oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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  Posted:
Jun 29, 2016 - 17:59 |
 
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Patdragon
Joined: May 04, 2016
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| Posted:
Jul 04, 2016 - 17:03 |
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In the quiet bar just after the match.
SLID: Well that was a complete bust. We didn't managed to to get a sample, we lost the game and from the sounds of the bosses rantings he's gone and injured himself and is blaming John for not defending him
Michael: Well John did take the hit first and it looks like he's going to be a hunchback now from the way he's walking.
SLID : Yeah I bet the coach is calling for his transfer already.
Michael:That he is. He'll be gone before the next game for sure. I did find one thing out though during the match. Those guys were definitely using!
SLID: But we didn't get sample how do you now for sure.
Michael: Did you not see how easily they beat us! They should not have that sort of power for ratmen, Believe me I seen more than my fair share on rats around Mordheim and only the ones using have that extra bulk and savageness.
SLID: Well that's not proof, but your experience is why you're here.
Michael: I'll go investigate this guys further before the next match. The boss is gonna be doped up soon by the the doc and i've told him to give a bit extra to keep him quiet for longer.
SLID: We might actually get something done in the mean time then. Guess i'd better try and salvage a plan for the next game against these ex convicts. With our diminished detectives its going to be tough. I hope peanut can somehow befriend them so that take it eay on us.
Michael:Unlikely but i'll look into some temporary solutions as well. |
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almic85
Joined: May 25, 2009
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Jul 06, 2016 - 08:00 |
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As they loaded Lenny onto the stretcher ready for transport back to the abandoned caverns the scavengers called home the locker room was buzzing with excitement.
"I think we're coming first after that game coach" squealed Dingo Dave with visible excitement.
"Yeah we might be in with a sh-sh-sh-shot at the big t-t-t-time!!!" skittered the new thrower Remy.
Coach almic just stood motionless in the locker room in a state of quiet contemplation waiting for quiet as the rest of the team buzzed around in excitement and collected their bottles of bright green Warporade(TM) from the new sponsors cooler bags that had mysteriously appeared in the teams locker room after the game.
One by one each of the players quieted down and stared at the motionless coach waiting for some sort of response to the teams third win for the season. As awkward silence continued into minutes the players started fidgeting waiting for the coach to move.
Finally the coach took a knee and the rest of the team followed suit not sure what to expect as the coach started to talk.
"Well team not too long ago you will all remember that we were eeking out or existence down in regionals, barely able to make ends meet, but we have worked long and hard and persevered to get all the way up here into the conferences.
In our first season up here we have held onto what has gotten us promoted out of reggies, and we have worked together and that's all we have got, so let's give this a shot."
Spontaneously the coach breaks out in singing
"WOAAAHHHH!!!!! We;re half way theeeeere,
WOAAAHHH!!!!! living on a prayer,
So take my hand and we'll make it I swear,
WOAAAHHHH!!!!!Living on a prayer!" |
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SWL the place to be.
If you're interested join the Fringe |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Jul 06, 2016 - 08:09 |
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The Phillip and Terence Show.
A pre-review of the SWL season 65 conferences.
Schola: the conference of the strugglers.
Four rounds in, Terence, how are your predictions holding up?
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They're not predictions ... oh forget it. Eau de Toilet have done well, leading, but left to play the rest of the top four. But let's face it, they're only top four because they haven't played Eau de Toilet yet. With 15 points left to claim, it's anyone's game right down to the Prancing Unicorns currently in 7th, Eau de Toilet could even finish last and be demoted yet Phillip! What excitement for the fans!
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That's not a prediction either, is it Terence? Oh well.
Karak-Varn: the conference of youth.
With between four and six games played, how's it looking Terence?
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Up to 15 points to be claimed, or 5 for the teams ahead of the play, and with Horrors of Skye forfeiting the rest of the season it makes the points somewhat more settled, but the top five are all still in it, even Madness Mountain Misery can come back from here to make the premier, though Altered Perception will take it if they can beat the Misery up next, and then just have to survive against another near thing from Urban Nightmare to get there in good shape.
