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DrDiscoStu



Joined: Feb 20, 2006

Post   Posted: May 26, 2016 - 02:19 Reply with quote Back to top

Further Conspiracy Uncovered
Wäŋa Times

It appears that totally-corrupt Tomb King Commissioner has deliberately leaked misleading information to this publication in order to damage our reputation as a reliable news source. Despite it not saying this at all during the initial press release, or the subsequent one, it now appears that season 66 (not season 65 which starts soon) will be the Borc Borc cup.

Confused? Who isn't? It is a MASSIVE CONSPIRACY!! But coach DDS is free to dominate those skinks!

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Faulcon



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: May 26, 2016 - 13:21 Reply with quote Back to top

A spokeslizard from Slumbering Skink was interviewed about some crazy conspiracy theories being spouted from a poorly educated backwoods reporter.

His only response was "Of course they're confused, they still think they're the champions. They are living in the past and having trouble understanding the rest of the league is now two seasons past them. It's not hard to believe they can't tell the difference between two seasons and three, they got stuck on one [title]."
tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: May 28, 2016 - 10:40 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 65 preview, bought to you by the insurance companies for the greatest player the SWL has ever seen, who's not at risk anywhere this season: François Englert, a well deserved break for the old Bull.

Season 65 is just like a regular season, only with a grand knockout tour for all divisions following it for those who paricipate, before season 66 returns regular as the Orc theories that everyone's out to get them.

--

We are out to get them, aren't we Phillip?

--

Hush Terence! How about those previews, rumour has it of a long-awaited clash of giants in the Premier division.

--

More than just the one, Phillip.


ImageSteaked were the runners up for Season 64 Premier, serving up glorious evenings out for the fans constantly slavering for more of this grand franchise's finest cuts. Grilled leads the team in making the mouths of nearby hitters water at the sight of them, tantalisingly out of reach until it's all too late. Can they get that extra star on their rating in 65? It'll depend how they stand up to the heavyweights coming to dinner, as compared to how the Champion Skinks and other Champion Warriors handle the same.

Rating: 215, 100k banked, same as last season. Elves they've shown they can better, just not quite so well as the champion Skinks but for a bounce of the ball here and there, it'll depend how both teams stand up to the others, not to mention those Orcs.


ImageAsha'maniac are back in prem for their 10th season (lucky for some). They were rousted out to Conferences for Season 64 and achieved an undefeated season there after the Error 404 squad got lost on the way to their scheduled meeting. They'll face the best here, and last time that threw their game completely out of shape. Time to show this squad are no pogos and can do more than just bounce. Powerful Damer Flynn, reliable Mazrim Taim, and tricky Raefer Kinsman lead a squad with four hulking blockers that will make moving the ball impossibly difficult for all but the best of the best, and here is exactly where you'll find just that. The unstoppable forces meeting the immovable walls.

Rating: 210, 400k banked, more than secure for some time to come, positioning will be key to holding onto the faster squads and they've an unusual amount of power for knocking the slower ones into submission. It's been a while since Technically Minded showed just what strong dwarves can do.


ImageThe Wäŋa Warriors are back! Took a leave of wild boozing after winning season 62, and still claiming to be Champions after not losing a game since (ignoring that Urn thing). Much to the wide-spoken dismay of the Slumbering Skink about the antics of teams with just one premiership to their name, it must be reported. They took a big hit losing a Maguk Blitzer last season, but Ubirr and Gunlom continue to lead them to victory after victory. This is the other unmovable wall in Season 65 premier division, 11th season greenskins, and it will face the same challenges as the 'maniacs, the contest of the two should be one for the ages.

Rating: 207, well over half a million banked, ten premiership rings still on the squad, they'll surely win some games, but can they win enough to make that eternal premier claim somewhat more substantial by taking another trophy? They certainly think so, won't shut up about it most days, and good on them for it.


ImageError 404 afterlife not found took more punishment in their brief drop to conferences, and despite missing games were simply too strong to avoid promotion. In devastating form for their 8th season, legendary Huge Axeman leads a team itching to claw their way back to the very top and stay there. Can they catch all these Elves, rip up the Dwarves, get anywhere against the Orcs who took their title, or the Skinks who've held it since? Their numerous fans certainly think so and and there's still such great potential for new stars to arise.

Rating: 207, still near enough a million banked, it must be said they're not the same squad that took the title in Season 61, though in many ways they're stronger for it, I'm just not sure that they can do it without the unique skills Ghoulhardy.


ImageMexican Standoff indeed make the premier division for the fourth time coming into their 17th season, but at what a cost in their final round of conferences, losing team leader Sancho and promising thrower Ricardo de Suza in the dying moments. Their huge fan base has urged them to leave their distinctive High Elven mark on another premier season despite it, and the team's vowed once again to claim their share of glory at the top with a grand display of the purest form of the game. They certainly have the catchers for it.

Rating: 198, treasury bare and needing more, they'll see some famous elves join them for their first game to even things up a bit, and from there have to rely on the younger stars in the team making up for their recent losses.


ImageSlumbering Skink come in undefeated for two straight seasons, headed for a third straight premiership title on the back of it against what could easily be their greatest challenges in some time. Legendary little Shntsyeooa leads with support of Llstrr and Strdthm and a solid cadre of diving tacklers to threaten the plans of even the most agile opponents. But they're not the only premiers in the Premier division for season 65, Error 404 and the Wäŋa Warriors both confident of handling them, and the two Dwarven sides will be much more trouble for them than last season's nest of Elves.

