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Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 28, 2013 - 13:18 Reply with quote Back to top

double post


Last edited by Redgum on Mar 28, 2013 - 13:26; edited 1 time in total
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 28, 2013 - 13:21 Reply with quote Back to top

The XLVIII Premier League 'All-Stars' Team has been announced:

Dan "Big Daddy Cool" Guido Blitzer Blackwater Sting
Hark "The Harpoon" Harkson Catcher Wonga Wonga Whalekillers
Lus-ler-cith Skink Slumbering Skink
Jetta Runner Dark Swans
Cut-throat Carla Catcher Jolly Rogers
Ferociously Fighting Pip Beserker Wonga Wonga Whalekillers
Damien “The Mechanic” DeMaio Blitzer Blackwater Sting
Bink, Brother of Bonk Lineman Wonga Wonga Whlekillers
Atlas Blocker Large Head-on Colliders
Lyvrd Saurus Slumbering Skink
Olaf the Wizard Lineman Wonga Wonga Whlekillers

Dan Guido has been named Captain of the Premier All-Stars after season XLVIII. A foundation player of the Sting and a 52 game veteran of SWL he has elevated his game even further after his previous All-Star selection in XLVII. Big Daddy Cool finished the season with 7 TDs from 96 yards. He remains an impressive physical specimen of an elf, and whether by intense training, by dark magic or by performance enhancing peptide potions, it’s undeniable that Guido is stronger, faster and more agile than a normal elf. A true athlete and deserving captain.
Hark Harkson also scored 7 TDs, from 146 yards of rushing. Unnaturally quick, hard to knock-down, sure of hand and foot, Harkson is a renowned SWL player, averaging more than a TD per game and having twice been selected to the Conference Representative Squad. He is an essential part of his team’s success in winning the Premier Title.

Lus-ler-cith has been selected to the All-Stars an unprecedented 3rd consecutive season. Again going over a hundred yards (120), and again featuring near the top of the TDs scorer’s table with 6 for the season. He is incredibly quick and despite his size is also a strong tackler. The lingering effects of a fractured skull might call into question his longevity, but while he’s still with us he’ll continue to make an impression on games.
Jetta is an experienced SWL player but really impressed this season with 11 completed passes from only 6 games. His contribution of 47 passing yards for the season is far more than any of his rivals. Another player of amazing quickness he too has suffered from serious injury and does not let the effects stop him from doing what his team requires of him. His ability to stay focussed in the face of pressure and make the pass even as it means he’ll get crunched is highly impressive.
Cut-throat Carla is the youngest player to have been selected to an All-Star team and has completed less than a full season of SWL bloodbowl. Already though she’s averaging a TD a game, after scoring doubles against both the Skinks and the Large Hadron Colliders. She has also showed that she can bring team-mates into the play with her passing and word from the Jolly Rogers’ training sessions are that she is learning how to cause significant pain for her opponents.
Ferociously Fighting Pip is the second player to be recognised from the title-winning Whalekillers. Like Harkson Pip stepped up his own performances after being selected to the XLVII Conference Representative Squad, but sadly his body can no longer sustain the beatings bloodbowl gives, and he has walked away from the SWL. Despite his twice fractured skull and broken leg Pip often threw himself into opponents over and again, an unstoppable force, and finished the season with 4 CAS, including three in the crucial match-up with the Dark Swans.
Damien DeMaio combines the grace of an elf with the strength of an Ogre and the madness of a Troll Slayer. Talented in all aspects of the game DeMaio put on a display this season, finishing with 4 CAS, a TD and a completed pass. He was a powerful figure in the title-deciding game vs the Whalekillers, stepping up after Dan Guido’s early injury and trying valiantly to drag his team to glory.
Bink, Brother of Bonk, played 30 games in the SWL and for the last three seasons has been consistently selected to represent the fine art of fouling at a divisional level. It is with some sense of sadness, but mostly a sense of relief that we acknowledge him posthumously for his contribution to the game. He only ever caused one legitimate CAS, but he averaged 3 fouls a game through his career and 16 in this premier season cut short by his (un)timely death.
Atlas is selected to the All Star team for the second time, and while he has in the past been overshadowed by his team-mates it was his contribution this year which was a shining light despite the fall of the Colliders back to Conference bloodbowl. He was the most effective of the LHC blockers, with 4 CAS from only 36 blocks, and has followed the CPOMB path so well-worn by his team-mates.
Lyvrd becomes only the second Saurus to be selected to the All Stars, after his late team-mate Sshrr achieved the feat in XLVI. With 56 blocks from 75 turns Lyvrd showed that he always put himself at the centre of the battle, where his great strength and his awareness for helping those around him were powerful assets for the Skinks.
Olaf is the fourth Whalekiller selected this season to the All Styars, an indication of their strength and the fact that their title success was a victory for the whole team working together. In such a successful team, a player like Olaf can too often go unrewarded, yet Premier victories are won by hard work and dedication, they are marathons, not sprints, and Olaf was there, in the trenches, doing the hard work for 97 turns - longer than any other Wonga player in the XLVII Premier season.

