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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2016 - 04:28 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P Show

Terence, word is those Goblins of yours got smashed off the park in record time in their first game of Conferences. Do they have anything to say for themselves after such a poor performance?

--

They're not my Goblins, Phillip, they're the greatest Goblins the SWL has ever seen, and this time they're facing the Orcs who broke the late great Nepotism (they will never forget what Luke Skywalker did to him) while hiding down in Reggies. This is a rematch, and this time ... it's for Premier.

That big Orc, his apo revived him sharply last game out against Banner of the Black Stag, but he'll be needing it this time too. Best hope it works.

--

Terence, we're a neutral review show, stop fawning over those useless Goblins! Everyone who understands the game can see the Prancing Unicorns are in top form, and will dominate the little ones just as easily as Asha'maniac did. As will the Southern Warpstone Scavengers, Eau de Toilet, the Wildcard Nats, Banner of the Black Stag, and the rats at the Psych Lab.

They get last in the Regionals, for goodness sake, what are they even doing in the Conferences?

--

The bribery and corruption at the heart of the SWL no longer knows the bounds of Regionals, Phillip. Soon enough, even the Premier division will feel the sting of shame from "losing fair and square" to Goblins.

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Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2016 - 05:24 Reply with quote Back to top

*Letter to the Editor of the T&P Show*

From: Tort Greenskin
Legal Counsel for Darkside Bloodbowl Pty Ltd
Office 101
13 Carnage Avenue
Nuffleheim



To whom it may concern,

The Unicorns feel slighted by this match-up and officially lodge a complaint with the SWL Admin team. We liken the match as to the World Champion Bantam-weight boxer to step into the ring and fight against the Heavy-weight Reserve Champ of Australia. Sure one may be a world champion in their weight class, but to throw a 100 lb boxer against a 250 lb boxer is only going to end one way. The difference in weight class makes this proposed match a mockery to the sport of Blood Bowl, and who cares if the underdog smuggles iron into their gloves, it won't change the outcome!

Still, I am informed that the SWL tribunal will not overturn their rash decision, a bribery and corruption enquiry is being formed, but no doubt too late to avoid this error, especially as all rights to appeal match draws have been refused. As such, we accept this travesty of a game and look forward to showing the SWL tribunal the folly of trying to put a circus act of 'players' on the field against a world class Blood Bowl team such as the Unicorns. As team coach Keothi would like to point out, the Prancing Unicorns are hot contenders for the Premier Division next Season and are facing a farce of a team that belongs down in Regionals for the amusement of the SWL masses.

Young SkyOrcer smiled at me when I informed him that the B&C team are promising retribution for the injury of their beloved pogo-stick player; he replied that the 2-1 trouncing he captained against B&C in the reggies and the loss of your pogo-er will seem like a soft pillow fight compared to the game he plans to bring against them this week. He also wishes it put on the record that he knows B&C will cheat outrageously; that the widespread corruption and match fixing of the SWL Goblin team and management staff is well known and he couldn't care less. Bring your secret weapons, bribes and magic tricks. Try and hire some foolhardy stars to your joke of a team! There is nothing sweeter than beating a cheater when he's cheating. The force will be with the Unicorns and when you trust in the force, you cannot help but prevail. [End quote from Luke SkyOrcer]

Post Script by Tort Greenskin:

Dark-Side Bloodbowl Pty Ltd accept no liability for the deaths and injuries that Bribery & Corruption may [insert WILL] sustain from playing against the Prancing Unicorns. They bribed the Tribunal to play up here with the heavy-weights and they need to learn that all actions have consequences.

Yours Sincerely,
Chief Legal Counsel for Darkside Blood Bowl P/L
Tort Greenskin
Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2016 - 17:31 Reply with quote Back to top

In a still secret, only mildly smelly location.

[LID]: First let me congratulate you all on the successful raid of the Psych Lab. We got in an out with no major problems and have put a stop to their production of the wyrdstone. They may still have some hidden about someplace but we have confiscated a large quantity and will be sending it back to head quarters to be disposed of correctly.

SLID: And we even won against their team 2-1 on the pitch! However we only drew 1-1 against that Toliet team so there will be more training on the morrow.

[LID]: That is correct but please remember your other duties.

[Peanut]: Hehe duty!