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Good Bad Furry: conference of mayhem.
And look who's leading, Terence, Underworld! Mayhem indeed!
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The Elves of Daemon Ex Tesserae have just pipped them with an extra game, but right enough Phillip, four rounds in and the casualty totals are massive as predicted. The leading six are still in contention with 15 points on offer. Chaos All Sorts could win this by beating the goblins, underworld, and undead, and having other results go somewhat their way. But I expect the Fun Police will demolish the bottom two squads, run up some big scores, leaving their game against the Hostile Kiddies to take them to premier on a tight countback, unless other results go against them.
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Wait, was that actually a prediction? Surely not.
We Fink Wer Orks: the dodgy conference.
Who forgot their tacklers, Terence?
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The Amazons did, Phillip, both of them, struggling to avoid relegation. With five rounds almost complete, the Spelling Orcs almost destroyed, just 10 points are on offer for most squads, the top five spots can all still make it. If the Banner of the Black Stag win out from here, and the Sentinels lose, and Spelling Orcs tie Sotek, well, it's complicated, but possible! Glee Club smashing the Sentinels is the big hope for the next four though, otherwise it's all just for pride and the sheer joy of killing elves.
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That looks like some big scary bash teams are headed up to me, Terence, could that be right?
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It's absolutely still possible Phillip, but if I had to pick it would be more elves than anything else. Not that I'm picking, we know the fans of all the teams out there believe in their own squad's capacity for pulling some wins out this season yet.
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Thanks Terence, we return you to your regular broadcasts now folks, thanks for tuning in to this special. Catch you all for a round up of this season and preview for the grand first annual Bob Borc Cup, coming up after season 65 is played out and the blood pools are dry enough that we don't break our collar bones while going for it in the endzone. |
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oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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| Posted:
Jul 08, 2016 - 15:50 |
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[deleted] |
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DrPoods
Joined: Nov 14, 2013
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Jul 08, 2016 - 17:39 |
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Sam the Eagle slowly put down the newspaper and turned to address the lightly dozing Fozzie.
"You know, these Kroakland lads seem to need to be shown how it's done, yes?"
"Got that right" the powerful blitzer replied before shifting slightly. "We have been away too long".
"That we have old friend. That we have." |
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"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW! |
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oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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| Posted:
Jul 09, 2016 - 09:42 |
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[deleted] |
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oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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| Posted:
Jul 23, 2016 - 09:44 |
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[deleted] |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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Jul 24, 2016 - 10:11 |
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Official Redaction
DDS - Wäŋa Warriors
I was the champ for one season. Faulcon deserved his three titles. A win on a tiebreak is still a win. We cannot wait until we play next. We will have revenge. But we withdraw any allegations of "interim" titles. |
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Check out my fishing and camping blog.
The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.
GUARD CONQUERS ALL! |
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Luohghcra
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
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Jul 26, 2016 - 05:34 |
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Better Gnomes and Guardians
Winter Special Edition
**With special guest gardener - Ziggy Sta.. Tom..Gravedust!**
Maintaining your Mausoleum
The Mausoleum. Often overlooked, and usually dreadfully out of date, these places of eternal (un)rest need not be the embarrassing eyesore kept hidden from guests. Ziggy Gravedust, our special guest garden-style expert gives his top tips to keep your funerary furnishings fabulous!
Right, Ziggy Gravedust here, yeah? The ladies from the Domestic Blitz offices have been kind enough to help me help YOU. So listen up, and we'll soon get your crypts and tombs looking spiffy - and if anyone knows how to make death look spiffy, it's the Sphinxes from Mars!
Ivy League?
Yeah, most of you keep your Mausoleums covered in swathes of ivy in a vain attempt to cover up how bloody old and tragic they look. Here's a tip - trimming that ivy into shape can be a dramatic statement that adds a glament style allure to your gardens, while at the same time taking attention away from cracked foundations and dusty eaves. Get arty! Monographs, Fantastic beasts and Grave Rock Icons are HUGE this season!