So that ends another awards post-season. Congratulations to all those named in the All-Stars Team, and in the other Representative Teams for Conference and Regional.

Season XLIX is already underway
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again next season and until then... May the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 28, 2013 - 13:27 Reply with quote Back to top

Transcript of a speech secretly observed by clairvoyant means and given by Redgum to his team in the lead-up to the XLIX season:

"Well boys. They're writing us off! Everyone. The whole bloody lot of them. The dogs! The craven, simpering wimps! No one rates us! No one reckons we're worth a damn!

You know what I say? (inaudible) THEM! (inaudible) the whole bloody lot of them!

We're entering our tenth season. Most of you boys have been around for all ten of those. We've played Prem before, and I bloody reckon we'll play there again.

Faelan gets a mention. Damned with kindness you have been mate! They reckon you carry this team. I say bulldust to that. You make this team better, no doubt, but this team makes you better too. This team's bigger than any bloody one of you boys, but while you're here you can contribute to something great. You can write your name into history.
Write it in the blood of rats and green-skin scum and lizards and fancy-pants elfs. Kill things that've already died. Go toe-to-toe with freak mutant claw-beasts.
And splat frogs. Above all else. Splat frogs!
But for all that you've done, they don't rate you!

Breanainn. They say Faelan carries the team. What does that make you? Fifty bodies scattered and broken in your wake. Where's the respect?

Cadeyrn. You've captained this team since it began. Haven't missed a game in nine seasons. You scored a hat-trick. Triple figures in rushing and blocks. Double figures in TDs and CAS.
What're you going to do about this?

What're you going to do boys? The whole bloody lot of you. They don't rate us. Don't even put is in the top three. They reckon we're due to lose players, due to get hurt.
Don't let our dead and gone be forgotten. Don't let them forget Aed, or Eanne, or old Ironsides who played his career hobbled by injury. This is a proud club. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let these weaklings write us off before the season's even started.

So what do we do? We fight. We make Prem. We kill and we maim and we wound. We drown them in blood and sorrow and the bitter taste of their own words.

That's what this season is about boys. Redemption. Legitimacy.

It's about respect!"

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
polemarch



Joined: Mar 20, 2009

Post   Posted: Apr 13, 2013 - 13:46 Reply with quote Back to top

.....Media Release.....

After pulling off a gutsy win against the highly favoured "Large Head-on Colliders" last Friday night, "Stereotomy" has decided to hang up the boots and retire to his lilypad for a well deserved rest. A battered and bruised "Stereo" was fouled out with a nasty leg injury in the second half after given a quick dose of smelling salts from the team's apoth and remaining on the field within potential scoring distance. An emotional "Stereo" spoke after the game about the decision and how it was a difficult one to make. Speaking through the pain of a smashed ankle "Stereo", said that 'the last thing the "Tribute" needed was another limping catcher', especially after suffering a broken neck against "Gray's Anatomy" and a fractured skull against "We are Ninjah". However the opportunity to leave on crutches rather than in a box was the reason which tipped the decision towards retirement. "Stereo" said, 'the missus has some more sprogs on the way and the lil' tadpoles are wanting more of their daddy's time. At the end of the day my heart was no longer in it'. 21 Tribute players have been killed on the field of play and with the injuries adding up, "Stereo" felt that the odds were shortening towards him meeting the same fate.

The Tribute to Alan Parsons' players, management and fans salute "Stereotomy" and wish to recognise the outstanding contribution he has made to the team over the last 9 and a bit seasons. During his 56 games he gained 389 rushing yards for a total of 18 touchdowns. As the back up thrower "Stereotomy" was a master of the quick pass with 17 completions for a total 19 passing yards. Not afraid of the rough stuff, he threw 66 blocks at a little over 1 per game and managed 1 intercept. A gentleman on and off the field, "Stereotomy" declined to put the boot in and despite the casualties he received on a regular basis, never caused one himself. A 6 time MVP, was a true team player. Solid, dependable and willing to put his body on the line when required.


"Stereotomy" will become the 30th play to leave the Tribute's playing and currently ranks as it 2nd longest serving player, leaving Limelight as the only original member of the team still playing. "Stereotomy" will be taking up an assistant coaching roll with the "Tribute" to help mentor the younger players into the game.
Tomay



Joined: Apr 26, 2008

Post   Posted: Jan 13, 2014 - 09:02 Reply with quote Back to top

The Southern Wastes League today announced that they have finally accepted corporate sponsorship. After years of relying on ticket sales and merchandise to generate the majority of the league’s revenue, the SWL has accepted a sponsorship deal of an undisclosed figure.

Two prominent Southern Wastes brewing companies, Frosters and Dropbear Bitter (or DB as its more commonly known) have been granted naming rights to the Southern Wastes Conference Division of play.

The season was today launched by Frosters spokesmen and ex SWL legend, Blax Landric. “This is a landmark decision for SWL and we at Frosters are glad to be on board to welcome in a new era. Frosters, the beer real wasters get wasted on!”

