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SWLpearls



Joined: Aug 21, 2015

Post   Posted: Aug 26, 2015 - 10:01 Reply with quote Back to top

The tall one finished tallying the next lot of stones. "The next two players have exactly the same," he said "they are
François Englert and Viola."

Again everyone murmured in agreement. This show of unity amongst the masked coaches was short lived, with the mayhem that was to unfold when the fourth name was read out.
SWLpearls



Joined: Aug 21, 2015

Post   Posted: Aug 27, 2015 - 10:44 Reply with quote Back to top

"The fourth inductee", he said, "is Foul Frank"

The familiar murmur started but it down drowned with some gasps.

"What in Sotek?" said one in the corner, revealing more than he intended, "Foul Frank isn't anything! He isn't gifted, or enhanced! He doesn't even have skills that are uncommon on Nurgle Warriors!" There was a lot of agreements echoed. Someone else cut in "So what? He exemplifies everything that is wrong with today's game. He can't do anything but hit. Hitting is a part of the game, it isn't everything."

The arguments went back and forth, becoming more heated. Soon, a portion of the delegation stormed out. Many of them realising there was one more name to be read sheepishly made their way back in soon after.
Balle2000



Joined: Sep 25, 2008

Post   Posted: Aug 27, 2015 - 23:32 Reply with quote Back to top

"... so that's the latest mechanism for jump fouling with a steam roller."

A Dwarf reporter grins gloatingly at the camera.

*Channel BB then cuts back to the studio*

Okay, thanks to our correspondent over at the Dwarf Technical Fair.

Now over to something else.

Following Whalekillers coach B2K's extended vacation in the off season, and him only appearing to watch the final drive of the round 1 Glee Club match, the rumours have started circulating about what's behind B2K's recent absences from Whalehalla both in training and the season opener.

However, we here at Channel BB, have gotten our hands on something which might shed some light on what the Norse coach has been up to.

What we are going to play for you now, is what seems to be a leaked recording of a Flippers Jonasson show reel, accompanied what we understand to be the DÉBUT SINGLE from none other than the Whalekillers coach himself.

Unsubstantiated rumours has it that star musician Ziggy Gravedust have helped produced the single, and that legendary singer Shinpad O'Connor is on supporting vocals, but we'll let you, our viewers, be the judge of that.

Are you ready? You might want to fetch a box of tissues (or the vomit tureen). Here we go then... the world première of "He could not get to you - Ode to Jonasson".


*Your cabalvision flickers, and cuts to shot of Flippers Jonasson jumping to his feet to foul a Fun Policeman, only to be shoved into the crowd by three nurgle men. As a thick Norsca accent starts singing, several of Flippers greatest on-field moments can be seen*


Quote:
It's been seven matches and fifteen days
Since they took your life away
I'm drinking every night and sleep all day
Since they took your life away
Since you been gone I can try whatever I want
I can hire the runner I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy tavern hall
But nothing
Not even whale beef can take away these blues
'Cause he could not get
He could not get to you

We've been so hopeless without your leaps
Like a ship without a gun
Nothing can stop that bloody cage from scoring
Tell me Flippers, what do we do wrong
I could put my arm around every lino I see
But none of them are playing like you
I went to the apo n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said: crowd wouldn't let me come near him, no matter what I'd do
But he's a fool
'Cause he could not get
He could not get to you

All the flowers that you planted, Martha
In the ship yard
All died when he went away
I know that playing with snakes Flippy was sometimes hard
But you always gave it another try-ai-aiii
He could not get
He could not get to you
He could not get
He could not get to you
He could not get
He could not get to you



Wow... *cough* that's... something viewers... (and quite out of tune too). I think we all need a break after that.

We'll be back after this.
SWLpearls



Joined: Aug 21, 2015

Post   Posted: Aug 28, 2015 - 05:17 Reply with quote Back to top

"Night Patrol" was the final thing the counter said.

Most of the delegation who were upset at the fourth nomination stormed off as soon as they heard the noise.

