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DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Apr 26, 2015 - 16:13 Reply with quote Back to top

@SinnersFC Twitter

Coach Poods blasted his side for letting things slip against the Wanderers. Coach was heard berating his team, shouting "there is no such thing as a boneheaded coaching move. Just poor execution".

@StKillaFanz Twitter

Coach Poods needs a bench. We know we don't have much coin, but we have to start foulin'.

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cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Apr 30, 2015 - 01:52 Reply with quote Back to top

and now, a snippet from the SWL Season LIX fashion show....

Image
Here you see Kantil proudly modelling the Griffon Gate Sentinels Season LIX uniform.
A chocolate-brown ensemble of boots, leggings & tunic is layered under rose-gold scale armour with matching helmet and left shoulder plate.
The armour is adorned with deep-red trim and the right shoulder plate is finished with a trio of red, orange and yellow, mirroring the Sentinels' famous logo.

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Karnov



Joined: Jul 14, 2012

Post 1 Posted: May 10, 2015 - 01:07 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Grandstand, the SWL's 24 hour sports network is LIVE!

First up is the debut episode of "Hard Blocks", an series of intimate interviews with some of the unique personalities that populate the SWL - hope you enjoy Cool

========================================================

Welcome to Hard Blocks. I'm your host, Slam Hatrick.

Today we take a guided tour into the mind of one of the SWL's most eclectic coaches, DrPoods.

DrPoods has had his fair share of draws and losses in SWL, and we here at SWL Grandstand could think of no better subject to open our inaugural segment of Hard Blocks with:


Slam: DrPoods - welcome. Let's get right into the questions:

Just as [urlhttps://fumbbl.com/p/team?team_id=782427[/url] were developing a fierce reputation, you left the team for the new necromantic side, the St Killa Sinners. Why?

DrPoods: Well, the simple fact of the matter is that Malalocide weren't actually that fearsome. Their offence was pitiful and simply laying guys down trying to kill something turn after interminable turn was doing my head in. Don't get me wrong, I love a good killstack but it becomes a numbers game and when the numbers aren't in your favour, you are cactus as you don't have a plan B. Well... Not at my coaching standard anyway.

I gave it 4 seasons and it just got to a stage where I could have written a script about how matches would pan out.

When I got offered a massive contract from a new franchise making their debut I took it like a shot. The famous Bela Guttman once said a coach shouldn't stay with a team longer than 3 seasons. Season 1 - set the system. Season 2 - win something. Season 3 - players stop listening. I gave it four and those useless lumps can look after themselves.

Slam: What's more importat for sustained success in SWL - luck or skill?

DrPoods: Well, you are asking the wrong guy. I don't have either!

If you must know, from observation I think that luck plays a huge part. As there are so many excellent coaches around, luck can mean the difference in a lot of matches. This is because neither coach will make many (if any) mistakes.

Slam: Speaking of coaches, is there any one SWL coach who's style and success you'd like to emulate?

DrPoods: Balle2000. He wins titles with Norse which is already an achievement. But it is the fluff and bio work that I want to emulate. Ideally, I would be having a situation where one of my teams is a mainstay of the league*. No chopping and changing. And the Whalekillers are the sort of team that bring depth to the league. Their rivalries, fluff, longevity. I would argue they should be a template for everyone entering the SWL.

*I already have the race in mind that will eventually fill that role for me.

Slam: You are a big advocate of fluff - what do you most want to see/read about another team?

DrPoods: Whalekillers, Sphinxes. Nuff said. Every team should have an in depth bio and realised world like these teams. A beacon of flavour in a mushroom soup world.


Slam: Which SWL race are you most surprised is forlorn.

DrPoods: Well I think there is only one option here. Orcs. They really have everything going for them. They can ball if needed. Got huge amounts of muscle. As the SWL doesn't seem traditionally to have been claw-loaded (and still isn't now), one would have expected the Orcish AV9 to be a huge benefit in keeping those SPP.
And yet, they haven't seemed to get there. I am flabbergasted why. In CRP maybe, and from what I know of LRB4/5 they should have been able to win at least one. Hell... Even Vamps have an SWL trophy . They aren't my favourite forlorn team, however. (The one I want to coach to glory one day... Wink

Slam: Ok, enough with the kid gloves - which SWL teams do you despise?