With the sponsorship comes a major overhaul of the traditional SWL structure. According to the agreement the league will consist of only 2 conferences and a premiership division. The season will still run for 7 rounds with the top 2 teams from each conference being promoted.

According to analysts, the impact of this announcement could be far reaching. On one hand some teams will be given a softer approach to the Premiership division, but on the other hand the fans are rewarded with more playoff matches and diversity in their schedule.


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Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Aug 18, 2014 - 15:58 Reply with quote Back to top

After a brief period in hiatus, and subsequent to some structural reconfiguration, we’re pleased to announce the return of The SWL 'All-Stars' Team. All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LV:

Lus-ler-cith (C) Skink Slumbering Skink
The Abdominal Snowman Bull Centaur Malapropism Mania
Lady Maple Leaf War Dancer Autumn's leaves
Thavia Bitterblood Witch Elf Darkstar Corsairs
Gorgoroth Razor Talon Pestigor Sharp Force Trauma
Laura Thrower Psych Lab
Erigor Chabot Blitzer Intoxicated Mayhem
Juan Turner Catcher Woodistan State Dance Squad
Axoc Saurus Sotek Sacred Spawning
Skinner II Werewolf Horrors Of Skye
Kate Moss Skeleton Crypt-O-Night


Lus-ler-cith has been named Captain of the LV All-Stars Team. After 82 games in the SWL the time has come for the famous skink to finally retire, and he went out on a high: 9 TDs from 167 rushing yards. He sits in the Top 20 all time League rushing yards, and the #1 all-time League scorer among Lizards. This is his 4th selection to an All Star team, an unprecedented record. No one can begrudge him retirement, for a skink to play so well for so long was always going to take a toll. His game had always been built and speed, some of which he had lost, and an old injury left him even more prone to injury than a regular skink. We remember him though as he was in his prime: a true athlete and deserving captain of the All Star team.

Occassionally a player joins SWL and makes such an immediate impact that it cannot go unrecognised. Such was the case with The Abdominal Snowman. In only his second season, and already well on his way to being a star, the Bull Centaur made a habit of scoring TDs, including a hat-trick against Redgum’s Rodents. Despite his size he has displayed impressive agility and he is very difficult to bring down once he’s charging for the line.

Wardancers have long been recognised as freakish athletes. Even by that high standard, Lady Maple Leaf has displayed some exceptional talents. She has the speed to match anyone on the field, and moves with a grace rarely seen even amongst elfs. She scored hat-tricks on three occasions this season, and after 20 games has nearly 300 rushing yards and over 100 blocks. A highly competent all-rounder for both attacking threat and surgically precise defence.

Thavia Brightblood was posthumously awarded the LV Duke Snakefield medal. As with that illustrious award she fully deserves her place in the All-Star team. Really, she made herself impossible to ignore after a single-handed demolition of Public Service announcement. An astonishing 8 CAS in that one game demonstrated how effectively she could combine her murderous frenzy with a relentless attack on the opponent that continued even after they were down.

Gorgoroth has been twisted and shaped by dark forces intent on creating a beast nearly perfectly adapted to the game of Bloodbowl. Most spectators would suggest that those dark forces are on the right track. He appears to be a physical threat, and indeed he is, but many underestimated his talents as a ball carrier and just how quick he can be. One coach that knows only too well is DaemonicLazoth, who had to watch as Gorgoroth ran through 3 TDs and inflicted 2 CAS in a single game against the Dumbass Rats.

Erigor Chabot has established himself as a dangerous presence over several seasons in the SWL, rarely better than in LV. He is a respected veteran of over 50 SWL games and already a star in his own right. He can definitely cause a headache for rivals with his brutal blocks, having accumulated 40 CAS in his career, and equalling his single-game record of 3 in his final game of the Darkstar Corsairs. He’s more than just a bruiser though, 10 TDs and over 100 rushing yards demonstrate how exciting he can be as a ball-carrier.

Skinner II came into the SWL with a big name to live up to. The original Skinner had been an impressive player – a co-captain of the ‘Future Stars’ team back in XLVI and a Rising Star winner. This season Skinner II can rightfully claim to have earnt the right to the name. Having played only one fewer game he already has a similar number of TDs and many more CAS. Skinner II is always eye-catching, at once unstoppable when attacking and nimble when attacked. Arguably a bigger star now that the original ever was, and he’s doing it in Premier.

For all the attacking flair available in this All Star team, it wouldn’t be complete without Laura, the backfield general of Psych Lab. Averaging nearly 2 completions a game, and over 4 yards per pass, she has proven herself capable of setting up countless attacks with her accurate delivery and intelligent game-sense. She very rarely puts the ball where opposition might seize it, and can hold her nerve against the most fearsome pressure.

Juan Turner is Juan to watch. He burst onto the scene from his very first game, scoring a hat-trick and setting the stage for a season that would net 10 TDs and 115 rushing yards. He is a natural sprinter, and able to keep his feet when other players would surely have fallen. He’s also quite capable when hit, difficult to pull down, and often is able to turn his opponents attack to his advantage, repositioning himself with an unlikely twist or contortion. We’re looking forward to seeing how he goes in the higher grades, but everything we’ve seen so far suggests he’s a star in the making.

