Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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 Posted:
Jun 18, 2004 - 10:27 |
 
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Rolf Harrass Reporting: Super League Rumours!
"Interesting rumours have most decidely NOT been flying around SWL Headquarters today, according to Commissioner Twahn, who is a really nice person."
whispering is heard from directly behind the reporter, out of camera view
"This reporter most definitely has NO information whatsoever on a proposal from, and I quote "a few renegade Coaches out to feather their own pockets".
muttering appears to come from just from behind the reporter's back
"Unequivocally, there is NO proposal to create a parallel Super League for teams considered too strong for the SWL Qualifying Pool but unable to join the Division as their Coaches already had teams in the League."
low pitch chortling can be faintly detected
"This is Rolf Harrass signing off for Channel BB ....
rapid muttering can be heard
.... and goodnight to Commissioner Twahn's lovely Partner"
as the camera picture fades, a satisfied looking League Commissioner appears from behind the heavily sweating reporter, sheathing a rather sharp looking knife |
Last edited by Elan on %b %18, %2004 - %11:%Jun; edited 1 time in total |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jun 17, 2004 - 05:36 |
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The following announcement has been payed for by friends of the Western Sydney Wonders, WSW ltd co inc
The Western Sydney Wonders coaching staff, fans, friends, and business associates would like to thank the following players for 'giving one for the team' in today's day game at Rotterific Stadium:
Charge
Bite
Iron
Swift
Frenzy: You twit, why couldn't you have learned to block before you practiced that kicking game! **umm...coach? that was your ideaaaERK!
Great job Wonders!
Very close game, good job Gladiators! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jun 16, 2004 - 00:58 |
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<b>MR WHIPPY'S PREMIER PREVIEW</b>
Well, the playoffs have concluded and another gruelling season is ahead of us. The Southern Wastes League has grown to a massive 7 divisions in total incorporating teams of all races and from all locales…
Long term franchise owner of the Donut Boys and founding member of the SWL, Mr Whippy, casts his eye over the teams vying for the ultimate crown, the Premier League Champions Trophy. Mr Whippy speaks from experience and for those of you new to the league or for those inclined to take a punt or two, his words are words to heed. Over to you Mr Whippy.
“Thanks Eddie, this year we have assembled one of the finest set of teams to contest the championship ever! From the rampaging champions the Zen Adepts through to the arrogant, violent and hopelessly erratic Blue Mountain Dragons, there is a team here for everybody’s tastes. Whether you like your rock solid Choc Ice style play of the Anvils or you prefer your Strawberry Cream style fluffy play of the Maniac Mammallians, there is a team for you.
<b>Zen Adepts: Franchise Record: 14/8/4, FF: 10</b>
Starting with the SWL IV champs first, I see the Zen Adepts again as the team to beat. On paper, they are perhaps stronger than any team in the SWL. This team is very formidable and I for one cannot see them losing the crown this year. This however does not mean it will be a walk in the park as they will give away plenty of handicaps to some very well credentialed opposition. The one thing they might find unsettling is if they are drawn first up against the mighty Adelaide Anvils and come out worse for wear… that may set them back further than the cost for a dozen of those fancy-dan Krispy Kremes!
<b>Season 4: Premiers, Predicted Season 5: Premiers</b>
<b>Adelaide Anvils: Franchise Record: 9/7/7, FF 13</b>
The Anvils are harder than a toffee in the freezer and they are the best Dwarf team in the SWL by a country mile. However, their critical drawback is the Anvils play the typical dwarf game. In other words they are one trick ponies…
Expect a lot of Wizards and Star Players to line up against the Anvils like bees to the honeydew, but with their high fan base providing plenty of cash, they will be seriously challenging for honours
<b>Season 4: Third, Predicted Season 5: Second</b>
<b>Corporate Fraud Chaingang: Franchise Record: 14/2/7, FF: 9</b>
Defending champions in Season 4, the Chaingang had a relatively poor season in SWL IV, with injuries and age catching up with the Dark Elves. But experience counts for a lot and the Chaingang were still with a shot at the seasons close. I see SWL V being a rebuilding year for the Chaingang and they should retain their premier league status, but it will be tighter than a full box of Powderpuff creams up ya jumper!