Rating: 191, treasury under two million, there's a few rookies in the team and less premiership rings than still carried by the other two champion teams, but more than one on them too, and that's not something the other teams can claim. Not yet, anyway.


ImageWings of the Condor are last season's repeat third place getter, all but winning the title against the Skinks until a last-gasp breakthrough. Legendary catcher Viola with Lyceres continue to lead a handful of experienced players and a constant circuit of journeymen and rookies desperate to lay down their bodies in service of the great one. What's more, it's hugely successful, this is the best run they've had coming into their 8th season and to nearly win the title was brilliant. Turning over the ball against some of this season's teams may be a whole different story, but easier or harder who can say.

Rating: 179, 200k in the bank, no problems on the horizon but plentiful Wizards lining up to help them take another shot at the title against the local wide boys. How they pull it off after that is pure magic, et voila, Viola.


ImageStriking Thunder Beards! have stormed their way into the Premier division in just their 3rd season, brushing aside some stiff competition to win their division first time in a conference, almost like some sort of elven team. Facing real killers capable of ignoring their famed armour, they stuck to the game plan and went undefeated, runner Forrest Gump doing the hard yards and getting the points on the board. Can it possibly stick? They thrived in conferences, could this simply drive them to greater heights?

Rating: 172, 400k in the bank, secure and confident enough, I just can't see how they'll punch through the top defenses on show in SWL Premier division season 65, but I said the same last season and it was their own defense that was too hard to handle.


--

Didn't you pick they'd go straight back to reggies with trimmed beards, Terence, this is the opposite of that! Look at those free flowing face facinators.

--

Thanks Phillip, but no one picked the Beards to go undefeated after entering a tough conference under strength, and they did it in style. It's surprises like that which make the SWL what it is, coaching brilliance taking young teams further than expected, a Legend or two carrying broken old teams to the title, or instead dragging them all the way out to the Regionals for fear of injury, who can predict.

--

Certainly not you, Terence. My turn I think, look at the Slumbering Skink and Wäŋa Warriors, both gone their last two seasons undefeated, both claim to be the Champions, let's see this season sort that out.

--

But Phillip, from last season the Striking Thunder Beards! are also undefeated, as are the Error 404, as are Asha'maniac, as are Mexican Standoff. The SWL's top eight teams lost just THREE games between them last season, and had THIRTY ONE wins!

--

So you're saying the elves are going to lose?

--

Who knows! They're elves! Anything can happen with them.

--

Join us for more previews of the Conferences, folks, this was bought to you by the under-writers for the under-writers for the ... how long is this list of insurance people? What sort of price was on that Bull's head for Nuffle's sake?

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almic85



Joined: May 25, 2009

Post   Posted: May 29, 2016 - 04:00 Reply with quote Back to top

Dingo Dave and the rest of the SWS come bursting into coach almic85's office and catch him bathing in his Warpstone 5000 Jacuzzi.
"Oh my god, we did IT!!! We finally made it out of reggies!!!" shouts Dingo Dave "No more cellar dwellers, we are finally on our way up from this cesspool."
"What really?!? But we weren't even top two in our conference? We barely even won 50% of our games? How could this be?" questioned the coach as he turned un unusual shade of white.
"I don't know" responded Dingo Dave "The higher ups must have wanted to expand the comp. It looks like they have 4 whole conferences this season as well".
As the look of stupefication left coach almic85's face and some colour returned to his face he stepped out of the Jacuzzi. "Well we better see what we are up against" muttered the coach as he opened up the season draw to assess the potential damage as the rest of the team looked on eagerly.
"No that can't be right. Not them up first. Last time they killed those two ring ins we brought along for the game" stammered the coach as the paleness returned to his face "Dave I think we need to get some more practice in before this game, but before that do you mind fetching me some fresh underpants".

When Dingo Dave returned to the office and opened the door with the fresh undies he noticed a shadow rocking back and forth under the desk and a faint muttering of "Not the Hostile Kiddies, no not the Hostile Kiddies..." and thought it would be best to just close the door quietly and meet the rest of the team on the practice field.

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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: May 29, 2016 - 05:47 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 65 preview bought to you by the teams not appearing in this season's conferences and coincidentally not facing our much beloved Fun Police, Glee Club, Eau de, Nightmare, or anyone with else with blessing of the fates once more.

Three again Terence? There's been talk of a fourth for a while.

--

With a few teams mysteriously dissapearing of late, and none on the fringes quite ready to come back (check season 66 in due coarse), the extra has GONE AHEAD LIKE FRED, Phillip. FOUR!

--

Well, it's about time. Seems as good of a lead in as any to tell us who's appearing, Terence.

--

Thanks Phillip, I thought so too when I wrote it for you.

Scola conference leads the way, and you might say this is the struggler's conference, full of teams that might have been demoted or have recently been back to reggies, but one of them will be promoted to premier next time around, and a couple of coaches are pretty keen on making it.

Image Eau de Toilet Rating 219, 400k banked. Solid contenders just short of making Premier twice now, ably lead by fast Flesh and lauded killer Made to Messure, they show some room for development yet and could well earn it here to go one better.

Image Prancing Unicorns Rating 216, half a million banked. Confidently lead by famed Luke Skywalker for their 6th season, this still growing troupe of greenskins should do modestly well against the sort of heavy company they can outpace.

Image Psych Lab Rating 207, treasury bare. Martina dauntlessly leads this, our oldest remaing team bar the champs, into their 26th season, and her own 10th! They had a rough time out last season, but the expansion means they get another around, and they'll love it.

