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Joined: Oct 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Oct 12, 2017 - 17:05 Reply with quote Back to top

Deathroller disappears from the Thunderarena!

Deathroller RoboDwarf of the Striking Thunder Beards! vanished from the club’s workshop late last night just hours before their match day 2 encounter with the Wonga Wonga Whalekillers

The 200k deathroller had only recently had the game of its career by knocking-out orc legend Luke Skywalker.

The disappearance may be linked to a new wizard academy opening in the area. Although, local police have not ruled out the possibility of theft, and are looking for any leads including the whereabouts of Boba. The Dwarf Blocker has not been seen since the Thunder Beards’ exuberant post match celebrations.

Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 16:04 Reply with quote Back to top

Harken! A Dirge is Sung!

One of the original signatories to the Pact has fallen! One of the 'old men' of the league, having played his first games in Season 40... but only a pace slower for all that, after 69 bruising sojourns on the fields of glory.

Unlike the showboating newcomer "Monsterous" he only had one MVP... the rest of his prowess earned off the sweat of his own brow, and the blood of many a downed foe!

His was an all round performance... scoring key touch downs, making clutch passes... and knobbling slippery foes! All aiding his team to the walk the pitches of Glory heads held high! To become the most consistently winning Pact Team in SWL history!

Yes, even willing to be the team player and put in the boot when required by his Coach. Thus a fitting end to his growing legend... the soft leather of his elfish opponent a fitting recognition of his continued presence and threat even from the ground. Helping once again to see his team victorious and in the Hunt for Conference Success.

Weep not for this fallen hero! Yay, save instead your tears for the SWL hordes of fan faithfuls. Bereft forever more his scintillating style on the field.

G 69 R 172 B 275P 20 F 4 Spp 77 Cp 8 Td 10 In 0 Cs 17 Mvp 1

NAF Regional TT Tourney Organiser (AUS/ NZ)
TT Bloodbowl in AUS - www.ausbowl.com
TT Bloodbowl in NZ - www.nzbbn.com


Joined: Aug 11, 2017

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 07:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Ron Jackhammer: Welcome all to a brand new season of he Footy Show. I am your host Ron Jackhammer.

Jolly Pansy: And i'm the Jolly Pansy. We are in a new exciting league with a new team.

Ron: Same stupid coach though. I mean all hail our boss. What match up our we looking at tonight Jolly?

Jolly: Opening game for the students is vs some elfs called 50 Shades Of Dulux. Rumour has it they were created in a dark dungeon. Some of things i hear that were done there......... (Jolly goes into a delirous trance)

Ron: Snap out of it Jolly, we have a job to do. Looks like the captains have walked into the pitch for the coin toss. Kvothe wins it for the frogs and has decided to recieve. Smart move vs elfs.

Jolly: Did u see that Ron? money just seemed to change hands between pdarby and the ref. He is already up to his old tricks and the ball hasnt even been kicked yet.

Ron: Disgraceful. And the ball is kicked. Wait a minute. Somehow the elfs have managed to change their postion without the ref seeing. Man i hate pesky elfs. Frogs are going for a soild cage in the centre. Very smart.

Jolly: and the first cas of the match has happened. Wilem of the students throws a knuckleduster fist into pensive face and killed him. Team Apo is running onto the pitch to check it out. And he is somehow walking it off.

Ron: Typical elf trick. Suffer a little hit and takes a dive just to get away from the violence. Pathetic. The students slowly grind up the field. None of their leaping flair yet but they havent had to need it yet against this defense.

Jolly: Can't do a defense when their is no players on the pitch. Not gonna lie. This is pretty boring, We want more blood! Even the fans are starting to get impatient.

Ron: And looks like the fans have got what they wanted. Elxa Dal is out with a BH. They een have a mexican wave happening. Jolly, don't wave back.

Jolly: Spoilsport. Manet has done it again. This time removing star blitzer, Flooded Gum, breaking open his skull.

Ron: I swear they let any1 off the field these days. In my day u had to be proclaimed dead or paid the apoth off to get out of the game.

Jolly: Did u see that Ron: WIld Dove just tried headbutting Wilem and managed to get himself killed in the process.