[Michael]: I had a question about that sir.

[LID]: Yes Michael?

[Michael]: Well, It's about my next mission. It says here i'm supposed to discuss and share information with some bearded members of the H.A.N.D we're playing next to discuss a minor truce, but my skills would be better off just re-watching old games and investigating the Scavengers. After the game against Eau de Toliet I think Dr Tod would be a much better choice. With his rugged, hairy looks and his excellent fighting skills shown in the last game he would be a much better fit.

[SLID]: Yes, he was the only player who performed well above my expectations. The rest of you sucked balls.

Peanut:Hehe balls.

[LID]: I considered that but he is required to make sure the broken ribs George heal better. Dr Rudo has already been sent on a personal mission so we need a doctor on staff.

[Michael]: Well I'll try but it's unlikely to have any useful results, The Banner of the Black Stag might not take to my beardlessness.

Studs: Tell you what i'll join you. My task is mostly physical and i've had experience with these ex merc types before, plus I at least have this goatee.

LID: Ok Turkel. You join Michael on this mission and the rest of you carry on investigating the Scavengers .
Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 07, 2016 - 04:53 Reply with quote Back to top

*Excerpt from Interview with Luke Skywalker by Blood Bowl Weekly (BBW)*

Location: Secret Headquarters of the Prancing Unicorns (warded from wizards and bomb-proof)

BBW: Hi Luke, wow it's an honour to meet you and might I just say what massive fans we are of you and your team at BBW!

Luke: [wry smile] when I heard that BBW were requesting an interview with me, I thought there was some mistake - surely BBW would be more interested in my sister Leia.

BBW: ?

Luke: The acronym of your magazine... B-B-W and my sister Leia is certainly not to be trifled with... [shrugging his shoulders] never mind, let's get on with the interview eh?

BBW: So we were hoping to get your run-down on the match last night against the notorious Bribery & Corruption, the goblins that surprised everyone by appearing in the Conferences!

Luke: Sure, why not? But first of all can I give a big shout out to Darth Maul, my brother from the dark side who played the best game of his career last night. He was everywhere when he was needed, sent three goblins off to the medics and very justly deserved the most valuable player award [not always the case].

There has been a bit of controversy about this game, a bit of banter from Terrence and Phillip, veiled threats from the Goblin camp and the usual trash-talk that happens between opposing team, but honestly coach Keothi was shocked to see his team matched up against the Goblins, but the game, Goblins in particular and the SWL Tribunal is more corrupt than FIFA and I don't see that changing anytime soon. So get on with it, accept that cheaters are going to cheat and just be the best team you can be on the day.

BBW: Wow, very philosophical young Luke. Any more pearls of wisdom you want to add?

Luke: The only pearl I claim to have is the black one hanging over my head. But what are you going to do? Haters are gonna hate.

BBW: So the game, what were the stand out points for you and your team?

Luke: There are so many to choose from! I mean that sensational blitz and touchdown with just seconds on the clock by Yoda was inspirational stuff wasn't it? It gave us a chance to finish the half 1-0 up and an opportunity to have a word with the ref to remind him that chainsaws, ball and chains and bombs aren't meant to be on the Blood Bowl pitch. It mostly worked, I think the Goblin coach had to lash out a fair whack of bribes to convince him to let them back onto the pitch. But the pockets are bottomless and we saw the Goblins carrying weapons off the pitch as soon as we could manage it... So thinking about it yes, I think that touchdown was the standout moment and the turning point of the game.

BBW: Yes, the second half was certainly a different game, but where were you for a good portion of the match?

Luke: [Shifting uncomfortably in his chair] Look, for a long time the Unicorn critics have cited our team as a one star wonder that relied upon one particular player to win matches. It was a good chance to prove that the Unicorns are very far from that team these days (if they ever were). Besides, that was a fair thump to the head and I was in need of an ice-pack.

BBW: But you roused yourself after that surprise touchdown from B&C!?

Luke: Look the boys and Leia were pretty pissed off that the goblins slipped a touchdown in. We felt that we had a point to prove and a 4-0 score says that more eloquently than 3-1. But all credit to the goblins, they proved to be resourceful and played a good game of underhanded Blood Bowl. Am I upset about the bribes, weapons and wizard? They're goblins, it's what the fans expect and we took everything that they had to dish out from their bag of tricks and showed them what a solid team with some good tactics (and a little luck) can do.

