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Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: May 29, 2019 - 12:32 Reply with quote Back to top

D_Arquebus wrote:
MEGA Draft peoples! Smile

Getting pumped! Smile

Oh, we're not done yet....

Season LXXVII Late Late Late Late Late Draft
jamesfynmore - Slann
bigbullies - Necro (Unpark)

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: May 29, 2019 - 13:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Season LXXVII Late Late Late Late Late Draft
tribalsinner - Dark Elves

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: Sep 25, 2008

Post   Posted: May 30, 2019 - 00:23 Reply with quote Back to top

Did you know...
Out of the 4 coaches who have won SWL Prem since the bite coin collapse, 3 of them where around at the very beginning, however the 4th one was hardly even born!

Joined: Apr 26, 2008

Post   Posted: May 30, 2019 - 01:08 Reply with quote Back to top

Hall of Fame Entry: Bribery and Corruption

It is unlikely that we will ever see a Goblin team as strong as Bribery and Corruption’s take the field in the SWL again. B&C maintained a Goblin roster above the 200TV range for several seasons in one of the most blood thirsty eras for the league. In that time, B&C made the Conferences twice and put in respectable showings, a great achievement for the stunties. Players such as Dirty Pool, Kickbacks and Thieving showed what was possible for longevity in the careers of goblin star players in the league. A fan favourite and widely loved team, Bribery and Corruption will long be remembered as the stunty kings of their era.

Join now and "Create a Legend"

Joined: Aug 30, 2003

Post   Posted: May 30, 2019 - 16:40 Reply with quote Back to top

im just glad im off the bottom at last on ther power rankings

"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"

Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2019 - 08:20 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch

"Welcome back everyone, for another season of frolics, fun, and players having their heads knocked off and their guts fall out. I'm Jim and this is Bob, and we're here to keep you up to date with all the action on the pitch."
"And off the pitch too Jim - don't forget that one of the most lethal forces last season was the crowd."
"They don't like it when players go surfing when they should be playing with the ball, do they?"
"No Jim. And what's more, this season as a special treat, with all these new teams who can't afford apothecaries, there's a lot to talk about before the season even begins."
"But enough of us - let's get to the deaths!"

Image Chastity, Skaven Gutter Runner, blocked by Malik Fingercat 0 SPP.

"So Chastity the mouse got fingered by a cat?"
"Bob, you really need to think about what you're saying. Death Watch is a family show."
"I just said she got -"

Image Tempest Crypt, Dark Elf Lineman, died running back to the crypt. Failed GFI. 0 SPP.

Image Furra The Berzerker, Chaos Pact Minotaur, nibbled by Nibbler, so furra, so good. 0 SPP.

Image Worrier, Lizardman Skink, has much less to worry about, especially when it comes to dodging. 0 SPP.

Image Bugeisha, Amazon Blitzer, couldn't bear being blocked by that teddy Theodore 0 SPP.

Image Craig the Knower, Dwarf Blocker, never knew what chomped him. Oh, it was Chomper. 0 SPP.

Image Katrina Kolat, Nurgle Rotter, started a brown Kola colour, turned a different shade by Red 0 SPP.

Image Sunset Liar, Lizardman Skink, sent into the sunset by the sweet, sweet boot of Archie Candy 0 SPP.

Image DDP, Vampire, Didn't Deserve Protection from Godzilla 12 SPP.

Image Wilford Long, Halfling, wasn't long for this world after a block by Hoopstein 9 SPP.

Image Erica Evans, Vampire Thrall, blocked by Stuart the Otherguy 5 SPP.

"I've got nothing for this one, Jim."
"Neither has Erica anymore, Bob."

Image Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Lots of Other Things – Dead, Vampire, lived up to her name after being surfed into the crowd. 26 SPP.

"Wasn't she on that Cabalvision show you like, Jim?"
"No, I've not watched it in ages. Too unrealistic, Bob."

Image Dixie Grim, Necromantic Zombie, grim as, then ick - a block from Asthenic 0 SPP.

"Poetic, Bob, poetic."
"Thanks Jim."
"And that looks like almost all of the trials of blood are done. To everyone who's not dead yet, good luck, and see you for Season LXXVI!"


Joined: Aug 15, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2019 - 10:52 Reply with quote Back to top

Curious question... I noticed some of the teams in the Regional draw races designated (Old)... what is this??