Losing your Marble
Geez, marble is so last century, right? And it can it show its age like nothing else - it's no Basalt when it comes to vintage chick. But check it out, right? A simple refacing can cover up your lichen covered eyesores. Obsidian, whilst expensive can bring a subdued spark but bamboo brings that smooth Cathayan flavour, which can accent a whole garden redesign.
Man's Folly
Dour, staid crypts are a thing of the past. Celebrate the unlives of the departed with the ornate, the intricate, the fantastic! Gaudy is the byword - make that crumbling cenotaph into a fabulous focal point! The Sphinxes are a perfect example of how going right over the top can be a fashion statement in and of itself - so turn it up to eleven!
So there you are, folks. Top shelf advice from the top-fashion icon on the most glamentingest band in the Southern Wastes! Don't forget to check out our upcoming tour dates - we're doing charity gigs for some top-knob Borc fellow in the next few weeks, so get on board.
- Ziggy Gravedust |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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"Struth!", gasped Cobber Ponzi (CEO of Wastelands Pachyderm Banking Corporation) as he opened the envelope and saw the winners, "VILLAINS have finally taken it! Well done you bastards!"
VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXV
"Right, that's the Wastepac business done. I'm off for a drink". Cobber hastily left the stage and headed to the back conference tables where the Amazon teams were to be found.
The awards sub sub committee were a bit taken aback. They weren't prepared for this and were well aware of what had happened to previous members who had taken the stage. As was the custom, the most junior committee member was directed to the podium to continue proceedings.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Team Awards
Regional:
Turns (1085): Easy Mode Maniacs
Completions (12): Bribery and Corruption
TDs (15): Compare the Meerkat
Cas (37): Easy Mode Maniacs
SPP (118): Easy Mode Maniacs
Passing yards (49): Bribery and Corruption
Rushing yards (256): Compare the Meerkat
Blocks (306): Redgum's Revolutionaries
Fouls (24): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (7.97): Easy Mode Maniacs
Pass/Cp (4.08): Bribery and Corruption
Kills (5): Easy Mode Maniacs
Conference:
Turns (1130): Prancing Unicorns
Completions (37): Griffon Gate Sentinels
TDs (20): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Cas (37): Macabre Morticians
SPP (104): SWL Fun Police
Passing yards (155): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Rushing yards (269): Prancing Unicorns
Blocks (359): SWL Fun Police
Fouls (71): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (9.13): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (7.05): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Kills (7): Macabre Morticians
Premier:
Turns (1150): Striking Thunder Beards!
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (14): Wings of the Condor
Cas (28): Error 404 afterlife not found
SPP (82): Wings of the Condor
Passing yards (95): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (257): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (362): Striking Thunder Beards!
Fouls (31): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (13.45): Slumbering Skink
Pass/Cp (5.00): Mexican Standoff
Kills (5): Slumbering Skink
"Err, today we are happy to announce a name change to the award for best Big Guy of the season. In the first step towards official Twahnlow recognition, Maester Whippy have renamed the award to honour the most successful Big Guy in SWL history - ", the announcer looked at his notes in horror. He coughed, he spluttered, and squeaked "...excuse me a moment".
Pale as a ghost the announcer disappeared back stage, and a moment later re-emerged accompanied by an aging and most terrifying creature. Sweating profusely, the announcer continued..
 The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
 Three Mile Lyle (Kroakland Raiders), 16spp
As the krox left the stage with his prize, the applause was cut short by horrific crack, and a high pitched scream. The minotaur had ripped the announcer's left arm from its socket and began devouring it noisily. Eventually the MC's screams subsided as he fainted, and the only noise to be heard was the crunching of bone and gristle.
No replacement announcer was brave enough to step forward and take over. So it was left to the audience to cautiously creep forward one by one and scurry past the feasting Mino to collect their trophies from the table on stage. Dean Douglas was mostly oblivious to the passing prize winners, though he did take a swipe at Kickbacks on the goblin's second trip to the stage.