<b>Season 4: Second, Predicted Season 5: Fifth</b>
<b>Maniac Mammallians II: Franchise Record: 10/3/7, FF 8</b>
This is make or break year for the Wood Elves with a high scoring offence (look at the 6 TD’s scored vs the Creepers in Season IV Playoffs!) trying to account for the fragile defensive set. I personally believe the Mammallians will struggle against traditional rivals the Anvils and Adepts, but I expect them to win or tie against the ball playing Regeants and Chaingang. The crunch match will be versus the Dragons as the Dragons traditionally make dough out of the passing teams and can match it against teams like the Mammallians for scoring… I see a 2/0/3 or a 3/0/2 season and that will result in 3rd or 4th position…
<b>Season 4: Fourth, Predicted Season 5: Fourth</b>
<b>Blue Mountain Dragons: Franchise Record: 12/3/12, FF 10</b>
Dragons captain Vladim Oslobahn talked up a storm last season with more interviews in the SWL media than there are versus of Greensleaves. But last year, for the first time ever in the big donut punchers career he delivered. Apparently having Zara the Slayer banned from his hotel room helped big bad Vladim concentrate and last year he led the Dragons to the First Division Championship with an emphatic last round display against the Reagents.
But premier league is a different story. First Division was probably softer than a strawberry jam puff donut in comparison to the ‘ard defenders the Dragons will face this season.
Also the brazen stupidity that the Dragons show by getting around the pitch shirtless will cost them as I believe the injuries may mount up. All in all, the Dragons will contend, but will fall short.
<b>Season 4: First Div Premiers, Predicted Season 5: Third</b>
<b>Prince Reagents: Franchise Record: 14/2/5, FF 10</b>
The Reagents are the consummate professionals in the SWL. After temporarily disbanding for SWL II, they rejoined the league in Second Division in SWL IIIand won that easily moving into First. They lost the First Division championship on the last day of SWL IV but gained promotion with an upset win over the Archfiends of Atrocity in the playoffs. Now they face the big donuts of Premier League and the biggest test of their collective lives.
I believe that their grit and determination will see them compete at the expected high standard but something goes against me in tipping them to win many games. They may beat elf cousins the Mammallians in a shootout but will find it tough against the Anvils, Adepts, and Dragons. I see only disappointment at seasons end much like the kids at closing time at Whippy’s Donut Emporium. Someone has to come last and I think the Reagents may just do that.
<b>Season 4: First Div Runners Up, Predicted Season 5: Sixth</b> |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jun 15, 2004 - 16:21 |
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And Season 5 is officially under way here on Channel BB!
Early games have seen a brutally fought draw between Division 3 sides Kano's Black Tide and Iridines Gladiators with the Tides fans mighty impressed with their teams efforts, but the much fancied Iridines fans were displeased at two of their stars showboating ways in refusing to take to the field if the other one was present.
There was also a tough hard fought game between Division 6's Khorne Crusaders and Death Resurrected that saw the Khornate Brethren take the game 2-1.
So Rolf and Rage whats your take on todays season openers..
"Duh well Joe, the Post game BBQ provided by the Black Tide was ripper, can I cover more of there games?"
Uh OK Rolf, Rage, your thoughts..
"Aaaarrrooowwww...Rushem coulda used some more paprika, and cut back on the horseradish some.."
Uh guys i meant about the games, not the catering..
"oh, well yeh was tough, not as tough as I used to play mind"
"hah, you play tough rolf, you dunno bout tough, you big hindquarters of cow you!"
"What you call me Rage! i give you rage"
<camera pans back to Joe as obvious nasty fighting ensues in background and mostly off camera>
Well there you have it. Where all now eagerly awaiting the first Premier division games of the season and should be giving you a run down of the respective teams on The Bloody Show! Thursday at nine, stay tuned folks! |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jun 15, 2004 - 12:50 |
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Rolf Breakfast's Bit
Pass me anutha donut ..... and wheres me bag of gold for being on this show? Wiv no games played yet, dis preseason hype is boooring. Ged on wiv the maiming! |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jun 14, 2004 - 16:58 |
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Since we last profiled these players there have been many changes, with many of them suffering, lets call it, career changes....