Image Sphinxes from Mars Rating 189, half a million banked. Returning for an ancient 16th season with ever more smash hits, big Halloween Jack and brutal Debaser lead the dirtiest squad in the league, hoping to clear the way for the dusty horde that rolls up behind.

Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards Rating 185, 200k banked. Facing their 7th season, leading catcher Bolwgan Softrock and thrower Hoover Widowmaker smashed the records for their pairing last time out, if they can continue that play without falling to pieces they should at least stay up, and smash even more records no doubt.

Image Freezy Trees Rating 176, 300k banked. This leading baller Lorax took an injury at the end of last season, it may have cost them a trip to premier, and may do so again if the rest of the team doesn't step up for their 8th season. More than showing their age.

Image High Elvis Rating 175, 100k banked. The youngest High Elves in their 5th season are looking very mature indeed. Leading catchers Falling and Blue and thrower Don't make the perfect scoring machine, or rather do make the perfect ... ah never mind.

Image New World Winers and Diners Rating 167, 400k banked. 4th season bloodsuckers, still finding their way in the wastes, a fair record, but struggled last season. Should enjoy the inducement game, maybe time to recruit some more truebloods, eh.

--

Does more bloodsuckers really work on a team, Terence?

--

It does, Phillip, all the greatest teams abroad carry five or even six. Of course roster composition is a matter for the pleasure of the head coach of each team alone, making our own mutterings on the matter little more use than a skelleton's passing game.

--

Your mutterings, Terence, I'm the one everyone likes.

--

Moving on.

Karak-Varn FC conference sees a lot of young teams face a couple of old teams full of young players. One of them will make Premier, and it could be an early visit just like the originals.

Image Horrors of Skye Rating 197, 400k banked. 20th season team, much younger players, would've been demoted but for the expansion after a series of tragically permanent deaths for their team's group of greatest legends. A learning experience for team management and players alike.

Image Madness Mountain Misery Rating 184, over half a million banked. 5th season monsters from under the mountain with one of the best winning records ever seen in the SWL. How will they fare without leader Stonetroll, lost to the last-round lightning bolt? You've got to back them if they get a good start.

Image Urban Nightmare Rating 181, 600k banked. Leading baller Roundabout carried the team through a tough season and they'll like the look of this one better, their 4th could be their path to Premier, but the team wants to grow yet if they'll be competative at the top.

Image Autumn's Leaves Rating 180, half a million banked. These 11th season elves have some old stars about the place still, but most of them are just like a new spring. Not that such matters ever trouble elves, the team remains the same, and will win a few.

Image Necromantia Rating 178, 200k banked. Strange for this sort of squad, most of the older players are Zombies. Might have a bit of bearing on their recent struggles, or maybe because they're just in their 3rd season, but who can know such things for certain with the vagueries of NFL.

Image Altered Perception Rating 175, 100k banked. 2nd season, straight to conferences, now to try for straight to premier. Good luck to them, they wouldn't be the first elves to do it, and they won't mind the look of the competition.

Image Black as Death Rating 157, 300k banked. They say they have a team apothecary, I say he's not a very good one. Still the quest to build a more strongly competative team continues, watch for Lethan Morgan to rise above the regular stars in their 4th season now in Conferences.

Image Office Rats Rating 141, 100k banked. Beating badly after spending a season in a tough Conference, these rats get to spend their 4th season in another. Expect some real leadership to emerge and a few surprise wins.

--

Thanks Terence, there's a bit less wall-to-wall pain in these new expanded Conferences, by the look of it.

--

Well, after one of strugglers, and one of young teams, you have to know the next will be just that, chock full of mayhem. Two ex-premier, two big bashers from the conferences, and four up from the regions who fancy various methods of getting in their own licks.

Good, Bad, Furry conference is named for a team that persisted in the face of constant beatings and there will be beatings aplenty here, the fans love it, expect records to be broken.

Image SWL Fun Police Rating 227, 300k banked. In their 10th season, the team would love to be in prem against all that stand-there-and-take-it, but Gabriel, Roger, Scotty, and RedMaul will dish out the fun just the same here and soon be back dishing even more out up there.

Image Chaos All Sorts Rating 211, 300k banked. 6th season and starting to show their age, they'll be looking to develop their stars and get the whole pact back together, not to mention promotion if the big boys keep their heads.

Image Hostile Kiddies IV Rating 197, 100k banked. Giants of the local Human outposts, they can dish out some punishment, but struggle with turning that into regular results. Like most Human outfits, really. 7th season, remaining in conferences thanks to the expansion.

Image Daemon Ex Tesserae Rating 170, 300k banked. Capably lead through their lightning premier season by catchers Aymar and Vulwin, their 4th sees them return to conferences. I imagine they'll delight in it and show all these heavy squads how to score a few.

Image Southern Warpstone Scavengers Rating 150, 200k banked. Still firm in their declarations of making the premier promotion, this 4th season mixture is about to find out what regular premier teams are made of. Fun indeed.

Image Macarbre Morticians Rating 148, 100k banked. One of a few 2nd season team in the conferences, looking to challenge the Sphinxes' run of records for most foul play in a season, they'll no doubt seek some well-paid refs to play the bigger games.

Image Fatality 101 Rating 142, 100k banked. Taken apart by undead in the last match of their 1st season, the Fatality have had more than their share of it before their 2nd. Expect them to lean heavily on the inducments they have against the bigger squads here for better protection and a chance to keep building skill.

Image Colour of Money Rating 142, 100k banked. The rich man's pet goblins have paid their way up to conferences once more in their 5th season. There'll be lavishings of bribes for officials, secret weapons taking the field for them, wizard support, who knows what else Money can buy up here.