The SWL Season LXV Awards
  Mighty Mushroomy (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 10 TDs
  Diabolical Dapperdan (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 12 Cas
  Phoolan Devi (Redgum's Revolutionaries ) 113 Turns
  Kendokat I (Compare the Meerkat ) 91 Rushing yards
  Kickbacks (Bribery and Corruption ) 35 Pass yards
 Dirty Pool (Bribery and Corruption ) 15 Fouls
  Crockat I (Compare the Meerkat ) 73 Blocks
  The Journo (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 10 Cps
 Diabolical Dapperdan (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 4.09 Block/Cas
 Kickbacks (Bribery and Corruption ) 3.89 Pass/Cp
 Mighty Mushroomy (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 30SPP
  Aymar (Daemon Ex Tesserae ) 12 TDs
  Made to Messure (Eau de Toilet ) &  Dan "Asereje" Rollins (Blackwater Glee Club ) 11 Cas
 Rancid RedMaul (SWL Fun Police ) &  Seeding Deeproot (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 113 Turns
  Salmonix (Macabre Morticians ) 243 Rushing yards
  Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 133 Pass yards
  Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians ) 30 Fouls
  Chuhui (Sacred Spawning of Sotek ) 94 Blocks
  Butterfly Baby ([SWL] Jeagers ) &  Ayred (Griffon Gate Sentinels ) 18 Cps
  Lady Gravedust (Sphinxes from Mars ) 4 Block/Cas
 Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 9.5 Pass/Cp
 Aymar (Daemon Ex Tesserae ) 39SPP
The Disco Dan Ball
  Shntsyeooa (Slumbering Skink ) 8TDs
The Replacemnt Knuckles
  Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found ) 14 Cas
The Touchstone Heart
  Kakadu Jr (Wäŋa Warriors ) 113 Turns
The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
 Ubirr III (Wäŋa Warriors ) 157 Rushing yards
The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
  Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff ) 69 Pass yards
The John Stone Boot
 Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found ) 17 Fouls
The Eth'el Shield
 Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found ) 88 Blocks
The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
  Lyceres (Wings of the Condor ) 17 Cps
The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
  Shntf (Slumbering Skink ) 3.5 Block/Cas
The Duskwind Strongarm
 Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff ) 7.67 Pass/Cp
The Duke Snakefield Medallion
 Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found ) 28SPP
Before Huge Axeman could leave the stage the enormous Dean Douglas blocked his path. The Minotaur stared at the werewolf's treasured prize, not the Replacemnt Knuckles, nor the the Eth'el Shield, not even the Duke Snakefield Medallion. No, with a look of sadness, regret and more than a hint of envy, the beast fixed his gaze on a small bloodstone medallion, and then stepped aside. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Aug 07, 2016 - 05:17 |
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 An SWL first annual Bob Borc Cup preview, bought to you by an exiting bundle of sponsors from across the wastes, with highly modern product placement throughout. Strangely, not François Englert's insurance companies, who are currently seeking new re-insurers, whatever that means.
This is the grand knockout tour for all divisions we were promised after last season, and the administration has delivered in fine form. What thrilling matchups, 13 games in the first round, 16 in the 2nd, then 8, 4, 2, and finally the King of the Hill will be found six weeks from now. Predictions are flying, but we'll have none of that here, right Terence?
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Impartial, we are Phillip, obviously everyone's favourite Goblins will win the thing, and every other team will be treated with due respect as they fall by the wayside.
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Not that rubbish again. How are we previewing such a massive competition, Terence?
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There's nothing for it but to measure the teams in the most scientifical way imaginable, by asking the gods while rolling our favourite dice and interpreting the results through the ancient copies of translations of copies of the great tome of Nuffle. As overseen by an impartial panel of a goblin with a chainsaw. Let's start with the tight matches.