DrPoods: Redgum's Rodents. Bastards cost us a chance at Prem with their evil AG ways. Player wise? Any ST, AG Beastman. I don't care who they are. I never got one so no one else should either. Would have made a huge difference for Malalocide.

Technically Minded. Bloody robots grinding their way to a Prem title. Repetitive, Dwarven, grindy. Dull as dishwater. A room of beige paint. Their coach is a nice man, but for Nuffle's sake! What a horror to spec. You know what they will do and just can't stop it. Soul destroying...

Ask me again after Round 6. I may take a dislike to those shady dealing, shifty, clawpombimg bastards out of Blackwater. Making a point indeed... Clawpomb in regional's? Lucky they can't win... Very Happy

Slam: Which SWL player would you love to have on your side (racial restrictions aside)?

DrPoods: At this stage? To add to the Sinners? Well I am not going to take guys who can't skill again, so I would take two players with great potential rather than pre-existing legends. Viola from Wings of the Condor. And Powie Strong of the Chokeland Graders. Viola can carry; Powie adds ST (and is a fan favourite).

Slam: The Sinner's have a rather remarkable player in the making - Robbie "Mad Dog" Muir. How do you hope to develop him and, more importantly, how are you going to stop him from being killed?

DrPoods: Get him dodge! The thing with werewolves for me is that you need to do two things. Strike, then get the hell out of dodge and keep them out of contact so they can move and react. The other thing is frenzy traps. Those things are the reason I despise frenzy as a skill. Yes it has its uses but I prefer the illusion of control. Frenzy doesn't offer that.

Ideally Robbie or Lenny would have mighty blow. But Robbie already had the MA when he rolled a double so I had to go for the MA. I guess I want him to have dodge and after that? See where I get taken. They need to be flexible players.

Slam: Which do you enjoy more: scoring or killing?

DrPoods: A blitz that kills on my way to a TD would be ideal. I suppose that I would prefer scoring. Sure I love to hear the sploosh , but it feels hollow if I don't get a draw or better. Killing feels great, but winning feels better. And to win you have to score.

Slam: Who's going to win Prem this season?

DrPoods: I am hoping Intoxicated Mayhem can pull it off. They are off to a good start and Erickan is a lovely bloke. But if not him (and it may well not be), it will probably be Slumbering Skink. Unless they choke. They will be up there...

Slam: Thanks for letting us delve into your fevered mind, DrPoods.

DrPoods: Thanks Slam. Look out SWL! The Sinners are on their way to stunning mediocrity!


Last edited by Karnov on Jun 08, 2015 - 04:16; edited 2 times in total
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: May 10, 2015 - 02:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Press conference of Mr Irwin R. Shyster of Shylock & Shyster Lawyers.

"Thank you all for coming.

Oh. There's no one here? Even better.

Coach Poods would like to indicate that his recall of this interview is hazy and unreliable. He further indicates that any comments regarding current SWL teams are not indications as to his thoughts regarding various coaches involved. Coach Poods informed me that while he truly despises each and every one of the people involved in the..."

(Whispering)...

"Ahem. Let me try that again.

Truly despises the teams involved, the coaches themselves are bastard... I mean "brilliant" people deserving all of the pain... Oh dear this isn't going well... "Potential" that their teams have to offer and he wishes them all success at some unspecified time indicated as "when hell freezes over."

No questions.

Thank you".

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Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!
Faulcon



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: May 12, 2015 - 10:34 Reply with quote Back to top

Slumbering Skink staff and players alike were left bemused last night when a legendary Crypt-o-Night Wight decided to 'Off' himself.

After attempting to fail a dodge he proceeded to make his lack of enthusiasm to continue absolutely clear by decapitating himself on a skink knee. Shntsyeooa who provided the pivotal knee took a moment to realise what had just happened before quickly moving away just in case the Wight was only playing dead. Reports from after the game indicate that Off did indeed stay dead this time and was thus not available for comment.
Karnov



Joined: Jul 14, 2012

Post 13 Posted: May 13, 2015 - 08:34 Reply with quote Back to top

From the Chokeland Gazette:

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH REROLL

Following on from the massacre that was the "Crookwell Crushing":

https://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=match&id=3682258

Coach Karnov has decided not renew his contract with the Chokeland Graders (which, coincidentally, expires at the end of this season).