Ron: Solid defense that. And at the end of the half Kvothe runs in the TD. Good half right Jolly? Jolly? Were u go?

(camera shows the students huddle around in celebration and then you see Jolly run in and join the hugging.)

Ron: Oh dear. Doesnt he remeber that last time he did this they put a restraining order on him? Looks like the elfs are setting up wierdly. Can't be much they can do with 7 players.

(Jolly walks back in tired and a huge grin on his face) That was fun and they didnt even call security on me this time.

Ron: Thats only cause half of this team is gay. Whats happened? Busy talking to you and missed the elf turn. OMG, it looks like the 50 shades managed to do a 1 turn TD.

(Jolly runs back out and joins in the elf celebrations)

Ron: That guy is gonna get fired. If anyone here wants to be a commentator please see our manager at the end of the match. We will bakc for the 2nd half after these messages.

Ron: Welcome back to the second half and looks like Jolly made it back. Jolly, you can't keep doing this.

Jolly: I know. But elfs are so nice and cuddly. Lets get back to the sport action. The students are set up in a solid defense arrangement. Looks like the elfs are going for a quick TD.

Ron: But wait. Musing has managed to find himself on a pit trap and has fallen over losing the ball. Some how he still manages to score. Lets go down to our on the field correspondant, Shady Palms and see wat he has for us. Shady?

Shady: Thankyou Ron. The crowd is getting crazy down here and I have managed to get hold of one dulux supporter who can't seem to contain his excitement. Sir are u enjoying the game?

Spectator: Enjoy? I have been standing in the this line for the toilet for the last 30 minutes.

Shady: Poor guy. He doesnt know what he is missing. Back to you Ron.

Ron: We really need better correspondants. Have u got anything to add about this game Jolly?

Jolly: Yes. If any of the players wanna celebrate after the game my number is 555-398-7621

Ron: Jolly!!!! Get your head back into the game please. The small amount of elfs left on the pitch try and setup defensively while the frogs look like they are gonna try for a fast TD. They are pulling a kansas city shuffle. Auri drag half the team to one side of the field and then BAM does a quick hand off to Manet who then runs down the other side with no1 to stop him.

Jolly: Beutiful play. Cant't stop a team that can pull that trick off. ANd TD students. score is tied up 2-2. Anything can happen now.

Ron: And it has started raining. Thi is gonna slow the game down dramtically with both teams trying to score a winning TD. Elfs are trying to go deep but their just aint enough and the frogs are marking every1 in sight

Jolly: it is elf's though and we all know the BS they can do. And a fail catch by Babbler leaves the ball on the ground. Auri has broken away down to the end zone. Kvothe goes to pass it. OMG the crowd has just errupted after that huge TD. Frogs win their opening game.

Ron: What a end to a exciting game. If the frogs keep this up they might have a chance this season right Jolly? NOT AGAIN!.

(The camera fades out with Jolly running down the field to join in the student celebrations)

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2017 - 13:11 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 70 regional preview. Talk of regionals abounds! Terence?


Please send money, we are broke, this is really just to ask for money, thankyou.

Wizards Guild memorial Regional is I don't even know what it is. Our research budget is zero.

Image Horrors of Skye Rating 239, a million spare. Once premier contenders, occaisional regionals contenders. 26th season, Slicer V and Skinner III loved their last trip down here.

Image Bribery and Corruption Rating 204, broke. Thieving and Bribery return home for their 12th, the new boys with 'em will get a chance to grow here. Prem run, surely.

Image Pharee Markhet Rating 179, half a million coin. 6th season, their first trip back to reggies, about half the originals have made it. They'll enjoy this and make a proper mess.

Image Redgum's Rodents Rating 139, 100k. Slick Simon missed the SWL so much he dragged a bunch of jouneymen along to play a season in reggies. Expect him to terrify the new squads.

Image RS Industrial Rating 130, new squad. More rats, showing some promise, coach says straight to prem, or was that a different skaven coach?

Image Racket Rating 130, new squad. Goons, thugs, ruthless, who knows what they'll bring once the warpstone makes itself felt more deeply throughout the team. Probably heads and claws.

