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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Oct 08, 2019 - 07:31 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Week Six
Image Lornor (c), less than effervescent after a block by Sure-Fire Fizzing. Elf Blitzer, 64 SPP.

Image Fonor, also not effervescent after a block by Rodenticide Fizzing. Elf Lineman, 9 SPP.
"Don't fonor write him. He won't reply either way."


Image Billy Strongfist, fisted by Zucker Fats Leptin. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Nar Toe Spear, blocked by Gonzalez Webbed Feet. Black Orc Blocker, 6 SPP.
"Feet beat toes, right?"

Image Brar Storm Killer, sent to a circle of hell by Anton Baron Dante. Black Orc Blocker, 0 SPP.

Image No True Scotsman, no living player either, after getting whacked by Skoararrirr The Bloody. Chaos Pact Marauder, 0 SPP.

Image Mary Farley, blocked by Gyaos. Dark Elf Blitzer, 36 SPP.
"Mary's not so scary."

"Well, Bob, that was a quiet week."
"Certainly was, Jim. Just seven deaths."
"Any serious injuries?"
"The usual. At least we had Godzilla, cursed by the Death Watch and falling over trying to run so fast."
"That's not the Curse, Bob. That's just the Orcidas salesman up to his tricks again."
"You expect me to believe that, Jim?"


Injuries and deaths to date:
189 blocks, 17 fouls, 12 failed dodges, 4 crowdsurfs, 2 hits from balls and chains, 2 thrown rocks, 2 thrown rocks, 2 chainsaws, 1 fumbled bomb, 1 failed landing, a concession and an auto-chainsaw incident.

While we prepare for the end of season finale, here's all the serious injured and dead players from the first six weeks:
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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Oct 10, 2019 - 02:33 Reply with quote Back to top

Late Breaking News

Bob and Jim have to shamefacedly admit they missed one of the biggest games of week 6 - two lizards and a star player bit the dust:

Image Shimmer Hike, taking a hike to the afterlife after failing a dodge. Lizardman Skink, 6 SPP.

Image Stone Silence, certainly not making any more noise after a rock from the crowd. Lizardman Saurus, 41 SPP.

ImageKarla von Kill, von Killed by Savage Truth. 0 SPP.

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 14, 2019 - 07:13
FUMBBL Staff
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The SWL LXXVIII Team Achievements

Regional:
Turns (1186): Kraka Drak Kneecappers
Completions (20): Amateur Professionals
TDs (21): Port Royal Poachers
Cas (28): Redgum's Rationalists
SPP (141): Redgum's Rationalists
Passing yards (119): Amateur Professionals
Rushing yards (315): Port Royal Poachers
Blocks (397): Gongoth Gargantuans Return
Fouls (45): Singed Poor Scoundrels
Blocks/Cas (11.2): Redgum's Rationalists
Pass/Cp (5.95): Amateur Professionals
Kills (6): Blood Crag Stripes

Conferences:
Turns (1095): Malice Renegades!
Completions (8): Redgum's Rodents
TDs (11): Secret Wasteland Love & Bronzed Raiders
Cas (25): Blue Mountain Giants
SPP (106): Blue Mountain Giants
Passing yards (31): Darkmore
Rushing yards (225): Secret Wasteland Love
Blocks (351): Blue Mountain Giants
Fouls (21): In De Nile
Blocks/Cas (11.4): In De Nile
Pass/Cp (5.2): Darkmore
Kills (4): Secret Wasteland Love

Premier:
Turns (1153): Immortalis Inquietus
Completions (25): Yeast Lords
TDs (14): Lab Rat Elysium
Cas (30): Immortalis Inquietus
SPP (120): Immortalis Inquietus
Passing yards (34): Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters
Rushing yards (248): Lab Rat Elysium
Blocks (316): Waaaaghton Redskins
Fouls (22): Waaaaghton Redskins
Blocks/Cas (10.8): Immortalis Inquietus
Pass/Cp (2.8): Lab Rat Elysium
Kills (5): Didgeridead


Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Socrates (Redgum's Rationalists) 20 spp


The SWL Season LXXVIII Awards

Regional:
Image Image Stu Wilson (Amateur Professionals) 9 TDs
Image Image Socrates (Redgum's Rationalists) & ImageStone Silence (Blood Crag Stripes) 10 cas
Image Image Blood Carnage (Blood Crag Stripes) & ImageSavage Truth (c) (Blood Crag Stripes) & ImageCharlotte Badger (Port Royal Poachers)114 turns
Image Image Baptiste Bonvillain (Déjà Voodoo) 172 rushing yards
Image Image Doug Bruce (Amateur Professionals) 95 pass yards
Image Image Pinkeye Growthspurt (Singed Poor Scoundrels) 28 fouls
Image Image Gráinne Ní Mháille (Port Royal Poachers) 72 blocks
Image Image Doug Bruce (Amateur Professionals) 13 cps
Image Image Vin The Butcher (Ekrund Warriors) 5.17 block/cas
Image Image Doug Bruce (Amateur Professionals) 7.31 pass/cp

Image Image Stu Wilson (Amateur Professionals) 29 SPP


Conferences:
Image Image Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) 7 TDs
Image Image Wang x Yangming (TingBuDong) 12 cas
Image Image Neokia Greathoof (Malice Renegades!) & ImageYkxuszhib The Wretched (Malice Renegades!) 111 turns
Image Image Erinyes (Styx αnd Warpstones) 160 rushing yards
Image Image Sable Kane (Darkmore) 29 pass yards
Image Image Trey Weakbrook (In De Nile) 8 fouls
Image Image Salamoneus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 85 blocks
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 6 cps
Image Image Wang x Yangming (TingBuDong) 4.84 block/cas
Image Image Sable Kane (Darkmore) 7.25 pass/cp

Image Image Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) 25 SPP


Premier:
Image Image Strawberry (Pugs Not Drugs) 8 TDs
Image Image Windacool (Didgeridead) 9 cas
Image Image Tertius Salonius Tremorinus (Immortalis Inquietus) 114 turns
Image Image Niabatteroo (Didgeridead) 187 rushing yards
Image Image Bronco III (Yeast Lords) 18 pass yards
Image Image Osmond Bluerock (Immortalis Inquietus) 14 fouls
Image Image Dan Dan (Bravado) 76 blocks
Image Image Bronco III (Yeast Lords) 11 cps
Image Image Windacool (Didgeridead) 5.23 block/cas
Image Image Caraphinnor (Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters) 3.5 pass/cp

Image Image Strawberry (Pugs Not Drugs) 25 SPP
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Oct 15, 2019 - 06:25 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch SWL LXXVIII End Of Season Gala Special

"Bob, what's all this bunting? And tinsel, and tiny little flags everywhere in the studio?"
"Huh? Jim, don't you remember, it's the End Of Season Curse Of The Death Watch Celebration!"
"Don't you mean the End of Season Death Watch Celebration?"
"No, check this out, my vampiric chum..."