When asked about the reasons behind his decision, the coach cited "fatigue, restlessness, and my inability to motivate the chaotically disposed."

Expanding upon that, Coach K expressed his disappointment that his out-of-the-box approach to team management failed: "I tried to do something a little different with the Graders. I tried to mix it up and challenge the norm. It was shortsighted and ultimately a fatal error."

Coach K will fulfill his obligation to the Graders and coach his final game against the Khemri of Gray's Anatomy in round 7.

Then, onto the unknown...
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: May 13, 2015 - 10:38 Reply with quote Back to top

What a humflinger of an announcement!

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"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!
Karnov



Joined: Jul 14, 2012

Post   Posted: May 16, 2015 - 14:10 Reply with quote Back to top

CENSORED

**end transmission**


Last edited by Karnov on May 18, 2015 - 12:01; edited 1 time in total
cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: May 18, 2015 - 07:21 Reply with quote Back to top

MATCH REPORT

Blue Mountain Dragons Conference LIX
Round 6: Griffon Gate Sentinels v Sphinxes from Mars


The game clock showed there was still a quarter of the match to go, but the situation on the pitch told a different story. The game was effectively over.

With a half time score of 1-1, the Sphinxes controlled the pitch for the entirety of the 2nd half, and had systematically moved the ball down the field whilst eliminating the Sentinels one by one. The winning touchdown was inevitable as the unusually strong 'Sorrow' held the ball near the endzone, surrounded by a group of determined teammates.

Iolas, Kantil, Xavier, Tanyl, the big names that made the big plays for the Sentinels, were back in the medical rooms. Felaern was prone in the Sphinxes backfield, trying to regain his senses after coming up short in a desperate attempt to even the numbers. The Sentinels run at the Conference title was in deep trouble.

Itham was already in the backfield trying to pressure the ball carrier, when he noticed an opening, it was now or never. Itham wheeled around, keeping his distance from the dangerous tackler 'Debaser', and charged at the ball carrier. 'Pictoglyphs of Lily' stepped across to protect his teammate, but Itham saw it coming; he'd practiced this in training many a time. He ducked, he dodged, and he flew at 'Sorrow', knocking the Blitz-Ra to the ground and spilling the ball.

Illianaro, who had ‘Debaser’ on one side of him, and ‘King Jareth’ on the other, noticed the ball had bounced free. He dodged away from the dusty duo and ran around to pick up the ball from under the grasp of ‘Pale Asathena’. He got it, and looked up to notice that Felaern was now standing all alone at the other end of field. Dodging away from his opponent, Illianaro was going to have to throw the ball as far as physically possible. He gripped the ball and gave it an almighty heave. A perfect spiral pass. Despite being less agile since his neck injury, Felaern was able to hold onto the catch.

The Sentinels would go on to run down the clock, and score the match winning touchdown just before time was up to claim a most unlikely and (some would say undeserved) miraculous victory.

Full Time: Griffon Gate Sentinels 2-1 Sphinxes from Mars

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Toonie



Joined: Jun 03, 2004

Post   Posted: May 26, 2015 - 16:05 Reply with quote Back to top

Toonie surveyed the action happening on the pitch, he watched as the drow ran through the drills he gave them.
They dodged well, their blocks were precise, they covered their opponents, made gaps in the defence and did everything he had trained them to do.
An exhausted Norseman approached the coach looking quite bewildered.
Patrician spoke softly to his coach, "Boss, I don't know what's going on but i suspect them of using some sort of dark magic. I can't throw a pass to anyone, they can't get open and when they do, one of those demons plucks the ball out of the air before it can reach it's target. Also that guy with knife has Irgy dancing around like a fool instead of laying the boot in like he's supposed to."
Toonie looked at his trusty thrower and said "It's not magic, they are younger, faster and more agile, they can also take a hit a bit better than you guys, I'm starting to believe that you guys are dead, just like the SWL Administration think you are. Even though they don't know a thing about Asgardian Portals and how you were all summoned before Odin himself and praised for your contribution to the game of Blood Bowl which he had taken a real liking to."
Patrician asked "So when are we going to get to play again coach?"
Toonie replied "I'm not sure Patrician, I'm not sure, but for now, I'll see how far I can take these guys, maybe they'll make it to Premier, then again only time can tell."

