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DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 01, 2015 - 14:10 Reply with quote Back to top

"The Hatchet Man gazed out across the blasted landscape.

Soon they would come. They would battle their way across the landscape, bruised and bloodied, with those that were weak left to try as the might to survive another night. The blood would flow and the crowds would roar as the snap of bone and the thud of wet flesh rang out through dusty and ramshackle stadia.

The Hatchet Man knew this.

And was pleased..."


Do you dare enter?

_________________
"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!
Samaranthae



Joined: Aug 30, 2006

Post   Posted: Jul 03, 2015 - 15:22 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Grumpsh has caused controversy during the post match interview and may be fined for bringing the game into repute.

When asked if Cabbapult is being unfairly targeted by the ref's he was charactaristically candide.

"Well you tell me? We have a player in his prime, bringing in consistant casualties, who has been fouled off in the first turn of his last 4 games. We even tried bribing the refs and all it bought him was one extra turn before they sent him off."

"Are you suggesting the ref's are corrupt?"

"No i'm suggesting their not corrupt enough. We're willing to buy them but where Cabbapult is concerned they seem to be more concerned with the actual rules."

SWL officials will be looking into whether the allegation that the Ref's may in fact have enforced the rules of the game. The insinuation however of some ref's possessing integrity is obviously slanderous and Coach Grumpsh will be lucky to escape a hefty fine.
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 04, 2015 - 02:15
FUMBBL Staff
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Two factions have been established in SWL Season LX.

Image
The High Elf Regional Office for Excellence in Scoring. Created to promote the true Elven way of Blood Bowl and the removal of the violence and hooliganism that plagues the league.

Image
DIBBL Invaders. Them pricks from across the ditch.

To celebrate the emergence of these two groups, a tournament has been set up within the framework of the SWL. Seven games will be played, and a clear winner will be gifted with a truly awesome trophy (sponsor and competition name expected to be announced shortly).

Schedule:
Image Mexican Standoff 1 - 2 Image Freezy Trees

Image [SWL] Jeagers 0 - 1 Image Madness Mountain Misery

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels vs Image Warpsend Wanderers

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels vs Image Freezy Trees

Image [SWL] Jeagers vs Image Nemesis Demons

Image Mexican Standoff vs Image Warpsend Wanderers

Image Heralds of Elffun vs Image deities of dodge

1 point for a win, 0.5 for a draw, 0 for a loss.

The Invaders have taken an early 2-0 lead. Will the HEROES be able to claw back and take the title?

I'm getting me a team contest whether you want one or not Laughing
BeefyGoodness



Joined: Nov 25, 2003

Post   Posted: Jul 04, 2015 - 04:47 Reply with quote Back to top

Malapropism Mania Fan Bulletin

Coach Beefygoodness has declined to comment on the Abdominal Snowman's achievement of legendary status for the team.

Other coaching staff have described A.S. character as the very pineapple of politeness, a centaur of great statue in the bloodbowl community and not one to be band stamping for himself.

It has been inferred that coach BeefyGoodness sees only doom associated with praising his players and that his silence can be seen as a ringing endorsement of this singular achievement in the team, and that he wouldn't want to put an alcatraz like that around his star players neck.

As fans of the team and our special star player we can hope that he and the team keeps on keeping on, and that an SWL title isn't a pigment of their imagination.

_________________
Tomay - Malapropism Mania – Poor Beefy hasn’t had much luck, however as a cheese dorf coach he doesn’t deserve it.

Go the Count!
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 06, 2015 - 10:39
FUMBBL Staff
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Wastepac Team Challenge

"... and with that The Wastelands Pachyderm Banking Corporation reaffirms its commitment to Blood Bowl in the SWL."

There was a smattering of applause at the end of this lengthy speech. Cobber Ponzi, Wastepac CEO, stood at the podium awaiting the first question. He was taken aback as the first reporter queried the very low prize money to be awarded to the winning team compared to the exorbitant entry fee.

"Struth!", retorted Cobber. He was quite pleased with this response. Succinct and to the point, neatly spelling out his view on the matter. He's was thus a little surprised as his answer was not followed with another question, but instead an awkward silence. So he decided to elaborate.