Image Fingaeron, fingaered by Windacool. *Elf Catcher, 23 SPP.

"That's not how you spell 'fingered', Bob, and that also doesn't mean what you think it does."
"Doesn't matter, Jim. Fingaeron smashed the hand of War-Failing Fizzing last week, and that gets him prone to the Curse."
"The Curse of what? The Mildly Serious Injury?"
"The Hexcell formulas don't lie, Jim..."


Image Cassandra, put in a box by Kubler. Amazon Blitzer, 31 SPP.

"Now I appreciate what you're trying to do there, Bob, with your classical references, but Cassandra wasn't the one with the box, was she? That was Pandora?"
"No, Pandora is that music screaming service you subscribe to."
"The one with unlimited deathly yells for the low low price of 100 gold crowns per month?"
"That's the one, Jim."
"Then who's Cassandra?"
"Wasn't she that one who took her shirt off and got tied to a chair?"
"That's Cassiopeia, Bob."
"Casio keyboard?"
"Never mind... Anyway, she didn't kill anyone either, so where's your Curse now?"
"... she broke some hearts, Jim."[/i}

Image Aaron Clearlightning, blocked by Mortify Hale. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.

[i]"Clearlightning doesn't strike twice."
"No, but here's the match of the week - four fatalities!"


Image Oblivion Bite, had his Johnson cut off by Rory Johnson. Lizardman Saurus, 0 SPP.

"A big Lebowski reference, Bob?"
"Just let me enjoy drinking this White Kislevite in peace..."


*** REVENGE HIT OF THE WEEK ***

Image Rory Johnson, had his Johnson cut off by Desire Spurn. Human Blitzer, 2 SPP.

"Can we stop with all this Johnson-based tomfoolery now, Bob?"
"We May."
"Thank you Bob."
"No. We David May."


Image Hard Martyr, not ever going to be hard again after a foul from David May. Lizardman Skink, 0 SPP.

"Didn't he play banjo for Queen?"

Image Christina Anna Skytte, blocked by Manshape Gutwart. Dark Elf Lineman, 18 SPP.

"Ah, the big fella's back again. It warms the cockles of my heart to see Manshape knocking people out of shape."
"Really Bob? I thought you'd say something about Skytte, more like shi -"
"Family show, Jim! Family show!"
"And now for the acid trip..."


Image (), blocked by Uncle Acid. Norse Lineman, 0 SPP.

"I'll miss Anonymous Mercenary Lineman, Jim."
"Really?"
"No."


Image Scott, the Cook, had his goose cooked by Uncle Acid. Norse Lineman, 8 SPP.

"And that's one more Curse of the Death Watch for you, Jim."
"Again, Scott did nothing to anyone."
"Well, he smashed Muirderslot's hand last week."
"Stop trying to make the Curse Of The Short Term Disability a thing, Bob!"


Image Joffrey, won't be in any reruns on the HBO network after Lach Legionellosis III got to him. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.

[i]"HBO, Bob?"
"Yes, the Human Black Orc cabalvision network, Bob. Yours for the low low price of only ten gold crowns per month."
"Didn't we already do that joke about blatant sponsorship this week?"
"I don't know, Jim. For the low low price of one gold crown a month, I'll tell you."
"Oh, stop pushing your laboured joke up the hill, Bob. It's time for the Grand Season Prizes!"
"Yep, these are the ones everyone wants. Forget about the Golden Bootscraper and the Brown Ball, it's the Death Watch prizes everyone's looking for!"[i]

End Of Season Prizegiving

As is traditional (since last season) Irene Shandyhands puts on her best frock and gives out special prizes for exceptional performance. And when she's done with that, she leaves the gentleorc's club and comes to the Death Watch End Of Season Gala:

The Gently Does It My Dear Darling Award will not be presented this season, because a shameful ten different teams failed to get a single kill between them. Tingbudong, the Waaaghton Redskins, Pugs Not Drugs, Bravado, Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters, Darkmore, Kraka Drak Kneecappers, Deja Voodoo, the Oakland Ratters and the Delmar Night Crawlers will all need to report outside to be pelted with fish after the ceremony. Deepest opprobrium for the Redskins and Kneecappers, who didn't get a single death for or against this season. Booooooo.

However, the Sharp Shooters are exonerated with this season's You Can Take It But You Can't Dish It Out Dish after sustaining 6 serious injuries and 4 deaths without killing a single opponent. Meanwhile the You Can Dish It Out But Can You Take It Butter Dish goes to

The It Took You A While But Thanks Anyway Limited Edition Soup Tureen was a tie between Pugs Not Drugs, the Scoundrels and the Stripes, all three taking six weeks to lose a player to death.

Bravado lose the beloved Glass Cannon Wedgewood Crystal Glass Cannon this season to the Dead Coast Decimators, who killed more players than any other team while still permanently losing two Amazons. Here's hoping for a more fragile glass cannon next season.

This season's Over Protective Unopened Roll Of Bandages deservedly goes to Lab Rat Elysium who killed 4 opponents without taking a single death in return. Well done, my whiskery beauties!

Finally, the Killiest Killer of All Killers was a tie between Windacool and the crowd. So we'll give it to Windacool this time. Well done, sir, well done. (Better get out quick, the crowd are looking angry...)

The most popular injury this season was a Serious Concussion, far more traumatic than last season's Smashed Hand. The Goblin Destruction Index was taken by the sole participant, the Scoundrels, with a very weak 8 kills and injuries vs 12 sustained. Better luck next year, lads.

Most destruction: Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters pip Refreshingly Dead by just one point, losing 99 SPP this season to deaths.

And with this chart of all the deaths and injuries, it's a wrap for SWL LXXVIII!

Deaths
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Injuries
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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 23, 2019 - 04:55 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P show. Not Toilet Paper.

P: Clocking over another season of the SWL, we've just kicked off the 79th and games are already in the bag. Push out the previews, Terence!

T: Indeed Phillip, if you'd do a bit more around here they'd already be out.

Image Southern Wastes League: Season LXXIX

T: What a premier division. What great records these teams have. Can the Pugs carry on their lucky streak? What's left of the Lab Rats for another shot? Immortalis still living. or not, in the top division. And their challengers! Three way tiebreaker, all on 4/2/1, who'd have thought it!