--

Not a great secret those weapons, are they. Goblin teams are famous for them to some extent. And why don't we deal better with the bribery and corruption rampant in the SWL, Terence, surely something must be done?

--

I'll get to that in the regional preview later, Phillip, Bribery and Corruption continue to draw the crowds to the games for the new teams in the regions.

We Fink Wer Orks conference finks it might be orks, but it's also full of amazons like the original team of that name, not to mention elves. I hope the orcs remember their most skilled tacklers.

Image Blackwater Glee Club Rating 210, 100k banked. Competantly lead by icy bashers Damien and Dan, and baller Dr Jones, they suffered a bit last season but grew for the experience. Obvious contenders in their 5th season, with steadily growing play options.

Image Sacred Spawning of Sotek Rating 194, 200k banked. These 14th season veterans, lead by legendary sacker Chuhui with swift little Tahua and brutal Cu, they couldn't quite handle the rush of elves in Premier, but on paper they're every match for our back-to-back premiers and will certainly return there.

Image Orcs for Correct Spelling Rating 190, 400k banked. Leading blitzer Roger and baller Pedro will have their work cut out for them keeping up with the neccesary violence in their 7th season. They've made Premier before, perhaps not against this lot.

Image SWL Jeagers Rating 182, 300k banked. These 6th Season High Elves find themselves facing much the same challenges for promotion as the last, having done the job of recovering from their good early Premier season.

Image More Than Ballgowns Rating 182, 300k banked. In their 3rd season these princesses have made their first step up, the ladies are full of confidence and smiles, but is their coach? It must be said there's not many top tacklers about.

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels Rating 180, 200k banked. The 13th season Sentinels have produced many great players through their time, and leading sacker Iolas exemplifies just that. A tight mix of skilled players should manage the competition well.

Image Banner of the Black Stag Rating 164, 100k banked. Legendary baller Grumnir continues to pull this mostly inexperienced squad through tight games for modestly capable results. They will find the going a bit easier in their 10th season with more variety to face and plentiful inducements.

Image Shiney Beast of Thought Rating 147, nothing in the bank. Just their second season, this trim squad will need some protection just to survive this season, but don't write off their chances of winning it if they take their chances.

--

Was that giant bunch of claw laden monsters at the top of every Conference, Terence? Shouldn't they all be up in the Premier?

--

It's quite possible they all will be up in the Premier for season 66, Phillip, after the Bob Borc Cup sees some unusual match-ups take the field as the sponsors and league officials seek out a longer break in our regular seasons for more commercial activity and getting the fans greedy for more action in the Southern Wastes League.

--

Seeing as I'm picking, Terence, the Prancing Unicorns are huge with that Luke at the helm, the Horrors of Skye are just too big, the Hostile Kiddies will show their unique spirit, and everyone loves the princesses at More Than Ballgowns.

--

Spoken like a true fan, Phillip. I leave it to the rest of the fans, who do you all think will take the silver cups and earn promotion to Premier 66? I can't hear you, by the way, this thing isn't a two-way connection.

Keep your balls tuned for the action getting underway very soon now in the Southern Wastes League Conferences, named for old reliable killers Schola, straight to the top Karak-Varn FC, rattishly persistant Good, Bad, Furry, and did eventually take the title in their 19th season We Fink Wer Orks.

Bought to you by the teams who gave it away, never give up, never think it too early, 3rd season title, 19th season title, or more than 20 seasons and multiple Premier visits without one, the Conferences will hone the skills every team needs to take their own run at a title, and create a legend in the Southern Wastes.

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Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: May 29, 2016 - 12:54 Reply with quote Back to top

Announcing!

Swansong for a Sphinx

The Death Rattle, Last Gasp, Final Farewell, Swansong March to end all Funeral Marches

Brought to you by the Good Folks at the Regeneration Army
All proceeds go to charity*

This is it, folks! The final, never-again, after-this-we're-done Tour for the Sphinxes From Mars!

The First Round of Final Shows announced below**

1. Eau de Toilet - High TV Nurgle. Repeat of MMM last season? Hope not!

Ziggy's Lowdown: "On any given Tour, there is inevitably that one mob of smelly layabouts, yeah? Mostly it's the roadies, sometimes it's a band of Nurgle nutjobs. For a while, this lot have wallowed in some pretty dodgy venues, right, but now they get to play with the Sphinxes in what is (basically) a Stadium more-or-less-Sellout gig.
Yeah ok, so the last couple of times they featured on a bill with us, they may well have outperformed, but we've come along way and I mean who has the best selling records here anyways? I reckon if that Messure fellow is off his game, we'll get in there with some high class hits and get the boots really stompin'. That outta do it."


2. Winers and Diners - The game that got away from us. Revenge?

Thoughts from Jack: "Well, last season we were really taken aback by this lot. I would agree with the pundits that perhaps we should have won, but in the end, we didn't. I think if we manage to stick to the set-list and avoid any ad-libbing (not looking at anyone in particular here, but Bones? He's a freakin' maniac sometimes, and not in a good way, yeah?) we should get the crowd on our side.


3. Prancing Unicorns - A Pearl up for grabs! Will we let the game get away while hunting the rebel scum?

The Coach: "Who? Unicorns?! Gods, they let anyone play the game these days... oh it's the team name? Why didn't you say? Sorry, Luke who? Look, is this someone's idea of a joke? I thought we were billed against a team of orcs, this sounds like an elaborate fantasy to me. Excuse me, I need to see a man about a droid..."