Joined: Sep 16, 2004

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2019 - 11:06 Reply with quote Back to top

ClayInfinity wrote:
Curious question... I noticed some of the teams in the Regional draw races designated (Old)... what is this??

From Ramchop on discord earlier:

"Because when swl bb16 was set up Christer hadn't made Orcs available for pact. So a custom team was made for swl that did.
Same deal with goblins and ooligan
Standard teams have caught up, and been added. Custom teams (though identical) have "(Old)""

You're right though, there are fresh teams with that designation. Not sure what's up with that.

Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2019 - 11:16 Reply with quote Back to top

@Clay... Interesting story...

When the SWL moved to BB16 we wanted to be as close to the ruleset as we could. At that stage the site hadn't added the Goblin Ooligan or the Pact Orc Renegade. So we added a custom roster for each of these teams to enable them.

Fast forward to now, and the site has since updated, and the competitive rosters now include the Ooligan and Orcegade, as well as the Doom Diver. They've also updated the Stars as well. So I've updated our rosters to be the same, but moving forward from now, when someone drafts Goblins or Renegades/Pact they can use the competitive roster.

Until then I'll have to manually keep our custom roster in line for the existing teams, but once they drop off to fringe we can remove the old rosters from the ruleset.

@fool... Yep, just spotted it after some of the fresh teams got created...

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: Sep 22, 2010

Post   Posted: Jun 17, 2019 - 02:54 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Season LXXVII Round 1 Axe

SWL Premier League LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Fraud Squad Conference LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Colour of Money Conference LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Impak Regional LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Wychwethyl Regional LXXVII

All Clear

Looks like the SWL's new open door policy is working wonders. Welcome to all the newbies and returning oldies. Keep getting those games played on time and we won't have to have a "Private" meeting. (HR department not included)

Round 2 due 24th June

oryx wrote:
swladmin... now that's one mother#@*$er you don't mess with.


Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Jun 17, 2019 - 06:37 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch

"Welcome back, mortality fans, for the first Death Watch of Ess-Double-You-Ell Ell Ecks Ecks Vee Eye Eye proper, now sponsored by Loonloonlemon, manufacturers of premium spandex tights for the middle-aged chainsaw wielding housewife. Get ready for the breakdown of more than a few teams, as we go straight into week one of the deaths!"
"That's right Jim, and without further delay, let's get on with listing all the carnage of the first round!"
"Exactly Bob! What are we waiting for! And now with Mattias Malcador, Mad Monk of Middenheim University's Mathematickal Department, there's all the data and number crunching you could wish for!"
"Enough number crunching! Let's get some bone-crunching!"
"Completely! Without further delay, let's get ready for - "

Two hours of hype and gratuitous mention of sponsors later...

Image Ingemon, High Elf Catcher, killed by Modus ponens. 10 SPP.
"Modus ponens taking the first kill of the season there. A disappointing end for Ingemon - or should we say Outgemon?"
"I was going to say something about hypothetical syllogisms, Bob. But Loads of Tombstones from Modus Ponens makes better sense."

Image Stuart, the Kung Fu Pro, Norse Lineman. Turned out he didn't know as much kung fu as he said, reaped by Reap Harvest. 8 SPP.

Image Crayzar, Orc Lineman, slammed by Salamoneus. 0 SPP.
"You don't have to be Crayzar to work here?"
"You don't have to be Crayzar to be dead, Bob."

Image Ozhuzzolk Bloodreaper, Chaos Pact Marauder, whacked by Waczlav. 1 SPP.
"Well, with a name like Bloodreaper, what do you expect? That's just asking for trouble."
"Exactly. Remember Hakan Niceguy? Played 300 games for the Norse Varsagodas, didn't get as much as a scratch."
"Until you pulled his head off and threw it into the crowd, Bob."
"Oh yeah. Anyway..."

Image Glucous Reemz, Nurgle Rotter, blocked by Bo. 2 SPP.
"Killed by a thrower? So it turns out even rotters can catch something!"

Image Lucas Heitz, Goblin Troll, attempting to block Pecan. 7 SPP.