Image Secret Wasteland Love 1860! They snuck through a gigantic treasury via offshore accounts, carrying 13 players, including star carrier Rhythm of Devotion, and a weighty budget toward team training for these excellent young elves. 13/5/3 record, 5/1/1 in confs to make prem, no one looking to retire yet, could well be up here a while.

T: But no leap. Sad to see.

P: They'll do fine, surely, even three fresh rookies to take the line!

Image Immortalis Inquietus 1710. Superstar runner Artoria Donatiana returns once more to brave the big hits in premier. What did that cost the coach, and what do ghouls spend money on anyway? Long servers with daunting 32/11/12 record mostly spent at the pointy end, stars Tertius and Mannus will be looking to add to that in a positive way.

T: Only lost one last season, but it was the one that counted, they'll be aiming to kill both those wolves if they can.

P: So will everyone else, surely Terence?

Image Pugs Not Drugs 1690. They'll not find it easy, superstar speedsters Strawberry and Chocolate took the title last season with some excellent last gasp plays, dancing through troubles like the most agile legends of old. Still a young team around them after the horrors of S77, but they were just enough for the tiebreaker victory, and will be hard to top again. If nothing else, more room in the team budget for the lauded werewolves. Record of 26/15/11 for the twice champions.

Image Bronzed Raiders 1690. The old stack of Chaos Dwarfs lost one post-season, but Kharghaz, Khorharr, and Gharzth will lead a trim and highly skilled group into a fierce attack on the premier division. Their 18/10/14 record was a slow start, but last season's 6/1/0 shows their power has grown of late.

T: The rookie chorf may not be much use to them this season, shame about the retirement.

P: Rookie chorfs are horrid creatures, Terence, and you know it.

Image TingBuDong 1670. These old chaos struggled a little for a start, going 23/12/18 overall, but a solid 6/0/1 performance to make premier. Superstar Wang x Yangming wasn't messing about with 12 casualties for the season, he could easily match that in premier division, while star blocker Li xx Ping holds together the older core of this in-form squad. They have the tools, can they make it work against the best?

Image Blackwater Cockfighters 1610. Star carrier Stuart, the End Level Guy leads these disturbingly frenzied norsemen back into premier division. 32/10/21 record, but just 4/0/3 last season, a few team retirements, ringer squads excluded, and a tight tiebreaker let them up, they'll need a few things to go their way to get far here.

T: Last season's High Elves all over again.

P: Not enough leap?

T: Too many dice to roll to get anything done.

Image Malice Renegades 1600. This very young pact squad has stormed the premier division out of a tight conferce filled with tied games. 3/2/2 last season for 2nd, 8/5/4 overall, it's good for a renegades team, but it's still a renegades team. Star runner Ykxuszhib the Wretched will carry their hopes along with the ball, but the young bigs will surely not be enough up here, unless they just forget to be stupid.

P: How can you forget to be stupid?

T: If you're stupid enough you can forget anything!

P: Didn't you forget these previews?

T: .... Look out for the rats, Phillip.

Image Lab Rat Elysium 1560. Half of them wanted to retire after being denied the title on tiebreakers, but with a big cost to the team budget, superstar Aargol Baargol will return with star gutters Dueced Darbey and Calf-Round Calicot, and a couple of hopeful younger players who will be hoping a bench turns up before their turn on the line. 27/17/11 record, will it hold up this season?

T: No it won't, they're gunna get smashed.

P: They always get smashed, still all but won it last time.

T: True enough. That's us, your premier division, from big Dark Elves to little Skavens. Already under way, catch the replays at your leasure.

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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 27, 2019 - 06:33 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P Show. Predicting we will still not have predictions in this, just cos.

P: High Elves are back in Conference play, Terence, this is where everyone will be watching! Huge crowd at the Orc vs High Elf game today!

T: There's a lot to watch in Confs, Phillip, as always, not only teams fresh from the rigours of the premier division but new and injury-free teams wanting to rush to the top and take on the champs. Plus, adult swim are back, though looking a mite rusty thus far.

P: Did we get our conference expansion?

T: No, Phillip, that always takes forever, especially with a few coaches looking to try their luck with new squads in reggies. In this case, it makes these even tougher conferences than usual!

Image Southern Wastes League: Season LXXIX

--

T: Another sixteen teams look to push their way into the five that will make premier (or avoid being the two that will fall to the regions and suffer budget cuts!), and what competition they have to do it among.

Steaked Conference

Image adult swim team rating: 1710. A lot will be asked of superstar blitzer Squanchy. If he can't squanch a good few opponents each game, there's a great deal of inexperienced players around that'll need to pick up the slack. No sign of that early on, but perhaps it's just taking them a bit to shake off the rust.

Image Port Royal Poachers team rating: 1670. Spent a season back in the regions and trounced just about everyone, other than perhaps the teams who'll join them up here. There's a solid core to them, and some nice potential in emerging stars who should help pull the team's results up to something respectable in confs as well.

Image Yeast Lords team rating: 1570. Star Brutus Jr. continues to menace the other teams, and the old hand will continue to struggle trying to do it with so few around him. Still, confs suits HElfs, back to prem they'll be aiming for, or at least spoiling the run of other hopefuls.

Image Sakh'Alin Tigers team rating: 1530. Fresh out of reggies carrying 7/1/1 early record, the Tigers are looking to up their game even further to make prem. Emerging star Priygat the Magnificent will be looking to carry the team, and he's in better shape than famed Dan Dan from Bravado to do it. Still, the big bash up here could hurt them if they don't manage it well.

Image Styx αnd Warpstones team rating: 1510. Home of legendary blitzer Salamoneus, superstar thrower Erinyes, and star blitzer Hermes. Not the most able of teams about them, but a fair bench, and not much different squad made prem not long ago, won some games up there and all. Can they do it again? Give or take for who breaks first, Orcs or Goblins, equally squishy in those matchups.

Image Trondheim Hammers team rating: 1500. Third season now, bit of development behind them, including a rather interesting young Ted shown up with some sort of very sneaky way around the old league rules! Whatever is the world coming too. Norse, one of them just made premier again, will this trick be the one to carry the Hammers up against all these elves?

Image In De Nile team rating: 1470. Three seasons behind them, they're trying out some new runners behind a daunting core of Tomb Guardians and Blitzers, plenty of training and they'll be looking to deal out enough damage for some easy scores and a few more stops of their opponents. May struggle for lack of a bench first couple games.

Image Waaaaghton Redskins team rating: 1460. It is not cheap to hang on to great legends who say they don't want to be here any more. Impak has had his hand out for a long time and coach Pyates is happy to keep the money going where it carries the ball. Star troll Happy Dancerremains from the original team, played everyone one of the team's 56 games at 26/14/16 win rate, impressive pair, and a bit of promise around them too.


