Joined: Aug 10, 2018
Feb 09, 2019 - 09:24
One Man Line Of Scrimmage
Mixed emotions in the Scoundrels' dressing room after their most recent match: on the positive side, they've now scored as many times in this season as in the last two seasons combined. But sadly this was also Avo Smash Toast's final game with the team.
"Lads, in case you didn't see, Avo has gone to a better place" intoned the coach.
"Ooh, the Border Princes? That sounds lovely. Irene showed me the pictures from your holiday -"
"No, Bogan, Avo is not holidaying in the Border Princes. As I said, he's gone to a better place, a place from which no goblin returns -"
"But boss," interrupted Pinkeye, "he gets sent off every week. As soon as he stops being angry with the ref and spends a bit of time at the garden centre, he always stops sulking and comes back."
"Pinkeye, while I admire your youthful optimism, I'm pretty sure that you, just like everyone else, saw when his head was knocked off and his guts fell out. Avo is no longer with us. He is going to fail every breath test. He is a shrivelled corpse atop the rubbish dump next to the stadium, he is - "
Willy No-Mates stuck up his hand." Boss, you know we're not good with all these euphemisms and metaphors. What are you trying to tell us about Avo's holiday?"
"He's not on holiday, William. He's dead. Dead, dead, dead."
"But can't - I mean, why doesn't - how come Legneck doesn't just patch him up like you said he did with all those Norse students?"
"Ahem" said Legneck. "The problem with that plan, is that while the university afforded me a generous budget for sticking plasters, super glue, hatpins, necromantic potions and string, we can't afford any of those things. I'd love to put him back together, but the fact is, we're broke."
"How much can it cost to put Avo back together? Surely any price is worth paying for our topiary-loving leader!"
"Well first, I'm your leader, not some hipster who likes poncey breakfasts. And second, about 40,000 gold pieces, which we have about half of right now. And no, Pinkeye, before you start with any more juvenile witterings and I know you're thinking them, Ladyshape, Bogan and Irene are not doing a "bikini cartwash", whatever that is. They're people, not objects to be pawed at by some oik with a carriage with racing stripes on the sides."
There was a general hubbub of discontent in the room. For the last two seasons, the Scoundrels had maintained a comprehensive health plan for the team, but with tightened budgets and two recent deaths, many of the goblins were feeling insecure.
"But on the bright side, lads, we have new sponsors! The men from Proctological Procedure & Gamble have been in touch."
"No, The Who are some longhaired minstrels from Albion. You must have heard of Proctological Procedure & Gamble!"
"I bet it's something about sticking a finger up your -"
"Pinkeye! They're thr manufacturers of I Can't Believe It's Not Blubber, the number one bestselling substitute blubber substitute in Lustria!"
"Who needs a [i]substitute[\i] blubber substitute?"
"Well obviously, we do. Did you not notice how well Fructose was dodging past those Ogres when he scored?"
"Well, yeah, but then the loudmouthed git fell over trying to take down that snotling who had the ball and we lost."
"Exactly. Because by then, all the blubber substitute we'd been using on him must have come off. But I Can't Believe It's Not Blubber is guaranteed to stay slimy for a full 90 minutes, and we've got free supplies for the rest of the season, in return for the odd promotional appearance."
"An odder appearance than Fructose?"
"I don't know what that means. Now start slathering it on!
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
Jan 30, 2019 - 03:46
One Man Line Of Scrimmage
This season, in One Man Line Of Scrimmage, a new series that the paper will be running after as many matches as possible, the reporters from the Hotfoot Herald were granted exclusive, candid and in-depth access to one of the foremost teams in the Southern Waste League's Regional division. Unfortunately, the paperwork got muddled up and we sent them to the Scoundrels's changing rooms instead. Read on for exclusive coverage of the team's post-match briefing:
"Lads, it's deja vu all over again."
"Deja who?" Fructose asked.
"'E woz a Bretonnian Ogre, Fructose." Legneck tried to explain. "Saw' im once, smelt of garlic, had three arms."
"A mutant Bretonnian?" asked Fructose.
"No, he'd just bitten the third arm off some geezer. I distinctly remember it, he was - "
"What's an ogre got to do with anything? Those orcs had a Troll -"
Ladyshape and Manshape both began to growl.
"Fructose!" Avo shouted. "You know we don't use the t-word here!"
While the two largest members of the team continued to seethe Fructose blushed and started stammering. "S-s-sorry, Ladyshape, 'gentle-forest-person-with-elegant-habits'."
"You finished?" the coach grumbled. "I'm not talking about some pasta-eating ponce from Bretonnia -"
"Tilea" said Legneck. "Pasta is from Tilea. Those Bretonnians only eat snails."
"Ooh, I'd love some snails to eat" pitched in Bogan Picnic. "They sound right sophisticated."
"Nothing but posh slugs, love" retorted Fructose, trying to gather his self confidence again.
"I'm not your love" spat Bogan, adjusting her mini skirt. "And you can stop treating me like some kind of object. I'm a proper person, with feelings you know. And what's more, this is an equal-opportunities team, and I think you don't give us ladies enough respect!"
Ladyshape made a booming sound of agreement.
"Leave it out, Bogan" said Pinkeye. "You're giving it all that feminist chat now, but where were you last night?"
"Well, there wasn't much female solidarity when that geezer with the ball knocked Irene into the middle of next week, was there? You were too busy grinning and smiling at that Fungus, just cause he's a Star Player or some such claptrap."
"Me and Fungus are very good friends, and -"
"Stop!!!" the coach screamed, stamping his foot. "It's bad enough that I spend a fortune getting that pumped up pumpkin of a so-called 'star player' to come and attend our match -"
"Do you mean the bloke that hit your girlfriend in the face with his massive balls?"
"Ball! Fructose! That lovely lady is my fiancee, not my 'girlfriend'! What do you think I am, a schoolboy? For the last time, he hit Irene in the face with his massive ball! It's enough work trying to manage you unskilled reprobates without your schoolyard innuendo! And if one more of you morons asks what an innuendo is, I'll get Manshape to give you one! Now quiet!"
A hush fell across the assembled goblins. Had the coach just announced he was marrying Irene?
"I've been looking. Clearly, we're acting under some kind of curse. Every game we've played this season has been exactly the same as the game we played last season. You had that temporary anenome and played the Denizens by accident? Well, it wasn't an accident, was it? Is it any accident that you lost 2-0? The exact same score as the first game you played last season?