Premier Division
Dwalin
Adelaide Anvils 79Spp's
Still a proud member of the Anvils, still going strong...
1st Division
The one, the only Duke Snakefield
Duke....er...Carlton United 63 Spp's
The one man team survived te season and looks set to play on in Season 5, should be a great player for the United, although there ar erumours of where he is going to wind up.....Alas the United face relegation to 2nd Division this season unless the league commisioners decide that such a great man...er team should not suffer this ignominy...
2nd Division
Rolf Breakfast
Chaosium Ad Nauseau 58Spp's
With the collapse of this one great side Rolf Breakfast will be moving on and changing career, as he joins us here at Channel BB! as a sidelines reported and special comments man....beast...thing...
3rd Division
Steel Stealer
Sewer Pipe Dream 72Spp's
The Super rat faces bravely another season, despite now carrying a worrying niggling injury, we can expect more big things from this ratty rat rat....
4th Division
Rage Bloodcry
Citadel Ancients 73Spp's
Rage alas has succumbed to his injuries and ceased playing, but he will join Rolf Breakfast in our sidelines team....he of course won't be covering any night games.....
It looks like its going to be a big season ahead folks, stay tuned!! |
_________________
"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jun 14, 2004 - 16:42 |
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Here at Channel BB! we are gearing up for the coming season this week and will be running some Stars of the SWL and Your Team Exposed! indepth profiles over the coming week:
We recently caught up with our chief statiscian Icoun Tem and he has assembled heaps of information about all the minutiae of the SWL! We will lead off this series with an update of where are they now of our season four stars....
Top 5 Career Casualty Inflictors of the SWL:-
18 Ziggurat - This Creepers Mummy has one more game for the regular seasonso should see him pull even further ahead.
14 Necrogeiyet - Khemrian Mummy player for the Archfiends also has one game left for the season, can he catch the stunning brutality of top spot!
14 Rushem - Orc Blitzer for the Black Tide. has finished the regular season and will probably lose position to...
14 Anders Hansson - Khemrian Mummy of Gumbeast United, also with one game left this season.
13 Bashitz Tabitsis - Sewer Pipe Dream Rat Ogre who finished the season in his last game against the Black Tide. |
_________________
"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jun 14, 2004 - 10:55 |
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News Update!!!!
This just to hand! Recent commentary by some git that Coach Elan had supposedly offered to support to the "team of one" Carlton United was unequivocally squashed tonight when Coach Elan held a news conference.
The gist of his incensed ramblings was - "The glorious Carlton Football Club is a team in a different League and Code you blithering idiots! Get yopur facts straight!" Go the Blue Baggers! And did you see the win that night - Woohooo!"
In the later part of the confernece, after removing the carcusses of two Magpie supporters from the room and calming the Coach down, he announced a possible legal action for defamation of character against Channel BB and its reporters for taking the Coach's words out of context. This has been referred to a well known Gnomish legal firm for consideration. Our legal experts advise that Coach Elan's lack of character is now well known and the matter is likely to attract an out-of-court settlement.
In a related issue, a copyright violation may be lodged against Duke Snakefield's team and officials for being so unoriginal in naming the "one man team" after a team that is a glorious institution in the most livable settlement in the Southern Wastes.
When asked to comment, Coach Elan stated that as the Duke is currently deeply depressed over recent relevations about the Duke's diminutive "block and tackle" and lack of staying power, the Authorities should follow Rule One of BloodBowl - When their down and out, put the boot in! |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jun 11, 2004 - 11:33 |
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NewsFlash!!!!
Rumours have spread rampantly today as a certain coach was overheard barracking for a team noone could believe!!!! The following excerpt has been edited to protect the identity of the coaches involved.
[18:05] <mElano> later all - wish us luck!