Axoc took a while to come into his strength, but since he has he has been solid as a rock for the Lizards of Sotek. He’s averaging nearly 10 blocks a game, and with his Kroxi-like strength and deceptive ability to dodge his opponents’ attacks, he can be an immovable roadblock without the liabilities so often seen in Big Guys. He can lay the hurt too, collecting 3 CAS against the Manglers and 4 against Pimp My Dwarf.

It takes a certain kind of talent to achieve a career average of more than two fouls per game, and yet that difficult task is exactly what Kate Moss has achieved for Crypt-o-Night. It’s not the kind of talent that’s much recognised. Rarely will you see a player like Kate with name up in lights, but she has been recognised for her sharp kicks, usually when the player she’s kicking has been brought low by a more storied team-mate. The All-Star team wouldn’t be complete without someone to clear the field of those refusing to get up and face their foes. Few do that better than Kate Moss.

So that ends another awards post-season. Congratulations to all those named in the All-Stars Team. No doubt there will be some controversy that no player from the Premier-winning Wonga Wonga was selected, perhaps though that speaks to the broad spread of talent in the Norse team: a champion team rather than a team of champions. Interesting too that the team has so many female players. Perhaps this is a leap forward for FUMBBL, and for SWL, in becoming an inclusive league where everyone can risk severe brain damage and death, regardless of their chromosomes.

As to the future, Season LVI is already underway and it’s looking like the high standard we’ve come to expect from SWL will continue. Long may it be so!
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
Balle2000



Joined: Sep 25, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 25, 2014 - 05:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Three consecutive titles and helping bring the URN back from the Old World, had made the Whalekillers spectacularly complacent. It's your typical athlete rises to fame loses professionalism story. After seasons of "important" training sessions - the defensive formation drills, the flank shift maneuvers - the whalers had decided that this was going to be the party season. Unfortunately for the fans however, the party was happening off the field, and they weren't invited. Unless, of course, they were of the female disposition (or at least very feminine - there's a shortage of females in the Southern Wastes and some of the players claim everyone looks the same drunk in the dark).

After a long winless season, spending most of the time chugging Bloodweiser in the dugout with the babes, and having made zero touchdowns himself, all-time top scorer Flippers took to the field. It was a nicely weathered Wednesday in September. Whalekillers were playing the Mania in the final game of the season.

Team mates for many seasons Outback Ola and Tyranosaurus Thor had died the previous game after brutal smack downs by the Sotek sauraii. And half the team was still in hospital recovering from the ensuing blood lust.

This was Flippers' centennial game, but he had been busy the previous night trying to smother the disappointment from the historically bad season. Hung over, unshaven, and smelly, the Whalers were now facing a gang of expertly drilled chaos dwarves from the Mania. The odds were firmly stacked against them. The bookies had stopped taking bets.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures. Flippers had solicited the help of one of his new party friends. One Boomer Eziasson. The Dwarf hadn't been seen playing for the Whalekillers since an explosive mishap demolished their promotion chances about dozen seasons earlier. But for this one the brew-loving bomb-maniac's name was once again registered on the roster.

And so the game started...

- "Let's just get this over with. Quickly...", Flippers mumbled as he expertly caught the deep kick off.

He then proceeded to give his mate Boomer a cheesy wink Cool. The Dwarf, of course, wasted no time: he lit the fuse and chucked a bomb, flattening a couple of dwarves and the minotaur. The crowd roared and were expecting carnage and mayhem. But what happened was something different. And frankly a bit self-indulgent.

In cover of clouds of smoke and wild coughing, the Norse pack quickly went down one of the flanks. The bull centaurs tried to tighten the gap, but soon the Norse were three quarters down the field, and Flippers went for it. Scoring his 40th touchdown. In his 100th match. It was time to celebrate (and fix the hangover)!

The Norse Leaper did a lap of honor together with Boomer (who was now sent off), and they were still doing the rounds as the Whalers kicked off again. The two mates could be seen heading back to Flipper's usual spot - and soon they were chugging 'weisers in the dug out with the babes.

Amid cries of "Where's Flippers?!", the disappointed Whalekillers fanbase were leaving the stadium (FF down to 5 now), some drinking to commiserate a miserable season coming to an end, others just knowing it was all downhill from that point, not daring to watch.

Two halves of chaos dwarf grind ensued, and when the Mania eventually ended up as 2-1 winners, there were only some small pockets of WK fans left in the stands. After a record 9 consecutive seasons in the SWL Premiership, an era had come to an end. It was rather depressing.

However there was one lad left in the stands with a good mood...

- "Hey Flippers! Please Sir... only one more play before we go back in the Conferences", said a young norseman popping his head down the dug out.

- "Rrrr, urhm? Wha? Bgugger ovv..." said the by then drunk Flippers.

- "Please! I've always dreamt about seeing you play. This is my first time watching a WK game live! I've come all the way by boat from Norsca to see your 100th game! Just a slight pass perhaps?", the fan continued.