"And then what happened yesterday? You lost 5-1, just the same as the second game of last season. I can't believe you idiots! We had a chance to go down in history as the first team to have a flawless record in the Southern Waste Regionals, and then one of you, yes, Bogan, I'm looking at you, persuaded Ladyshape to throw you in the air and then run into the end zone with the ball."
"Isn't that what we're meant to be doing?" Bogan was confused.
"Not at the price of our place in the history books, you wretched little gimlet! I'm beginning to wish we'd never hired you! Or fired you and then rehired you just because you had an extra fancy new hat!"
"It's a pretty good hat, you have to say" Legneck interjected.
"Legneck, enough! Aren't you meant to be studying for your medical exams?"
Legneck withdrew to the back of the room, dragging his pogo stick behind him.
"Now listen, and listen hard. We're cursed, ladies and gentlemen, and the only way to break this curse, is to not lose 2-0 to the next team. That shouldn't be too hard, it's a 'Trial of Puppies and Candy' according to the schedule. Probably more of those nancy boy elves. Now get back to training!"
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
The SWL LXXIV Team Achievements
Turns (1170): Blue Mountain Giants
Completions (16): Yeast Lords
TDs (18): Yeast Lords
Cas (26): Didgeridead
SPP (135): Yeast Lords
Passing yards (51): Yeast Lords
Rushing yards (202): Yeast Lords
Blocks (384): Blue Mountain Giants
Fouls (64): Singed Poor Scoundrels
Blocks/Cas (8.7): North Cape Crays
Pass/Cp (4.9): Haunted All-Sorts
Kills (6): Singed Poor Scoundrels
Turns (1162): Da Lollipop Guild
Completions (21): Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters
TDs (14): Belfast Black Rats
Cas (36): Chrimean Chimera
SPP (142): Chrimean Chimera
Passing yards (58): Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters
Rushing yards (242): Unicorn Gunfight
Blocks (427): Da Lollipop Guild
Fouls (16): Unicorn Gunfight
Blocks/Cas (7.9): Chrimean Chimera
Pass/Cp (4.4): Redgum's Rationalists
Kills (4): Beyond the Sunset & Da Lollipop Guild
Turns (1126): [adult swim]
Completions (19): Wildwood Windlords
TDs (24): Wildwood Windlords
Cas (21): Pugs Not Drugs
SPP (146): Wildwood Windlords
Passing yards (60): Wildwood Windlords
Rushing yards (337): Wildwood Windlords
Blocks (343): Cryptic Cryptids
Fouls (38): Cryptic Cryptids
Blocks/Cas (12.0): Bravado
Pass/Cp (5.3): Blackwater Cockfighters
Kills (2): 4 teams on 2 kills.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Forest Bark (North Cape Crays) 22 spp
The SWL Season LXXIV Awards
Hergal Goldbrew (Blue Mountain Giants) 7 TDs
Forest Bark (North Cape Crays) 11 cas
Flint Warmantle (Blue Mountain Giants) 114 turns
Hergal Goldbrew (Blue Mountain Giants) 163 rushing yards
Nebula (Haunted All-Sorts) 34 pass yards
Arethusa (Styx αnd Warpstones) 17 fouls
Salamoneus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 91 blocks
Tragynus III (Yeast Lords) 8 cps
Hundie (Haunted All-Sorts) 5.88 block/cas
Nebula (Haunted All-Sorts) 5.67 pass/cp
Salamoneus (Styx αnd Warpstones) 29 SPP
Freezie Pop (Unicorn Gunfight) 9 TDs
Eamonn Everweep (Chrimean Chimera) 9 cas
Strongboi (Calithonian Cynegeticus) 115 turns
Ku-Klip (Da Lollipop Guild) 169 rushing yards
Ólerydon (Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters) 49 pass yards
Rainbow Prairie Doggo (Unicorn Gunfight) 12 fouls
Major Mite (Da Lollipop Guild) 75 blocks
Ólerydon (Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters) 14 cps
Mouse Haus (Beyond the Sunset) 2.75 block/cas
Centrolene Ilex II (Skye Hoppers!) 4.67 pass/cp
Freezie Pop (Unicorn Gunfight) 29 SPP
Vilot Voom (Wildwood Windlords) 9 TDs
Chocolate (Pugs Not Drugs) & Dean Martin (Bravado) 6 cas
Orobon (Cryptic Cryptids), Ninki Nanka (Cryptic Cryptids) & Beast of Busco (Cryptic Cryptids) 116 turns
Cotton Candy (Pugs Not Drugs) 155 rushing yards
Longbough (Wildwood Windlords) 61 pass yards
Michael "Belt" Hutchence (Pugs Not Drugs) 16 fouls
Dean Venture ([adult swim]) 67 blocks
Longbough (Wildwood Windlords) 13 cps
Fakhir Faefever (Pugs Not Drugs) 2.34 block/cas
Longbough (Wildwood Windlords) 4.69 pass/cp
Vilot Voom (Wildwood Windlords) 29 SPP
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Nov 15, 2018 - 08:42
Lab equiqment sabotaged! A whole new GENeration left to be flushed down the toile... erm, disposed of in an environmentally sound way....!
The smell of burning electronical gear permeated the room as coach D_Arquebus was left to ponder... was it really just that "fear was an option"....?
Fear of the indefatigable commish and his indomitable 'Admin-client'... fear that Rock would indeed for once "Tear Paper and Win"...
...the result was the same... a new team performance enhanci... erm... refreshing, yes refreshing... brew was put on the bunsen and a reschedule to next week...
NAF Regional TT Tourney Organiser (AUS/ NZ)
TT Bloodbowl in AUS - www.ausbowl.com
Ausbowl on FB
NZ BB Community on FB
Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Oct 18, 2018 - 16:43
*background music runs*
I said a hop hop
Hoppie to the hoppie
The hop, hop a hop, and you don't stop
Today's program is brought to you in association with Crikey.
The brand for all your bipedian amphibian needs.
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
The SWL LXXIII Team Achievements
Turns (1173): Tall Hat Toughnuts
Completions (13): Skye Hoppers!
TDs (16): Chrimean Chimera
Cas (32): Chrimean Chimera
SPP (147): Chrimean Chimera
Passing yards (40): Skye Hoppers!
