Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
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 Posted:
Oct 21, 2015 - 13:24 |
 
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Toonie watched the lineman hurriedly get to his feet and move in to mark the opposition lineman. He saw the blitzer rush in from cover and deliver the hit, sprawling the elf onto it's back. Then the catcher took full advantage of the opportunity and raced through the gap into the endzone. The thrower moved across field faked the pass and then handed off to a rather agile blitzer who moved forward into a better position, where he delivered the pass.
The ball spiralled fast and true, finding it's mark in the catcher who scooped it in for the score. The small crowd rose as one cheering and whistling, Toonie spoke to his team, that he had brought to watch the game. "See boys, doesn't matter the level of game, whether it be the SWL, the Fringe or even a grassroots game in a backwater village like this, one thing remains the same, the passion for the game. Those guys out there aren't making big money, hell they aren't even getting paid at all, but week after week, they give their all for the love of the game. This season i would like to see the same passion when you're out there on the field and remember no matter the result, do it for the game, do it for the crowd, but most importantly, do it for yourselves!" The Midgardians spurred on by speech rose in unison and like a wave crashed onto the field clearing everything in their path. Toonie just shook his head and thought to himself "maybe i gave the speech a little too early". |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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Team Challenge - LXII New Entrant
In the boardroom of Wastelands Pachyderm Banking Coorporation, CEO Cobber Ponzi sat opposite a strange assortment of individuals. Dressed in an odd collection of cultural attire, these representatives of six different nations were an interesting sight to behold.
However, Cobber's interest lay solely in the two stacks of cash on the boardroom table. The smaller stack was unusual in its own right. While most factions balked at the entry fee (the Intruders were still paying off their loan for the first season), this lot were more than happy with the charge.
The bigger stack though was the main focus. Cobber had to work hard to internalise his trademark exclamation. He sucked air through gritted teeth...
"Difficult, it is", he started, looking the goblin negotiator straight in the eye. "You must understand that Wastepac is very much a domestic bank. Yes, we pillage, errr, assist a small customer base on the Deserted Isles, but our core business is at home in the Wastes. I'm sorry to say that we really have little interest in business outside of this sphere, so it will be very hard for me to get higher level approval for your inclusion. However, you have come to the right person.. and I am certain I can get you into the fold".
After the handshakes, bowing, and departure of the visiting dignitaries, Cobber chuckled loudly as he scooped the bribe into his suitcase. The Board had been looking for an angle to expand into offshore markets for years. This new faction just may be the key. He might even get a tasty cash bonus from the Board this year.
The Wastepac Team Challenge is proud to welcome ALIEN into the competition |
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Karnov
Joined: Jul 14, 2012
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Oct 22, 2015 - 06:28 |
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MAIMAMI VICE – Season 2 Premiere
Thursday 7pm – 9pm CABALVISION
Donny & Chico struggle to cope with Slam's death at the hands of illegal immigrant ogres.
The Gory’s have been working out. A lady of ample abilities joins squad. Stylish Cop drama. |
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cdwat
Joined: Oct 29, 2013
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Oct 23, 2015 - 11:00 |
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Welcome one and all to the ceremony for the second induction to the
SWL HEROES HALL OF FAME
At the end of each season, a single player will be inducted.
This season's inductee is a player that arguably should have been in the inaugural induction. He played from SWL 30 to SWL 38, after which he hung up his boots when his team left the big league.
A reliable thrower that left his mark on the SWL, and one of the few players to have a Twahnlow named after them.
It's my honour to announce that the fifth HEROES Hall of Fame inductee is:
Emilio Luthien
from the team REALLY High Elves, Speedballin.
Please visit the HEROES home page to see Emilio Luthien's full Hall of Fame profile.
Also check out the newly added Leaderboards and Hero of HEROES sections. |
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Proud member of the SWL HEROES
Bio template here. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Oct 25, 2015 - 05:25 |
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 A Season 62 Preview, bought to you by the loquacious beasts of the chaos voids, or so the voices in my head tell me.
Terence, before these rioting Norse get completely out of hand, please tell us something about the regionals this season.
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Well, Phillip, the Trial of Blood was a big one this season, eleven new squads are trying their hand in the regional leagues, along with four deemed unfit for the greater status of conference play, eight layabout loser squads stuck here from last year, and a surprise from the underworld to make numbers. That's right, Terence, three regional divisions!
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But does anyone actually care, Terence?
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They do, Phillip, tens of thousands of fans still swarm these games, and the advertisers love the naivety of them all.
Amon Regional sees four new squads, plus the usual losers from last season's conferences and regionals come to sulk a bit and then beat on fresh teams to improve morale.
 Port Macquarie Snowleopards. Rating 201, treasury 200k. They have stars galore and should dominate, but conspired to only win the one last season. These lesser squads shouldn't stop superstar Bolwgan Softrock so easily.