Image Death Leopards Rating 130, new squad. Not the easiest team to get started, they are solid outfit with a few seasons under their belts, and the most loved roster in the SWL's history.

Image Criminal Code 1899 Rating 129, new squad. It's not my fault govenor, they provoked me. You're allowed to say that when you kill all these skinks. Just not that agile one, no reason though.

Image 50 Shades of Dulux Rating 127, new squad. Fragile, they'll enjoy the frogs first round though. Pinky swear. Note I may have already seen the result. That is not right at all.

Image Students of the Arcanum Rating 124, new squad. Another frog team sets about taking on the SWL, not a bad regional to start with then, with having a frog team in it, for everyone else, you see.

Image Sheikh Rattle And Roll Rating 124, new squad. A famed coach from the days of old returns to terrorise the SWL with one of the meaner teams there is. Expect big things, once the rust sheikhs off.

Image LA Looterz Rating 118, new squad. Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice. First round, fight, there will be no new master here.


That's lots, big reggie, excellent, wrap it up Terence.


I'm done, Phillip, go the goblins! The big ones!


No one cares about your goblins, Terence. 8 new squads, 35 returning, and a filler from the fringes of the SWL. Crunch, if you thought blooding was rough, it only gets meaner, in the greatest league there's ever been, no room for the slightest mistakes all the way to the top. Jump Up exists, crowd throw-ins go anywhere at all. Turn 15, put someone in range, maybe even with the ball. Little things.

Games are on, players are dead, stars are being made. Season 70, go the SWL.


Joined: Apr 23, 2016

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 07:37 Reply with quote Back to top

Competition is healthy in any organisation. Joseppi Worralli, the Wozfather, has offered a handsome reward to his 'family'. The Capo who manages to maim the most enemies will be wealthier than they could ever imagine.

Of course, they must be alive to receive their handsome reward.

Which Capo will come out on top? Will another move through the ranks, please the Wozfather, and take the role of Capo or even Capo Bastone?

Racket Never Rat!

Joined: Aug 11, 2017

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 05:59 Reply with quote Back to top

Ron Jackhammer walks into the studio, full beard and a can of bloodwieser in each hand. He has a confused look on his face until he bumbsinto his old co-host, The Jolly Roger. Jolly looks as pristine as ever but that could be cause he's gay.
Ron Jackhammer: Jolly! (gives Jolly a big hug) What are u doing here? Weren't u in lustria sampling the locals?

Jolly: Locals were fine until it came time to choose sacrifices for the sun god. They seem happy to make the sacrifices but never seem to choose a local. Can't remember the last time i had so much male attention. How did they manage to rope u back in for this?

Ron: They still have the tapes of me and that ogre cheerleader. Thought i got them all last time they blackmailed me but u can't seem to delete everything of the internet. Do you know who we are working for this time? Not the same idiot is it?

Jolly: It is sadly. Hope this time he doesnt run out of MONEY mid season like last time. Still trying to pay back THE DEBT collectors after that.

Ron: Can't be that bad. I hear we are in a different league this time with a new team. Some students who need the money for tuition.
I'm sure there is safer ways to make money.

Jolly: There is but pimp fees can be expensive.

Ron: Well looks like they are still setting up the set. I'm heading back to the trailor to finish drinking. U wanna come?

Jolly: Of course. I think we are gonna need it to get through this season.

Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 04:34 Reply with quote Back to top


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 01, 2017 - 08:23 Reply with quote Back to top

Sponsors welcome, apply at all good, uh, places. Terence, how do the sponsors get hold of us? This was so much easier when we were with the network.

Image An SWL season 70 conferences preview independantly produced. Go!


Thanks, Phillip.

Fukuoka Fireflies conference, named for a premier-winning ladies team from just before the great war.

Image Freezy Trees Rating 219, 700k bank. 15th season for the Trees, what a pack of superstars; Clark, Gox, New Fish, Old Fish, and Little Cat B. They've shown great form of late, and have the players to go all the way, just need to put together a run of wins to get up in the mix, and this conf has to suit them.