Rushing yards (248): Loec's Loggers
Blocks (359): Chrimean Chimerad
Fouls (24): Singed Poor Scoundrels
Blocks/Cas (11.6): Chrimean Chimera
Pass/Cp (3.3): Loec's Loggers
Kills (5): Ramalangadingdong
Turns (1140): [adult swim]
Completions (17): Yeast Lords
TDs (23): Wildwood Windlords
Cas (28): Cryptic Cryptids
SPP (153): Wildwood Windlords
Passing yards (69): Ratty Old Elves
Rushing yards (295): Belfast Black Rats
Blocks (344): Waaaaghton Redskins
Fouls (37): Cryptic Cryptids
Blocks/Cas (10.3): Bravado
Pass/Cp (4.9): Wildwood Windlords
Kills (7): Redgum's Rationalists
Turns (1083): Unicorn Gunfight
Completions (13): Dean Park Rangers
TDs (11): Pugs Not Drugs
Cas (22): Unicorn Gunfight
SPP (102): Pugs Not Drugs
Passing yards (62): Dean Park Rangers
Rushing yards (224): Unicorn Gunfights
Blocks (349): Unicorn Gunfight
Fouls (23): Unicorn Gunfight
Blocks/Cas (15.8): Immortalis Inquietus
Pass/Cp (4.8): Dean Park Rangers
Kills (4): East Farkner Journeymens Club
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Socrates (Redgum's Rationalists) 16 spp
The SWL Season LXXIII Awards
Sakari Spawnrot (Chrimean Chimera) 11 TDs
Lach Legionellosis (Chrimean Chimera) 11 cas
Five players tied - we've run out of bronze hearts, sorry 114 turns
Sakari Spawnrot (Chrimean Chimera) 191 rushing yards
Centrolene Ilex II (Skye Hoppers!) 18 pass yards
Mogarak (Ramalangadingdong) 10 fouls
Lach Legionellosis (Chrimean Chimera) & Hokomate (☠Refreshingly Dead☠) 68 blocks
Unbaranga (Goonbongburra Windjammers) & Aphrael (Elenium) 6 cps
Kalam Mekher (Goonbongburra Windjammers) 2.67 block/cas
Centrolene Ilex II (Skye Hoppers!) 3.6 pass/cp
Sakari Spawnrot (Chrimean Chimera) 35 SPP
Emily Snakefield (Bravado) 11 TDs
Dean Venture ([adult swim]) 11 cas
Gobslag Tango (Bravado) & Emily Snakefield (Bravado) 115 turns
Impak (Waaaaghton Redskins) 166 rushing yards
Ochraceiventer (Ratty Old Elves) 57 pass yards
REALiTi (Beyond the Sunset) 17 fouls
Wychwethyl (Wildwood Windlords) & Lance (Calithonian Cynegeticus) 81 blocks
Ochraceiventer (Ratty Old Elves) 13 cps
Dean Venture ([adult swim]) & Henry Allen "Hank" Venture ([adult swim]) 6 block/cas
Marlerok (Evil Moon Rising) 8.34 pass/cp
Impak (Waaaaghton Redskins) 34 SPP
Cotton Candy (Pugs Not Drugs) 7 TDs
The Ur-Nugget (Unicorn Gunfight) 8 cas
Arf' Arf'an'Arf (Lab Rat Elysium) 110 turns
Baron von Kitemonger (Unicorn Gunfight) 174 rushing yards
Stev'o Yunge (Dean Park Rangers) 70 pass yards
Ulric Dirtytree (Unicorn Gunfight) 15 fouls
Rainbow Pudding (Unicorn Gunfight) 68 blocks
Stev'o Yunge (Dean Park Rangers) 8 cps
The Ur-Nugget (Unicorn Gunfight) 6.13 block/cas
Stev'o Yunge (Dean Park Rangers) 8.75 pass/cp
Cotton Candy (Pugs Not Drugs) 21 SPP
Joined: May 19, 2009
Sep 02, 2018 - 15:03
Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 72.
Once again this season’s announcement evening has been significantly delayed by circumstances beyond our control or ken. At times it almost feels as if some other realm, some entire other dimension or plane of existence, has so much going on in it that this little universe we have here in the Southern Wastes is affected. And yet, eventually, here we are again, happily celebrating SWL’s finest.
As ever, all SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team. After a restart for the new era, the league has returned to a familiar structure, with Regionals, Conferences, and a Premier Division. We’ve assembled 11 players with representatives from all levels of this great competition.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXXII:
Baron von Kitemonger (C) Ghoul, Unicorn Gunfight
Beard o Zeus, Blitzer, Brew Pub Brouhaha
Tertinia Titiana Ghoul, Immortalis Inquietus
Secundus Pescennius Caprarius Mummy, Immortalis Inquietus
Mouse Haus, Runner, Beyond the Sunset
Groggus BarrelbrewerRunner, Rolling Rampage
Stev'o Yunge, Thrower, Dean Park Rangers
Dan Dan, War Dancer, Bravado
Spike Hunchback, CD Blocker, Crude Oilers
Salamoneus, Blitzer, Styx αnd Warpstones
Arethusa, Goblin, Styx αnd Warpstones
Baron von Kitemonger returns to lead the All Stars as Captain once again. While he didn’t quite hit the amazing heights of his first season, he proved he was more than a flash in the pan with 6TDs for the season in the SWL’s first Premier division of the new era. He also continued to hit career milestones, reaching over 300 career yards and scoring his 20th career TD. His agility continues to give him a range of options which normal ghouls just couldn’t take, and he has developed his game to ensure that he has safe hands and a tricky little side-step which can get him out of difficult positions.
Beard O Zeus is another returning All Star. She didn’t have the same impact as a scorer this season, but she kept hitting hard and contributing to her team, achieving 5 CAS and 1TD in a difficult SWL Premier season for the Brouhaha. In a relatively short career she already stands on the verge of 100 blocks, and has a dozen CAS (at an average of 1 per game), and half-a-dozen TDs (0.5 per game). She’s a highly skilful and effective blitzer, who can hit hard and tackle, or stay in the contest and support her team-mates, and she’s once again a deserving All Star.