- *ORRRRR* "huWhats yername son?", Flippers asked, as his hand instinctively grasped the air reaching for an imaginary autograph pen

- "Runar, Sir!"

- *ORRRRR* "VEry well thEnn-ehrmRunrrrarr".... Flippers said and staggered onto the field.


The rest is - apparently - the stuff of legends....
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2014 - 12:43 Reply with quote Back to top

After a turbulent period of off-field and behind-the-scenes drama that has significantly delayed this illustrious awards presentation, we’re pleased to announce the return of The SWL 'All-Stars' Team. All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LVI:

Dan Guido (C) Blitzer Blackwater Sting
The Abdominal Snowman Bull Centaur Malapropism Mania
Tuco Noriaga Thrower Mexican Standoff
Vivian Forseca Catcher Mexican Standoff
Totally Tubular Tommy Runner Kowabunga Connection
Huantza Saurus SWL Hunting Crocs
Jubba Grindhauler Marauder Crookwell Green Devils
Mr Shuffles Zombie Crypt-O-Night
Chuhui Saurus Sotek Sacred Spawning
Uaxadohi Saurus SWL Hunting Crocs
Powie Strong Minotaur Chokeland Graders


Dan “Big Daddy Cool” Guido has returned to the All-Stars Team, and despite having spent the season in the conferences, has been named Captain. Who could deny this honour to such a proven statesman of the game? A foundation player with the Blackwater Sting, he has recently passed the rare milestone of 100 games. Of course, those games have taken their toll. Guido is more prone to injury now than in his youth, and rumours continue to circle about the dark incantations and hidden treatments he receives on his niggling injuries. In season LVI he showed the talents that had made him a great: the speed, the leap, the strength, the astounding agility. He led all leagues this season for SPP (38 ), Rushing Yards (149) and TDs (10).

The Abdominal Snowman has continued to show the form that gained him a selection into last year’s All-Star team, and for such a young player to have achieved this honour for a second time, and while playing in SWL’s Premier division, is a laudable feat. His agility is unusual for a beast his size, and yet it’s his movement around the ground, and his sure ball-handling, that really attracts the eye. He took to the challenge of Premier with an attitude that showed how much he loves the big stage, and he came away with 7 Tds from 143 rushing, leading the Premier division in both stats.

Tuco Noriaga was the only player to pass for more than 100 yards in season LVI (he won the Golden Arm with 107). He had multiple completions in nearly every game, with only the dour dwarven tactics of the Prem champions restricting him to the single completion. His strong throwing arm allows him to sit deep in the protection of the backfield, and when he does step up to throw he has an uncanny accuracy for finding his target. A true weapon with the ball in hand himself, he is also masterfully adept at brining team-mates into the game. Which brings us to...

Vivian Forseca. It was impossible to split up such a ruthlessly effective team. Forseca’s understanding of Noriaga’s powers, and Noriaga’s understanding of Forseca’s running patterns, made the Mexican Standoff a constant offensive threat. On defence too Forseca showed a talent for reading the opposing passer and getting himself in a position to spoil the pass or put late pressure on the receiver. Forseca didn’t need to carry the ball too far, doing most of his best work deep in the opponent’s half, but finished with 6TDs in an outstanding season.

If the passing game of the High Elf pair isn’t working, there’s no one you’d rather have carrying the ball through an opponent’s line than Totally Tubular Tommy. The Kowabunga Collection were Premier champions not because of a few stars, but because they worked well as a team and shared the load. Larry layback and Swamp Donkey were essential for making space so that Tommy and Radolescent Roger could score the TDs (both finished with 5 for the season). It was Tommy though that collected 120 rushing yards for the season, leaving him behind only the Snowman in Premier. That’s an amazing achievement for such a team-oriented player, a player I’m sure will be humble and gracious in receiving this honour. Dwarfs, more than any other team, rely on each other for their glory, and while Tommy collects the kudos tonight, we honour through him a very successful and deserving LVI champion team.

Jubba Grindhauler made a deal with dark gods. A binding deal. A contract of sorts with chaotic forces. A chaos... pact... if you will. In return for his soul he has been granted gifts to inflict unholy torment on his enemies, and in SWL season LVI he did just that. 11 players fell crippled at his feet. Some were gored by twisted horns, some ripped asunder by vicious claws, others beaten down by mighty blows, or wounded in more mundane ways. Jubba is not a man of subtle strategy. Jubba is a man – if indeed it is right to call him a man at all – of brutal efficiency. He absolutely deserves his place on the All-Star team. Rumours that have been spread that his selection was motivated by the selection committee’s personal fear of him are unwarranted. We promise.

Huantza is the first among a group of Sauri who made a bloody and brutal impression on the fields of SWL this season. He’s a little slower now than he once was, but that didn’t stop him catching hold of a few victims and breaking them in half. He sent 8 players off for treatment this season, and while he did enjoy his day against the High Elfs of Mexican Standoff (injuring 3) he was also great value against tougher foes, collecting multiple CAS against his fellow lizards from Sotek and the Skinks.