[18:05] <mElano> carlton that is!
As of this broadcast The Duke has been unavailable for comment. Stay tuned!!
:p |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jun 10, 2004 - 09:06 |
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On the topic of herds, we've live coverage from a great qPool game that went on this evening up in the frozen northloands between the Guttormr Raiders and Jezebell. Oh and our reporter has apparantly checked in so here we go live to the stadium!!
Thanks and welcome to the frozen north!! We had a ripper of a game today and I've Teatsie here from Jezebell to give us her viewpoint on what was a classical bashfest! Go Ahead Teatsie.
Mooo *cough* erm I mean many thanks Jim! Well, as we showed up for our friendly qpool match it was with mooo err boos of derision that our mighty chaos players were met. Dodging thrown flagons of mooead we barely managed to herd our team onto the field unscathed. Our fans showed great class in restraining themselves from rushing the Norse heathens where they stooood in the stands. Then all plans got thrown out the window. THEY TAUNTED MILKMAN DAN! *SNORT* Dan slid out to winger with a grimace and after the first kick immediately charged the curr at the center of it. Unfortunately his fury affected his blocking and he only managed a rough shove. Apparantly this provocation of the herd had been intended as Dan was immediately blindsided and before Daisy could come to his rescue, one of these filthy mongrols dropped down from the shoulders of a teammate to land elbow first on Dan's head. *tears fall softly down her bovine visage* The large bull of their stable then charged forth and assaulted Jersey leaving her with serious lactation issues that will probably have her sitting out next game. Mmmoooo Oh, it was On now! It was SO ON!! The remaing gurnseys, with eyes aflame with their barely contained fury proceeded to do what they'd been bred for generations to do...PLAY BLOODBOWL! With a power drive the likes of which have rarely been seen they drove down the field hooves flailing, teeth gnawing, hearts pumping until at the top of turn 7 there I was, casually grazing in the endzone, the footy casually resting between my blood spattered horns. The northern instigators then rushed forward in an attempt for a quick score, but it was strong play and an ACTUAL MOMENT OF BRILLIANCE by our Bull that saved the day. With a huge sprint down the field he managed to knock over one of the three men that could score, and pushed the second safely out of range thanks to two bovine assists. Milkmaid Mary laughed as a blitz tried to push her out of the way of the third, and sent that sorry soul to dirt city for his troubles, "Not on my watch!!"
After half time Mary had to calm her charges as they worried about how they'd stand up with such depleted numbers. The Norse fans once again started their taunting as our team took the field, but this time our fans had taken enough humiliation. With a righteous burst of caged fury they charged onto the pitch and stampeded across the far side of the field. Mooooany of the players, caught unawares by the sudden nightmare, didn't manage to dodge out of the way. While many ended up stunned, confused and out cold after the charge, one in particular took it rather badly in the chest. He now awaits the butcher I'm sure as all dead mooooeat eventually finds itself. Thanks to this sudden blessing from the Chaos Cows on high, Jezebell prevailed once again! The moral of the story? Milkman Dan's a swell guy and well loved by all. Well LOVED by ALL!!! YOU GOT IT??!!
*cringe* Ummm, Thanks to you Teatsie, and now back to the studio....
gg Skonos. Good and Bad luck played a big part in this match. Blame chaos for that I guess  |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 10, 2004 - 02:54 |
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Ed Harsh here for HOOF and HERD magazine. Some dark reports swirling out of the Black Crowes paddock as they prepare for what promisies to be a BRUTAL season 5. After losing the chance to be Div 3 champs the coach of the Crowes, the GREAT UNSEEN, has been up to some decidely dark magic. Not content with a 2nd year team that performed against all expectations, moves have been made to promote this flock as fast as possible. Already the storm clouds have formed over Whitey and poodle-man...just WHY did they suddenly feel the need to exit the comp? Rumours also abound that our cousins in the Chaos Dwarf camp coached by Elan may have felt it safer to retreat than to play on in their current Div. Yes indeed my fellow graziers feel the fear from the Shadow Void.