Image SWL Jaegers Rating 215, 400k. Butterfly Baby, Romeo Blue, and Shaolin Rogue continue to lead these heroes into their 10th season. They've survived the rigours of the Conferences well, carrying a few injuries but the team has no shortage of winning potential if they can just avoid the snakes.

Image Urban Nightmare Rating 211, a million ready. Legends Roundabout and Tunnel join Skyscaper and Intersection in these bouncing premier contenders. The power remains with the Chosen in the Nightmare, Beasts serving to protect them well into this 11th season. Prem or bust, again!

Image Forest Magicians Rating 208, spent everything. 5th season, a couple of stars known to their fans, the team is well balanced and will dissapoint some of the older squads in their heady ambitions with the sort of trickery all woodies are famous for.

Image Styx and Warpstones Rating 177, 300k forever. 5th season also, Volos and Ephialtes steal accolates aplenty, these denizens of the underworld ruining the dreams of so many pretenders, but only ever doing enough to stay in the confs themselves.

Image Tusq Rating 174, 200k banked. 3rd season fresh out of the regions after the last Bob Borc Cup, they've performed well all the time, but will be looking to survive and build against some of these monster squads.

Image Egon Schiele All Stars Rating 169, bankrupt. 3rd season, other BBC debutant finds itself in the big time of SWL confs. No troubles, the young team will survive and prosper, or they won't. Easier to see after the first round game against the Nightmare.

Image Wunderland Libertines Rating 158, treasury 300k. 2nd season, welcome to SWL conferences little men. Someone's gotta get the cherry, let's see how the new claws hold up against the claws they face in round one and two alike. No one likes tacklers, get 'em boys!


Quite the group of young teams there, Terence, don't be surprised if the coaching skills they bring with them and often huge inducements they'll recieve help them make the grade up here.


As long as there's less tacklers about when Bribery and Corruption make their next premier run.

Kowabunga Connection conference is not named for the Cowabunga Connection, who never did anything, but instead for the S56 premier winners. Dwarfs. Hmph.

Image Prancing Unicorns Rating 242, 400k banked. Legend Luke Skywalker, along with Darth Maul and Princess Leia, have been trying to keep a team together around themselves since that rough premier jaunt. Now 11th season, it's looking promising, some young talent on the way, not too bad on the claw front here if they can make use of the skills they have could easily make premier again.

Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards Rating 235, 500k banked. 14th season woodies, they've lost some greats, but Pepii Dancesthewars, JR Coolman, and Seeding Deeproot all have plently of talent to haul in the wins despite the injuries. If they can hold that treasury, they'll be in a good position to step up once more and take on the very best the SWL has to offer.

Image Striking Thunder Beards! Rating 227, always broke. After another premier trip, these 9th season dwarfs survived it a bit better, no longer the littlest team in conferences, Forrest Gump and Hagrid will be looking to have another shot at the big time. Still featuring a young Deathroller pilot, excellent.

Image Compare the Meerkat Rating 223, 600k for rats. They made premier, while they didn't enjoy it much, Keytarkat, Crockat, Kendokat, and Bellydancekat lead them back to practice their lightning turnover skills and learn the love of the game once more, in their 7th season.

Image Macabre Morticians Rating 189, 600k spare. Fouling up the SWL fair to put goblins and everyone else to shame, their 9th season sees Wrathnomenias continue to drop player after player to be ground under the advancing boots of this notorious squad. Put them off the park before they put you off the park.

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels Rating 182, 100k banked. 20th season for these stalwarts, legendary Iolas continues to sack with the best of them despite a growing list of injuries. Likely still some building to do before the reach for the stars once more, but great potential within.

Image Wonga Wonga Whalekillers Rating 179, 150k tucked away. 31 seasons now, that rebuild they were going so well on is on again, legends Fish Oil Nilsson and !Mbele Mummyslayer with Hungmir will need to make the most of their inducements against these massive opponent squads. No favouritism for the former greats here.

Image Paradise Slavers Rating 156, 300k banked. Another set of 2nd season Chaos Dwarfs welcomed to the big time of SWL conferences. They'll either understand how to protect themselves and grow for the experience, or they won't. This conference doesn't have a soft opponent for them all the way.