"Look, the High Elves are happy. They were quite content with the entry fee. They see this not as an expense, but as an opportunity. Yes, they're flush with money, so it's a mere pittance to them. But the point is they haven't won anything of note.... ever! This is a big chance for them. I'm confident that the H-..", Cobber paused to stifle a laugh, "... I'm confident that the HEROES will take it to the Intruders, and comfortably win this contest".

Applause rang out from one side of the room, but was matched by a loud grumbling on the other.

"As for that other lot - of course they can't afford the entry fee. But we didn't become the 4th biggest bank on the Deserted Isles without excelling at customer service. We offered them a special maximal interest deal which allowed them to compete in this exclusive tournament. And just look at how excited they are about it. No longer will they clutch at the coat tails of long gone ancient teams. It's time for them to rise again. And once they win this competition, as I'm sure they can, the very generous prize money will more than match the first interest payment due on their loan. Everybody wins!!!"

Again there was a round of applause.

The following question was about the trophy. Why had the sponsors shunned the traditional precious metals in favour of a rather fragile looking "cutting edge" technology known as Plastique?

"Struth!" exclaimed Cobber, as he stormed from the podium.

Image


Last edited by ramchop on Jun 06, 2016 - 07:59; edited 1 time in total
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 06, 2015 - 10:57 Reply with quote Back to top

Meanwhile... At the St Killa training session...

"Righto lads. We got back to back Vamp matches comin' up".

"Hooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllll".

"Indeed Robbie. As you so eloquently said, "Those cads are intrinsically linked with devious machinations and physical prowess" and we shall have to be at our best".

"Hooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllll".

"Thank you Robbie. Now we are looking stronger. We have some funds available and, better yet, a bench!".

"Hooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllll".

"Well of course our economic austerity has lead to impressive gains in the fiscal reserves..."

"Hooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllll".

"Yes... Well... Be that as it may, we have a great chance to get some results here and I expect performances."

"Rawr".

"Shut up".

_________________
"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!


Last edited by DrPoods on Jul 06, 2015 - 16:50; edited 1 time in total
cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 06, 2015 - 14:25 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

Sorry for the unexpected delay, and welcome back to the inaugural induction ceremony of the
SWL HEROES HALL OF FAME

Our 2nd inductee (of 4) is a LineElf of amazing tenacity and longevity. He holds the record for most SWL High Elf games, and is a 3 time Replacemnt Knuckles winner.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next of the inaugural HEROES Hall of Fame inductees is:


Convulse
from the team Agitate.
ImageImageImageImage

Please visit the HEROES home page to see Convulse's full profile.

_________________
Image
Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.


Last edited by cdwat on Jul 07, 2015 - 12:40; edited 1 time in total
Daudy



Joined: Aug 28, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 06, 2015 - 15:10 Reply with quote Back to top

WEEEEE WOOOO WEEEEE WOOOO

The Fun Police are in Town!

PSA "welcomed" SWL's finest ensurers of fun to the pitch this Monday evening. Rumour had it that the PSA were being investigated for fun crimes such as scoring, which are heavily monitored as potential signs of the anti-fun movement's influence.

After a thorough investigation, no less than 6 PSA players were taken in for further investigation. 5 of these players were released without charge, whilst Burden, the #6 jersey wearing player on the team, was kept for further questioning. Given the Fun Police's thorough investigation techniques, it is assumed Burden has ended his career and taken a trip with his family down to the lakeside burdened down by a few rocks.

Thankfully, PSA received a passing mark overall from the Fun Police, and will freely continue to play on in a manner deemed appropriately fun.
cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 08, 2015 - 10:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

Welcome back to the inaugural induction ceremony of the
SWL HEROES HALL OF FAME

Our 3rd inductee (of 4) is unfortunately a posthumous induction. This Thrower played only 51 games in the SWL, but in the process broke all the passing records in style.

A two time SWL All-Star, it gives me great pleasure to announce that the next of the inaugural HEROES Hall of Fame inductees is:


Tuco Noriaga
from the team Mexican Standoff.
ImageImageImageImage

Please visit the HEROES home page to see Tuco's full profile.