Uaxadohi also had a powerful effect on the LVI season of SWL’s Premier division. He was a consistent performer, causing multiple CAS against the Horrors of Skye and Mexican Standoff, but more than the efficacy of his hits it was the sheer volume of them that made him one of the best. In his career he’s going at about 9.5 blocks per game, and he led all leagues in LVI by bettering that already impressive record with 70 blocks (10 per game). His great strength and his technique in either blocking or tackling are obvious advantages, but in many ways it’s the sheer mindless rage that builds in him, the frenzied approach to combat, which made him stand out.

Chuhui doesn’t have the same Frenzy of Uaxadohi, but he makes up for that with a great tactical mind for the one-on-one (or one-on-two, or –three) battles that are so crucial to deciding games of Bloodbowl. He doesn’t go easily to ground, and against weaker opponents who try to flee him he employs unforgiving tackles. His stand-up battles often ended in his favour, as he collected 64 blocks and 7 CAS in the season, a sometimes overlooked performance in the engine-room of a season that put Sotek into the top half of Prem.

Once the opponents hit the ground, it’s Mr Shuffles who makes sure they stay there, or even better, that they never get up again. He’s not really a thinking man’s player, as you might expect from a zombie, but when the crowd is baying for blood and some star is on the ground, still struggling with the effects of the hit that put him there, it’s to Mr Shuffles that the bloodthirsty fans turn their eye. He was happy to oblige this season. 34 fouls in a season is a huge effort, and 10 more than the next best. Debates about whether the referees kept missing his work through blindness, ignorance, or the gentle influence of heavy coin-purses, will continue, but they don’t really matter.

Powie Strong is a big guy and he made a big impression on Regionals in season LVI. You kind of expect that from a Minotaur. They throw themselves into the games and can decide the match (for better or worse) on a few crucial blitzes and big plays. Powie certainly stepped up in the biggest matches, the best being against eventual Reggies champs the SWL Fun Police where his side was being beaten bloody, but he inflicted 2 CAS in return (including a serious hit on Hernia Harold that troubles the Pesti to this day) and was crucial in keeping the game to a 0-0 draw. What you don’t expect is a Minotaur at once padded up with extra armour, and yet light enough on his hooves that he can dodge his opponents. Powie’s a very interesting player and one we hope to watch for many seasons to come.

Congratulations to all those named in the All-Stars Team. No doubt there will be some controversy that the captain came from the Conferences. Interesting too that last season’s team was so heavily female and this season the pendulum swings back. No women represented, though Vivian sounds like he might be able to stand in if required.
Congratulations too to the players selected to the following divisional Representative teams:
LVI Prem-Stars

Abdominal Snowman (c) Malapropism Mania
Totally Tubular Tommy Kowabunga Connection
Tuco Noriaga Mexican Standoff
Vivian Forseca Mexican Standoff
Radolescent Roger Kowabunga Connection
Huantza SWL Hunting Crocs
Chuhui Sotek Sacred Spawning
Per Wonga Wonga Whalekillers
Uaxadohi SWL Hunting Crocs
Axoc Sotek Sacred Spawning
Sckzchooaueu Slumbering Skink

LVI Conference Rep team
Dan Guido (c) Blackwater Sting
Peeled Eye Da Blackest Guard
Laura Psych Lab
Juan Turner Woodistan State Dance Squad
Sooner or Later Tribute to Alan Parsons
Shadow of a Lonely Man Tribute to Alan Parsons
Off Crypt-O-Night
Mr Shuffles Crypt-O-Night
Jubba Grindhauler Crookwell Green Devils
Maguk Jnr Wäŋa Warriros
Borgan Bollinger Intoxicated Mayhem

LVI Rising-Stars
Nisse (c) Hidden People
Poine Malalocide
Freddy Fantastic Longear Wussbags
Ruganito RockCity Fêted
Grumnir Banner of the Black Stag
Powie Strong Chokeland Graders
Minnie the Moocher SWL Manglers
Hanna Nano Edamame Diet
Kathal Malalocide
Foul Frank SWL Fun Police
Piratana Golden Feast

So that ends another awards post-season.
As to the future, Season LVII is already underway and it’s looking like the high standard we’ve come to expect from SWL will continue. Long may it be so!

That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!
Karnov



Joined: Jul 14, 2012

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2014 - 13:00 Reply with quote Back to top

Awesome work, Redgum Smile

Go Powie!

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Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2014 - 13:08 Reply with quote Back to top

Thanks Karnov.

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Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2014 - 13:08 Reply with quote Back to top

\o/

Kathal is firing now.

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Rabid_Bogscum



Joined: Aug 04, 2005

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2014 - 19:41 Reply with quote Back to top

Lest we forget Mr Shuffles and his posthumous award. He killed a Krox first game this season with a boot but was taken out and couldnt rise again Sad

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Semitence



Joined: May 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 17, 2014 - 03:05 Reply with quote Back to top

Great work Redgum. Excellent read!
RedMaul



Joined: Jun 10, 2006

Post   Posted: Nov 19, 2014 - 09:09 Reply with quote Back to top

Nice work Redgum
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Dec 17, 2014 - 12:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome all to the Season LVII awards presentation.