Crookwell Green Devils Conference

Image Blood Crag Stripes team rating: 1680. They lost a couple of their best old hands late on the way to their comfortable regionals victory, but it's given them the funds for a long bench, any amount of team training, and trialling a couple of new Chameleons that are bound to sneak under the feet of teams trying to escape them. Based on their recent performances, and the basic form of their line, you'd have to back them.

Image Blue Mountain Giants team rating: 1630. They finished with 1/6/0 in last season's confs. No way to promote to premier, they'll be looking to win a few more this time around. Sadly for the squad's hopes, superstar blitzer Flint Warmantle and star runner Torgan Silvermead both took big knocks in their first round loss to the Stripes. Still, they'll recover, should they live long enough, might even see premier division again yet.

Image Amaeur Professionals team rating: 1630. A great early performance bringing a 7/2/0 record and a couple of emerging stars up to the conferences. You might say their game plan is ambitious, but they're in better shape to be carrying it out than they were through the regionals, and who knows what might happen in this tough conference. High Elf though, probably make prem, yeah?

Image More Food for Thawt team rating: 1550. Rookie chaos teams are known for failing just enough to pick a few guaranteed losses. You might have noticed Thawt's bunch here went 6/3/0 on their way to a first season promotion to conferences, and have already picked up a win here too. Given how well they went with almost no skills on the team, you'd expect them to keep up that sort of record and storm premier. That'd be a turn up for the books, but maybe having Second Thawts might hold them back?

Image Bravado team rating: 1530. The remnants of what once was continue to try to support superstar Dan Dan into his dotage and failing health after a massive 55 games (53 for the wardancer). It must be said, if he goes out, and really, that head of his is not right, there won't be much of a team left. Some coaches may even think of targetting such a massive vulnerability at every opportunity. Good luck to them, I guess, wouldn't exactly suprise to return to prem, though it's taken them a few goes in the past.

Image Didgeridead team rating: 1510. The team budget did not stand to drop from premier well, not when most of the core was asking for a lot more cash and star runner Niabatteroo is clearly the coach's favourite. Not a lot left, but an honourable prem performer and they'll enjoy punching elves for a season to help firm up their confidence and skill depth once more. Have they found another set of TGs as good as the last?

Image Morning Breakfast Cereal team rating: 1440. Pulled through a few emerging stars on the edge of breaking out on a limited budget, smart team management, but they'll still suffer the pitfalls of a lightly armoured team in a fairly heavy hitting conference. They'll have no shortage of shots on the ball from Lilac, but popping it may be another matter with limited team training afforded them in the monetary squeeze.

Image Leopold Leeches team rating: 1440. Carrying a balanced set of four bloodsuckers now, with a long bench plenty of training, and just the right skills to hold them together. Solid enough record at 5/1/3 early on, shows they understand the game well enough, and they've the tools to crack even the hardest nuts up here. Still, it's a dicey game for Vampires, and while they'll no doubt spoil a run or two to prem, they'll struggle to get there themselves just yet.

--

P: These are tougher than the last conferences, Terence, two legends, superstars in most older teams, tremendous records on the yonuger ones, half of the teams here have already visited the premier division!

T: There's not a lot of weaknesses either, any of these teams could run up big scores or smash the other off the park on their day, I'd expect a few broken teams and a hugely strong challenge headed for the premier division next season.

P: Not to mention the shiney silverwear they're chasing this one, Season LXXIX Conferences are on, catch the action replays at your leasure on compatable scrying balls everywhere.

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 29, 2019 - 01:15
FUMBBL Staff
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A rainy night in the Southern Wastes threatened to turn rowdy. Initial delays brought about by the delivery of a cartload of pears, moudly socks and metal plates to commemorate the Southern Wastes winning the bid to host the next World Cup deteriorated into proper chaos as a mob of players from the SWL Regional divisions protested on the steps of the Exalted Nuffle Church Hall, demanding to "get more respect from those hyped up glory hogs in the Premiership".

The basis of their complaint has been that, while the Regionals saw some of the highest achievements this season in blocking, rushing, passing and fouling, as usual there was a dearth of Regionals players selected for the All Stars.

Tempers were not calmed when the Green Griff Oberwald himself, Impak, stood atop a rickety stepladder and shouted that "of course yer could do a lot! None of yer had any proper opposition!" before being pelted with a succession of rotten vegetables, tinned fruit and regurgitated doom divers.

After an hour's delay where the shoving and violence had totally distracted from the graceful sport of Armorical Football, the crowds were dispersed and the All Star list was announced:

ImageAll-Stars Season LXXVIIIImage

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Tertius Salonius Tremorinus had a superb season of getting in the way. The big Mummy spent more time on the field in Prem than any other player, and was equal first in the whole league this season. Tertius did more than just stay on the pitch, if he gets in your way be afraid, a solid five casualties dished out in S78. Though he'll no doubt be happy with the All Star scroll, he'll be a little upset with one thing he couldn't quite get in the way of - a Pugs second Prem title.

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Wang x Yangming's phenomenal workrate this season, third in the Conferences for blocks thrown, pales into insignficance compared to his success rate, causing 12 casualties along the way. Even that seems statistically likely vs his ability to cause serious harm, meting out two deaths and a pair of serious injuries. The angry beastman's only flaw has been punctuality, only being on the pitch for 81 turns in the season. We dread to think how much damage he can cause if he shows up for every turn of every match in SWL LXXIX.

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Windacool put his old, decaying hand out for more money going into S78 prem, and the big TG gave it his all when paid. Be it the Break into a tight screen to kill star dancer Disco Englert, or the four cas against Immortalis Inquietus that all but set the team up for an easy win, he signed off as a shining golden light among the best of the SWL.

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Six times the charm for Salamoneus, a rat who seems to be omnipresent in All Star listings. Having grown an extra head during his last season, the fish-fragranced terror of the underworld has failed to progress in any more meaningful way, but with 85 blocks this season and six serious injuries, good ol' two heads keeps delivering. And without Impak in this season's list, Salamoneus, takes the captaincy.

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Strawberry was an unlucky 12th man in the S77 All Stars. This season however, he really stepped up to the mark and was an easy first pick for the honours. The Prem winning werewolf took both the Duke Snakefield Medallion and Disco Dan Ball. Despite his stellar performance, there are some who argue it was his stockier wolf partner Chocolate who pulled off the most spectacular (BS!) plays of the Premiership.