BBW: You guys (and the lovely Leia) sure did give us an enjoyable game of Blood Bowl last night, we noticed a lot of heckling from the crowd though.

Luke: Yeah, the goblin supporters were out in force last night, everyone loves to root for the underdog. And what's more underdog than Goblins? Still I have to say that the B&C team and coaching staff have my respect. They fought hard, tooth and nail for almost every play. There were a few close calls last night. That Kickbacks is a menace and I expect the doping and performance enhancing test results will be falsified, because that goblin is something else! Extortion also did a terrific job on defense and Thieving did well to score a touchdown to salve the wounded pride of coach tussock

BBW: Well thank you for the interview Luke... Aahhh, I don't suppose I could get Leia's phone number whilst I'm here? Our sister magazine BBT would love to invite her to do a photoshoot for the centrefold.

Luke?

Luke: *Raises Hand and levitates the BBW interviewer out of the room using the force*
This interview is over.

BBW: Oh my! Put me down! Put me dowwwn!
RedMaul



Joined: Jun 10, 2006

Post 1 Posted: Oct 15, 2016 - 03:29 Reply with quote Back to top

Image
Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Oct 23, 2016 - 15:49 Reply with quote Back to top

In a still secret, and now bloody location.

[SLID]:First of all You lot suck. You not only lost 3-0 against the Banner of the Black Stag but seriously four of you smucks now have permanent problems. You are a disgrace to the uniform and pitch. You got your ass H.A.N.D.ed to you on a platter out there by some balls of hair on steroids.

[LID]: They did their best SECONDARY lead detective, those furry steroids just out manned us after we tried to take it easy on some fellow H.A.N.D members. That was the plan Michael set up with them. We'd each take it easy this game so we were ready for the next big raid.

[SLID]: Well that didn't happen now did it. I told yeah to play as hard as you can every Nuffle damn match or this type of shite will fall down on you. Why if i'd have been there and not being fussed over by the doctors we would have won.

[Peanut]:Peanut needs fussing. Peanut hip now bigger than head. Not easy to stand still again.

[LID]: Anyway I've had to submit a report back to HQ and I have some bad news. Michael you're being reassigned back north. Given your injury that's probably a good thing.

[Michael]:Transfer comes in one F@~£/%G day to late. Traveling back by ship with this busted collar bone is not gonna be comfortable.

[Peanut]:Peanut not comfortable. Look Peanut wobble.

[LID]:Sit down Peanut or your'll fall and injure yourself, or someone again.

[Leo]:Bloody ogres...

[LID]:Well you will be missed Michael so we got you a cake for a going away present.

[Michael]: Wow a cake, just what I wanted, I'm sure it will help with the searing pain i'm always going to have from now on.

[Peanut]:Cake.? Peanut help Peanut like cake.

[LID]:No Peanut don't!

-----A cake explodes in a crash of falling ogre.------

[Leo]:Bloody ogres...
Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 24, 2016 - 01:38 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Keothi: So what's going on Luke? Talk to coach.

Luke: [Squirming in his seat] I don't know how to tell you coach.

Coach Keothi: You can do it son, I'm here for you. The entire team is too.

Luke: Well it's this recurring nightmare I have, I think it's a glimpse of the future
by channelling the Force.

Coach Keothi: Go on Luke, I'm listening...

Luke: I am running with the ball on the field sir and then an ominous presence forms above me and I'm either struck by lightning, in other dreams it's a blastwave of heat and fire. There's a moment of excruciating pain... Then blackness from which I never wake up.

Coach Keothi: So you're afraid Luke? That's understandable. But you know that the future is uncertain. Your fears will also shape what you see. I know that you had a close call when we played bufface's Stags. It happens to us all.

Luke: There's just so much pressure Master Keothi. Everyone expects so much from me. I'm targeted by wizards every match, every Blood Bowl killer in the League wants me as a notch on their belt. There's a Black Pearl against my name and... and... and I'm scared coach!