Round One: FIGHT!
 vs  Eau de Toilet are tightly matched with Wäŋa Warriors as both these massive teams would've crushed in body and score alike all but a few others in the competition, here it will be the breaking of one, or both of them.
 vs  The ancient and famous Sphinxes From Mars are narrow favourites over a young Altered Perception, with both missing key players, included the dreaded Karma Man II. Let's hope someone gets the ref!
 vs  Shiney Beast of Thought find themselves narrow favourites over a terribly damaged Mexican Standoff who are otherwise just down from premier. Five top players missing for the Mexicans.
 vs Ready for their second season Redgum's Revolutionaries take new squad Atomika Droppa, but they're no bigger than a new squad themselves, though some experience should count in their favour.
 vs  Double champions returning after a long break Public Service Announcement find themselves 2:1 favourites over Sacred Spawning of Sotek, who are still healing up after their final beating in season 63 and getting smashed out of premier.
vs  Dallas Drowboys return as 2:1 favourites over Freezy Trees despite the latter's recent entry to premier, but the Trees are traditionally strong performers against Elves, and these ones may be rusty.
 vs  Port Macquarie Snowleopards a bit the worse for wear are still 2:1 favourites against Southern Warpstone Scavengers, but there's a group of stunties (and rats!) that are built to surprise, with all their strange and wholly unexpected mutations.
 vs  Compare the Meerkat are 3:1 favourites against Croakland Raiders after the rats dominated their first season in the regions, they're fortunate to meet another equally young team here.
vs Chaos All Sorts are 4:1 favourites over a temporarily depleted Urban Nightmare, but these matches can swing wildly on the coin toss alone, with so much fearsome hitting power in both teams.
vs  SWL Fun Police on the back of their return to premier are being talked up for this, including being 5:1 favourites over returning five time champions Large Head-On Colliders. Should be a massive game with the inducements.
 vs  Striking Thunder Beards! are 6:1 favourites over Colour of Money, that's the rubbish Goblins who keep sneaking up to Conferences by winning games against good teams, the fools. Expect rather a lot of cheating.
vs  Champion of champions the Slumbering Skink start 8:1 favourites over Wildcard Nats just finished their first season. Calling Morg? He loves these mismatches, or Perhaps Griff and Zug might turn up. Who knows?
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Are we sponsored by a betting agency then, Terence?
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Haha, there's no money in this, other than the Colour of Money, and all the winnings, certainly we'll see more Bribery and Corruption come out in round two, Phillip, but that's a week away yet.
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Speaking of round two, who's to come, Terence?
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All in good time, Phillip, all in good time, unless we get some late entrants, there's still a good few spots available.
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Well in that case, that's it for us, folks, keep tuned for the first kickoffs in the inaugural Bob Borc Cup, such excitement, so many questions! Who will get those rubbish goblins in round two, eh? |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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Aug 09, 2016 - 09:20 |
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The Terence and Phillip show.
Just a quick update ladies and gentlemen, more teams have pledged for round one! And there's massive controversy with those Goblins! Terence?
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Phillip, I can tell you, the Goblins have somehow convinced those dwarfs to run screaming into the distance, pure madness, who knows how the Colour of Money gets a team like that to flee. Organisers are seeking a replacement, but there's limited time now, we'll cover the other results at the round two preview, but there's murder and mayhem aplenty out there already, just wait 'till the Goblins actually play! One extra match too.
 vs  Horrors of Skye return return as 2:1 favourites over White Fluffy Stuff, good to see them both back, a fresh Mummy just the thing for the big occasion, both teams will be thankful for the refresher should they make it through.
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Thanks Terence, we now return you to your regularly scheduled test pattern with that delightfully hypnotic tone that doesn't have any hidden mind control at all. |
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tussock
Joined: May 29, 2011
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| Posted:
Aug 15, 2016 - 17:07 |
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An SWL first annual Bob Borc Cup preview, bought to you by the continuing story of a quack, who's gone to the ducks, 8pm Monday nights.