_________________
Image
Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.
cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 14, 2015 - 16:09 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

Well, here we are folks, at the end of the inaugural induction ceremony of the
SWL HEROES HALL OF FAME

Our final of the 4 inductees is again a posthumous induction. Looking solely at the stats, some would question the choice of this Blitzer, but stats aren't everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce that the final of the four inaugural HEROES Hall of Fame inductees is:


Beat II
from the team Agitate.
ImageImageImageImage

Please visit the HEROES home page to see Beat II's full profile.

That concludes the formal part of the presentation.
Thank you for your attendance and see you at the after party.

_________________
Image
Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.
Daudy



Joined: Aug 28, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 16, 2015 - 16:54 Reply with quote Back to top

PSA: History in the Making!

After a period of dreary weather and some tight scheduling, saw the 6th meeting between SWL stalwarts Wonga Wonga Whalekillers and Public Service Announcement. Games between the two sides and coaches had traditionally always been close. WWW and PSA had until that point competed for a 2/2/1 result in favour of PSA, whilst the coaches had split a win each in the College 7s league.

The game itself turned out to be a fairly stodgy affair, with not a lot of style. Two seemingly tired teams pushed each other around. At one stage, PSA threw no fewer than 16 dice of blocks for no knockdowns, whilst the Whalekillers were largely just as insipid when it came to hitting PSA ballcarriers.

One of the highlights from PSA's point of view was star player Boomer Ezaisson blowing his own kneecaps off very early in the game with one of his bombs. The biggest talking point of the first half however, was a guaranteed score for the WWW (who had controlled the ball very well the whole half) turned into a non-event. One Whalekiller had unsuccessfully thrown a block at a PSA player, and the Whalekiller ball carrier was so enraged he took time off to verbally assault the assailant instead of scoring. By the time the silly Whalekiller had realised his mistake, time had expired and no score had been registered despite him being close enough to simply fall over the line.

The 2nd half was more of the same armwrestle, but PSA through Night Patrol were able to only just squeeze out a score late in the game to win 1-0. In a blind rage, the Whalekillers then proceeded to cripple a beastman and kill a warrior in junk time. Luckily, PSA's team nurses were able to save the warrior and he will continue to play for them in the league.

This otherwise unassuming game (or as some pundits called it, "an important game if it were 2013"), marked a big milestone for PSA. It was the team's 95th game (Whalekillers' 140th), but more importantly, marked PSA's 50th win in all competitions. The team's record now stands at an acceptable 50/22/23, and they will be looking towards other future milestones.
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 17, 2015 - 08:07
FUMBBL Staff
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Image
Team Challenge - Round 4

The door to the corporate box at Sentinel Stadium slammed behind him as Cobber Ponzi, CEO of Wastepac, entered the room. After glancing at the scoreboard and down to the field he sidled up to the Media Director. "1-1 eh? Looks like I missed a nail biter. What's a draw do to the tournament standings?"

"Draw?", came a bemused response, "it's not over yet!"

Cobber scanned the field again. Down one end of the pitch a solitary Norse lineman stood, ball in hand, chatting to the referee. Closer to the halfway line, the rest of the Freezy Trees players were in a huddle. If it wasn't a post game team talk, then what was it? "Struth! Where are the elves?"

Suddenly in the huddle, Clark the Yeti, lifted up a slight young lass, dressed in animal skins, high into the air. She, waved to the crowd, and blew them a kiss. The crowd cheered with delight. Then Cobber spotted him. At the bottom of the huddle he caught a glimpse of a lone High Elf lineman curled up in the foetal position. Clark thrust Sally downwards, feet first onto the cowering elf, he squirmed and avoided the full impact of the girl's studded boots. "ONE!!!!", roared the crowd with glee.

Up rose Sally again courtesy of a pair of giant Yeti hands. She gestured to the crowd, a quizzical look on her face, as if to say "What do I do now?" The look changed to a cheeky grin, before she was slammed down again. "TWO!!!!!", roared the crowd. You felt you could hear the poor Elf groan, impossible though, above the buzz of the crowd.