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Karnov



Joined: Jul 14, 2012

Post   Posted: Jun 01, 2015 - 04:57 Reply with quote Back to top

The Monday Inquisitor

Arch-Interrogator Punishmirror, blitzer for the Heralds of Ellfun, wrote himself into the SWL history books over the weekend with a ‘Larson’ (1 touchdown, 1 casualty, 1 interception, and 1 completion in a single game) vs the Axahuitl Travellers in the Heralds final Trial of Blood game.

https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=10636819

It was Punishmirror’s seventh game as a pro.

Ellfun the Antinuffle blessed Punishmirror’s performance with the gift of speed.

Praise be to Elffun \o/
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Jun 02, 2015 - 12:57 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Awards LIX

Welcome to the SWL awards for Season 59.

First the Bronze Awards, for outstanding performances in the regional leagues:

Bronze Ball: Bolgwan Softrock (Snowleopards) and Buzzy Bee (Cavaliers)
Bronze Knuckledusters: “Shake it Off” Halford (Blackwater Glee Club)
Bronze Slipper: Separate Simon (Orcs for Correct Spelling)
Bronze Arrow: Chocolate Fish (Kiawana Cavaliers)
Bronze Boot: Greenfingers (Soylent Greenstars)
Bronze Shield: Vinnie Ventura (Cocksville Blockers)
Bronze Boomerang: Hoover Widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards)
And the Bronze Twahnlow goes to Buzzy Bee, the Catcher from Kiawana Cavaliers! (Controversy there, with many tipsters suggesting that Softrock was unlucky to miss out).

The Silver Awards are hard fought, with three Conference leagues meaning tough competition for spots:

Silver Ball: Ghoulhardy (Error 404 afterlife not found)
Silver Knuckledusters: Foul Frank (SWL Fun Police)
Silver Slipper: Ghoulhardy (Error 404 afterlife not found)
Silver Arrow: Kantil (Griffon Gate Sentinels) – back-to-back!
Silver Boot: Ethmoid (Gray’s Anatomy)
Silver Shield: Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found)
Silver Boomerang: Viola (Wings of the Condor)
And the winner of the Silver Twahnlow is Viola, Elf Catcher from the Wings of the Condor, continuing the success of Season LVIII in Reggies and showing that the step up to Conference was an easy one.

And now to the cream-of-the-cream. The SWL award winners, the best of the best from Premier League Season Fifty-Nine are:

*drumroll*
The Disco Dan Ball: François Englert (Large Head-on Colliders) with 10 TDs
The Replacements Knuckledusters: Vrong Glenfiddich (Intoxicated Mayhem) with 8 CAS
The Xies-ler-aym Slipper: The Abdominal Snowman (Malapropism Mania) with 180 Rushing – Back-to-back!
The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow: Borgan Bollinger (Intoxicated Mayhem) with 34 Passing
The John Stone Boot: I know this road like a house of fire (Crypt-O-Night) with 16 Fouls
The Eth’el Shield: Axoc (Sotek Sacred Spawning) with 74 Blocks
The Emilio Luthien Boomerang: Borgan Bollinger (Intoxicated Mayhem) with 6 completions


...And so, to the moment we've all been waiting for. The Duke Snakefield Medal is awarded each year to the SWL Premier League's best all-round performer. It was a strong field in LIX, as it always is, but without further ado we proudly announce...

The Season 59 Duke Snakefield winner is... François Englert, Bull Centaur of the Premiership Champions: Large Head-on Colliders.

A fitting tribute to a star player on a champion team!

Thank you all, see you again for the All-Star team announcement soon to come.