4. High Elvis - First of the elves. Big enough (if they don't get thrashed) that we shouldn't see a wiz. Knock on wood...

Debaser waxes lyrical: "Elves! Let them come. Let them come without wizards, and we shall see who the biggest show in town is. Well might they ask 'Don't be cruel', but there will never have been a fool such as I if we gave them any sort of mercy. Karma Man will get his Satisfaction. I hear he's ordered special boots for the occasion. Yeah, blue suede..."


5. Psych Lab - Rats! And rats. Ugh. I hate rats.

Karma Man (stoically): "Well. Rats. Can't say we enjoy playing this lot. All it takes is for one to lay under my boot though. One after the other, anyway. Can we arrange that?"


6. Freezy Trees - Again! Will the Norse get up this time? They'll be playing hard, but traditionally do not like a late season game against the Sphinxes...

(You can't stop the) Ziggy: "Hah, this lot can't get enough! Look, we love to play these guys, they always make for a top gig. I reckon they can't match us though, and will never be anything but a support act, right? Good on 'em for trying though, I mean really. Nah, I mean it, you gotta love 'em, they're like I dunno, puppies or something, right?"

7. Snow Leopards - More elves. Greenies, too boot. Would I like green elves to play? I would not like green elves to play. Not in a box, not in a league. Something something Sam-I-am... (Ed - This continues for a while. Did we break him?)

Debaser's analysis: "Dunno what they're doing playing a Sphinxes gig, genres are a complete clash. Who booked this gig anyway?
This lot do look crunchy though. I mean they keep track of their own deaths? Bit obsessive, maybe. Anyways, we're more than happy to help them with that..."


There you have it folks. The first stage of the Sphinxes final farewell. Get your tickets now, and receive a signed, sealed and notarised statement from Coach Luo himself guaranteeing that there will NEVER be another farewell tour, EVER!***



*All moneys raised in the Tour to go to the Retired Sphinxes League Club Communal Holiday fund. No refunds on any ticket purchases, even in the event of the Sphinxes not providing fun/music/entertainment or even showing up at all.
**Management reserves the right to change any venue/date/show/lineup/bill according to the whims and vagaries of the Head Coaches left eyebrow.
***Guarantee not valid in any State, City or Territory, except during Underworld Goblin Mating Season.

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D_Arquebus



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: May 29, 2016 - 16:08 Reply with quote Back to top

The Tattling Times
Sports Edition
- Chaos All Sorts


Being in the main a preview of the upcoming Season 65 for these Assorted Ne'er-do-wells and Emerging Stars of the Southern Wastes League.

Round 1: SWL Fun Police
One of the feared enforcers and founders of V*I*L*L*I*A*N*S, this game may make or break the season for the C*A*S out of the gates. Will the season be one to aim for Prem or just one to rebuild the team... cause against these Bad Boys even a win can lose you your team...

Round 2: Hostile Kiddies IV
A victory against the Hostile Kiddies in their return to SWL in Reggies saw a victory but at the cost of many a bruise and battering amongst the C*A*S. Coming off the back of the Fun Police this may well be the nail in the coffin of the C*A*S season hopes... echoes of Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire ringing in his ears, will D_Arquebus' dark horses be able to win this rematch?

Round 3: Macabre Morticians
Young team, but Coaches Tribalsinner and D_Arquebus have tangled many a time in the TT tournament circuit and in SLOBB. Tribal tends to get the advantage in laying a beat down on D_Arquebus' teams and sometimes following up with the attritional win. Coming off the back of two bruising games first up the All Sorts may be in all sorts.... of trouble with this match up.

Round 4: Daemon Ex Tesserae
Elves that flew too close to the Sun too soon? The last time these two met the C*A*S turned it on for an powerful display winning 3-0 and taking a CAS count in their favour for a change. 3 games of grind remains to be seen if there is anything left to defend against the talents Bob and his High Flying.. men?

Round 5: Colour of Money
Only one match before in Colours previous trip to the Conferences. An anything but conclusive match saw a victory to the C*A*S but honors about equal on beat down. Coming after the potential recovery match vs the Daemons and a tough first 4 games, the goblins have to be asking... will C*A*S have anything to play for except their namesake...?

Round 6: Southern Warpstone Scavengers
This fellow For-lorn team is starting to make a name For-itself... if only for their die hard optimism. But they get to play with the big boys now... the C*A*S have been matching themselves against these monsters for some time now and will plan to make this match up a resounding exclamation point of dieing hard for these rookies first time in the Conferences.

Round 7: Fatality101
The C*A*S have a decidedly avg match history against Chaos Dwarf sides... but these guys have a ways to go before they build the Bullocks the Colliders carrying about in their back pocket. The main up side for C*A*S is that these guys will also have to go through the meat tenderizer that is this division and particularly the Fun Police 2 games earlier. May be mopping up the pieces.

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DustBunny



Joined: Oct 14, 2008

Post   Posted: May 29, 2016 - 18:01 Reply with quote Back to top

Violence in the Conferences

An early Conference clash between the Madness Mountain Misery and the Urban Nightmare has erupted in violence. The 1-1 draw which saw the Misery and the Nightmare trading vicious assaults has finished, but the violence continues.

With the expanded Conference's of season LXV many academics had predicted that such violence was inevitable. Professor DustBunny (who happens to coach the Madness Mountain Misery) had this to say:

Well, when you let in any old rabble, of course it's going to get a bit rough. But never you mind, those of us of more refinement have survived tougher times. With greater refinement, comes refined violence. We will not be intimidated by these rabble rousing foreigners calling themselves A.L.I.E.N!