Tertinia Titiana had an amazing season in the first Premier division of the all-new Southern Wastes League. He led the way with 7TDs from over 150 rushing yards in a break-out season. He scored twice vs Evil Moon Rising, and then stood up for the big occasion for the crucial match vs Unicorn Gunfight, his 2 TDs and a CAS decisive in the narrow win. As much as the start of his career has been characterised by his scoring, he’d started to modify his game to the more defensive aspects, training herself to tackle his opponents, or to strip the ball loose whenever he gets the chance to hit the ball-carrier. A real all-rounder in the making.
Secundus Pescennius Caprarius was a consistent and significant presence in the Immortalis team. He managed to inflict 5 CAS in the season, and on five different opponents. He has thrown over 100 career blocks, at an average of approximately 8 per game, and even proven himself a scoring threat with a TD all the way back in season LXXI. Solid and dependable, with a knack for helping out his team-mates in the trenches and an ability to make himself almost immovable no matter what his opponents throw at him, he takes a powerful place in this season’s All Star line-up.
Mouse Haus had proven himself a capable scorer in his first season, but even the veteran pundits and the most bullish Norse fans would have struggled to predict how successfully he would build on that foundation in his second. Competing in the Conferences, Haus scored an incredible 10TDs from 6 games, scoring a brace on 4 consecutive occasions. In doing so, he took his career rushing tally past 250 yards and established a career average scoring rate approaching 1.5 TDs per game. He does it the old-fashioned way too, more a skilled baller than a pure athlete. He has sure hands and is incredibly difficult to bring to ground, and contributes in defence as well, using his strong tackling to bring opponents to ground.
Groggus Barrelbrewer comes from a famous barrel brewing family who have brewed barrels (a strange and arcane art which I couldn’t even begin to explain here) for generations. But his path has led him to the SWL and the game is richer for his decision to turn his back on the brewing of barrels. He proved a consistent scorer in the Regional division this season, finishing with 10 TDs for the season and scoring twice in three separate games. In doing so, he brought his career rushing tally to a remarkable 367 yards, at an average of over 26 yards per game. He can block and dodge with the best of them, and has a burst of speed when sitting under the kick-off which allowed him to position himself well with the ball in hand and grind up-field over and over again. An exceptional exponent of the ground-game, we welcome him tonight to join the ranks of the All Stars.
For those more interested in the aerial game than the ground game, Stev’o Yunge wins the right to command the All Stars backfield after an impressive season of throwing passes for the Rangers. He finished with over 100 passing yards for the season, from 15 completions, at a rate of 7.2 passing yards per completion. His game against the Yeast Lords particularly stood out, with his 5 completions for 35 yards establishing the dominance needed to run out with a 5-2 win in a battle of the elfs. This season he took his career total past 20 completions, was clearly the safest and most accurate thrower in all of the SWL.
Dan Dan takes his name from two mainstays of past SWL All Star teams, and he continues their legacy with his selection this season. He plays a different game from either of those previous “Dan”s though, and as much as he is a potent scoring threat, his real talent is in the spilling of blood. He is selected tonight for a thoroughly un-elfish 10 CAS season. What perhaps makes this feat most remarkable, was that coming into the season he had never caused a CAS, and even early in LXXII he was more interested in the ball than in breaking his opponents’ bones. But a CAS against Lab Rat Elysium whet his appetite, and he went on to cause 3 against the Cryptic Cryptids and then 3 more against TingBuDong. When a player can leap, block, tackle, wrestle, and draw blood from rats and beatsmen alike, you best believe he’s an All Star.
Not to be out-done by an elf, Spike Hunchback had to go one better than Dan Dan and finished the Conference season with 11 CAS. He established the pattern of his play early in the season, with a dominant display causing 4 CAS against the East Farkner Journeymen, and then 3 more against the Norse from Beyond the Sunset. He’s a small package full of big hits. As strong as a Saurus, and tough as an old boot. He has over 100 career blocks at over 8 per game and looks to be well-positioned to establish himself as one of the most feared fighters in the SWL. Certainly he’s already established himself as one of this season’s All Stars.
One player who might also challenge for the title of most feared in the League is Salamoneus. He’s a little rat with a big appetite for warpstone. Warpstone and blood. He also scored 11 CAS in an amazing Regional season, but he also showed that he could play ball, scoring 3 TDs late in the season. On two occasions he inflicted 3 CAS: firstly vs the Lollipop Guild, and again vs the Yetis. He has horns and claws and he can inflict mighty blows on his opponents, but as a ball-carrier he is difficult to get to ground and always a risk of injuring those who dare to stand in his way. With over 150 blocks from 14 games (at over 10 blocks and 1 CAS as an average) he’s a promising young player and a season LXXII All Star.
And if Salamoneus doesn’t get you with the hit, beware for Arethusa coming in with the stomping boot. It’s unusual to see three All Stars selected from the Regional division, but this little Goblin had a season which was impossible for the All Star selectors to ignore. 29 fouls is, in and of itself, an amazing achievement. He nearly doubled the tally of the foulest Conference player and was more than 3.5 times as foul as any of the Premier. But even more remarkable is his ability to hide these nefarious activities from the authorities. These 29 fouls came from only 56 turns on field for the season. An absolutely unremarkable player to look at (and perhaps this anonymity is part of the threat), but he completes the All Star 'LoS' nonetheless.
And so we present to you all, these eleven player, the All Stars of Season LXXII.