 Banner of the Black Stag. Rating 167, treasury 100k. A broken squad with just two wins last season should do better against the younger teams. Big superstar Grumnir will be trying to do it all for them again.
 Hostile Kiddies. Rating 163, treasury 200k. Another team couldn't win last season, in a regional! Couple of big blitzers as emerging stars may help, but you have to wonder.
 Easy Mode Maniacs. Rating 158, treasury 100k. Can't score for trying, not a single win last season, star blocker Caging Chris will do some damage to the young squads if nothing else.
 Tharsis Terrors. Rating 130, fresh squad. Ah, now here's a prospect for some violence, Delta 3-Hel an emerging star killer already, on a team with some wins in the trials.
 Dallas Drowboys. Rating 130, fresh squad. Looking to win their first game, good luck to them. Who knows with these rapid skilling elf squads.
 Nightmare Shadowcrushers. Rating 122, fresh squad. Also keen for a first win, have to score first, no doubt hoping to emulate Error 404 in a few seasons, but it's a big ask!
 Southern Warpstone Scavengers. Rating 118, fresh squad. Another team desperate to win, draw, or even score! At least they'll all play each other this season!
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You're sure people care, Terence?
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Yes, Phillip! The sponsors care! I'm sure most fans are just going for the laughs, but equally most squads here have their own dedicated troupe, and will gain more as they go.
Jetta Regional has three new squads, plus five of the more middling teams from last season's regionals, including some outstandingly awesome goblins who were totally robbed.
 Prancing Unicorns. Rating 193, treasury gone. Third season, home to superstar blitzer Luke Skywalker, it's time to dominate this one and move up in the ranks, hard for anyone but the goblins to beat.
 Nemesis Demons. Rating 165, treasury 100k. Also third season, not a great record thus far, may well struggle again, especially against some of the stars likely to oppose them.
Mad Midguardians. Rating 162, treasury bare. Second season, looking to grow in skill, fame, and maybe a bit of drinking money. Looking to improve on just the 1 win last season.
 Steel Fists of Dorugan. Rating 148, treasury 200k. Also young, a mix of squads against them, they'll enjoy beating up the smaller ones at least.
 Bribery and Corruption. Rating 144, treasury 100k. Scandalous cheaters, loved by all, everyone's pick to go unbeaten this season, endless capacity to amaze and enthral, sponsors welcome!
 New World Winers and Diners. Rating 128, new squad. Pure evil, beware, they'd eat their own kin as soon as score, but they've a good record from the trial and with time will surely progress.
 SWL Te Horo Avengers. Rating 127, new squad. Devastating form in the trails. While there's bigger fish here, could well surprise the seasoned teams and even challenge the feared goblins.
 Office Rats. Rating 110, new squad. Here's another looking for a first win, or even a full squad, after some brutal trials. Will enjoy plentiful inducements for their participation.
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Terence, what's this rubbish about those useless goblins? Are you on the take?
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Nonsense Phillip, everyone loves the B&C, beat the regional champs last season you know. 
Off Regional has four teams up from the trial, two big squads from the conferences, a surprise squad, and one total cellar-dweller.
Freezy Trees. Rating 186, treasury 500k. A lot of noise about how they didn't deserve to be here, but one win is simply not good enough. Huge team for the regionals, if only they knew how to use their runners!
Wonga Wonga Whalekillers. Rating 159, treasury 200k. These four-time premiers have fallen a long way, two legends remain in the big all-rounder Fish Oil Nilssen and ulfwerener Kegman Eigil. But not a single win last season!
Cripple Peak Stone-Stealers. Rating 147, treasury 100k. A modest team from days past has reformed to fill a gap in the rotation, good luck wrecking those big norse for us!
 Henson's Henchmen. Rating 130, fresh squad. Promising team with a long future ahead of them, emerging star blitzer Sam the Eagle hard to contain, pretty good trial record.
Black as Death. Rating 130, fresh squad. One of the better teams coming up, will struggle against the monster norse.
 Daemon Ex Tesserae. Rating 129, fresh squad. Flawless performance in the trials saw them take the ToB cup, many are expecting great things in future, if they survive the rigours of the regionals.
Urban Nightmare. Rating 128, fresh squad. Not the worst trial by far, hoping to out-muscle the competition, they're in for a few surprises on that note.
 Prisoners of Pain. Rating 126, treasury bare. Like these big boys, though after just one season the Ogres are still behind the rookies, and still looking for a first win. I can't see where they'll get it!
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I count 56 teams Terence! That's a record for the SWL, isn't it?
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That it is, Phillip, the administration is hoping to move to four Conferences next season, with a more stable Premier line-up to result thereafter. Times, they are a-changing, many will be promoted, few demoted, a great chance for everyone mentioned here to rocket through to the Conferences for a quick shot at the Premier. Ha! More like get wrecked by horrible monsters of teams!