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The last time a Dwarf won an All Star scroll, it was Blue Mountain Giants' runner Hergal. He took two back to back, first taking his team to Prem, then pushing the Giants to ultimate SWL glory. Torgan Silvermead, another Blue Mountain runner, did great things in his conference amassing 40spp throughout the season, and securing the Silver Star and Silver Ball in the process. This time, however, the team around him was simply mediocre. The season started well with a win, but the next 6 games were all draws (a SWL record!). The agile Torgan will be hoping for better team success next season to match his individual feats.

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Dan Dan, Bravado's long time stand-out player, might be seeing age catching up with him, suffering a serious concussion in his last game of SWL LXXVIII. On the way there, he has broken more than a few hearts (fracturing two skulls in the most recent season) but you'd expect that, given the sheer volume of blocks (76) that the leaping lad meted out. The only question now is whether this talented, but slightly fragile, Wardancer will help his team bounce back up to the Premiership, or die in the process. AV5 says he's not long for this world, with less protection than the average Halfling, but AG5 says he might just slip away from impending doom for another season...

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Complaints of the All Star comittee turning a blind eye to achievements of up-and-comers in Reggies have been completely without merit in the world of the SWL passing game. Prem throwers have justifiably dominated the All Stars for the past 5 seasons. That was until Doug Bruce flew into view this season. The Amateur Professional threw the ball more than triple the distance of his nearest rival. He also led the league in number of completions, and the yards per completion rate. The committee may have ignored his teammate Stu, but Doug could not be denied a place on the All Star list.

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For a dessicated corpse, Niabatteroo has always been a bit on the brawny side, but clearly he was a sprinter in a past life, as shown by his incredible 187 yards of rushing the ball this season. That won the thro-ra the Xies-ler-aym Slipper. But let's put that feat in perspective: Niabatteroo is as fleet as foot as a rookie Orc Blitzer, as sure on the ball as a human thrower, and as strong as a slightly shop-soiled minotaur, To win any medal in the Premiership with those skills shows some impressive coaching, and so we suspect the Wind From The Desert might be blowing back up to the Premiership soon, after a short sojourn in the relaxing environment of the Conferences.

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Always the bridesmaid but never the bride, Pinkeye Growthspurt was always one of the more vocal critics of the All Star selection process, claiming it unfairly discriminated against the denizens of the lower divisions. This culminated in a campaign where he kept mailing Socrates, the Terror of the Regionals, pieces of red rag with the phrase 'You've been robbed' scrawled upon them. After being passed over time after time by higher volume foulers from the other divisions (while monopolising the Bronze Boot for the last three seasons), Pinkeye led the league with 28 fouls in SWL LXXVIII, breaking ribs and smashing ankles as the Scoundrels abandoned all hope of winning in the second half of the season and concentrated on setting up a series of victims for Growthspurt to prey upon. Sadly, the one time that Pinkeye did get awarded an All-Star scroll, he was at home watching Cabalvision reruns of that time he killed a treeman, and crying that nobody loved him and he wasn't appreciated. Like a dirty great green comet flying across the heavens, will we see Growthspurt making an attempt to retain his scroll now he's had his filthy hands on one?

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Daddles Damfino would take a rookie over-achiever award if one existed, springing into action for his first game in the high-stakes world of the Premiership, and successfully passing or scoring in every game of the season. While Strawberry takes the Duke Snakefield medallion for the most fairly earned SPP, the little mouse with the big heart is already whispering that he's better than Strawberry because he's three times the MVP the frenzied Pug is - yet another grudge forming inside the pressure cooker that is the All Stars changing room.



LXXVIII All-Stars
Tertius Salonius Tremorinus, Immortalis Inquietus
Wang x Yangming, TingBuDong
Windacool, Didgeridead
Salamoneus, Styx αnd Warpstones (c)
Strawberry, Pugs Not Drugs
Torgan Silvermead, Blue Mountain Giants
Dan Dan, Bravado
Doug Bruce, Amateur Professionals
Niabatteroo, Didgeridead
Pinkeye Growthspurt, Singed Poor Scoundrels
Daddles Damfino, Lab Rat Elysium

LXXVIII Prem Stars
Strawberry, Pugs Not Drugs
Artoria Donatiana, Immortalis Inquietus
Niabatteroo, Didgeridead
Bronco III, Yeast Lords
Windacool, Didgeridead
Chocolate, Pugs Not Drugs
Dan Dan, Bravado
Osmond Bluerock, Immortalis Inquietus
Tertius Salonius Tremorinus, Immortalis Inquietus
Daddles Damfino, Lab Rat Elysium
Bale, Waaaaghton Redskins

LXXVIII Conference Reps
Torgan Silvermead, Blue Mountain Giants
Ykxuszhib The Wretched, Malice Renegades!
Stuart, the End Level Guy (c), Blackwater Cockfighters
Erinyes, Styx αnd Warpstones
Sable Kane, Darkmore
Wang x Yangming, TingBuDong
Salamoneus, Styx αnd Warpstones
Trey Weakbrook, In De Nile
Ykxuszhib The Wretched, Malice Renegades!
Neokia Greathoof, Malice Renegades!
Flint Warmantle, Blue Mountain Giants

LXXVIII Rising Stars
Stu Wilson, Amateur Professionals
Baptiste Bonvillain, Déjà Voodoo
Doug Bruce, Amateur Professionals
Socrates, Redgum's Rationalists
Vin The Butcher, Ekrund Warriors
Gráinne Ní Mháille, Port Royal Poachers
Pinkeye Growthspurt, Singed Poor Scoundrels
Charlotte Badger, Port Royal Poachers
Apostol Alexandru, Leopold Leeches
Stone Silence, Blood Crag Stripes
Cornel Constantin, Leopold Leeches


Note: The All Stars committee is a group effort. Currently numbering 6 members who played a part in the selection and fluffmanship
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 06, 2019 - 05:51 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week One

"Welcome back fatality fans, for another exciting series of painful demises. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll see a lot of elves die!"
"That's right Jim, and with new sponsorship from Slime-Fast, the weight control shake for trolls, we have a lot more money to spend on graphics and statistickal contrivances!"
"Slime-Fast, you say?"
"That's right, it's a great solution for any troll who wants to control their waistline. With a celebrity endorsement from Ladyshape Grumbleflick, you just have a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a delicious doom diver for dinner, and the pounds will come off!"
Slime-Fast is not approved by the Feudal Drug Administration as a safe medicine. Your home may be at risk. Side effects include weight loss, hair loss, hair growth, weight gain and instant death.
"Anyway, enough of that, let's get to the deaths!"

Image Tabatha Jenkins Jr, died failing a dodge. High Elf Lineman, 26 SPP.