We’d also like to offer our hearty congratulations to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads:
Tertinia Titiana Ghoul Immortalis
Baron von Kitemonger Ghoul Unicorn
Cantia Sura Ghoul Immortalis
Henry Allen "Hank" Venture Orc Blitzer Swim
Marlerok Delf Blitzer Evil Moon
Secundus Pescennius Caprarius Mummy Immortalis
Beard o Zeus Zon Blitzer Brew Pub
Prancle-Dance Fuffergump Mummy Unicorn
Rainbow Prairie Doggo Zombie Unicorn
Barni Blackchewer Orc Blitzer MekLab
Dikarnos Delf Blitzer Evil Moon
Mouse Haus Norse Runner Sunset
Impak Orc Blitzer Waaaghton
Cotton Candy Werewolf Pugs Not Drugs
Turbo Thomas Flynn GR Belfast
Stev'o Yunge Helf Thrower Dean Park
Spike Hunchback CD Blocker Crude Oilers
Dan Dan Dancer Bravado
Wychwethyl Dancer Windlords
REALiTi Norse Lineman Sunset
Sakari Spawnrot Pesti Chimera
Fredrick Whiterock Thrower Farkner
Salamoneus Rat Blitzer Warpstones
Groggus Barrelbrewer Dwarf Runner Rolling Rampage
Reeshemah "Bee" Knox Zon Catcher Stormbreakers
Simon Smackheart Humie Blitzer Swine
Sparhawk Slann Catcher Elenium
Fritjof the Ferocious Snow Troll Yetis
Morgrec Chaosmantle Dwarf Lino Rampage
Mai "The Black" l'Olonnais Zon Blitzer Stormbreakers
Arethusa Gobbo Warpstones
Yandrac Axetoe Dwarf Lino Rampage
Carlito Gómez humie blitzer Swine
Which brings us to the end of tonight’s much-delayed ceremony. The new season is already underway, and already some of tonight’s All Stars have begun their quest for another selection in LXXIII. We hope you have enjoyed the announcement of these teams and we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd![/u]
|Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...|
Joined: Jul 14, 2012
Jul 28, 2018 - 06:43
~ Crude Plains Courier ~
BREAKING NEWS - OILERS COACH RENEGES ON DEAL, FLEES TOWN
Word out of the Crude Plains is that Coach K, cowardly former "coach" of the Crude Oilers, has reneged on his 3 year deal to remain with the Oilers. A source close to this reporter spotted Karnov just before dawn, fleeing town on a donkey which we can only assume is his lover.
Stirland and Avelorn appear to be his most likely destinations.
We here at the Crude Plains Courier wish the Crude Plains former "coach" nothing but pain & misery and failure wherever he ends up.
May Nuffle smite you, Karnov, and may your balls over-inflate! *shakes fist*
Joined: Jul 14, 2012
Jul 18, 2018 - 02:20
~ Crude Plains Courier ~
OILERS TO RETURN DUE TO PUBLIC DEMAND
Word out of the Crude Plains is that Coach K, enigmatic supercoach of the Crude Oilers, has turned down coaching offers from new sides in Stirland and Avelorn and committed to his current team long-term.
Coach K, notorious for his team-swapping shenanigans, has seemingly been touched by the large showing of public support for his high-hatted heroes, especially after the "Slaughter at Blackwater".
This outpouring of affection, along with the guarantee of absolute front-office authority, led Coach K to sign on with the Oilers for another 3 seasons.
The Courier pressed Coach K for further thoughts about what he expected of the team going forward:
"I want to lead this team to sustained success; more importantly, however, is that I want them to be loved and adored like no other Chaos Dwarf team in SWL history.
"Don't think of the Oilers as "just another" Blood Bowl team; consider them a foundation pillar of this new-born league who will not only contribute on-field, but off -field as well, with many community outreach programs in the works."
We here at the Crude Plains Courier wish Coach K and the team the very best of Nuffle's blessings.
Great luck and fun, Coach!
Joined: Jul 14, 2012
Jun 09, 2018 - 11:12
Block’s ‘n Rock’s magazine (#1) in conjunction with the Southern Wastes Professional Blood Bowl League is pleased to announce the creation of three new awards to be presented at the conclusion of SWL season 72:
- Grapple Inc.’s “Touchdown of the Year”
- Underworld Armour’s “Casualty of the Year”
- DOA Sports “Steel Balls” (Ballsiest play of the year)
To nominate your favourite TD/CAS/BALLSY play grab a copy of Block’s ‘n Rock’s #1 or send a pm thru to editor-at-large Karnov, Sub Editor Ramchop or let the league know in Discord or via a forum post. At season’s end, an esteemed panel of Blood Bowl luminaries will review the nominations and select the season’s greatest plays!
Block’s ‘n Rock’s #1 available now at all SWL fake news outlets! *Cabalvision online subscription also available.
Joined: May 19, 2009
Jun 07, 2018 - 15:13
Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 71.
It’s our pleasure to invite you all here to celebrate a new beginning. SWL has begun a new season and a new era, and tonight we inaugurate the first All Star team selected from an incredible line-up of new players and new teams.
As ever, all SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team. Uniquely, the league was structured without Regionals or a Premier League, but we’ve assembled 11 players with representatives from all five conferences.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXXI:
Baron Von Kitemonger (C) Ghoul, Unicorn Gunfight
MaoZedong Chaos Chosen, TingBuDong
Chinwendu the Strong, Anointed ‘Thrower’, Effluvient Dervishes
Turbo Thomas Flynn Gutter Runner, Belfast Black Rats
Loeckin Wardancer, Wildwood Windlords
Kai Bollinger Thrower, Bravado
Beard O Zeus, Blitzer, Brew Pub Brouhaha
Beithir, Skink, Cryptic Cryptids
Vorticist, Kroxigor, Veophiles
Plato, Ogre, Redgum’s Rationalists
Cerberus, Troll, Styx and Warpstones
The first player to be named an All Star in this new era is doubly honoured tonight as the LXXI All Stars captain. Baron von Kitemonger certainly made an impression this season. His first couple of games were good, but held only a hint of what was to come. Once he found his feet in the league and realised how dangerous he could be as a scoring threat, he took his game to the next level. He scored hat-tricks against both Styx & Warpstones and Kroakland Raiders, but he saved his best performance for the Crude Oilers. His 4TDs made him a match-winner and carried his team to victory, and to Premier League qualification. He finished the season with a remarkable 14 TDs from a shade under 200 rushing yards. Astounding numbers for a player whose career spans only seven games.
MaoZedong is one of the Chosen representing TingBuDong in this new league, and from the start he chose a different path from so many of the Chosen who played alongside him and who have preceded him in this game. He is as strong and as well-armoured as any warrior of chaos, but within that steel carapace beats the heart of a ball carrier. While his brethren were practising their blocking and mighty blows at training, he was gathering balls from the turf, ensuring that he wouldn’t fumble the pickup, that the ball couldn’t be stripped from his hands. In games he would put this skill to good use, rumbling up the pitch and defying his opponents to stop him from scoring. Seven times in seven games he crossed the line to score, including doubles against the Belfast Black Rats and the Ratty Old Elves. When he didn’t score, he put his other skill-set to good use causing 2 CAS against his opposition.
Chinwendu the Strong was given the name before he started playing the game, but he soon proved it prophetic. Indeed, Chinwendu was strong enough to lead his team to an undefeated first season and to Premier League qualification. He too scored 7TDs from his seven games, quickly establishing himself as a crowd favourite and drawing huge crowds to Dervishes games. He scored doubles against both Elenium and the Blackwater Cockfighters, and ran for over 160 yards. A genuine star in the making.