The rest were left to discuss the next course of action. A wizard? A bomb? An old fashioned booting?

And so it was, the the five inductees to the Black Pearl List were unveiled. May they die young.

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 29, 2015 - 00:10
FUMBBL Staff
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Image
Team Challenge - LXI Game 1

The opening game of the Team Challenge was a glorious affair. The stadium was packed, music was playing, people were dancing. Not only was the red, white and blue of the enthusiastic fans of High Elvis out in force, but joining them were the blue and silver of the HEROES and the black and white of the DIBBLites. Last season's rivals united in supporting SWL's newest team. This was a happy occasion, a family friendly event.

But where were the All Sorts supporters? This team of old still had the FAME, but it was hard to spot their fans in the sea of high elf supporters.

The game was a good one. Full of elf BS moves, escaping diving tackles down a packed sideline to score. The halftime show was like nothing seen in the Southern Wastes for years. The cheerleaders and crowd sure know how to Rock and Roll. Their singing and dancing continued throughout the match... until near the end.

A collective gasp interrupted proceedings as a sickening crunch was heard. Mumble the Troll picked up his victim by the smashed foot and smiled as he dangled the poor elf writhing in agony. The foot seemed to be attached to the rest of Jailhouse Rock by little more than skin and gristle. Eventually the screaming of the catcher subsided as he collapsed into unconsciousness. The stadium fell into a deathly silence.

It was then that the Chaos All Sorts supporters were first heard. From high up in a corporate box, five well dressed individuals were on their feet clapping enthusiastically, their evil laughter echoing around the stands.
cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 06, 2015 - 06:09 Reply with quote Back to top

MATCH REPORT

Blue Green Envy Conference LXI
Round 3: Easy Mode Maniacs v Griffon Gate Sentinels


The Sentinels were torn apart early by the nasty 'Caging Chris' and the game was seemingly over not long after it began. That was until the 'The Ringer' got overconfident, and stood outside of the protection of his more robust teammates. Haemir saw the opportunity and skillfully dodged away from his markers to bring down the Hobgoblin ball carrier. That left Kantil to do his thing, scooping up the ball and lobbing it downfield to a waiting teammate.

The second half started with a pitch invasion that left Kantil stunned in the backfield. The Maniacs took full advantage, and before long the scores were leveled at 1-1. Heavily outnumbered, the Sentinels managed to hold on for a tie, with Tanyl doing just enough to keep the opposition out.

Full Time: Easy Mode Maniacs 1-1 Griffon Gate Sentinels
Statistics and Best & Fairest votes on the Match Report page.

_________________
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Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.
Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 09, 2015 - 14:50 Reply with quote Back to top

Director Albert look around the new offices of F.O.U.L. with a growing sense of something he vaguely remembered as being...pleasure? A certain warmth, anyway.
Merv shuffled in carrying a box. "Where you want me to put this one, guv?"
"Ah! It's arrived! To the Hall of Records!"
"You mean the shelf in the tea-room?" Merv asked.
"Details..!" Albert scurried off as quickly as a zombie can, leaving Merv to follow him more sedately.

Albert reached into the box the moment Merv put it down, and pulled out a bronzed trophy depicting an Undead Wight proudly holding a bloodbowl ball aloft in triumph.
"It's Dorian Gray, you see, scoring the last touchdown of the Gentlemen's Premiership winning season, back when it all started! I had them sculpt it from my descriptions and sketches - I remember the day like it were but a moment ago..."
"Aye, I was there too lad! 'Ere, I don't remember Mr Gray wearing a cape like that though..."
"Well, I took some artistic liberties of course. I think it adds a certain...flair" Albert said somewhat shamefully.
"Sure lad, sure... You want me to put it on the shelf, then?"
"Indeed, indeed. This will be but the first of many, my old friend. The first of many..."

Announcing the League of Exhumed Gentlemen as the first team to be added to the F.O.U.L. Hall of Fame...