"While I'm always happy when an elf dies, I can't help thinking it's sad that the opening hit of the week is from the travelling Orcidas salesman."
"Don't worry Bob, there's much more to come..."


Image Steve the tax dodger, jacqued off by Jacques. Norse Lineman, 2 SPP.

"Jacqued off? That's a new low, Bob."
"Well, I always said he was dodgy..."


Image Ryad the Sturdy, squanched by Squanchy. Wood Elf Lineman, 7 SPP.

"Clearly asking for it with a name like that, Jim."
"That's right. And did you notice that 'Ryad' is an anagram of 'Dy - ar!'?"
"Jim, I'm pretty sure anagrams haven't been invented yet. They require the construction of a vast network of wires to carry the signal, along with a trained team of anagram operators to tap out messages."
"Bob, have you swallowed a dictionary or something?"
"Well, the last halfling I ate was reading a book at the time."


Image Maenads, hoofed in the Maenads by Happy Dancer. Underworld Goblin , 0 SPP.

"It's pretty rare for a goblin to die, isn't it, Bob?"
"That's right. You hardly ever see -"


Image Crinaeae, won't be crying after a solid block by Bico. Underworld Goblin , 0 SPP.

"- well, that was two in a row for the Redskins. Good job, Bico!"

Image Fimir Thorrigbane, tripped trying a GFI. Dwarf Blitzer, 1 SPP.

"There's nothing quite like seeing a stunty little chap with his tiny little legs, running as fast as he can..."
"And then dying horribly!"
"Well, Thorrigbane won't be in pain."
"That's more than you can say for the Orcidas salesman if the Blue Mountain Giants get their hands on him!"


Image Bréanainn Gump, thumped by Bill Osborne. Wood Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

"Back to the forest Gump goes."
"Life was no box of chocolates for him, was it?"


Image Frank, set square by Pythagorus of Samos. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.

"Was that a triangle pun, Bob?"
"Never mind that Jim, what's that trumpet sounding for?"
"Bob, it must be the:"


AWARD FOR SLANNISH INNOVATION

Image Hernando Bighead, died as he lived, failing a leap. Slann Catcher, 35 SPP.

"I always said he was too bigheaded for his own good."
"Well, the topheavy frog jumped right into the record books - that's the first death through leaping we've had since we started this. And the good news for his family is they get a lifetime's supply of Slime-Fast from our sponsors."
"What's the bad news, Jim?"
"If they're eating Slime-Fast, a lifetime supply won't need to last more than a week!"


Image Herald Nekaph, laid to rest by Gráinne Ní Mháille. Khemri Blitz-Ra, 18 SPP.

"I'm not even going to try to pronounce that name, Jim."
"Best not to."
"Although I have to say, that's the first time the Curse of the Death Watch has struck this season. It won't be the last!"
"Curse of the Death Watch? All Herald did was foul a Beastman and fracture his arm."
"Well, exactly, the Curse doesn't like it if you don't do things properly."
"Bob, I'm beginning to think you make this up as you go along..."
"It's all true, Jim. Let me explain it to you one more time, it will only take an hour or so -"
"Bob, we don't have much time yet - let's just check the predictions after all the week one action."
"Warming up my crystal balls now."
"Bob, will you
please stop rubbing yourself like that?"

Most Dangerous Player Of The Season
"It's a bit early to call it, but my tip for the top is Wang x Yangming, who started the season with two big hits. That's already 50% of the damage he did for the whole of the last season. With that sort of charge out of the gate, it's hard to see anyone keeping up with him!"
"Say that as much as you like, he's neck and neck with three other players right now, and the Orcidas salesman has done more damage than any of them."


Race least likely to survive
"Well, it's elves, Bob, it's always elves."
"Not so, Jim. Last season the Norse snatched that prize with a combined total of 34 deaths and serious injuries. And this week we've already had 4 Skaven taken off the pitch."
"No deaths though, Bob. And I already count 9 elves of various persuasions in various pieces."
"I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."


Most popular injury
"Last season it was the serious concussion, but I've got a feeling that broken ribs are going to be the stylish look this time round."
"Death never goes out of fashion, Bob!"

"Well, that's all the predictions for this week. Let's just take another look at the line of broken and wounded players."
"Feast your eyes on that sorry lot, Bob!"


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BigMac666



Joined: Apr 14, 2019

Post   Posted: Nov 06, 2019 - 06:36 Reply with quote Back to top

Love it mate. The arrival of PO will up the deaths i'm sure, along with folks saving like mad to add re-rolls!!
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 06, 2019 - 07:52 Reply with quote Back to top

I have high hopes for LXXIX being a big big season for the Death Watch. Let's make Jim and Bob proud!

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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 12, 2019 - 07:31 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week Two

Some new and exciting developments this week, although very few proper deaths:

Image Cory Hideousfist, hideously fisted to the core by Patient #088. High Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Hardly patient, was he?"
"No, he didn't wait a minute, Jim."


Image Banaenae, bust apart like a banaenae sundae by Blood Carnage. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image George Coldsnake, being fed to the snakes by Blood Carnage. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Vivian, given a lot to think about by Socrates. Amazon Linewoman, 0 SPP.

Image Chris Cool, blocked by Artorius Ashstaff. Nurgle Rotter, 10 SPP.
"Chris Lost-His-Cool, more like?"
"Now now, Bob, that's a poor sick Rotter you're talking about there."


FIRST OF THE SEASON
Image Cherta The Hardy, piled on by Ted. Wood Elf Lineman, 9 SPP.
"Bob, are you crying? What's the matter? It was only an Elf!"
"Tears of happiness, Jim. After all that nostalgia, piling on is back again!"
"And what a great start to it too."
"A great end for Cherta The Hardy. He was asking for it with a name like that."


Image Xenopus Laevis III, bashed in the burloks by Grimm Burloksson. Slann Lineman, 2 SPP.
"Haven't we seen him before?"
"No, Bob, that's not deja vu, it's just Xenopus Laevis III's brother, Xenopus Laevis III."
"Where do they get the imagination for these names, Jim?"
"I don't know, Bob, I just don't know."


REVENGE HIT!
Image Colt Kuntz, fouled by Herbad Iokr. Human Blitzer, 28 SPP.
"After 2 serious injuries in that game, he got what was coming to him. You could almost say Kuntz got kicked in the -"
"- Bob!"
"- backside, Jim. What did you think I was going to say?"


Image Graham Mourie, mourie by name, mourned by nature after some attention from Bungaroo. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Melissae, late after a hit by The Late The Great. Underworld Goblin , 0 SPP.