Turbo Thomas Flynn brings lightning speed and uncanny agility to the All Stars. His opening season yielded 8TDs from 126 rushing yards, and when he wasn’t scoring he was happy to turn provider, racking up 4 completions for 12 passing yards. Perhaps most remarkable for his consistency, Flynn’s star quality grew with every game he played. He scored three doubles, including in the last two games of the season against Chrimean Chimera and Calithonian Cynegeticus. Perhaps his best moment though was his completion and double in a game-turning performance against Redgum’s Rationalists in which he ran for 38 yards (more than ¼ his season total) and threw for 6 (1/2 his season total) to secure a narrow 3-2 victory. I guess the lesson here is that he loves to dominate teams with alliterative names. Which brings us to the Wildwood Windlords.
The star that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, and so it was for Loeckin, who burst onto the scene with a brilliant first season, only to be forced into an early retirement by a niggling injury. The Wardancer played seven games in his career, but he achieved enough in that one season to leave the game as an All Star. His hat-trick against the SWL Sentinels was enough to ensure a 3-3 draw, and announced his arrival as a player. His 2 CAS against the Refreshingly Dead necros proved that he was as tough as he was skilful. In the 4-2 win against the Cheasy Hardon Malaprops he put together a nearly complete game, achieving a TD, a CAS and a completion from only 10 turns on the pitch. It was to be effectively his final game, with the cruel injury blow and a tight team budget forcing Sandune to make the difficult decision to retire his young star. He had a wonderfully wild, frenzied, acrobatic style, and hopefully others will follow his example.
With Flynn and Loeckin downfield waiting to receive the pass, there is no one better to deliver it to them than Kai Bollinger. For some players, it might be a difficult weight to bear, carrying two such illustrious names in SWL history, but for Bollinger it is an inspiration, and like his name-sakes he has achieved All Star status. He was a reliable thrower all season, accumulating 8 completions for 35 passing yards (an average of over 4 yards per pass and 5 per game). He is the inaugural captain of Bravado, and a natural leader on the field, and as much as he is a ball player he showed his hard edge with a CAS against the Windlords. He has a long way to go before he has a trophy cabinet to match either Borgan or Kobra, each of whom had multiple All Star and Representative selections, but he’s off to a great start.
Beard O Zeus is an incredible all-rounder on the field. She started her career looking like she was going to be a scorer, and quite a prolific one at that. 5 TDs in the first half of the season seemed to establish her in the team and had already put her on the All Star selection committee’s radar, but even then there are few who could have predicted her performance against the Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters. She left the scoring to her team-mate Barbapapa that day, and instead turned her attention to the systematic destruction of her Elven opponents. She caused 5 CAS that day, of the 7 which she would cause in the season, including horrific injuries, even a fatality. And the crowds loved it. A hard-hitting blitzer for the modern game, a fierce competitor, a season LXXII Premier player, and a deserving All Star.
Beithir comes into the All Stars in a curious, perhaps a unique fashion. His career began as a sneaky little stomper, scuttling and scurrying around beneath the feet of larger lizards and stamping his skinky little feet on fallen opponents. He fouled 8 times in his first season, from only 6 games. And yet this is not what makes him unique. Often players of this ilk find their niche and carve a career within it. Think of any number of players whose fouling exploits saw them sacrifice individual stardom for the team good, the appreciation of their devious coaches and the admiration of bloodthirsty fans. This was not the path for Beithir. Instead the little skink worked to become more than he was. He scored against Rolling Rampage, and having gotten the taste for glory he scored twice against Ratstar Blazers. He developed his agility and his ability to carry the ball and evade his opponents. And so, his days of fouling indiscriminately may be behind him, but we remember them fondly tonight, and we hope to see him back on the All Star stage in future.
And so we come to the terrifying foundation of this mighty All Star team. In the past, it has been rare for the Big Guys to make it into this esteemed eleven. Sure, you would see a smattering in the representative squads, but to elevate oneself to true All Star status seemed a task for which many of the most massive players seemed too wild, too boneheaded, or too stupid to reliably achieve. But tonight, we induct not one big guy, not even two of them, but three!
It was a tough season for the Veophiles. A 2-0-5 record wasn’t enough to convince the lizards to continue and so the team disbanded and Grod went off to coach some dwarves. But the one bright light in it all was Vorticist. The Kroxigor had an unusually good sense of the blocking game, and was able to help those around him. In 7 games he threw over 60 blocks and from these his mighty blows caused 9 CAS. His best performance was against the Snarling Lunar Freaks, who would go on to win the conference, but they won’t forget the 3 CAS Vorticist caused against them.
Next to the big lizard on the All Star line is Plato. The ogre had a great first season with the Rationalists, causing 7 CAS from only 44 blocks (at an average of 1 CAS per game, or approximately every 6 blocks). His 2 CAS game against Immortalis Inquietus was good enough to earn him the MVP that day, but even better (though unrewarded by the MVP judges) was his 3 CAS performance in his team’s 2-2 draw with the Ratty Old Elves.
And the final All Star named in the LXXI team is Cerberus. His namesake is the guardian of the underworld, and this troll was the guardian of the underworld denizens. He is truly a freak of nature, and a terrifying prospect for any opponent to face. Aside from the strength and regeneration common to his kind, his affinity for the dark mutatative forces of warpstone have transformed his flesh in horrific ways. Tentacles come unfurling from his body to wrap the unsuspecting victim and keep them close. Long, curved, claws have grown from his hands and arms, sharp enough to slice through leather, steel and flesh. He caused 6 CAS from 49 blocks in his first 7 games, and the way he’s going, he’ll cause a great many more before his career comes to an end.
And so we present to you all, the All Stars of Season LXXI.
We’d also like to offer our hearty congratulations to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads, listed here: https://fumbbl.com/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&p=724088#724088
Which brings us to the end of a very special awards ceremony. The new season is already underway, and already some of tonight’s All Stars have begun their quest for another selection in LXXII. We hope you have enjoyed the announcement of these teams and we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd![/url]
|Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...|
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
Bravado Here to Stay
by Trixi Strockjap
Bravado have been quite hard to get hold of over the past few weeks. They burst onto the SWL scene full of chest-beating confidence but have been completely silent in the media since early in the season. I finally tracked down captain Kai Bollinger relaxing in the sauna of the Grande Maulbourne Deluxe.