--
Thanks Terence, that's it for us, back to your regularly scheduled bragging, threats, and intimidation on channelbb! Thanks to our sponsors, ... why does this say those useless goblins? Anyone? Who's responsible for this? |
Last edited by tussock on %b %25, %2015 - %07:%Oct; edited 1 time in total |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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Oct 25, 2015 - 06:52 |
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Dissection Report
Subject: FRankie III
Collected By: Yatulkurh
Due to the colossal size of the subject attempts to revive and subject to field tests were unsuccessful. The only findings possible have been through a thorough dissection and tasting sample.
Subject is what is known as a 'Flesh Golem'; a hodge-podge of sewn together parts taken from deceased players. In general the Flesh Golem displays moderately remarkable strength, and appears to be as stubborn as the average treeman when trying to push it backwards. This particular subject appears to have been formed largely of parts taken from Black Orcs. This subject has been classified as the 'standard' form of Flesh Golem and possesses no remarkable traits.
Analysis of the individual parts and how they are joined together indicates that certain specimens may be extremely flexible in how they can be developed. In particular it has been noted that the inclusion of a deceased Halfling or two as the 'legs' of the abomination would allow for it to trip up opponents attempting to escape.
A risk analysis indicates that the average Flesh Golem poses little to no risk to our High Elven brethren. They should be able to avoid these hulking flesh sacks with relative ease. Only the specially developed (as noted above) should prove difficult. Further test samples are required in order to validate these findings.
Taste testing indicates that the aged nature of the flesh does not give it an improved taste as is the case with cheese, Goblins, and fine liquors. Only with a liberal application of Dr DustBunny's patented Halfling-Style Hot Sauce was this specimen palatable. |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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Oct 29, 2015 - 03:53 |
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"You Idiots" screamed DDS "I told you this last week! The Kinder Surprises were for after the game! Not turn 7!!!"
"ahhh coach" mumbled Ubirr "but they looked so good, and things were going so well" he started to rub this throat "they really should put warning labels on these things." |
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Check out my fishing and camping blog.
The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.
GUARD CONQUERS ALL! |
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Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
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Oct 30, 2015 - 12:06 |
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The teams had taken the field, the Midgardians lined up in defence and the dwarfs from Dorugan were organising themselves for the kickoff.
Toonie looked over the opposition and noticed one dwarf seemingly standing on the field with a crutch.
He called to one of the assistant coaches "Oy check that dwarf out! The one with the crutch. See what his deal is."
The norse kicked off and suddenly the the dwarf lifted the crutch and pulled a cord and the noise of a chainsaw starting travelled throughout the stands.
Toonie watched as Flint Churnblade rushed towards his men, chainsaw raised and screaming a blood curdling war cry.
Churnblade swung down with the saw hitting Alfarin Beard stunning him.
Toonie quickly tried to grab the ref's attention "Oy Ref! Ref! That bloody dwarf has a saw on the field! Get him out of here!"
While the ref's attention was focused on a screaming Toonie, Asgeirr Hrosskelson sunk the boot into a dwarf slayer that had tried to pile onto the norse snow troll, badly hurting the slayer.
Churnblade tried again with the saw to take another norse player out, but Balder Frey's armour held out as the saw glanced off him.
But the ref had turned too late and missed Churnblade weilding his deadly weapon but caught a dwarf blitzer fouling Alfarin and promptly sent the blitzer off.
Poor Alfarin went off the field as well, as the foul had badly hurt him.
The norse started knocking the dwarfs down left and right as they tried to get at Flint Churnblade.
Sigurd Askr found a gap and like a crazed madman blitzed the saw wielder, resulting in Churnblade being flattened and receiving a broken neck.
The ref finally noticing the chainsaw gripped tightly in the dwarf's hands as he was being stretchered off the field, pulled a red card out of pocket and threw it at the prone dwarf while yelling "You're out of here!"
Toonie just shook his head and thought to himself "Bloody incompetant bastard"
After all was said and done, the game ended up being a 2-2 draw. |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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Nov 05, 2015 - 06:45 |
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Dissection Report
Subject: Corey Vilebone
Collected By: Z'odra
Subject was successfully examined and has been re-animated for further study. Large feet indicate that he may prove useful.
Pre-examination this subject was an average and unremarkable elf. While extremely agile the subject contained many genetic weak points, and did not display any of the hallmarks of a notable member of its race. Most interesting was that the subject seems to have earned the moniker 'Vilebone' in houses of ill-repute. Wandering tribal elves have been known to take a variety of names throughout their life, it is curious to know if he would have progressed to Rottenbone, and eventually FallenOffBone.