Initial reports have placed the death count in triple figures, with many pundits predicting that this is bad for both teams. Asked for comment a spokesperson for Wastepac CEO and sponsor of the event Cobber Ponzi had this to say:

Unfortunately the only teams which draw the dead in large numbers are the F.O.U.L teams. I do however refute that the body count is this high; this is pure media sensationalism! At most only 2-3 fans have perished during this match, and that was likely due to Goblin mushrooms and alcohol abuse! Wastepac are proud to announce that we have however come up with a new initiative to put more living bums in seats! We can't just have the dead watching the matches after all. This season we will see two Amazon teams clash in an event which Cobber has proclaimed 'will get the blood pumping even in those things without blood to pump'!

With the spokesperson salivating heavily, this reporter is forced to sign off.

_________________
[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: May 31, 2016 - 14:15 Reply with quote Back to top

In preparation for the upcoming announcement of the Decennial All-Stars Squad, the All-Stars selection committee have announced the shortlist of players eligible for consideration.

But first, some history.
SWL Season XLVI was the first season from which representative teams were chosen. In this initial format, a team of 11 was selected from each of the three tiers of SWL competition. Then, as now, there was a Regional Rising-Stars squad, a Conference Representatives squad, and a Premier Stars squad. But there was not, as there is now, a single All Star team selected from all SWL players at every tier.

This initial format, with three squads per season, ran in seasons 46, 47 and 48.
When the SWL XLIX Season concluded the announcement of the representatives squads was postponed and delayed and eventually cancelled. No team was selected from Season 49, and this absence of Representative awards would continue in subsequent seasons until SWL LV.
Season 55 saw the commencement of the All-Stars selection in its current format: the selection of three representative squads from the three tiers of SWL competition, and from these squads a final team of 11 players representing the most elite performers of the season.
We have now had 10 years of All Star teams selected in this way, and to celebrate both the ten seasons of All Stars, and the 25 seasons of CRP competition, the All Star selection panel have returned to their history books to decide upon a best of the best.
The announcement will be of a full squad of 16 players, drawn from the 66 players who have, over the past ten seasons been recognized as All Stars.
Those players are:

Lothario II, Athel Loren Lovers
Lady Maple Leaf, Autumn Leaves
Grumnir, Banner of the Black Stag
Damien 'Shake It Off' Halford, Blackwater Glee Club
Dan "Big Daddy Cool" Guido, Blackwater Sting
Edward Scissorhands, Brooklyn High Focus
Powie Strong, Chokeland Graders
Jubba Grindhauler, Crookwell Green Devils
Off, Crypt-O-Night
I Know this Road, Crypt-O-Night
Kate Moss, Crypt-O-Night
Mr Shuffles, Crypt-O-Night
Thavia Bitterblood, Darkstar Corsairs
Caging Chris, Easy Mode Maniacs
Made to Messure, Eau de Toilet
Ghoulhardy, Error 404
Huge Axeman, Error 404
Cabbapault, Error 404
Kantil, Griffon Gate Sentinels
Iolas, Griffon Gate Sentinels
Sam the Eagle, Henson's Henchmen
Skinner II, Horrors of Skye
Borgan Bollinger, Intoxicated Mayhem
Erigor Chabot, Intoxicated Mayhem
Uzthug Chivas Regal, Intoxicated Mayhem
Vrong Glenfiddich, Intoxicated Mayhem
Buzzy Bee, Kiwiana Cavaliers
Totally Tubular Tommy, Kowabunga Connection
Francois Englert, Large Head-on Colliders
Squark II, Large Head-on Colliders
Stonetroll, Madness Mountain Misery
Slam Melon, Maimami Vice
Abdominal Snowman, Malapropism Mania
Taken for Granite, Malapropism Mania
Tuco Noriaga, Mexican Standoff
Vivian Forseca, Mexican Standoff
Independant Roger, Orcs For Correct Spelling
Succesful Steve, Orcs For Correct Spelling
Hoover Widowmaker, Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Bolgwan Softrock, Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Laura, Psych Lab
Dodgy Dan, Redgum's Rodents
Dextrous Dexte, Redgum's Rodents
Gorgoroth Razor Talon, Sharp Force Trauma
Lus-ler-cith, Slumbering Skink
Shntsyeooa, Slumbering Skink
LLstrr, Slumbering Skink
LLtl, Slumbering Skink
Sdlss, Slumbering Skink
Strdthm, Slumbering Skink
Chuhui, Sotek Sacred Spawning
Axoc, Sotek Sacred Spawning
Gov Scumtini, Soylent Greenstars
Karma Man III, Sphinxes From Mars
Wild Eyed Bones, Sphinxes From Mars
Forrest Gump, Striking Thunder Beards!
Foul Frank, SWL Fun Police
Gangrenous Gabriel, SWL Fun Police
Huantza, SWL Hunting Crocs
Uaxadohi, SWL Hunting Crocs
Gypsy Danger, SWL Jaegers
GLaDOS, Technically Minded
Optimus Prime, Technically Minded
Ubirr III, Wanja Warriors
Viola, Wings of the Condor
Juan Turner, Woodistan State Dance Squad

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
D_Arquebus



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 01, 2016 - 11:08 Reply with quote Back to top

***hissing of static fades to what sounds like an infomercial for male "growth" hormone...then ***

Hello this is Xander Sassmund for ‘Blood Bowl 2 XS!!’ on Pirate Radio station, 2GB (Double Gulf Blowholes) and with me today is Coach D_Arquebus the incumbent coach of the Southern Waste Leagues current monster Chaos Pact Team – the Chaos All Sorts.