Trixi: After a disappointing season, do you have any regrets on the way you entered the toughest Blood Bowl competition in the South?
Kai: Disappointing? Not at all, we're extremely happy with our great success this year
Kai: Of course! We've raked in the profits on this venture. We knew the clubs over here were struggling after being duped by the Bitcoin scam, but we never dreamed how desperate they'd be. The scouting programme was a huge success, and we invested in 4 opposition stadia. There is simply no better way to view the operations of a ground than being on it.
Trixi: Are you genuinely suggesting you entered SWL as a real estate venture?
Kai: Absolutely. Flicked two on almost immediately for a great profit. The foolish owners of one didn't know what they were sitting on - just scratch the surface of the pitch and beneath it you find a rich vein of finest Plastique™, worth millions. West Islanders really are simpletons. We're keeping the third, need a home base. We may even let the struggling former owners rent it occasionally - they won't get to use the luxurious newly fitted out WWEBBA clubrooms though.
Trixi: And the fourth?
Kai: Well that one is a bit personal. Have you ever smelt an Orc? The stench is quite simply indescribable. Everyone goes on about Necro, but we're a people of the forest, death is an inevitability and we're familiar with a smell of a rotting carcass. But Orcs! So foul! After being chased around by these disgusting brutes we were forced to endure the most unpleasant 3 hour journey back to the resort covered in their noxious sweaty ooze. Not a single shower at the Orc ground.
Trixi: So you'll be redeveloping it into a better facility?
Kai: Hell no! The boys will enjoy watching its demolition, call it a team building moral booster. We've offloaded it to the local council at a small loss, they'll be using it as the municipal rubbish tip.
Trixi: And back to the season, on the field how do you rate how things went?
Kai: Well obviously there were ups and downs. Biggest lesson learned was to not bring surveying equipment onto the field - poor Jetta was beaten over the head with it. We considered a tactical drop to Reggies. If the teams we encountered in Confs are this financially desperate, surely the ones a layer down would be even more dire - ripe for the picking. But no, I guess our pride got in the way. We'll never stoop that low. Watch for us in Prem come Season 73!
Joined: May 19, 2009
May 28, 2018 - 12:02
In the lead-up to the first All Star presentation evening under the new regime, a shocking leak has occurred and the representative 11 from each Conference has been made public by the gutter-snipes in the SWL media pool.
Thankfully the final 11 who have been selected to the All Stars remains embargoed, but we do know that the 11 will be selected from this list of 55 of the finest players in Season LXXI.
Baron von Kitemonger (C), Ghoul, Unicorn Gunfight
Uglath Deadtask, Thrower, MekLab Geargrinderz
Corey Clearhawk, Catcher, East Farkner Journeymens Club
Lekhen Nightblaze, Runner, Naggarond Raptors
Plunk, Catcher, Kroakland Raiders (SWL)
Lothar Xemxesh, Blitzer, Goonbongburra Windjammers
Cerberus, Troll, Styx αnd Warpstones
Prancle-Dance Fuffergump, Mummy, Unicorn Gunfight
Phlegm Enabler, Hobbo, Crude Oilers
Grorzerl Deadrage, Blitzer, MekLab Geargrinderz
William Hardfield, Blitzer, East Farkner Journeymens Club
This is a pretty powerful roster. The Mummy/Troll front line looks strong, but there's a weak-spot with the hobgoblin on the LoS. Behind that though there's plenty of blitzing power and the basis of a good running game. Despite a couple of decent catchers in the line-up you would expect Deadtask to be a thrower in name only.
Beard o Zeus (C), Blitzer, Brew Pub Brouhaha
Kodai, Gutter Runner, Ratstar Blazers
Cotton Candy, Wolf, Pugs Not Drugs
Groggus Barrelbrewer, Runner, Rolling Rampage
Stev'o Yunge, Thrower, Dean Park Rangers
Korfatin Lavabelly, Slayer, Rolling Rampage
Yeatus Christ, Blitzer, Brew Pub Brouhaha
Patty Whillis, Blitzer, Dean Park Rangers
Beithir, Skink, Cryptic Cryptids
Toffee, Golem, Pugs Not Drugs
Beleth, Rotspawn, Green 'n Scabby
Another squad with a weak-point on the LoS. After the strength of Beleth and Toffee, that last position will either put at risk your skink or a positional. This team has speed to burn though, and a good selection of blitzing options. Like the Heroic squad, you would expect them to favour the running game, but that might just leave you open for a sneaky Yunge pass to Kodai.
Redgum's Rhapsody Conference:
Turbo Thomas Flynn (C), Gutter Runner, Belfast Black Rats
MaoZedong, Chaos Chosen, TingBuDong
Novia Elvorix, Ghoul, Immortalis Inquietus
Blazer, Pesti, Calithonian Cynegeticus
Rene Descartes, Renegade Elf, Redgum's Rationalists
Conraua Goliath, Kroxigor, Skye Hoppers!
Plato, Ogre, Redgum's Rationalists
Primus Canius Bellator, Mummy, Immortalis Inquietus
Lurcher, Rotter, Calithonian Cynegeticus
Sakari Spawnrot, Pesti, Chrimean Chimera
Dikarnos, Blitzer, Evil Moon Rising
This looks a decent squad on paper, but it would be tough to see them coming together to work as a team. Having a Kroxigor, and Ogre and a Mummy on the LoS would brutalise opponents, and Lurcher would be waiting to stomp anyone left groaning, but Descartes' animosity might trouble this team's passing game and with MaoZedong more interested in scoring than bashing they're a bit light on for blitzing options.
Ramchop Chronicled Conference:
Loeckin (C), War Dancer, Wildwood Windlords
Wychwethyl, War Dancer, Wildwood Windlords
Impak, Blitzer, Waaaaghton Redskins
Erland the Earthborn, Runner, Jötunheimr Yetis
Kai Bollinger, Thrower, Bravado
Haurr the Harsh, Ulfwerenar, Jötunheimr Yetis
La Muerte, Wight, ☠Refreshingly Dead☠
Dean Venture, Blitzer, [adult swim]
Hick's Bosun, Hobbo, Cheasy Hardon Malaprops
Durthu Darkbough, Tree, Wildwood Windlords
Marwolaeth, Wolf, ☠Refreshingly Dead☠
Now here's a squad to bring the crowds back. A pair of war dancers, and a thrower to take the passing option. Norse for the ground game. A variety of blitzing options including two different flavours of werewolf. A nasty little Hobgoblin to stick the boots in. There's no really obvious LoS options though, so you'll be hoping the tree can absorb a lot of hits and protect the positionals.