"Talk about unlucky, Bob."
"You're right, Jim. I could hardly watch it as the big fella tried to blitz the little rat, double skulled himself and was too dumb to remember to regenerate."
"Well, he must have been nuts to go for Pecan... hang on, what's that spooky music? It's not - "
"That's right, Jim, it's -
"Oh no, I thought you'd given up on - "

Image Minabiddy, Khemri Skeleton, now just a body after being hit by Quintis Accius Verecundus. 4 SPP.
"That's what you get for fouling Amazons, Jim."
"Bob, he played an entire season after that without getting hurt."
"Well, the Curse moves in mysterious ways, but when Very Cundus -"
"Careful Bob, more of that and people will think you need some new meds."
"I'll tell you who needs new meds! Labrat Elysium!"

Image Talon NuMedz, Skaven Lineman, bashed with the little red book of Deng x Xiaopeng. 0 SPP.

Image Jade, Amazon Linewoman, splintered into a lot of worthless pieces by Kepra II. 0 SPP.
"The plucky lad from the Horrortah's was having the game of his [after]life, eh Jim?"
"That's right. With three casualties in that game, you almost think he should have been giving some of his bandages to the other team to use."
"And in the final game of round 1, was lovely to see this pairing between two Elf teams, showing that the Dark Elfs and the Wood Elfs have something in common after all."

Image Max Frost, Dark Elf Lineman, defrosted by Douglas Maple. 9 SPP.

Image Lianna Cornell, Wood Elf Lineman, blocked by Andromeda's Sacrifice. 0 SPP.

"So, er, Andromeda's Sacrifice was a Wood Elf Lineman? Doesn't sound like a special effort to me."
"Well, that was SWL
LXXVI for you, Jim. I'm sure this season will be different. Let's get Mattias to tabulate the numbers and show us all the top trends for the total terminations this week..."

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
Image Image
Image Image
Image Image Image

"Er... what are those vampires doing there, Jim?"
"Casualties of the pre-season Trials of Blood, Bob. Turns out that's more dangerous than those unliving legends expected."
"And with two big guys dead before we're even a quarter of the way into the season, I dread to think what's coming next!"
"Well, they're positionals, so they're at less risk than that line of scrimmage chaff that's not worthy of an apothecary."
"Harsh, Jim, harsh."
"Anyway, with the first 18 games played and 11 deaths, it seems no one team is more killy than the rest."
"Er ... you haven't seen what happens when the Cocoa Speed go up against the Horrortahs!"
"No spoilers, Bob! Everyone else, tune in next week for more exciting deaths!"


Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jun 22, 2019 - 06:24
Reply with quote Back to top

In case you missed it, the All Stars for Season 76 are up.

This was a group effort with 5 coaches involved, and using a variation of Redgum's secret sauce selection formula.

Joined: Sep 22, 2010

Post   Posted: Jun 24, 2019 - 18:57 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Season LXXVII Round 2 Axe

SWL Premier League LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Fraud Squad Conference LXXVII

Didgeridead vs Secret Wasteland Love - Extension

SWL Colour of Money Conference LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Impak Regional LXXVII

All Clear

SWL Wychwethyl Regional LXXVII

All Clear

Round 3 due 1st July

oryx wrote:
swladmin... now that's one mother#@*$er you don't mess with.


Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Jun 27, 2019 - 07:17 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Week 2
Image Guiron, Chaos Dwarf Blocker, landscaped by the Manshape. 7 SPP.
"That was a vicious hit, right Bob?"
"Exactly, Jim. Nothing funny to say about that. The Scoundrels lost their first two games to Chaos Dwarfs, and they've had a grudge against those top-hatted midgets ever since."
"I was expecting the little fella to recover."
"Well, they called the doctor over, but his second opinion was the same as his first. Guiron was a dead 'un!"

Image Vanaya IV, High Elf Lineman, suffered some aargy-baargy by Aargol Bargol. Vanaya's been driven away in the back of a van and won't be seen again. 14 SPP.
"Another great match. Five serious injuries in one game, that's what we're all tuning in for!"

Image Cocoa, Skaven Thrower, permanently put to bed with some marshmallows by La Muerte. 14 SPP.
"Well, not to rub salt in the wound Jim, but I haven't seen as embarassing a death since - since ..."
"Since Lucas Heitz died trying to block Pecan last week?"
"Yeah, but at least Heitz's reanimated corpse didn't get up and start playing for the other team..."