XS: Coach D_Arquebus thank you for joining us today.

Coach D: Always happy to give time to the Free[booter] Press, XS.

XS: Coach D_Arquebus, you have been quoted as saying ‘you take all sorts’ in the All Sorts. Other than a tricky play on words what does that mean?

Coach D: We’ve never discriminated on the basis of tired arbitrary judgements about whom can play with who. But rather we at the C*A*S embrace the full breadth of skills of the “men” and monsters available to us, and glory in the cacophony of Chaos like no other team can. It can sometimes be hard to find the right talent to fill the roster positions, and it’s a dangerous game out there, but every player will embrace the Pandemonium in the end.

XS: Ooh er, and on that [slightly discordant] note, may I ask the question on so many pundits minds… To Whom Do You Owe Obeisance? Who’s Praises Do The Faithful Sing?

Coach D: We’ve gone through a bit of an identity crisis the last 6 seasons. And we have been asking ourselves the same question. See few would argue that the Murder Factories of Chaos seem mostly devoted to Khorne – blood for the blood god – [ahem]. Just a glance at the rosters of fellow V.I.A.L.L.I.A.N.S the Glee Club, and new comers Urban Nightmare will show that.

XS: So the Blood God?

Coach D: No, see the beef powered brawn that makes that display is too hard to match. Then the death and slow drive attrition of Nurgle is not really for us either. Offensive to be sure, but they purport to a resilience we cannot claim, and anyways we prefer to aim for more flair.

XS: Ah, so then the Lord of Vices holds sway over your hearts?

Coach D: Well, the team does love to party hard! That said, you gotta be on high on Cyanide or something to be worshiping like the Daemons of Slannesh teams, frenzied bunch of nutters.

XS: So that means… Malal???

Coach D: Oh the sacred Gods no! We don’t hate our fellow Chaos worshipers for what they are. You cannot hate an Elf for Elfing any more then you can hate the Chaos Warrior for dismembering him! Our acceptance of the offer to join the V.I.A.L.L.I.A.N.S should show that. It is with the greatest love for our fellow beings that we bring them Illumination…

XS: So Chaos… Undecided then? *boom tish*

Coach D: Ha! Yes! Well, it has felt that way. Trying to worship all Gods in their own way has led to a mixture of results, but the lads and ladies with such potential that join the team are so often a blank canvas that will never be all things to all opponents. No, to reach the power and prestige we all crave, there is only one who has the foreknowledge and philosophy to show us the Ways….

XS: The Changer of the Ways? Well, you certainly have the ability to represent in the field of mad mutation *chuckle*

Coach D: Yes, it is to Lord Tzeentch that here forth we shall offer our sacrifices.

XS: Well final note, Pundits in the Tattlers Times and elsewhere have rated your chances as meagre against the euphemistically named ‘Fun Police’ this season, and indeed the starting string of games against teams and coaches who have a history, to put it bluntly, of beating you up…

Coach D: Lord Tzeentch is the mutable Changer and the only constant for his worshipers is the promise of Change. The Change of Rookies into Stars and the Change of the living into the dead. On the path of a thousand, thousand steps it never hurts to have extra long legs, or even an extra arm to help out about the place. So come what may, through the pain and the prestige, the glory and the guts… the Chaos All Sorts will embrace the Chaos of this full blown Blood Bowl league, and we will be here to stay!

***fades to static***

_________________
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Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Jun 02, 2016 - 18:06 Reply with quote Back to top

In a bar someplace, as it's always a bar someplace.

Lead investigating Detective: Well I did it boys. We're now on our way to finding out where all that snot green wyrdstone is coming from. We headed to these foreign lands for just that purpose and until now we had got nowhere. Given this I took some unusual steps but I got us our first lead after contacting the Human, amazon and norse directive or HAND as there known in these parts. You see there's this team called the Easy Mode Maniacs who are a local blood bowl team and they seem to have grown a claws recently, which suggests to me they're using the stuff. A few of us have already tried to infiltrate they base of operations but apparently they are in some form of "Olympic village" type thing and the only way in is to be participants in this here Uzthug Regional blood bowl tournament. As such I signed us up.

Secondary Lead investigating Detective: You did what! Are you insane we can't play blood bowl we'll be slaughtered. You know how violent those things are.

LID: Indeed I do but you may have failed to notice that we have three ex-cons turned doctor in this division and Peanut.

Peanut : You want Peanut?

LID: No thank you Peanut. Plus all of us have been through a basic training to be on this job in the first place, were' fit, healthy and some of our skills cross class into this game. We've all had to take down a prep before, now they'll just be in more armour.

SLID: That's all well and good sir but that doesn't stop the fact going into to play blood bowl won't help our mission.

LIDAh, But it will while some of us are playing the others can sneak into the Maniacs camp and find out what we need.

SLID "Well that might work but what if it's not them. We'd just be taking a beating for nothing.

Peanut: Wanna Peanut?

LID: Wrong again my contacts with the HAND suggest if its not them it's another team and the longer we're in this the more time and leads we'll find.

SLID:Well it sounds possible. Maybe but i still don't like it. So you get to tell the others.

Peanut: Peanut tell! Peanut tell!

An ogre goes rushing off out of the bar.

SLID:Well we'll see how long this this actually remains a undercover op then shall we... Sigh...Pass us that bag of nuts. will you.
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Jun 03, 2016 - 03:38 Reply with quote Back to top

As we near the announcement of the first ever Decennial All Stars team (Seasons 55-64), Channel BB had a rare opportunity to speak with one of the All Star selection committee about the process. After threats were made by a certain Goblin team in response to their best fouler being overlooked for a mere skeleton, the selector has chosen to remain anonymous.