AUTHOR'S RECOMMENDATION
Image Anne Dieu-le-Veut, sent to see God by Blippi. Dark Elf Lineman, 2 SPP.
"And that's the Curse of the Scoundrels right there, Jim. Old Anne was the nasty piece of work who broke Manshape Gutwart's neck last season."
"That's not the Curse of the Death Watch though, is it?"
"No, but there's a troll somewhere who's happy anyway. And it's the best the Scoundrels have done so far this season."


Image Gato, went splatto after encountering Lady Mary Killigrew. Orc Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Shortbread, broken into little crumbs by Khorharr Ironhand. Necromantic Ghoul, 15 SPP.
"That's the real Curse of the Death Watch at work, Jim. Shortbread choked a Wood Elf last season, and now he's dead too."

"Now on to the predictions and awards this week!"


Most Dangerous Player Of The Season
With TingBuDong missing a game with their coach in prison this week, Wang x Yangming is slipping down the rankings. Blood Carnage is in front, with Manshape Gutwart hot on his heels.
"But what's this?! Yes, more dangerous than both of them, with 4 injuries in two rounds, it's the self-untying shoelaces of the Orcidas salesman! What a consistent player!"

Race least likely to survive
Two weeks in, and the wonderful powers of decay mean that Nurgle is topping the serious injury list, alongside the ever-fragile humans. Total Elf serious injuries: 19

Most popular injury
It's a devilish 6-6-6 between Serious Concussions, Broken Jaws and Broken Ribs(s). Great work, everyone!

And finally, as is now a tradition, let's line up all the dead and injured players from this season and jeer at them:
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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 20, 2019 - 05:23 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week Three

"Welcome back, fatality fans, for another fun packed week of ... of ... er ..."
"Of
Deaths Bob! Are you - are you yawning?"
"Sorry Jim, it's just with all this transdimensional travel recently, I don't know where I am. One minute we're spectating another smashing match in the Southern Wastes, and now here we are in a hostelry in the Badlands and the Cabalvision set seems to be broken."
"Never mind, Bob. Even if we can't be quite sure who's killed who this week, it's pretty clear from the shape of the bodies who the dead ones are. Let's rush through them and then get back to our regular service next week."
"Righto, Jim."


Image Emeric Savoie, stirred and shaken by something stiffer thana drink delivered by Irene Shandyhands. Khemri Blitz-Ra, 31 SPP.
"Crikey Jim, the little lady with the heart of gold on the Scoundrels has it all - a low cut bodice, a bag full of high explosives, and the skull of a deader-than-dead Khemri. What else can she do?"
"Die, probably. That's what the last super talented goblin on the Scoundrels team did. Manshape doesn't like having rivals, you know."


Image Artorius Ashstaff, killed by the Curse Of The Death Watch. Dark Elf Blitzer, 17 SPP.
"The Curse, Bob? Come on... It's much more likely he picked up something nasty when he killed Chris Cool last week."
"Really, Jim? You think it's more plausible that an Elf forgot to wash his hands, than the malefic effects of a supernatural entity reaching across time and space?"
"When you put it like that Bob ... yes, I do."
"Well, what about:"


Image Athalin Ashfall, by the Curse Of The Death Watch. Dark Elf Lineman, 2 SPP.

"Bob, will you cut that out! He didn't kill anyone!"
"He pinched a Rotter's nerve last week."
"Exactly, he probably got his hand dirty."
"What kind of Elf gets his hand dirty fouling a rotter? For that matter, what kind of Elf fouls a Rotter at all? Tis the Curse, Jim!"
"Tis his team mates refusing to let a perverted elf like that near the apo, I expect... Anyway, let's go to the unskilled section and get through it as fast as we can:"


WORK EXPERIENCE FATALITY SECTION
Image Leroy Dirtysnake, snaked off the pitch. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Arya, the Girl With No Name and Now No Life. Vampire Thrall, 0 SPP.

Image Lenai, lying down and not getting up. Underworld Goblin , 0 SPP.

Image Sam the drunk, never waking up from that hangover. Norse Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Ryrzik Pyreforce forced onto a pyre. Chaos Pact Marauder, 0 SPP.

"Well, that was a pretty quiet week Jim."
"Not for the Trondheim Hammers and the Port Royal Poachers. That was a 6-person bloodbath."
"But only one death, Jim. Hardly worth the candle."
"Well, you get yourself to sleep Bob. I'll be checking on the predictions for this week:"


Most popular injury
Nothing to decide between broken jaws and serious concussions, both ahead of the rest of the field.

Most dangerous player
Can't tell this week because of Cabalvision interference. Proper stats to be updated by next week. Goblins have been executed.

Race least likely to survive
Leaping higher than a Wood Elf who's sat on a red hot poker, Dark Elves are suddenly in the lead with 11 deaths and serious injuries from 3 weeks' worth of games. With a total of 26 elven deaths and injuries, that's well on the way to having 3 entire teams-worth of broken players.

The Morrissey First Of His Kind With A Gun In His Hand And The First Of His Kind To Die Award
No new deaths this week, but this season's already notable for being the first one since records began (in SWL LXXVII) for a Dwarf Blitzer, Slann Catcher or Khemri Blitz-Ra to die. What other jobs are going to turn out to be more dangerous than anyone thought?

"Jim, I still can't sleep."
"Well, if those stats didn't get you down, how about counting all these dead and injured players:"

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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 27, 2019 - 07:17 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week Four

"Welcome back, fans of the premature end to players' careers! Everyone who believes in the occult powers of the invisible hand of death, and anyone who just likes unmitigated pain and suffering! That's right, it's that time of the week, it's Deeeeeeeeath Waaaaaatch!!!!"
"And let's get right to it Jim. A big week, with thirteen deaths."
"Lucky for some."
"Not lucky for our first celebrity 'winner', dim the lights, cue the drum roll, can we get a big hand for..."


Image Mercenary Hobgoblin, surfed into the crowd. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 0 SPP.

"Bob, are you alright? You seem to have gone a funny colour."
"That's the colour of disappointment, Jim."
"Well, the good thing about deaths is there's always some more, Bob. Look who's in coffin number 2!"


Image William Dirtyrock, dirtyrocked by Scarlet. Wood Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

"Come on, Jim. A journeyman wood elf?"
"Yes, but not just any journeyman wood elf. Look at that cute bowl haircut."
"Not interested."
"Cheer up, Bob. How about a joke. What's the difference between scarlet and purple? The gri-"


Image War-Failin Kultur, failed at culture, failed at life, failed at being blocked by Blemoa The Menace. Skaven Lineman, 2 SPP.

Image Rodenticide Fizzing, deeffervesced by Blerzazzyb The Bloody. Skaven Lineman, 2 SPP.