Genetically these elves are very similar to that of the 'High' variety, although taste tests reveal that they do not give the same buzz. Dr DustBunny's patented Halfling-Style Hot Sauce is an excellent match for a casserole made of Vilebone, and the recipe can be found in this weeks Wyvern Weekly. |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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Nov 05, 2015 - 11:19 |
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Memo From The Sports Desk
Deep from parts to which sane folk fear tread one of our wandering reporters managed to transmit the following message before expiring.
"The writing is on the ....all's here"
"Specifically it says 'First things first.. you're ...... with the worst i'll be stickin' pins in your head like a ...'in nurse i'll attack ... who slack in his ... fully packed with a ... rugged ..'"
"It has been signed off with ... ODB"
"Sources suggest that ..DB is none other than the malignant ....or blighting the Southern Wastes known ... as ....ust Bunny"
Our expert analysts have interpreted this 'writing on the wall' to in fact be a response to a recent police raid which was mounted against the reputable Coach DustBunny. When asked for interview the highly respectable and in no way intimidating or salacious coach simply had the following to say:
"We've shown the authorities the meaning of Madness. Whoever it was that snitched us out, you better run back to the Regionals"
No further comment was available as Coach DustBunny continued to partake of some of the 'sniffing salts' which had been found on the corpse of the officer who perished in the raid. |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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Nov 09, 2015 - 05:29 |
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Dissection Report
Subject: Cannibal Smith
Collected By: Yatulkurh
Post examination subject is missing several fingers, but has been successfully re-animated for further study.
Subject is a 'Ghoul' who was found to be part of a sting operation targeting Blood Bowl teams of ill repute. Examinations indicate that the average Ghoul is very similar to an elf, but not as agile. Interestingly their lack of any true 'life' renders them difficult to provide medical treatment to, while they lack the ability to reanimate that most other un-dead critters have.
This particular Ghoul was young and unremarkable. Despite being difficult to knock over, he was successfully crushed by The Beast.
Taste testing was limited to finger-foods. Generally unpleasant tasting, although the extremities were long and crunchy. Dr DustBunny's patented Halfling Style Hot Sauce once again made this beast palatable. |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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Nov 25, 2015 - 05:38 |
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Memo From The Sports Desk
Recent scandal has arisen surrounding a game played between fan favourites Madness Mountain Misery, and the deplorable Malapropism Mania. Speculation is running wild that the venerable and upstanding (even when he's lying flat drunk) Coach DustBunny paid off players of the Mania to fake injuries!
During their rollicking 1 nil victory over the Mania, the Misery managed to send no less than 9 players to the dugout to seek medical treatment. However all 9 players appeared in the Mania's next game against some other team of pointy ears.
Asked for a comment, Coach DustBunny fired a blunderbuss at our reporting staff. Medical treatment of the 3 injured resulted in a variety of fatal complications.
It is this reporters opinion that the rumours of corruption are totally unfounded, and that any further blunderbuss fire should be directed towards the bearded staff of The Guarded Djinn as opposed to the Tumbling Boulder. |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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Team Challenge - LXII Round 28-30
"KAMPAI!!!", Cobber Ponzi roared as another elf was stretchered off the field.
The CEO was enjoying the game immensely. Though not a fixture involving his new favorites ALIEN, he still chose to delight in the luxuries of the exotic lands. Rice wine was knocked back every time an elf scored a touchdown, or was squished, or... well, rice wine was knocked back at any excuse really. Two veiled women of indeterminate race tended to his every need, one currently massaged his disgusting feet, the other refilled his glass whenever it was emptied. And sat on a dish perched upon his copious stomach glistened the half eaten carcass of a duck.
"KAMPAI!!!", bits of duck spattered the poor Office Lackey beside Cobber as the final whistle blew. "DIBBL win? Struth! Wasn't expecting that. Bring us another bottle of sake Lackey. This Triple Header was a great idea. It's going to be a long night. Who's next VILLAINS against the HEROES isn't it?"
Cobber was oblivious to the crowd filing out of the stadium. The Office Lackey felt another headache coming on. They'd been through this many times already, but even when sober the CEO couldn't get his head around this fixture and its dual affiliations. He went to fetch the large sketch pad and a box of crayons, and prepared to try again. |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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| Posted:
Dec 07, 2015 - 14:48 |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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Team Challenge - LXII Tie breaker
Cobber Ponzi, CEO of Wastepac Banking Corporation stood over the nervous Office Lackey
"So, a tie. What happens lad?"
The Lackey stammered out a nervous reply, "err... it umm, comes down to percentages, sir"
"WRONG ANSWER!", boomed the CEO. As the colour drained from the Lackey's face, Cobber's own face turned red with rage. "WHO WINS!!!???"
"umm... ", squeaked the Lackey, "...Alien?"
"Good lad". Cobber gave the shiny new attaché case he was holding a loving pat and lumbered away whistling a happy tune.
Congratulations to ALIEN, winners of Wastepac Team Challenge Season LXII |
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