Coach Keothi: It's alright son. We'll help you through this. You take the rest of the week to meditate and to purge your heart of fear and anger. Those emotions lead to the Dark Side of the Force. Don't give in. Yoda, Obewan and Qui-Gonn are there to guide you. But I need you to not give in to yours fears. If you get knocked out, you need to get back up and into the game as soon as possible. This team isn't the same without you and they need you just as much as you need them. We had a good chance to win last night. Our gameplan was going well, even when they scored their first touchdown. That forced their secret weapon off the pitch early and it also cost them their wizard to score. All we needed to do was stay strong as a team. Protect one another and be there for one another. Han Solo tried to fill your shoes, but he's no Jedi Luke. He's hurt badly, but the doctors say he'll make a full recovery. Even Jaja stepped up and tried to lead the team to victory. But without you there to lead them, to listen to and use the force wisely, they are not complete. Lead them Luke. Show them that their trust in you is worthwhile!

Luke: I will Coach. I will. [Luke squares his shoulders as a weight lifts from them]
Thank you for listening to me Coach.

Coach Keothi: I'm always here son. This team is my absolute pleasure to coach. I have faith that you boys (and Leia) will do us all proud this Season. Go and see Han and make sure he's in good spirits. Oh and tell Leia to be gentle with him over the next few days until those healing potions fix his arm up. No rough stuff in the bedroom until the Doc clears him!

Luke: Whaaat?

Coach Keothi: Oh. You didn't know. Sh#t! *Ahem* well it appears as though the cocky smuggler and your sister have fallen in love. Best get used to the idea.

Luke: .......

Coach Keothi: Off you go Luke. You've got a lot of preparation to do. We face Patdragon's "Wildcard Nats" next and I'm not fooled by their supposedly weakened appearance.

Luke: Han ??? Leia ??? No. No! That's not true! That's impossible!

Coach Keothi: Search your feelings; you know it to be true!

Luke: NOOOOO! NOOOO!!!
tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 24, 2016 - 13:53 Reply with quote Back to top

Image Weggie Rhite. Image

What an Ogre. Trusty for the hits, a fine ally on the line, knew how to hurt 'em, put you in your place, and would not be moved. At one point against All Sorts, he piled on a troubling clawsome toad by the name of Turmoil, but missed crushing him flat. He did not pile on at the end of the game, what use with the game long lost, standing proud, alone, the Marauders swarming, the claw took his great armour asunder, and Turmoil knew the end of the match was a fine time to drive the point home. "Like this" he was heard to scream.

The whistle blew, the field cleared, but Weggie stirred no more. A superstar is lost, and now the Kiddies' treasury may finally recover from his overwhelming appearance fees, though the team seems the less without him.

Night Patrol, Softrock, Widowmaker. Now Weggie too. How is it that Skink still lives? There is no justice! It's almost like people would rather not crush it's feeble little skull.

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 24, 2016 - 22:22
FUMBBL Staff
Reply with quote Back to top

At the Freezy Trees club rooms the party continued on into the third night. You'd think they'd taken the title the way they were carrying on. They didn't even win the game against the Fun Police, merely survived it. But any excuse for a piss up.

A large figure sat hunched on the back steps of the club house. Clark was in no mood to join the festivites. He stared intently at the Big Guy award he held in his hand. An award he shared with two others in Season 64. Tears glistened in his big blue eyes. He never got a chance to face his rival, the Ogre on the pitch. And now he never would.

"roar", said Clark meekly

RIP Weggie, you'll be missed
Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 25, 2016 - 01:26 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Keothi: We faced the Hostile Kiddies IV twice on the field of battle in the Southern Wastes. In our first match, Weggie proved a formidable foe, smashing the ribs on Qui-Gon Jinn. He also stood proudly on the field for all 16 turns as the linchpin of the team in both offense and defense. In our second match, Weggie didn't play his best game, but his solid presence and superhuman strength gave his team the support that they have come to rely upon. But no more... A Big Guy Star has fallen and we wish coach suttbutt all the best in trying to fill a very large pair of shoes for the Kiddies.

Weggie, [Raising a beer to your memory] may you never be forgotten
suttbutt



Joined: Mar 16, 2015

Post   Posted: Oct 25, 2016 - 10:08 Reply with quote Back to top

The Management of the Hostile Kiddies IV would like to thank the many supporters who have sent letters and gifts of support to the team over the past day. However we ask that you do not use words containing more than three letters, as the late Weggie Rhite's Family are not nearly as literate as the Great Ogre once was.