Congratulations go to Faulcon’s famous Slumbering Skink on securing the Premier title. Tonight we’re pleased to announce The SWL 'All-Stars' Team. All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LVII:

François Englert (C) Bull Centaur Large Head-on Colliders
The Abdominal Snowman Bull Centaur Malapropism Mania
Tuco Noriaga Thrower Mexican Standoff
Jubba Grindhauler Marauder Crookwell Green Devils
Huantza Saurus SWL Hunting Crocs
Off Wight Crypt-O-Night
Erigor Chabot Blitzer Intoxicated Mayhem
Strdthm Saurus Slumbering Skink
Uzthug Chivas Regal Black Orc Blocker Intoxicated Mayhem
Lady Maple Leaf War Dancer Autumn Leaves
Grumnir Runner Black Stag


François Englert is a stalwart of the CRP era. In an illustrious career thus far he has achieved numerous awards and accolades, perhaps none of which speak more highly of his quality than the fact that in one of CRP’s original teams, he has played the most games (112). Add to this longevity the incredible achievements of over 300 blocks and over 1750 rushing yards. Englert has impressive agility for such a large-framed quadruped. Sure of hand and feet, he is able to push off opponents when attacking, and bring them to ground when he defends. He is a true ornament to the Southern Wastes and rightly recognised tonight for an exceptional season, in which he scored 8TDs.

The Abdominal Snowman is again selected into the All-Star team, a third consecutive selection and a clear indication that he’s one of the league’s greats. It’s fitting that he shares the selection this year with Englert, because there can be no player who has had more of an influence on the young bull than his All-Star Captain. Imitation is the sincerest flattery, and Englert would be rightly flattered by how Snowman has modelled himself on the older bull’s style. Englert was a veteran of nearly 80 games when Snowman started, and yet to any who watch the similarities are striking – the grace, the ball-handling, the ability to keep opponents away. Snowman has yet to develop the defensive side of his game as effectively, but with a record of 30 TDs from 24 games, including 8 this season, he was undeniably an integral part of Malapropism’s Conference Title.

Tuco Noriaga is selected for the second consecutive year. This time there was more competition from some truly high-quality passers, but Noriaga stepped up his game and re-asserted his place as SWL’s dominant thrower. He threw 13 completions in only 6 games this season and is closing in on 500 career passing yards. It’s this style of play - his ability to sit deep and invite his opponents to stretch themselves before stepping up and delivering a long pass which is both safe from potential interceptors and accurate - which makes him such an attacking threat.

Jubba Grindhauler is also returning for a second consecutive year. To say Crookwell are a one-man team would be too harsh, but there’s few who would deny that they made Premier Division based in large part on his efforts, and it was his efforts again this year which kept the team competitive in a tough season at the top. Jubba’s lethality is unquestioned. Horned, clawed, and relentless, he has accumulated 58 casualties in only 37 games, for an average of more than 1.5 per game. This season he doubled that average on three occasions, causing three casualties against the Premier-winning Skinks, as well as against better-armoured teams like Kowabunga and the Mayhem.

The Hunting Crocs came agonisingly close this year – runners-up in Premier – and again the hard work of Huantza in the trenches was crucial to the team’s success. Back-to-back All Star selections show what a star he is, but he is an unlikely star: too slow, effective but not extravagantly skilled. Much of his work is done far from the crowd, in the hurly-burly of the line-of-scrimmage, or setting up protective zones for the skinks. But for all his unassuming manner, it’s Huantza’s name that you’ll hear reverberating about in the stadia of SWL whenever the Crocs are playing. This season he inflicted 6 casualties, each of three games getting the double to his name.

Off is the biggest star on the Crypt-o-night roster and a crucial contributor to a season in which they reached third place in Premier division and secured their survival in the top flight. He is a vicious competitor, setting upon opponents with a ravenous fury that is very difficult to counter-act. He drags living prey to ground and leaps atop, tearing at it with teeth and hands, as if his opponent were dead already and no more to him than food. Then he will jump up again and seek another victim. It’s a relentless, bloody pursuit that the crowds love. His coach loves it too, because it caused 9 casualties this season, including all 4 inflicted against Woodistan on an otherwise disappointing day. Juan Turner will long remember the niggling wound he carries as a mark of Off’s ferocity, and tonight we also remember what a player he has been this season.

Erigor Chabot is a similarly frenzied player, and similarly dangerous. It’s a credit to him that in a star-studded Intoxicated Mayhem line-up which didn’t achieve the success they’d hoped for in Premier Division, Chabot was able to play such a stand-out season. He’s quick, he hits hard, and he makes those hits count – the essential qualities of any good Orc Blitzer. It’s not his first great season, and in truth there may have been some rumours circling that his best was behind him, but late in the season he responded emphatically, with 7 casualties inflicted in just two games, and against no lesser opponents that Kowabunga and Sotek. Even when the superstars came down to SWL to play, they were not safe from Chabot, who sent Slibli packing with a shattered knee after only three turns.