_________________
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Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 11, 2015 - 04:00 Reply with quote Back to top

A thin, skeletal figure draped in a bone-white cloak limped into the Dark Tavern. It paused in the doorway, dimly glowing eyes scanning the room from the recesses of a ragged hood. It spotted a tall, solitary figure consulting a richly-dressed scroll, and nodded. Thick, heavy boots made a 'step-STOMP' rhythm on the floorboards as the cloaked figure approached the tall man; a dry grunt, and a heavy, foul-smelling sack thumped wetly on the table.

In a voice redolent of dust over sun-baked tombs, the thin figure spoke "I have come for my Pearl..."

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cdwat



Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 14, 2015 - 10:03 Reply with quote Back to top

MATCH REPORT

Blue Green Envy Conference LXI
Round 4: Public Service Announcement v Griffon Gate Sentinels


Nuffle seemed to be smiling on the Sentinels as Kai the Kobra opened the match by fumbling the ball. That small opening was all that Tanyl needed as he leapt over the line of scrimmage, pounced on the ball and passed it back to his own backfield.

PSA were on the back foot from then on, with Iolas joining Tanyl in terrorising anyone that picked up the ball. The 5-1 result was the Sentinels largest ever winning margin.

An interesting development came late in the game when Night Patrol charged on his own into a group of Sentinels where he was promptly smashed to the ground. Knowing that the SWL Legend had a price on his head, Kantil charged in and layed in the boot. Fortunately for Night Patrol, the apothecary managed to revive him from the fatal blow, and he got away with merely a fractured skull.

Full Time: Public Service Announcement 1-5 Griffon Gate Sentinels
Statistics and Best & Fairest votes on the Match Report page.

_________________
Image
Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.
Balle2000



Joined: Sep 25, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 14, 2015 - 14:35 Reply with quote Back to top

And now, the news...

Presenter: Today we bring you a story that's been on everyone's lips in the Wastes the last couple of days. There are several rumours and witnesses reporting that a recently deceased Norse lineman was seen buying a meal at a local fast food joint. Here's what one of the witnesses had to say.

Reporter: So tell me what happened.
Nurgle King employee: This ginger-bearded fellar with shades came an ordered one of our meals.
R: What did he order?
N: A whale burger, sliced potatoes and honey mead.
R: Yes that sounds about right. Can you describe this man to our viewers at home?
N: Yes, he looked a bit like Image
R: Crikey. Well, what do you reckon over in the studio?


*cuts back to studio*

Presenter: That's a good question. We honestly don't know what to think of this. Is it just a fan? All Norse - especially the linemen - look the same with those beards.

What we can say is that we have not been able to locate this person, and we cannot comment on whether this is just a lookalike or if it really is the former Whalekillers player.

But we would like to remind you viewers that the body of Flippers Jonasson wasn't successfully located after he was pushed into a frantic crowd of Norse and Nurgle fans last season.

We will continue to follow this case and bring you news as it develops.
Samaranthae



Joined: Aug 30, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 15, 2015 - 12:39 Reply with quote Back to top

Gday folks and welcome back to Talkin Bloody

We're delighted to be joining you from this new network after a lucrative deal which saw several Channels bidding for me to take my show somewhere else.

Controversy rocks the league

This weeks top story goes all the way back to round one. Allegations have surfaced that Star Player Silibili has been moonlighting as a referee. Silibili was lurking in the knocked out bin when he allegedly "got the ref", stole his uniform and then sent Obelisk off for supposedly fouling.

Image


Silibili has not been seen since the allegations emerged. A statement from his manager has been released.

"Silibili is taking time off to spend time with his family and is deeply regretfull of his actions"


Play of the Week

This play speaks for itself. Big blitz in turn 8 to turn the fate of Premier League on its head.