"The Curse of the Death Watch working there, Jim. Poor old Fizzing killed an Elf Lineman last season (which is practically mandatory, and not a murder at all) and now he's dead, poor thing."

Image Neokia Greathoof, turned into steaks by Aargol Bargol. Chaos Pact Minotaur, 32 SPP.

"Now that's a different kind of curse, Jim. The Curse Of A Minotaur Who Got 32 SPP And Only Ever Managed To Smash The Ankle Of A Norse Lineman."
"Steady on now Bob..."


Image Mike the benefits cheat, checked up on and checked out by The Late The Great. Norse Lineman, 0 SPP.

"No, I'm quite right, Jim. Norse Linemen are almost as bad as journeymen elves. Skimpy clothing, big beards, ..."
"And that's just the women, eh Bob?!"
"Er, no, Jim. You know we're all about mature, sophisticated humour here."


Image Settra The Great, not so great after meeting Ian. Khemri Tomb Guardian, 19 SPP.

"Curse of the Groin Strain there, Jim. Indisputable evidence that Nuffle (and the Norse) don't like people who go [for the] nuts."

Image Grimspine, devertebrated by Bruce Robertson. Chaos Beastman, 0 SPP.

"Wasn't he the singer from Iron Maiden, Jim?"

REVENGE HIT OF THE WEEK
Image Bruce Robertson, given something to think about by On Second Thawt. High Elf Blitzer, 21 SPP.

"Well, Bruce isn't anything now, apart from compost. Could that be evidence of the Curse?"
"That could also just be a very angry minotaur, Bob."


Image Herbad Dekr, decked by King Gristle Jr.. Lizardman Skink, 3 SPP.

Image Doug The Pontiac Bandit Judy, chewed off more than could be bitten by Snorri Nosebiter. Vampire Thrall, 6 SPP.

"Can you chew your nose, Bob?"
"You can always chew somebody else's..."


Image Tic Tac, blocked by Faustus Gratidius Mordanticus. Necromantic Flesh Golem, 17 SPP.

"Tic, tac, go?"
"I think you're scraping the bottom of the barrel there, Bob."
"They're scraping that golem off the pitch even now, you know."


Image Pull my finger, had more than his finger pulled off by Early Cuyler. Orc Black Orc Blocker, 0 SPP.

"Wow. Just wow, Bob. That was a set of incredibly unskilled players we lost on the pitch today."
"Never mind, Jim. I have a feeling there's some big things going down next week in the Southern Wastes."
"And now it's time to look at the predictions for the season. How are things looking?"


Most Dangerous Player Of The Season
It's really hard to pick. With Wang x Yangming back after his time with the rest of the team in prison, four other players have caught up with him for serious injuries. And if we restrict to deaths, it's two a piece for Blood Carnage and The Late The Great."

Race Least Likely To Survive
The Dark Elves are back at the top of the injury tree, with 13 deaths and injuries. Back to the forest with you! Well, back to the black ark of sadomasochistic misery, anyway. That is more than enough injured players for a full team..."
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Most popular injury
Delicious broken ribs, again...

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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 09, 2019 - 06:25 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week Five

It's a topsy turvy week for the Death Watch, with the highest scoring casualty being a goblin?!:

It's All Funny Until Somebody Loses An Eye Award
Image Mrs Legneck Won't Stop Bouncing, given a simple proof of God's existence by Aquinas. Goblin Pogoer, 57 SPP.
"Well, you can say this for the Scoundrels, they look after their players. Mrs Legneck was one of the LXXVI Rising Stars and the first pogoer to die on active duty since the Death Watch started keeping tabs."
"Not a rising star now though, is she?"


Image Viola Snowman, thawed out by Mortify Hale. Wood Elf Catcher, 54 SPP.

Image Bryan Williams, blocked by Ismail Warchester. High Elf Catcher, 34 SPP.
"Crying Bryan? Will William Walk Away... no, I've got nothing, Jim."

Image Herbad Regr, put out to clover by Cait Clover. Lizardman Skink, 0 SPP.

Image Moolmemillah, having no more thoughts after an encounter with On Second Thawt. Khemri Tomb Guardian, 10 SPP.

ZERO CREDIT Journeyman Interlude

Image Ulric Goldstream, cut off in mid-stream by Tristian. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Jack Deepbrook, hit deep and hard by Ian. Underworld Goblin, 0 SPP.

Image Destiny, blocked by Blemoa The Menace. Dark Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
I guess you could say that was her ... destiny?"
"You're struggling, Bob."
"Not as much as she was!"


Image Jacques, Block by Sold. High Elf Catcher, 11 SPP.
"Curse of the Death Watch strikes, Jim! Jacques jacked the body of Steve the Tax Dodger in the opening week of the season. And now he's dead in a Norse revenge plot better than Hamlet!"

Image Hungry, eating baguettes in heaven after a hit by Paris France. Orc Lineman, 2 SPP.

So, not a great deal of deaths this week, but can you spot some of the battered Star Players?
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Most Dangerous Player
Ian is up to six deaths and serious injuries this season, twice as many as the Beast from the East we tipped for the top, Wang x Yangming. But that's equal to the crowd, and less than the damage the Orcidas salesman and his terrible shoelaces have inflicted, so it's not really that impressive...
Most Endangered Race
Well, it's Dark Elves. It's always Dark Elves, but they now have enough damaged players for an entire roster:
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Most popular injury
I count 13 smashed hands - that's certainly lucky for someone!

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MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 12, 2019 - 06:20 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL LXXIX Death Watch Week Six

A very quiet week as we lead up to the end of the season:

Image Baalzaak III, had his baalzaak knocked right off by Priygat The Magnificent. High Elf Blitzer, 17 SPP.

Image Erinyes, turned from Erinyes to Erinno by Gráinne Ní Mháille. Underworld Thrower, 106 SPP.

"Ooof! I think that's the biggest hit this season!"

Image Little Nicky, now even smaller after a hit from Pete. Orc Lineman, 0 SPP.

ADMIRABLE CONSISTENCY AWARD
Image David Lus, blocked by Moolyarl. Wood Elf Lineman, 14 SPP.

"From lus to loss."
"Those brave Bravados. Is there a week this season where a player hasn't died?"


Image Ian Silentshield, very quiet after a block by Mobad Tendaeriodr. Slann Lineman, 0 SPP.

Image Masked Man, unmasked by Fabrice Leprince. Chaos Pact Marauder, 0 SPP.

"Who was that Masked Man, Jim?"
"Who knows, Bob, who knows?"


No time for statistickal analysis this week guys - everything is preparing for the end of the season show. For more great violence, tune into the SSL on Cabalvision!

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