It's round two time, games already underway, 32 teams remain for 16 matches drawing eyes from across the range of places that can get Cabalvision, call out now for yours, eyes are always watching, ears are always listening.
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Thanks Pillip, I've got mine and it's excellent value, and the goblins are up! That'll be a huge game.
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I hear Color of Money have more money for the refs, Terence?
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Not those little Goblins, Phillip, the big ones, it's the closest match up of a good few tight ones, and first on our list.
Round Two: FIGHT!
vs Public Service Announcement beat the Lizards and are tightly matched with everyone's favourite, the Bribery and Corruption that is at the heart of the Southern Wastes experience. Easy money for Goblin fans, I'd say, unless the team goes betting against itself again.
 vs With the Viscount missing, the New World Winers and Diners are tightly matched with Black as Death for their combined entry. Could be anyone's game, depending on the bloodlust, or that bonehead.
 vs Two new entrants see Daemon Ex Tesserae slight favourites over fellow, or foe elves Altered Perception. Both teams missing some good players, interesting how the coaches manage the shifting rosters.
vs Legendary Horrors of Skye got a pass first round to enter as slight favourites over the much younger Necromentia, but these mirror matches can turn so quickly if either team loses a key positional player to injury.
 vs Somehow the Ogrepaid, Ogresexed, Ogrehere lot find themselves entering as slight favourites over the Griffon Gate Sentinels. It must be said, the Ogres had a fine previous season, but only when you consider they're Ogres.
vs Asha'maniac find themselves entering as modest favourites against the regular season champions Slumbering Skink, who struggled somewhat as the Mighty Zug and Morg'n'Thorg hammered them during their victory over the little Humans.
vs SWL Fun Police successfully ground down the champion Chaos Dwarves, and are modest favourites to do the same to the more agile Blackwater Glee Club, who knows how much blood will spill on this field.
vs Mexican Standoff were waved through their first round after some organisational confusion and now come up 2:1 favourites over the lesser goblins of Colour of Money. Only a fool would bet on those goblins.
vs In a game of two halves, Dallas Drowboys barely made it against the Norse but are again rated 2:1 favourites over the rocking High Elvis, just watch out for those Blue Suede Shoes.
vs The entry of both Macarbre Morticians and Banner of the Black Stag, sees the former as 2:1 favourites. I expect that's to do with the efficiency of foul play against those lightly armoured northerners. Learned a thing or two from watching those good Goblins.
vs Madness Mountain Misery enter at 2:1 favourites over Compare the Meerkat, who cleaned up their valiant Slann opponents in the first round. A good early taste of the Conferences for these outstanding young rats.
vs Steaked enter the competition at 3:1 favourites over More Than Ballgowns in what could be a closer match up than many predict, though the Steaked franchisee is already talking up his prospects to all who'll listen. Good for business I suppose.
vs Port Macquarie Snowleopards are fully recovered after beating the Underworld in a high-scoring display of talent from both teams, and are rated 3:1 favourites over the returning champions of old the famed Wonga Wonga Whalekillers. Expect a slightly lower score line, and rather more attrition.
vs Perennial favourites Autumn's Leaves enter with 5:1 odds over the much younger Office Rats. Expect a feast of scoring and casualties alike from sides like this, and who knows what the inducements will add.
vs Scraping through their first round in an upset over the big Pact Urban Nightmare are now huge 5:1 favourites over a young Charnel House Sanctum, the battle of star Warriors against possibly a dual-Mino act? Could be a rough one again.
vs Eau de Toilet smashed the premier Orcs to sneak through in overtime, now 8:1 favourites smash regional Orcs Atomika Droppa, who just beat their young Pact opponents. I do hope the inducements include some true giants and extra health insurance.
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Two Goblin teams in round 2? How does something like that happen, Terence?
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Even the rubbish ones make the regular Conferences quite often, Phillip, but most of our teams here had a free pass in round one, those that remain are tougher for the experience, and round three will be all the better for these tight matches, and the others get some wonderful stars and wizardry to entertain the fans along the way.
