodging in the Tarnished Crown with his Chaos Team. Sure a classical Chaos team isn’t the same as a Nurgle team. However, they both have gors and warriors, and they both mutate.

Kondor strolled over to the inn for some negotiations with Esraymuk. The talks went smoothly since Esraymuk was anxious to put his team on the field. With a few extra gold pieces in the mix for inducements Gif Cas was contracted to play. The risk of a potentially Nurgle infected locker-room did not seem to bother the visiting coach in the least.

Two days before the game, word spread that Esraymuk had managed to hire Max Spleenripper for the match. Fans of High Elf teams rarely witness the beauty of a chainsaw wielded by an artist like Max. By game time, the stadium was sold out. Even by filling the aisles and fire exits with temporary seating, there was simply not enough room to accommodate everyone who wanted to attend. Clearly it was time to expand the stadium.

When Spleenripper took the field he received an ovation normally reserved for the home team. Vaeri Farwaine kicked the ball and the bird headed beast known as Stronghawk caught it. He moved the ball into a partial cage and waited for support from Spleenripper.

Feeding off the riotous crowd, Spleenripper began and elaborate chainsaw juggling act meant to be culminated with a blitzing coup de gra on the unsuspecting high elf Vardan Qinxidor. As he brought blade spinning down on Vardan it caught his armor at an unanticipated angle and bounced back into the wielder. Lacking the force of an intended blow, the saw failed to seriously injure Max anywhere but his pride. The cheers turned to jeers and Max dropped to the ground calling for a medic and faking an injury.

In the meantime, the beastman cage was truly chaotic and had been left exposed by the play of Max. Soon, Stronghawk had been stripped of the ball and Throthradir was rushing unchallenged down the sideline. He would score and the Chaos team quickly became disheartened. Not only would they fail to score, they failed to inflict any damage on the High Elf squad.

The 2-0 win by the Archers of Avelon was exactly what you would expect when an underdog’s star player leaves the match in the opening seconds of play.

2-0 win vs Chaos https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3942939

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Feb 13, 2018 - 11:14 Reply with quote Back to top

Uncharacteristically, Archie barged into Kondor’s office babbling that he needed to get to the stadium immediately. Vandals had hit the Avelon Stadium and a crowd was beginning to form around the stadium.

Leaving his office and residence in the Golden Bauble Inn, Kondor hurried across town to assess the damage. When he arrived, he did not know whether to cry or cheer. He immediately recognized the defacing graffiti as the Undivided Chaos Curse. The symbol of Khorne, painted in blood was seen on the Northern point of the building. The Eastern most side sported the symbol of Tzeentch colored in purple dye from the ever-changing night willow seed. In greenish-yellow bile, the mark of Nurgle was emblazoned on the southernmost point. Finally, and most prominently, covering the Western main entrance was the bright blue symbol of the pleasure god Slaanesh.

Kondor was excited as the curse could not bode well for the Archers of Avelon, but inwardly crushed. He worried because the last person he knew who had been struck by the curse was financially ruined as part of the mayhem that had engulfed him. As the curse was one of chaos there was no way to guess how this would play out but, surely mayhem was about to ensue.

As he stood in the crowd looking at the stadium’s main gate he heard a long, slow whistle at his side. The sound came from Corbis who stood with his hands on his hips shaking his head.

“Well now, that cannot be a coincidence.” He stated flatly.

Kondor glanced down at the gnome who continued his train of thought. “Coach Guardikai just checked into the Tarnished Crown. He brought his Slaaneshi team and is looking for a rematch. He seemed pretty confident that this time his god will favor him with some attention. Give him about an hour to compete his adorations to Slaanesh and he should be ready to negotiate.”

About five hours later Kondor entered the Tarnished Crown where he found Guardikai’s team, the Exalted Court, had taken over the establishment. All manner of Slaanesh adoration was on display. In addition to the players, Kondor recognized several prominent Avelon citizens partaking in the revelry. In truth he was surprised that Slaanesh had such a large following conservative town of Avelon.

It turned out that Guardikai was so confident in his visit that he had decided to indulge in his winebibbing proclivity for the duration of this road trip. The result was more than an agreement that was financially favorable to the Archers.

Always the businessman, Kondor poured himself a lemonade before joining Guardikai near the back exit.

“I was beginning to think that you had left town.” Slurred the obviously drunken Slaanagor. The giant creature stood too quickly, knocking over the table as he found himself light-headed. “Ahh Slaanesh favors me this night.” He stammered and slumped down upon his bed of cushions. “Forgive me if I cannot greet you properly this evening my friend.”

Kondor gave a slight bow and a smile. “I assume that since the symbol of Slaanesh is most prominent on my front door, you were the one who arranged the artwork at the stadium last night?”

Guardikai forced an unnatural smile over his lips that looked more like a snarl. “Did you like that? With Slaanesh being most prominent symbol, at least the city will not be destroyed by plague, or overrun by a Khornate army, or transformed into transgender griffens.”

“Well, I guess I should be grateful for small favors.” Said Kondor raising his lemonade in salute to Guardikai and by proxy Slaanesh himself. “Would you mind at least telling me how I can survive this curse?”

Suddenly, Guardikai stiffened with an air of indignation. “Curse..Curse.. It is no curse my friend. I bring you the undivided blessing of the Chaos Gods. You will be blessed with their attention until you can beat the coaches who uttered the invocations at the ritual last evening. It is a glory that is rarely given. After our last meeting I felt it was only fitting to honor you and the Archers in this way.”

Inside Kondor’s terror mounted but he kept control. “Who are the other three coaches?”