Seven former premier contenders, one of them a multiple champion! What a conference, Terence! Anyone who makes it through from here must do well at the top, surely.


Depends if any of them remember how to compete reliably against a field like that, Phillip.

Woodies Double Double conference is named for some Woodies, ironically, who did manage two premier titles long ago. Doubles escaped them, twice.

Image Chaos All Sorts Rating 240, 200k at the ready. 12th season for once-were-wanderers, back up from bullying everything in sight in the regions, might be time to bully everything in sight in the conferences. Surely this is where they earn the right to promote, surely!

Image Mexican Standoff Rating 222, 150k. 24th season sees legend Lianna de la Castilas along with Rianna Delaque lead the Mexicans into another season of elfing it with the best of them. A couple rookies about in key positions, that won't last long and they'll look to prosper here.

Image Redgum's Revolutionaries Rating 207, 700k banked. 8th season Regengades are a well developed team, no standouts anyone but their fans would recognise, capable of getting the job done anyway. But they're well short of the skill set on the bigger pact they meet in round 6, good things take time.

Image Settra's Sons Rating 179, 200k on call. 5th season now, their premier experience was a harsh one after they lost a key player on the way in. Takh'anet the Terrible continues to lead the way for this developing squad who have dominated at this level before and could well do so again.

Image Karaz-a-Karak Krakens Rating 160, broke. 3rd season and rumour of a runner in the making, this will be a good test of their structural play, and their famed hitting power against these bigger squads. Have to expect a few wins.

Image Super Orks Rating 154, 100k banked. 3rd season and already replacing player after player, there's more big claw squads here to show these Orks what real villainy is all about, and they didn't enjoy the All Sorts down in reggies either. Should be a steady, if not grand performance.

Image High Tea Party Rating 148, 150k is something. Macaron has survived to lead this famously fragile group of journeymen into their 5th season. They'll beat anyone on their day, but the games where the limited armour gives out quickly leave them with few options for making headway against the bigger squads. Elf it anyway, I guess.

Image Hockland Snakes Rating 133, 100k reserve. 2nd season, look what the cat dragged up to Confs. Expect the biggest of stars to be a regular feature for the Snakes, and they'll be needing a few of those from their opponents to avoid the cherry. Better luck in S71 reggies.

Three conferences once more, some bigger than others, one a minor premiership on its own.

One to watch for sure, Terence. Good to see your Goblins out from the real competition.

Our conferences celebrate teams from our storied past, having created a legend in the SWL. Check the listings, catch the replays, we're over budget but it's kicking off and there's plenty to see for weeks to come.

Go the SWL. Someone please sponsor us.


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Sep 30, 2017 - 06:11 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 70 Premier preview, independantly produced due to continuing lack of sponsorship and how our silent protest didn't fix that.

Terence, go.


Phillip, other than that infamous BBC semi-final against the Freezy Trees, the Blackwater Glee Club have dominated the SWL these past few seasons. Season 67 Champs, Season 68 Champs, Season 69 Champs.

They've joined the greats of the past, the Slumbering Skink and the Wonga Wonga Whalekillers, as three-peat champions. Note well, such domination simply does not last, it starts with a niggle or two from some random game and before you know it your team of legends is one or two broken legends with a pack of rookies trying to protect them.

And this premiership is solid, top coaches, superstars and legends abounding, four Premier winners, a BBC winner, two other teams have been within a point or two of the big cup themselves, all that have settled into a winning game plan that will exploit the smallest of mistakes to the full.


Surely High Elvis won't survive this, and I know Slumbering Skink have history, Terence, but isn't most of it in the past?


That's what the word "history" means, Phillip, yes. Thanks for that, and don't write off elves with inducements to burn before they even get their leap on, they'll be 2-0 up before you've even got half of them off the pitch.

Image Blackwater Glee Club are the team to beat again, and what a team. Starships, Shake it off, Asereje, Dr Jones, the dominant legends of the current SWL. Super Bass, Waka Waka, and I'm Blue, superstars living in their shadows but tremendous players the same. Sheer brutal power mixed with lightning speed and a solid passing game, so hard to beat going into their 12th season.