Strdthm had a good season in LVII, not least because he was part of the Premier division winning Slumbering Skink. Like Huantza he’s no-nonsense in his approach to the game. His blocks make channels for his skink runners when he’s attacking, and he’s a roadblock on defence. Strdthm is a good tackler and adept at evading those who seek to tackle him. His field-sense and positional understanding are superb. He’s also a hard-hitter. He injured 6 opponents this season, his best game coming with 3 Badly Hurt undead from Crypt-O-Night.

Uzthug Chivas Regal is the second player from Intoxicated Mayhem to be selected, making the Premier Division Orcs the only team with multiple-players selected. He’s a veteran of the SWL trenches, having played nearly as many games as Englert, in a much more physically demanding position. Those demands have taken their toll, though. Uzthug is lacking the agility even of his youth, and like most Black Orcs it was never a strong-point. What remains a strong-point though is Uzthug’s commitment to drawing blood. He’s laid 800 blocks in his career, and caused more than 61 casualties, including 5 this season. Having this grizzled Blocker sitting on the line-of-scrimmage between the two Sauri, guarding each, would make the front row of this All-Star team incredibly intimidating.

And from behind that intimidating wall, strikes Lady Maple Leaf. There are few in the game’s history who have been as quick as Maple Leaf, and none quicker. She’s an accomplished War Dancer, capable of dodges and tumbles and leaps and the sort of acrobatic manoeuvres that have crowds holding their breath or roaring applause. This we might have come to expect from Wood Elfs, but Maple Leaf is more than merely a very fine example of Wood Elf play. This Lady can hit and hit hard. From only 33 games she has accumulated 30 TDs and caused 13 casualties. Her 4 TDs against Mexican Standoff decided that game, as did her 2 against the Horrors of Skye. In LVII she scored in every game, to finish with 12 TDs and also inflicted 5 casualties.

Grumnir completes our All-Star team. He’s an impressive physical specimen, a tall Nordic type with long legs that make him as quick as an Elven Catcher, and a well-developed physique which gives him the strength to compete with the Black Orcs and Sauri for feats of strength. Grumnir is young, having completed only his second season, and both in Regionals, but anyone who has gone down to the Regional games has been impressed by this guy. His 7 TDs from 6 games this season helped put Black Flag in a position to win the Regionals title, and if he had have been able to play the whole game, instead of being restricted to just 10 turns, he might very well have won it for them. He did everything he could, scoring, and laying a defensive tackle to force the dump-off pass, but it wasn’t to be. There’s some exciting games being played at Regionals level, and with Grumnir’s Black Flag, and their nemeses at Steaked, both looking to reach Conferences we’ll need to watch these rising stars closely.

So a mighty congratulations to all those named in the All-Stars Team. No doubt there will be some controversy that the captain came from the Conferences again. Perhaps some will argue that Grilled deserves a spot more than Grumnir did, given the successful last-turn-of-the-season-to-win-the-title-OTT. What about Car Pool Tunnel, or everyone’s favourite Mino – Powie Strong? Should Threedeben Pierrot or Kate Moss have been selected to lay the boots in when required? Should there have been more players from the Premiership winning Skink? Any players from the Conference winning Rodents?
Perhaps.
Each would be able to put forward a good argument. With only 11 spots available in the All-Stars, there’s bound to be debate. It’s a sign of how many high-quality players we have in SWL that this job is so hard, season after season.

Hearty congratulations too to the players selected in their divisional Representative teams:

LVII Prem-Stars

Erigor Chabot (c) Intoxicated Mayhem
Jubba Grindhauler Crookwell Green Devils
Radolescent Roger Kowabunga Connection
Borgan Bollinger Intoxicated Mayhem
Gorxl SWL Hunting Crocs
Huantza SWL Hunting Crocs
Stndsteoeo Slumbering Skink
Off Crypt-O-Night
Kate Moss Crypt-O-Night
Strdthm Slumbering Skink
Uzthug Chivas Regal Intoxicated Mayhem

LVII Conference Rep team

Lady Maple Leaf (c) Autumn’s Leaves
GLaDOS Technically Minded
Tuco Noriaga Mexican Standoff
François Englert LHC
Abdominal Snowman Malapropism Mania
Car Pool Tunnel Malapropism Mania
Kathal Malalocide
Threedeben Pierrot Sphinxes from Mars
Foul Frank SWL Fun Police
Powie Strong Chokleand Graders
Malakai Malalocide

LVI Rising-Stars

Grumnir (c) Banner of the Black Stag
Scott Treacy RocketVamps
SPEEDSEAL Silicone Shelley’s
Grilled Steaked
Alan Tracey RocketVamps
Tombstalker Ghoul
Diced Steaked
Ulro Rattled Toads
Stam the Mighty Banner of the Black Stag
Dreddencarmen Necropolis
Mat-tut the ninth Necropolis

And that ends another awards post-season.
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!
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