Karnov's Emblamatic Conference:
Chinwendu the Strong (C), Thrower, Effluvient Dervishes
"Anatomy" Animal, Gutter Runner, Lab Rat Elysium
Sparhawk, Catcher, Elenium
Mike, the Rogue, Runner, Blackwater Cockfighters
Aphrael, Catcher, Elenium
Vorticist, Kroxigor, Veophiles
Omid the Cruel, Blitzer, Effluvient Dervishes
Vespertilian, Saurus, Veophiles
DDDamage, Hobbo, South Shire Dirty Dwarves
Fatsani the Magnificent, Tomb Guardian, Effluvient Dervishes
Beardripper, Ghoul, Snarling Lunar Freaks!
Here's another strong roster. A good LoS consisting of a big lizard, an even bigger lizard, and a Tomb Guardian gives a good line of protection to the ball users behind. Omid's carrying a big responsibility for the blitzing option, and it's a bit hard to imagine Chinwendu actually putting the ball in the air, but if he did there's some good catching options downfield. They also have a few ball carrying options available, including the curiously named Bear Dripper. I guess he drips bears, or something.
It says right here... bear dripper. Oh. I see it now. Beard Ripper. That makes more sense.
So, imagine these squads each take the field in a tourney... which conference wins?
|Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...|
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
The SWL LXXI Team Achievements
Turns (1165): Unicorn Gunfight
Completions (26): Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters
TDs (17): Belfast Black Rats
Cas (23): South Shire Dirty Dwarves
SPP (120): Belfast Black Rats
Passing yards (56): Yeast Lords
Rushing yards (260): Wildwood Windlords
Blocks (370): Cryptic Cryptids
Fouls (27): Cryptic Cryptids
Blocks/Cas (13.4): Redgum's Rationalists
Pass/Cp (5.0): Ratty Old Elves & Unicorn Gunfight
Kills (4): Calithonian Cynegeticus, Wildwood Windlords, Veophiles & Cryptic Cryptids
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Vorticist (Veophiles) 18 spp
The SWL Season LXXI Awards
Baron von Kitemonger (Unicorn Gunfight) 14 TDs
Vorticist (Veophiles) 9 cas
Beard o Zeus (Brew Pub Brouhaha) 116 turns
Baron von Kitemonger (Unicorn Gunfight) 198 rushing yards
Kai Bollinger (Bravado) 35 pass yards
Beithir & Adnoartina (Cryptic Cryptids) 8 fouls
Lothar Xemxesh (Goonbongburra Windjammers) & Prancle-Dance Fuffergump (Unicorn Gunfight) 73 blocks
Alagosson (Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters) 13 cps
XiJinPing (TingBuDong) 3.3 block/cas
Aphrael (Elenium) 5.2 pass/cp
Baron von Kitemonger (Unicorn Gunfight) 43 spp
Joined: Aug 01, 2015
May 23, 2018 - 01:02
This is the journal of Rock, a halfing chef procurer, turned Blood Bowl player-agent.
Heard about some mighty fine bacon-on-legs living in the Paintree Rainforest. These pigs are reputed to be exceedingly juicy. Putting together an expedition to lay claim to these gifts to porkkind.
Have assembled an expeditionary force. Enlisted Zero and Gish as security against the wild predators inhabiting the Paintree Rainforest. Also put together the best squad of halfing procurers you can find anywhere in the Southern Wastes. 13 of them, along with me, naturally. We’re gonna grab these pigs and get out of the Paintree Rainforest, and get rich! We depart tomorrow.
Initial expedition TOTAL success. The weather sucked, but we ventured in the Rainforest, and got on the trail of these pigs. Unusually wide and well-formed gametrail, but that only helped us. After a day in the deep jungle, we happened on a herd of fifteen pigs. These porcine creatures was the most fattest and plumpest pork I’ve ever personally seen. We gathered them together and put them on a line. Currently leading them out. Tomorrow we reach the edge of the Rainforest, and we become the most famous Chef Procurers in all the Southern Wastes.
It’s quiet. Outside of the thunder and rain (thank Nuffle for Zero and Gish’s ponchos, we’re all huddled under them right now), there’s not even any animal noises. The pigs are snuffling happily though, they definitely know they’re gonna become the most delicious bits of pork, to the acclaim of all.
We woke up and set out, after butchering one of the pork for the best breakfast sausages possible. Our bellies are full. I really wonder what the Master Chefs can make out of these pigs, if we could do these sausages.
Luna’s gone. Maybe she wandered away? It’s storming really badly right now.
We happened on a clearing earlier today. If I didnt know that nothing lived in these forests, I would swear it was a Blood Bowl pitch. The rain is really bad, the water is waist-deep and the mud is making it impossible to slog forward, so we had Zero and Gish lift us to the canopy of the trees to try and wait out the storm.
The storm finally broke, with a pair of earthshattering thunderbolts. Under our trees, there was a tribe of warrior women. They were heavily armed, threatening to kill us over the pigs (turns out we stole their herd by mistake). But thankfully, I sweet-talked them in playing a Blood Bowl game against us with the pigs going to the winner. Turns out they really love the sport, and were tired of playing it only amongst themselves. The game begins 18:00 today. I believe between Gish and Zero, we can pull it off.
They defeated us roundly. Lots of injuries, several asleep. We did manage to kill one of them though! But you know what? This is a great chance to get rich. I convinced the two leaders (Genevieve and Mai) that I was an actual Blood Bowl scout, and that we came to test them. I really think this team could be something, so we- both the Amazons and us- are gonna leave the forest, to try and get them qualified for the Southern Wastes League, the finest Blood Bowl league in these lands. I got Genevieve to sign a paper saying half their proceeds will go towards the Chef Procurer team known as the Slashing Bumpkins (which is what we call ourselves!) Clever, isn’t it? Oh, and the best part? They let us keep the pigs, because that’s what they think they’re paying us for our help with getting them to play Blood Bowl on the greater stage of the SWL. Their name is pretty apt, they’re the Cloud 11 Stormbreakers, named after the two thunderbolts that ended the storm when they found us.