"They love her don't they?", grinned Cobber. "Where do they all come from? I thought this was meant to be a Sentinels home match"

"Bloody expats", muttered the Media Director, "They're everywhere"

Again, Sally rose skyward. She did a little jig on her Yeti hand platform. Followed this with a beautiful somersault dive back into the huddle. "THREEEE!!!!!".

"Quite prolific with the boot isn't she?", an impressed Cobber exclaimed, "Not very effective though" as he noted the prone Elf was still very much alive.

Up came Sally once more. She scanned the crowd, then performed a throat slitting gesture with her right index finger. But before she could plummet for a fourth time, the whistle blew from across the field. The lineman had scored, the match was over. Over the boos of a crowd disappointed that the carnage had ended, Aaron Silentbone, Loner High Elf, stood to his feet - a little dazed but unharmed, and made his way to the sideline.

Image 1 - 3 Image
Three rounds to go
Toonie



Joined: Jun 03, 2004

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 08:57 Reply with quote Back to top

Things had been quite busy around the place.
The workers had just finished doing the upgrades to the Asgardome.
The new uniforms had shown up, emblazoned with the new team logo.
The only thing missing was the sissy bunch of elves called the High Street Dandies.
Toonie addressed the Angry Asgardians, "Looks like those high elves have gotten cold feet, typical from a bunch of wannabes coached by a slacker like Luohghcra!"
The Asgardians roared out in laughter.
Toonie said "Guess they are scared of facing a team that has a passing game to rival any elven team and they call themselves Legends?"
Patrician spoke up "Well coach, we're ready and raring to go, hopefully they can grow a spine and give the crowd what it wants, the might of the Asgardians taking the filed once more!"

_________________
Image
DustBunny



Joined: Oct 14, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 09:56 Reply with quote Back to top

Memo From The Sports Desk
Coach DustBunny has been spotted in a down town tavern of ill repute clearly engaged in a pre-emptive celebratory bender. In between bouncing Halfling lasses of dubious morality between his knees he is quoted as saying "I'm the <censored> champion!! <illegible yelling and rambling> have to play the next *hic* two games and I'll still <censored> all you <censored> in this <illegible> regional!". When pressed for more information he stated "I mean sure <illegible> I'm going to play the games any*hic*who. I mean <censored> how else am I going to <censored> prove my superi-briety!". Further questions around tonight's match with the Banner of the Black Stag elicited the response "Those sexy naked muscle <censored> with their big <illegible and censored> ain't gunna know what <censored> me! I mean them. <censored> in a corset". The only closing statement he was willing to give was "Wanna come to the <censored> race track?! My buggy tol' me 'bout a shure thing! Just bet on the bull centaur wish the <illegible> swinging <censored>".

The sports desk will be on site for what is sure to be a memorable match later this evening.

_________________
[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny
Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 12:36 Reply with quote Back to top

Meanwhile, in the tea-room adjoining Fabios Finely Fabulous Fabrics...

"...so I took his cravat, and dragged it through his soup!" The crowd of fawning sycophants laughed obligingly as Lord Debenham finished his amusing anecdote with a gracefully disdainful flick of his burnished locks.

A commotion at the door drew the Lord's attention.

"Lord Debenham! Lord Debenham!" Darien, Debenhams newest (and most irritating) valet burst upon the bevy of admirers and rushed to his Lords side.
"Bah! What is the meaning of this crass interruption, boy?"
Darien blushed, but carried on regardless, his excitement for the moment overriding his natural (and entirely justified) sense of inferiority. "It's a wondrous tale, milord! It seems there are some Norsemen in town, and they claim to be fans of a Bloodbowl team from your old league!"
"Yes?" Debenhams tone could have curdled milk.
"Well, the team, the... Asgardians I think? They are parading about in 'new uniforms' and boasting that they are better dressed and better passers than any elves!"
Lord Debenham pushed the boy rudely aside as he sprang to his feet.
"Clothed Norsemen?! This I must see! Gather the lads, it's time to get back to the pitch!"

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