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I hear one game is already played, Fun Police and Blackwater Glee Club taking to each other ...
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Spoilers, Phillip, spoilers, not everyone gets the live feed, show on demand replays as you like, great added value. Check the tournament listings for details on your own Cabalvision.
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That reminds me, thanks to our sponsors, Cabalvision! We couldn't do it without, well, people being able to see what we're doing, really. Would completely defeat the purpose when you think about it. |
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Luohghcra
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
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Aug 18, 2016 - 04:38 |
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<Ricky d'Bono> Gooood Evening Sportsfans, and welcome to this, the First episode of SWL Grandstand. This new show will be bringing you all the highlights from the previous week of SWL Blood Bowl, focusing on the Plays of the Day, the Big Matches and the complete and utter ****-ups.
<Pavel Stiffly> Uh, you can’t say that on air Ricky, we talked about this. I thought we were going with ‘Good Bad and Ugly?’
<Ricky d'Bono> Well sh*$ Pavel, you’ve just ruined our first take. I knew you’d do this.
<Producer> Gentleman, we’re uh.. we’re live.
<Ricky d'Bono> *Cough* Goooood Evening Sportsfa-
<Producer> Just get on with it!
<Pavel Stiffly> Right, so without further ado, this week we’re focusing on the big moments from the first round of the Inaugural Bob Borc Cup! The Cup is a brave new direction for everyone’s favourite League, changing the normal round robin format into an All-in, no holds barred, randomly-drawn KnockOut!
<Ricky d'Bono> That’s right Pav, and it’s already generated a lot of spectacle for the spectators
<Pavel Stiffly> And the spectators have been flocking to the matches, it’s been great to see the support out there!
<Ricky d'Bono> Right you are, but we’ve blathered on for too long, let’s get down to business!
The Good
<Ricky d'Bono> Our first highlight was the 4-3 scorefest between the Port Mac Snowleopards and everyone’s favourite mutant stunties, the Southern Warpstone Scavengers.
This match was booked as an easy win for the elves, but those Scavengers have shown time and again that they are not to be discounted.
<Pavel Stiffly> That’s right Ricky, and they did not disappoint here, dragging the game all the way into extra-time – the BBC is a KO, so we MUST have a winner each round!
<Ricky d'Bono> The game started slowly, with the Scavs trying to grind down their more agile opponents – plenty of blocks and fouls.
<Pavel Stiffly> Just what any good elf deserves, Rick!
<Ricky d'Bono> Absolutely, Pav. The real action kicked off late in the first half – the Elves drew level with ease, running it in almost unopposed. With time left on the clock, the Scavs set up for a goblin-missile TD – and it came off without a hitch! Polar Bear Bryan flew as gracefully through the air as any goblin I’ve ever seen, and he scuttled through the Snowleopard lines.
<Pavel Stiffly> I think the Woodies were caught flat-footed in shock, Ricky!
<Ricky d'Bono> They soon recovered though, and showed some real skill setting up a classic Bolwgan running play. Unfortunately, despite a crowd-pleasing spurt of elven leaping agility, the usually sure-footed elf snagged his foot on something just before the endzone, and was unable to recover before the buzzer.
<Pavel Stiffly> Yep, 2-1 to the Underworld Underdogs at the half! Boy did those Elves come out firing in the second though!
<Ricky d'Bono> They must have had a proper bollocking from the coaches. Whatever it was, it worked – goblins practically flew to the casualty box as the Snowleopards ran in a superfast TD, then set up an aggressive defense which swiftly caught the Scavengers napping.
<Pavel Stiffly> Yep, it looked like an easy win for the elves from here, but as we said earlier – you cannot discount these plucky Underworlders.
<Ricky d'Bono> That’s right Pavel, despite the Elves stalling it out to go 3-2, there was enough time for yet ANOTHER classic TTM moment – this time Chinchilla Charley sticking the landing and scampering over the line.