CBB: Welcome, so good to speak with you.

Selector: No problem.

CBB: So, the first ever Decennial All-Stars, it's a big job.

S: It is. Sixty-six players to select from and all with a strong claim. You don't make an All Star team without having Star quality, and many of these players have multiple selections. These truly are the Legends of modern SWL, and some of them will miss out. Even with the full squad (rather than a field team of 11), it's still fifty excellent players overlooked.

CBB: So how do you do that? How do you measure, for instance, a player capable of destroying an opponent with Casualties, against a player capable of scoring, or throwing, or fouling?

S: Obviously I can't go into specifics, but we've got a plan for the 16 spots. We want this to look like a squad that could play a game, so we're very aware that it can't be all positionals. We need to have players who can stand the LoS. Now, maybe those players don't play that role for their respective teams, there's a bit of a conceit at play, but a Black Orc, or a Saurus, or a Chaos Warrior... maybe even a Big Guy could be considered for the LoS in a team like this.

CBB: Surely not Powie Strong on the line?

S: Haha. Yeah, maybe not Powie. He'd be a hitter.

CBB: And that's a separate consideration?

S: Yeah, basically, we're considering whether players would be LoS, hitters, ball-carriers, catchers, throwers, or foulers, and that's helping us narrow down the range of choices so we don't end up with a team of 15 ball carriers who wouldn't have protection if this hypothetical squad were to play.

CBB: But it's not only the players nervous to find out if they'll be selected for this honour. I imagine there are some coaches eagerly awaiting this announcement. After all, a player can only be a Star with his coach's help. Many might argue that it's the coaches who make the players into the stars they are.

S: Well, we hope it's eagerly awaited. Certainly we give a lot of credit to coaches in this game,and rightly so. 37 coaches have had a player or players selected to the All Stars over the last ten seasons. We think that's a great thing. It shows the depth of talent in the SWL, that so many coaches can develop great players.

CBB: But surely one coach is the best. Surely there's one, or maybe a select few, who have coached the most All Stars.

S: Well, that's actually a difficult thing to answer, because it depends on the metric you use to measure the 'most'.
In terms of the most different players selected to All Stars, Faulcon is ahead, having coached 6 of his players (4 Sauri and 2 skinks) into All-Star teams. Erickan and Rabid_Bogscum both had four different players selected. That's a great success for each of them, but when you consider 'the most' in terms of how many actual appearances those players have, you'd be talking about coaches like Grumpsh, who had three players make the All Star team, but those three players had nine appearances as All Stars. Tyra_Nid had only two players, but between them they were selected eight times. So there's the question of whether 'the best' coach is the one who develops a whole team, or the one who develops consistent top-end talent.
All these coaches achieved this success with a single team though, so we should perhaps consider the most versatile coaches in any discussion of 'the best'. Semitence has had three players in the All-Stars, from two different teams. Thavia Bitterblood was in the inaugural team, way back in Season LV. A couple of seasons later he had success with Foul Frank as a multiple All Star, and since Frank's death, we've seen Semi develop Gangrenous Gabriel, a back-to-back All Star in LXIII and LXIV. Karnov had Powie with the Graders, but also Slam Melon with Maimami. You couldn't get much more different players than a Minotaur and a ghoul, but Karnov got the best out of both. Dazedmw had Juan Turner, a Wood Elf, in the inaugural All Stars, but he has also had success (or Succes, if you'd prefer) with his Orcs. Chavo had two players from two different Blackwaters. So that's a special group of coaches. The only four to have All Stars from multiple teams.

CCB: Hard to say who is best, then.

S: I think everyone will have their own preferred measure, their own opinion.

CCB: much like when the team is selected.

S: Haha. Yeah.

CCB: Any timeline on that?

S: Soon. Soon. We're close. I'd say we've got ten players pretty much locked in already. The remaining debate is around the final six.

CCB: I'll let you get back to it. Thanks for your time.

S: Thank you.

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
almic85



Joined: May 25, 2009

Post   Posted: Jun 03, 2016 - 07:46 Reply with quote Back to top

As another suspicious looking fellow snuck out of the coaches office and away from the Scavengers home stadium, coach Almic quietly closed the door behind them and slid the padbolt in place to prevent anyone sneaking into the room as he went back to his desk and opened the drawer.

A faint green glow emanated across his face as he wondered how much longer he would be able to keep this group of hapless goblins and skaven together under the pretense of competing in the SWL.

With the appearance of a group of detectives obviously sticking their noses in down in the reggies two things were obvious. One, he had a rat in the team and he had to try and find out who it was that would need to start gracing the line of scrimmage. Two, it was obvious that bribing the SWL commissioner to increase the number of conferences to ensure promotion was a masterstroke.

Now he just had to ensure that those hapless detectives stayed out of his way long enough to keep his moneymaking scheme going. I wonder how much of this glowing green stuff Fortis would want to ensure the detectives spent more time recovering and less time detecting...

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oozeboss



Joined: Mar 06, 2016

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2016 - 06:23 Reply with quote Back to top

TOADAL NEWS
Bringing youse all the views from the ooze!

[deleted]


Last edited by oozeboss on Dec 21, 2019 - 05:56; edited 2 times in total
Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2016 - 08:53 Reply with quote Back to top

SLID: Well the news rates us highly, guess if we don't find the perp maybe we do have a chance of some personal glory.
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