Image Cashew, Skaven Gutter Runner, cashed out by La Muerte. 7 SPP.
"La Muerte was having the time of his life, eh Jim?"
"Time of his death more like."
"You know, I can't help think Cashew was asking for it. He took a big hit in the first half, and he could have just stayed asleep."
"Yes, but those rats don't know when to stop. He had a big heart, that one."
"Yes - you can still see bits of it on the pitch..."

Image Brushfire Belitharel, Wood Elf Catcher, extinguished by Squanchy. 3 SPP.
"I think that's the first time we've seen one of the All Stars make it to Death Watch."
"That's right, Bob. There's been a lot of noise made about Squanchy recently, and with the controversy about the All Star selection, I guess he had something to prove."

Image Harold Cleareagle, Wood Elf Lineman, got a deliciously colourful just desert from Rainbow Pudding. 0 SPP.
"Jim, I'm not saying that journeymen scum deserve to be wiped out, but I'm glad that's the last we're seeing of Cleareagle."
"I don't know about that, Bob. Sounds like he's signed up for a permanent spot on the Gunfight's roster..."

Image Anger Trace, Lizardman Skink, left without a trace after a block from Dempsalot. SPP.
[i]"I thought the little guy just broke his ankle, Jim?"
"Well, looks like the same apothecary that was working for the Gargantuans... First time we've had a player euthanised this season."

Image Hundie, Human Blitzer, by [url=]Leptobrachium Smithi III[/url]. 54 SPP.
[i]"Leptobrachium? More like let me break him, right?"
"That's not the first terrible attempt at a pun you've made, Bob."
"Talking of firsts, that's the first team captain to bite the dust this season."
"First dead journeyman, first mercy killing from the doctor, first captain. What's next?"
"Oh. How surprising. It's
another Wood Elf."

Image Replacement Shoes, Wood Elf Lineman, replaced by Tertius Salonius Tremorinus. 0 SPP.
"Bravado are going to need more than Replacement Shoes."
"Exactly. It was pretty clear they weren't appropriate footwear for this league."

Image Lampronia Ioviniana, Necromantic Ghoul, another lamp put out by Tony Marino. 19 SPP.

"Well, after last week's solid start, it feels like the deaths have slowed down a bit. I'm sure that next week we'll - Bob, why are you holding an accordion?"
Put your children to bed, be glad it's not you instead - it's time for the weekly Curse of the Death Watch round up!
"Oh, not this again Bob. Playing spooky music and going on about some made-up curse that affects Death Watch members is only going to alienate our loyal viewers."
"Now, Jim, the Curse is a real thing. Last week Minabiddy died, and if there isn't a curse, how do you explain Bo from the Secret Runners of Sydney?"
"He's not dead, Bob."
"His career is, Jim. You think there's much calling for a thrower in a neck brace?" ."
"Well Bob, given he killed a Rotter last week, maybe he just picked up something nasty."
"Jim, that will be the last thing he'll pick up. It doesn't matter how sure his hands are if he has to spend five minutes bending down every time he wants to get the ball off the ground."
"That still doesn't mean there's any sort of curse, Bob."
"All I'm saying, Jim, is look at how many killers have been injured."
"Yes Bob, but in two weeks we've had 51 serious injuries. If you're surprised that occasionally a skimpily-attired rat gets sent to the hospital, then I don't know what you're expecting. That's not a curse, that's just Armorical Football at its best."
"Jim, we don't have any time to debate it this week, but just you wait - I have a feeling Week 3 is going to prove my point."
"That's as maybe, Bob, but before we go, let's just look at the updated stats from Mad Mattias and his magical tabulating machine:"

Statistickal analysis
We have enough ordinary corpses to field two entire teams, and still have leftovers.
It looks like Bravado might win this year's Glass Hammer - they've one of the only two teams to have more than one player die so far, but they're also leading with two kills.
Unsurprisingly, Wood Elves currently lead the racial list of deaths, but it's close - will the rats or the lizards catch up?

League Deaths:
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Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Jul 02, 2019 - 01:04 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Week 3

"Starting this week with a double death as the Trondheim Hammers came up against Nuffle's Decaydence:"

Image John, Norse Lineman, got worse than a Dear John letter from Bracecrotch. 0 SPP.
"You were going to say something about bracing your crotch for that one, weren't you Bob?"
"I certainly was, Jim!"

Image Slickfinger, Nurgle Bloater, fingered by Ian. 22 SPP.
"How did you get that one past the censors, Bob?"
"I just said that Ian fing-"
"Stop it, Bob!"