<Pavel Stiffly> The team knew it was all on the line for this one Rick, and the Elves were once again left gasping in shock, unable to even attempt a classic Bolwgan – and so we headed to OT.
<Ricky d'Bono> And it was here that it did unfortunately unravel for the Scavengers – losing the kick off coin toss must have been a heartbreaker, and they never really had a chance to stop a determined Wood elf offensive drive.
<Pavel Stiffly> They made a great go of it though, forcing a catcher into the crowd, who were incredibly helpful in tossing the ball right back into the Elven half.
<Ricky d'Bono> That’s right, but it was only delaying the inevitable, and Bolwgan once again showed his foresight, placing himself in just the right position to scoop the ball as it was popped free, and despite a last-gasp blitz by the Scavengers, the Legendary elf was able to dance free and run it in.
<Pavel Stiffly> All in all, one of the best spectacles of the opening round, Ricky. Plenty of highlights, especially those high-flying goblin touchdowns!
The Bad
<Pavel Stiffly> We cross now to our Special Correspondent, Albert...
<Foul Albert> Right, these Sphinxes yeah? They’ve just gone from plain bad to absolutely shocking. Don’t get me wrong, I like their music, yeah, but they should maybe get back in the studio and just focus on that for a while, cos the bloodbowl they’re playing? Fkn’ hopeless!
Yeah alright, Khemri v Elves of any stripe is always gonna be hard slather, but even though they were 2-0 down at the half, the Sphinxes looked like doing the business – Elves were litrally pouring off the field, and when Lady Gravedust eventually crossed for her TD, there was only three elves left.
Easy going, even for Khemri – but the Sphinxes made some frankly fkn' bizarre choices here. First, they left the #7 - Violent Vicodin on the floor and didn’t foul. I had eyes on ol’ Karma in the coaches box and even though he has no fkn' facial expression whatsoever, I could tell he was proper livid.
Then, and here’s the killer – the Sphinxes setup as if they’re facing a team full of elves. Deep defence, easy LoS. Bonkers, right? Basically the Perception lads and lasses showed their perception and got the heck outta dodge, leaving the Sphinxes to scramble after them for the rest of the half. A simple punt downfield when the Khemri lot got too close, and it’s an easy win for Coach Grod’s mob.
He won’t be fielding the same team next round though, that’s for sure…
<Ricky d'Bono> Thanks Albert, for that uh, added colour...
The Ugly
<Pavel Stiffly> And so we come to my personal favourite segment – the Ugly. Here we look at the games and plays that are just plain horrible to watch – but like any good bit of casual carnage, you find your eyes glued to the screen in horrified fascination.
While round 1 featured a number of heavy hitters duking it out, this one had the death and dismemberment that made it truly ugly:
Chaos All Sorts 0 v 1 Urban Nightmare
While the game started fairly innocuously, by midway through the first half, the Pact team were in all sorts of trouble. Bedlam, an asset to the team with his flexible skill set, was recovering in the cas box. Agile Marauder Discord, was nursing a shattered hip. The Nightmare were caged up tight. But then some inspired – or desperate – plays saw the cage broken wide, and the ball pop free. The ensuing rallying defence however, saw fan-favourite Pandemonium meet his untimely end.
0 – 0 at halftime, with everything to play for, the All-Sorts could be expected to play without heart, but it was not so. With pluck and determination they worked that ball forward, trying everything they could to score in memory of their fallen teammate. And then… and then Dark Lore strayed too close to the sideline. A simple push, and the fans, already frothing at the blood spilled thus far, tore the hapless Dark Elf limb-from-limb.
To make matters worse, Urban Nightmare were unable to capitalise (again thanks to some spirited defense by the All-Sorts) and the game dragged on into overtime, extending the pain and ensuring that the All-Sorts coach had not a strand of hair left in his head.
<Ricky d'Bono> Well that’s it from us here in this first edition of SWL Grandstand. Send your feedback to @SWLGrndstnd, unless it’s nudes, in which case @therealbono. Thanks for listening! |
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