Guardikai chuckled. “Who said there are three other coaches? And I am afraid I can’t tell you who they are. That will ruin the fun. Now, if you will let me sign the little paper I assume you brought, I can get on with the business of passing out in bed with a random stranger.”

Kondor pulled the contract from his pack and handed it to Guardikai who put it on the floor to his left and then poured a little wine on the floor to his right. Without bothering to stand, he smeared his right hoof in the wine and then made his mark on the parchment.

Understanding that Guardikai had other plans for the night he picked up his lucrative contract and returned to his office all the while thinking of the meaning of the “Chaos Blessing.”

Two days later, the Archers of Avelon met the Exalted Court in a quiet Avelon Stadium. It may as well have been an away game. Only chaos worshipers dared enter the stadium. The visiting bleachers were full of Slaanesh followers, while the home side had a small contingent of Archer fans who worshiped other Chaos gods. Even Corbis refused to report to work.

Under the circumstances, the game went fairly well considering the fact that the referee was wearing a gimp suit and the Archers never found a clear shot on the ball. Kondor tipped his cap to Guardikai. The Archer Loss had solidified the curse. Nothing in Avelon would be the same again.

1-0 loss to Chaos https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3944323

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Feb 14, 2018 - 09:31 Reply with quote Back to top

“Condemned by the order of the Mayor of Avelon.”

The Archers of Avelon read the notice nailed to the entrance of the stadium and stood in a state of shock. If the stadium was demolished, the team would have no home field and by league regulations, it would no longer be sanctioned as it lacked a place to host games.

Kondor glanced at the notice, but surprisingly seemed unconcerned by the parchment. “I’ll have a word with the mayor and straighten this out. In the meantime it looks like we will be taking a road trip. Word of the curse has spread and proposals for games are coming in from all corners of the Old World. The Archers have had a target on their backs for a while, and now you look like an easy mark. The first game will be next week in the Ancient City of Chernovalla. Coach Ollebol has an up and coming undead squad. Pack your bags. The caravan rolls out at sun up.”

As Kondor had already put is luggage in the caravan baggage cart, he walked over to the Mayor’s office. As is the case 98% of the time, the bureaucrat was not busy. In fact he was happy to see Kondor.

“Kondor, please come in. I assume you want to talk about the stadium.” He said.

“Yep. Could I get you to belay the order to tear down the stadium?” he asked.
The portly official shook his head in the negative. “I am afraid not. It is touched by chaos. We cannot let it spread through Avelon.”

Kondor nodded in seeming agreement. “What do you plan to build in its place? It probably could not even serve as a cemetery as no one would want to be buried in a chaos tainted grave. That is a shame.”

The Mayor frowned. “Indeed. It will lie fallow for a hundreds of years.”

Kondor feigned a sudden epiphany. “You know, there are ways around this that could serve both of us. Work with me on this idea and let’s see if we can hammer it out.” Kondor continued. “What if I purchased the land and building from the city for a couple thousand gold pieces and I gave you a couple thousand more on the side. Then, the land the stadium is on an the open space the Archers use as a training ground next to the stadium could be completely stricken from city records.”

The idea of a profit caught the politician’s attention then he saddened. “But it would still be chaos tainted land inside of the city limits. It would still spread.”

“You are not very creative my dear Mayor.” Said Kondor. “I will incorporate the area and make it the Autonomous Province of Kondorville. I will be the mayor and Corbis can be my Deputy Mayor. That way the land would no longer be in Avelon. For good measure, you will build a twelve foot wall encompassing the new city just outside of the tainted area. The only access would be from the main road leading into Kondorville.”

The mayor looked intrigued but hesitated.

“Besides.” Said Kondor sealing the deal. “Do you really want to attract the attention of all of the gods of chaos by raising the stadium they just cursed? They may just pass it on to everyone involved in the decision from you to the poor stiff swinging the demolition hammer.”

“Kondor, you make a good argument. Draw up the documents and we will complete the transaction. Congratulations Mr. Mayor.” Said the Mayor of Avelon.
As Kondor left the office he could not believe how much gold he was about to make off this curse.

When game time came in Chernovala, the curse was evident. The death of a rookie was only natural, what shocked the Archers was how clumsy they were. They could not handle the ball and often tripped over phantom obstacles. It seemed that one of the gods had decided to take his turn with the team. They would go on to lose in ugly fashion as they had not yet learned to deal with the curse during the course of the game.

Only Nienna seemed to have a solution. She dropped 8 fouls over the course of the match before the ref finally noticed and sent her off the pitch. The effort gave her the record for committing more fouls over the course of her career than any high elf thrower had ever committed. At the very least, she was able to add to her legendary status.

3-0 Loss to the Undead. https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3944781

Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Post   Posted: Feb 14, 2018 - 10:17 Reply with quote Back to top

The game against Coach Ollebol’s undead team had hardly ended before the coach approached Kondor.

“Coach Vindicator has an undead team in the cemetery at the base of the mountain. You could probably get another game in before nightfall if you hurry. I even hear that the star Sinnedbad is in the area to train rookie zombies on how to deliver a proper foul.”

Kondor thanked Ollebol and went in search of Vindicator. Directions to the cemetery were good and Vindicator agreed to a scrimmage on the practice field in the old graveyard.

Unlike the previous game, the Archers played fairly well. While they could not pull off the win, they did score and managed a draw. Revwe crippled a ghoul and put a point on the board.

On the undead side, Sinnedbad showed the rookies how to wield a blade and stabbed an elf to death. The Archers did not even mind as the rookie Nylain simply moved to the undead bullpen.

After two straight defeats, it was nice to at least put in an acceptable performance.

1-1 Draw vs Undead https://www.fumbbl.com/p/match?id=3944994
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