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Whoopsie of the Week

Image

well folks that's us for the week. Be sure to join us next time for more talkin Bloody.
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 16, 2015 - 09:27
FUMBBL Staff
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Team Challenge - LXI Game 14

Cobber Ponzi, CEO of Wastepac Banking Corporation looked ridiculous. The fat fanboy eagerly sat at the front of the corporate box awaiting the start of the match. On his head perched a silver cap bizarrely shaped like a boot. Stretched over his copious torso was a garish T-shirt a few sizes too small, a jagged woman's signature scrawled across the chest. In his left hand he held a blue and white flag emblazoned with the words "GO SALLY!", and clutched in his right - what was that? - a boot lace?

His underlings distanced themselves from this spectacle, this was nothing new, but today they kept even further away from the boss than usual.

Then the festivities began. On marched the Nurgle and Norse teams, and Cobber frantically searched for the object of his affection. Then he saw her - flashed up on the CabalVision Super Screen - came a photo of Sally with her trademark cheeky grin. Cobber leaped to his feet and somehow managed to both applaud and wave his silly flag at the same time. But his cheering was not joined by anybody else at the stadium. They were all silent. The Norse team stood side by side heads bowed.

Then as the realisation hit, his mouth froze silently agape. Below the still photograph was a simple "LVIII to LXI".

Cobber fell to his knees a blubbering mess, and sobbed.
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 26, 2015 - 04:29 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Grandstand Newsflash!

In hot news today, career retread coac DrPoods was sighted in discussions with Blood Bowl investors. A source informs us that this related to an investment in a new franchise in the cut throat SWL. The source told us that the investors were impressed by Coach Poods' presentation and he sealed the deal when he stated, "Plans are all well and good. But let's be honest here. My record is ****, my coaching is **** and my attitude is average. Just know what you are getting yourselves into!"

https://fumbbl.com/p/blog?c=DrPoods&id=17633

_________________
"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!
Samaranthae



Joined: Aug 30, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 26, 2015 - 06:44 Reply with quote Back to top

Gday folks and welcome back to Talkin Bloody

SWL LXI is over halfway done and the frontrunners are starting to emerge.

This week has seen a string of lucky plays. Some good, Some Bad. But we saw 3 really amusing examples of fortune. It just goes to show that sometimes it is better to be lucky than good.

Oops here comes a wizzbang!

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The Freezy Trees induced Wilhelm Chaney and Boomer Erikson against the former premier stars Intoxicated Mayhem. Now while a Wizards fireball will not hit someone on the ground a bomb will. Boomers first turn bomb killed Wilhelm invalidating 240k of inducement and making life hard for the Freezy Trees against a superior team.

This just in. He did it again. The very next day Boomer once again took out his fellow Wilhelm Chaney on the first turn of the game. Is there bad blood between the two of them?

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Speaking of Bombs

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This long bomb by Kantil of the Griffon Gate Sentinels went astray and bounced into the crowd. Was thrown from the sideline to the endline, was thrown from the endline to the other sideline and was thrown back in only 3 squares from where Kantil picked up the ball in the first place. All in all the ball travelled 47 squares in the space of 1 turn.

Ball Transfer

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Now for some good fortune. Here is a ball scatter gone horribly RIGHT for Bobs SWL Hunting Crocs.

Well that's us for the week. See you next time for more Talkin Bloody
DrPoods



Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 27, 2015 - 14:10 Reply with quote Back to top

A hush falls over the auditorium as the broken figure shuffles up to the podium.

As he exhales, a plume of blue-grey smoke wafts through the air making the first three rows of assorted elves start coughing. This makes the figure smile as he grips the sides of the lectern...

"Well. After having a sabbatical, it seems the lure of underachievement is too strong. But this time it will be different. None if that hyperbash. I can't coach it. None of that Elf crap. Can't coach it. Is there anything else?

Well, a massive salary and a ten year commitment from management has made my decision easy. I present my new squad to you scumbags..."

As the grizzled coach grins faintly a set of green blurs start springing all around the room to the shocked cries of the audience.

"Better watch out you bunch of ****** *** **********"...

_________________
"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!
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