Image Cirathel Cinder-Touch, Wood Elf Lineman, fouled into cinders by that sweet, sweet Shortbread. 32 SPP.
"Well Jim, you field an AG5 lineman against some Necromantic nasties, what do you expect?"
"While we're talking undead horrors, Bob, the Khemri team with the heart of gold had taken their foot off the gas in round 2, but they're back with a vengeance."

Image Elizabetha Patrickson, Dark Elf Lineman, was Patrickson, now Patrickgone, courtesy of Moolyarl. 0 SPP.

Image Ratatouille, Chaos Pact Skaven Renegade, Failed dodge on the last turn of the game, fell on his backside and didn't stop going downwards. 0 SPP.
"I was worried we wouldn't be awarding the Golden Shoelaces this season, Jim!"
"You can rely on a rat to make a supreme effort at the end of the match, Bob!"

Image Nova Run, Lizardman Skink, had his run brought to an end by Zed. 6 SPP.

Image Glopgut, Nurgle Rotter. Some sort of glopping sound when his guts fell out after being fouled by Pinkeye Growthspurt. 0 SPP.
"Pinkeye Growthspurt? That name's familiar from somewhere, Jim..."
"That's right Bob. He's one of the SWL LXXVI Rising Stars, tipped for the top from his performance last season."
"Speaking of Rising Stars..."

Image Emperor of Sand, Dark Elf Blitzer, made to pound sand by Valen Varicella. 19 SPP.

"And not just a rising star that fell to earth tragically too soon. The Curse of the Death Watch had something to do with it to, I'm sure."
"Look at the facts, Jim. Emperor killed in the first game of SWL LXXVI, and where is he now?"
"He's dead -."
"Jim - you going to admit I'm right, or are we going to have to go on some sort of star trek to prove it? And it's not just Emperor, Aargol Baargol's off with broken ribs after his kill last week."
"You might as well call it the Curse of the All Stars, Bob. Hergal Goldbrew got a fractured skull last week, Ruler's got broken ribs this week. That's 2 out of 11 of them - how many players have killed somebody and got away with it? I'd say better than that."
"That's just mathmatics, Jim. Doesn't impress me much."
"Can we just stick to the deaths?"

Image Birth at Bethel, dead at full-time. Dark Elf Lineman, died in a painful way from Eddard Ebola. 7 SPP.

"And as well as those nine, there's also - "
"There's nobody else."
"What do you mean, Jim?"
"We're out of deaths this week Bob."
"What? But we've got half an hour of commentary to fill!"
"Leave it to Mattias and his charts, Bob. I'm knocking off early doors and going down the pub for a Bloodweiser!"
"Hang on Jim, what's this? Looks like a late entry sneaking in just before the deadline!"
"That's right Bob, it's..."

Image Taenaran Treefriend, Wood Elf Lineman, converted from Treefriend to compost in one swift motion by Borc. 0 SPP.

"...another Wood Elf Lineman? What a surprise!"
"Right, while we get drinking, let's leave it to the Mad Monk himself and his new mate, Albert Hazred, to lsit the not-so-vital statistics of the week!"

Statistickal analysis
Bravado remain unchallenged for the Glass Hammer, although they failed to receive or provide a death this week.

Secret Wasteland Love have one hand on the Glorious Sacrifice Fruit Bowl suffered the most deaths to date of any team this season.

They're neck and neck with the Yeast Lords for the Dangerous Workplace Banana Skin for most serious injuries, but the Yeast Lords have suffered 6 different serious injuries, just needing a -ST to complete the set of painful game-related consequences.

The Are you sure you're coming in today? Commemorative Urn looks to be up for grabs between Xenopus Laevis III and War-Failin Pure-Goo who have both missed two games this season to injuries, although the plucky little rat may edge it for returning after a smashed knee.

39 teams have now suffered at least one serious injury. That leaves 5 teams as yet unscathed. Without looking, can you guess which ones they are?

As of week 3, 245 SPP of player value has been wiped off the board, in return for only 54 points of experience. That could have bought 9 linemen the ability to block...

... which still wouldn't have helped, as we're up to 13 linemen and one linewoman already dead.

League Deaths
If you don't want to die, don't be a lineman. And think carefully about being a blitzer, too...

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Spoiler alert
There's some big news next week. If you know what I mean...
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