A small private pyre burning will be held later in the week, we'd ask that all looters and marauding warbands respect the ceremony and only take items from non-HKiv personnel in attendance.

signed

Coach Suttbutt


Furthermore,

Weggie Rhite's Will.

Furry Clark to get my Sundae
Wife to burn wif me

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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 30, 2016 - 06:47 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P Show

Thanks for tuning your balls to our show again folks, for the mid-season conferences roundup. Terence, I see those useless Goblins of yours are last again, how are the rest of the conferences doing?

--

Just timing their run, Phillip, all the sharpest teams are doing it.

Our big softies conference, Blue Mountain Dragons, is four games in, with Banner of the Black Stag, Asha'Maniac, and Prancing Unicorns all tied for the top, and Eau de Toilet not far behind. Asha' and the Unicorns have to play each other yet, so you have to rate the Black Stag this season, inspired by the run of the Freezy Trees the previous one perhaps.

The cruel conference, Technically Minded, are three to four games in, with Public Service Announcement and White Fluffy Stuff looking the business thus far, but the Cup winners Steaked and young Compare the Meerkat close behind with a game in hand. Steaked to play both leaders yet, most teams still in it, hard to call.

The big fast conference, Intoxicated Mayhem, are four games in. Striking Thunder Beards! and Dallas Drowboys lead the way, high scoring games abound, and no shortage of casualties to go with it, including the noted loss of Bolwgan Softrock and Hoover Widowmaker for the Snowleopards now in last place. The Beards have a hard road left, Whalekillers easily in reach.

The one with the Glee Club, Black Crowes conference, are four games in, a fifth for the Glee Club themselves to hold a temporary share of the lead with the Large Head-On Colliders, whom they meet in the final game, the only other one in range being the one they haven't played, Sacred Spawning of Sotek. With 34 recorded casualties in five games from the Glee Club, every team is taking a pounding and it's sharing around the wins in successive games. Good stuff, fans love it, off to Premier they go for season sixty-seven.

--

Thanks, Terence. Well, fans, brief and to the point, games are ongoing as we spellcast, check your local details for reviews and replays, and keep an eye on your crystal ball for the latest from us at the T&P show.

Show not affiliated with Trump and Pence, we were first! Also, eeeeew.

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Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post 11 Posted: Oct 30, 2016 - 15:37 Reply with quote Back to top

In a secret, a little bloody and begin to smell again location.

[LID]: Ok... So lets begin this quick review of what happened in the last 48 hours shall we. First we shall hear the report from sergeant Strange on the operation involving The Prancing Unicorns game and the activities surrounding it.

[Sgt Strange]: Well other than losing the match 2-0 and the rookie getting injured everything we confirmed our suspicions.

[SLID]: You got injured in the second game so don't you be commenting on the rookies mistakes. I'll be the one to say you all did piss poor in that first game.

[Sgt Strange]: Anyway the side operation of questioning the injured smuggler to see if he was transporting the puke green wyrdstone didn't go quite as expected but we got a hold of some of the pure stuff. He must have seen the rookie with his badge still on coming and panicked as it seemed he dropped his cargo at the first sight of us. After we sorted through the cargo we have confirmed its the same stuff from the psyche labs we raided before and not only that but we found an piece of parchment with coach him and coach Almic85 discussing percentages. Seems Almic85 wanted 20% but solo talked him down to 15%. Anyway, after that Some of the team tried to question him further during the game. They didn't get to far in that regard as his girlfriend who was playing must have spotted odd people in the dugout and left the pitch feigning injury or something. What we did get was almic85 has put a price on his head and other people are after him as well. So we can guaranty they're connected.

[LID]: Well that good progress indeed. This mean the big raid will go ahead within the next week. What happened with that other incident during the match.

[Leo]: The rock thrower was arrested but let off as he claimed Nuffle Luck or some sort. It's a crappy clause down here but apparently it works.

[SLID]: Aye. Nuffle has his whims, you just need to train bloody harder to counter it you ponce.

[Peanut]: Peanut miss game but Peanut watch. Temp big human was ponce. Next time Peanut.

[LID]:Indeed Peanut. That Zug character held his own for most of the game but lets us down in the end.

[Peanut]: Peanut do better.