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Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jun 03, 2015 - 09:28
FUMBBL Staff
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Regionals
Image Three players lasted 114 turns and take the Bronze Heart: Harry 'Sunderer' Harrlson, 'Bazooka' Helbourne of Warpsend Wanderers, and Tab Festering of Soylent Greenstars.
ImageThe Bronze Fist goes to Stud the Oak the Athel Loren Lovers tree.
ImageThe Bronze Strongarm goes to Chocolate Fish of Kiwiana Cavaliers

Conferences
Image The Silver Heart goes to Raefer Kisman III the Asha'maniac dwarf blitzer
Image The Silver Fist is won by Thing One, a Freezy Trees berserker
Image Kantil a thrower with Griffon Gate Sentinels collects the Silver Strongarm

Premier
Image The Touchstone Heart goes to sneutrino a Hobgoblin of Large Head-on Colliders with 114 turns
Image The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist goes to Dubelzplz (RIP) the Sotek Sacred Spawning krox with 3 Cas from only 7 blocks (sorry for the earlier error - and for your loss)
Image The Duskwind Strongarm to Borgan Bollinger of Intoxicated Mayhem for hurling the ball 34 yards from 6 successful throws.

No Gloves awarded in SWL this season.


Last edited by ramchop on Jun 04, 2015 - 03:16; edited 1 time in total
Tyra_Nid



Joined: Mar 17, 2009

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2015 - 02:34 Reply with quote Back to top

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist for this season is awarded posthumously to Dubelzplz (from the Spawning, not the Skinks), as he was murdered by Vrong from Intoxicated Mayhem in game 5.
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2015 - 12:31
FUMBBL Staff
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The Season LIX Twanhlows awards night was a typically chaotic and drunken affair. The Stars and Legends spent the night shouting about how great they were, taunting rivals with their latest trophies.

As the night dragged on, the no names in the back grew ever more intoxicated and weary of the antics of the heroes of the game. No acknowledgment of their team mates nor even a nod to the great God Nuffle. It was all me, me, ME!

“I thought Blood Bowl was meant to be a team game!”, a slightly whiny voice hollered from the back row. A sudden hush descended upon the crowd.

“Get im!” – the trophy wielding Stars charged at the unsuspecting Journeyman. Knuckles bashed him, Strong arms threw him against the wall, Boots came in to finish him off. “Wait!” – called a Star of the Fun Police, “Let me do it”. The Journeyman felled, was then beset by Nurgle’s Rot, and reluctantly rose to his feet. A great cheer erupted from around the Hall as the Stars got stuck in for Round 2.

Meanwhile, at a corner table, a debate had arisen. The Journeyman’s ill advised whine had not gone unnoticed, and pens were a-scribbling on napkins, fingers counted, and lists compiled. A member of the awards sub-sub-committee nervously stood from his chair.... “excuse me... we have some more.”

The Unofficial SWL Season LIX Team Awards!

Reggies:
Turns (1146): deities of dodge
Completions (20): Kiwiana Cavaliers
TDs (18 ): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Cas (23): Orcs for Correct Spelling & Soylent Greenstars
SPP (126): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (54): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Rushing yards (268): Port Macquarie Snowleopards & Orcs for Correct Spelling
Blocks (368): deities of dodge
Fouls (13): Ogrepaid Ogresexed Ogrehere
Blocks/Cas (11.6): Athel Loren Lovers
Pass/Cp (3.38 ): Hostile Kiddies IV
Kills (7): Soylent Greenstars

Conferences:
Turns (1146): Asha'maniac
Completions (37): Wings of the Condor
TDs (19): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Cas (35): SWL Fun Police
SPP (142): Wings of the Condor
Passing yards (84): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Rushing yards (305): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (405): Gray's Anatomy
Fouls (44): Error 404 afterlife not found & Sphinxes from Mars
Blocks/Cas (7.9): SWL Fun Police
Pass/Cp (5.4): Horrors Of Skye
Kills (7): Crookwell Green Devils

Premier:
Turns (1148 ): Large Head-on Colliders
Completions (14): Mexican Standoff
TDs (12): Slumbering Skink
Cas (28 ): Malapropism Mania
SPP (118 ): Malapropism Mania
Passing yards (44): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (224): Malapropism Mania
Blocks (350): Intoxicated Mayhem
Fouls (44): Crypt-O-Night
Blocks/Cas (12.3): Malapropism Mania
Pass/Cp (4.6): Intoxicated Mayhem
Kills (4): Malapropism Mania & Intoxicated Mayhem


Last edited by ramchop on Jun 05, 2015 - 12:23; edited 1 time in total
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