In other news team bad boy JealousGuy has been blessed with his 3rd mutation in a row...he of the Claw/Razor Claw combo has added Chaos Beauty (also known as Foul Appearance) to his list. We attempted to contact him for an interview but he was knee deep in groupies at the time. There is talk of a calander coming out as a fundraiser for next season..we will keep you posted.
Also on the fundraiser front..look out for Lions the Mino's first single "Stands Still and Roars in Rage" A real toe tapper! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 10, 2004 - 02:31 |
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HEY KIDS, LOOKING FOR THE LATEST IN STAR PLAYER CARDS? Thats Right! The Card with the STAR on it. Every Star Player card is FULLY customizable...just tick the boxes and Add the photo and EVERYONE can be a star. Don't worry about figuring out the player's cost the CARD DOES IT FOR YOU! It can't get any better than that! Every card also comes with a free slice of Mystery Meat Jerky* When you are ready to be a STAR or just be on a card like one just go here and click on the Starplyr.zip link. The rest is up to YOU!!!
*Mystery Meat Jerky not included |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jun 08, 2004 - 13:28 |
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In the season that was one of the most brutal teams was the Black Crowes who turned around from a disappointing Season 3 to storm into Season 4 with all that gore...
"The Black Crowes have completed their most brutal win of all time in Div 3 and have set up a BLOCKBUSTER with the Southside Stone Smashers in Round 5. Thats right it's #1 vs #2 with only one point seperating them for top honours. As to Rd 4 against the Sewer Pipe Dreams it was more nightmare than dream as the mighty herd finally played up to expectations! Looking forward to the final. Will keep you posted as to the where and whens." |
_________________
"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Jun 08, 2004 - 13:07 |
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New Kids (not) on the Block?
It has been noticed in recent weeks that those self-apointed champions of Division 3, I-House have been excpetionally poor in their blocking of late. Told to investigate the phenomenon, ace SWL journalist Irite Stuff spoke to coach Chunknanimous about I-House's recent blocking malaise.
I Stuff: So Coach, what do you have to say about your teams recent lack of blocking ability, and have you any comment about the speculation about your future as head coach?
Chunk: Bah! Tis not my fault at all! In fact, we suspect that our blocking coach has been paid off by the other teams in division 3, who are simply so scared of our macho players that they paid him to corrupt our players excellent blocking techniques, which has resulted in our two losses this season. We have put in a protest to SWL CEO Twahnlow Sweetchariots, but as everyone knows, he is a useless ditherer, and we cannot expect any justice apart from that we extract with the shiny soles of our boots! Rest assured, this coach has most recently been fired, and we have used some of our saving to engage some assassins to HUNT HIM DOWN!!!!
I Stuff: What about those of your fans calling you out over your recruitment of the Ogre Axe?
Chunk: Bah! How the bloody hell was I supposed to know I'd gotten the only gay ogre in existence? Spends most of his time fraternising with opposition players in the "KO" box. We have again protested this development with SWL management, but head lawyer Warren Neverhadaclue told us there was no way we could change the big oafs current contract, and so we're stuck with him. Honestly, who ever heard of a gay Ogre? Anyone? No, you haven't, that's right, and you would hired him yourself you weasels!
I Stuff: You seem to be very hostile towards your fans
Chunk: Bah! Well what the hell do you expect? They're all bloodsucking leeches. I tell you, apart from that one pitch invasion, which I suspect was really motivated by their prediliction for Dwarf fondling, they've done squat for us. Other teams fans throw rocks, get the ref, throw riots at the drop of a hat, but ours just sit their quietly with their hands in their laps and hope they don't get hurt. And the friggin ogre doesn't help there either, he's supposedly a bloody gay icon now, so the few fans who did like to cause a bit of ruckus are not too afraid of being molested by the other half to actually do anything!
I Stuff: Thanks for taking the time to speak with us Coach
Chunk: Bah! Who the bloody hell are you? I was talking to Willy over here , bugger off you little gribbler, or I'll show you exactly what you can stuff! |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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| Posted:
Jun 08, 2004 - 07:35 |
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