[LID]: Yes you did well in the next operation vs Bribery and Corruption . We even won that won 2-1

[SLID]: Too many mistakes that time. We won it barely.

[Peanut]: Who's Bear Lee?

[LID]: Anyway who has the report on this operation.

[Davis]: *cough* That'll be me sir. As it looks like the previous reports were not stored properly and we needed to re-investigate some Bribery and Corruption issues for a H.A.N.D operation. We manged to get some important information to hand over to the H.A.N.D but it was incomplete. As such we have arranged that the Blag Stag operatives will commence a second operation to complete the collective goal for the Westpac files.

[LID]: Well I suppose it counts as a win for now. Any other things of note?

[Davis]: Nothing about the case sir, but can I mention as i'm the only women here I feel I need to mention You lot really need to bathe more often this place is beginning to smell again, I can barely stand to be in this room.

[Peanut]:Bear Lee stand? Stand up Lee. Peanut say hi.

[LID]: Noted Davis, if everything goes well with the final raid next week then we won't be needing to stay in this place much longer. We should be able to finally bust this wyrdstone case wide open and stop this bloody undercover work as blood bowl players. Right so now we will discuss the raid on the Southern Warpstone Scavengers if every one can get out the reports I gave you we will begin...

------------Somewhere in the room corner a small squeek is missed by everyone as an ogre assaults a rookie Saying is your name Bear?---------
Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 31, 2016 - 00:04 Reply with quote Back to top

Blood Bowl Weekly [BBW]: Welcome subscribers to a double installment of this magazine's following of the Unicorns' progress in the Blue Mountain Dragons Conference.

Round 3: Prancing Unicorns vs Psych Lab
The Unicorns were looking fresh and feisty as they pranced onto the pitch against the rats known as Psych Lab; coached by eganra. The difference in team weightings were signficant, even with the return of eganra's injured Rat Ogre Bernon. So the bookies bribed the SWL tribunal to allow the odds to be evened with eganra purchasing the services of; one bloodweiser babe (well known for their abilities to rouse from stupor the unconscious blood bowl star), a wandering doctor to patch up any injured player, a magic pair gloves to help hold onto the ball, the participation of Fezglitch with his ball and chain and a wizard who agreed to throw a lightning bolt or cast a fireball onto the pitch once during the match at coach eganra's discretion. With these tricks, magical equipment, a fearsome star and a beautiful babe waiting in the dugout, the lab rats took to the pitch.

The Unicorns did not fare well against the rats the last time they faced off, but were confident that this time they had their measure. Sadly, pride cometh before a fall and with Luke Skywalker making an appearance onto the pitch for only 3 out of 16 turns, Darth Maul removed from the pitch and Han Solo sent scurrying with a smashed arm the Unicorn line-up lacked the necessary skills and strength to shut down the scurrying rats. Darth Maul did his part although he only stayed on the pitch for 6 turns, but in that time he caused 2 casualties and scored a touchdown to keep the Unicorns in with a chance!
Eganra's wizard removed Luke Skywalker from the field and quickly scored. The rats were then scored against in turn but were successful in spilling the ball and converting again into a second touchdown. The unicorns lacked the resolve and necessary luck to stop the score or to retaliate in kind. A closely fought game from the tenacious rats and the Unicorns left the field with their heads bowed in defeat, their second loss from eganra's team and first loss of the Season. Final score, 2-1 to Psych Lab with the Unicorns scheduled to play a badly mauled Human side known as "Wildcard Nats".

Round 4: Prancing Unicorns vs Wildcard Nats
With plenty to prove, the Unicorns missing their favourite smuggler, but also lead by a newly determined Luke Skywalker took to the Blood Bowl field.
The Wildcard Nats were looking decidedly sorry for themselves after their last debacle of a match and coach buuface's Norse side. This reporter didn't get to see the entire game, but the Nats were pasted, with 4 serious injuries against their team and three badly hurt team mates as well. There was no coming back from such an uneven match up, with the Norse side romping to a 3-0 win against the Humans and leaving the already underweight squad decidedly light, with their Ogre Peanut left with a permanent limp, their promising catcher permanently disabled with a smashed collarbone and their swift footed thrower tackled so hard that his back was thrown out and he'll likely nurse a permanent niggle there too.

With only Han Solo missing from the Unicorn side, the difference in teams was chalk and cheese. So, as is the Blood Bowl way the SWL tribunal turned a blind eye as almost a million in cold hard cash was allowed to be spent by Patdragon to bring his team up to something resembling a spectacle that the fans could enjoy.

Patdragon didn't look a gift horse in the mouth! With the sour taste from his last match, a second doctor was hired, two bloodweiser babes, a wizard and two all-stars Griff Oberwald and Mighty Zug were waved enough coin to step onto the pitch to prop up a very weak looking lineup.

The Nats won the coin toss and elected to kick, with a wizard in the back pocket they were obviously hoping to force a quick turnover and score early in the piece, with the hope of either preventing the Unicorn's retaliation touchdown, or at worst starting the second half 1-1. The Unicorns were wary of the impact a wizard could have on their usual solid defense, and so coach Keothi adopted a spread out screen defense. The downside being that the Nats were able to penetrate the screen and sack the ball player. Luke Skywalker came to the rescue, but the Nats then trotted out their pet wizard who stunned Luke to the ground with a well placed lightning strike! Luckily, Luke recovered and after some scrambling managed to score a touchdown. The crowd rioted and the ref wound back the clock. The Unicorns needed to hold the Nats out for two turns to lead 1-0 into the second half. Thankfully they did just that! The carnage however started to take a toll on the Unicorns, the newly advanced Yoda was off the pitch with a smashed ankle and Ewok was targeted and suffered a groin strain. Both players will be sorely missed as they take some time to recover, for the Unicorns will be facing the fearsome Nurgle team coached by Irgy. In a game against Nurgle, a solid bench can make all the difference. But back to the match! Princess Leia was knocked out on the kick-off at the commencement of the second half and Mace Windu the promising rookie lineman was also sent to the KO bin. Leia wasn't really concentrating on the game and this reporter has heard that the beautiful Troll has fallen for Han Solo and with her lover injured and off the pitch she obviously struggled to keep her mind on the game. I'm sure coach Keothi will be having words with the love-struck Troll and reminding her of the importance of playing the best game she can each week.
The Unicorns managed to send a few Humans off the pitch, but the most seriously injured Human player was a self inflicted one, when a clumsy catcher failed to stay on his feet and smashed his knee. The newly hired doctor was brought out, but he only managed to nearly kill the player, so the bloodweiser babe gave him mouth to mouth and brought him back from the brink of death. Still, Griff was knocked out and Obewan managed to badly hurt another and keep the numbers on the field fairly evenly matched.
The Unicorns spilled the ball and after some mid-field tussling, Luke Skywalker once again blitzed free with the ball and ran in a touchdown to win the game 2-0.

Snapshot Season Summary - End of Round 4 - Blue Mountain Dragons
The Wildcard Nats although losing this match, suffered no serious injuries (apart from the clumsy Thomas Jan Maseryk) and so recovered their squad to step in against the Goblins in Round 5 with an almost full compliment of players.

The Conference looks exciting BBW followers! There are THREE teams tied on first tier points after 4 rounds for first place on 15 points; Redmaul's Asha;maniac lead the table with their superior TD difference (delta 5), Prancing Unicorns also on 15 points, TD difference (delta 4) are tied here against buuface's Banner of the Black Stag, but the Unicorns are placed second, as their CAS difference (delta CAS) is 7 vs buuface's 5.

With three rounds yet to play, the Conference is really very much up in the air and up for grabs by any of the top three teams. With the Nurgle side in 4th place still in with a shot at the title too! An exciting conference followers, with the next 2 rounds to perhaps favour one of the teams over the others. Stay tuned for more Blood Bowl to come!
Keothi



Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 02, 2016 - 01:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Dear Prancing Unicorn Fans,

We apologise for last night's disruption to the much anticipated game against Eau de Toilet.

Obewan Kenobi had to race off last night to save the galaxy from an external threat. As the galaxy is still here; Obewan was clearly successful.

As such, the game scheduled last night between the Prancing Unicorns and Eau de Toilet has been rescheduled to be 7:30pm SWL time, Thursday, 10th November 2016.

We apologise to all fans for the disruption and offer a 50% discount on all Pop figurines and Jaja Plushy Dolls at our next game.

Yours Sincerely
CEO of Darkside Blood Bowl Pty Ltd
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