Rating: 254, 200k banked, they face the PSA first, down a couple of players, imagine that spiralling out of control through the season. What a starter! Really, this team is a juggernaut, if they get a roll on they won't soon be stopped.

Image Public Service Announcement know what it's like to be the dominant Chaos team in SWL. Violent Tango and Kai the Kobra are now legends themselves, while Wolf, Echo Chamber, Masochist, Gladiator, and Sound of Silence fill out the team with superstars. This is the biggest they've ever been, at their peak to face the champions first up and still trim enough for a few key inducements in their 21st season.

Rating: 238, two million in cold cash, they used to struggle against elves, but not for a while now, and they've enough hitting power to handle the best here. Who's shining claws will be sharpest for the big day of bash to set up the season?

Image Steaked make premier again. Superstar chef Boned is their best, looks like the team may struggle for a dauntless sort to take on the biggest ball carriers here if the lightning scores and walls of blodge fail them. Like most elves, they're never out of it with just a few on the pitch, and the team is solid enough going into their 16th season.

Rating: 226, 300k in reserves, they face a season of elf, bash, elf, bash, and so on, they'll struggle to stay healthy for the match-ups they need the full staff on board to dominate, but if they can avoid the worst of it, or make the most of the inducements, this is a team and coach that has beaten the bashiest of them with fair regularity.

Image Wings of the Condor were for so long just legendary Viola, now joined by superstar Ys, and a spot of rising talent that has been enough to keep them in the running for a title three seasons in a row. But in the running, and in prem, is not winning the premier division SWL, and their coach is well ready to take that final step up in thier 12th season.

Rating: 213, 200k banked, Viola is sitting out the first game against Steaked, perhaps showing some age there. That won't help, but the team is solid enough without the great one these days, and is one of the few to have the skills to take down any ball carrier in the league. In the running again?

Image Error 404 afterlife not found are back and straight back into premier with a dominant return to the conferences in 69. Legend black pearler Huge Axeman is capable of taking apart these heavier teams, though his own squad is not what it was when they took the premier themselves so quickly, now into their 10th season.

Rating: 213, a million banked, tremendous record, premier stalwarts, great coach, they get a soft if challenging start to build a few more players up for the toughest teams awaiting them in their final three games, it's potentially the easiest run of anyone, and what a squad to take advantage of it.

Image Pink 'n Scabby incredible performance by this young squad, superstar Eztletalpalli II just a moment of inexeprience from taking the title last season. The rest of the team is so young yet, but they're well enough skilled in support and their coach brings the best out of them into just their 4th season.

Rating: 203, half a million banked, round three and four they meet the Chaos titans one after the other, what sort of shape they're in for game five if they take the wins there may leave them struggling anyway. No doubt they have the potential to take the title though, and they'll relish their inducements yet.

Image Slumbering Skink having awoken into a proper mean premier, though the lack of dwarfs and chorfs won't upset superstar Stndsteoeo too much, the profusion of claw-bearing powerhouses and leaping tacklers for everyone else will make this a very tough 33rd season (since the great war) for the Skink. Been there, done that, more titles than anyone.

Rating: 184, over a million spare, they may well buy up some more team here and protect the big boys with some expendable stunties for a few games. Who knows, they've got room to try a lot of things against the bashers, and the ballers, and their coachs has done the hard yards on knowing what works.

Image High Elvis have left the conferences. Legend Blue Suede Shoes has been stepped on a few times, the rest of the team too, but they've little fear of the Claws and should be able to bring along a good few mercinary types against the worst of them. Can one great player win premier? Well, yes, it's been done before, and there's no shortage of coaching talent behind them in their 11th season.

Rating: 184, 200k in the bank, there's regularly heroes in premier of late, and they usually finish last. So after these villains get done destroying High Elvis, who'll be next to take on the challenge for the heroes?


Elvis will probably win prem after you said that about them, Terence.


That would be ironic, on account of no one expecting it to be true.


Rumours abound of the SWL admins looking into these new rules sweeping the lesser leagues around the globe, the young and exciting new star players demanding access to the vaults of money here, the banking houses still complaining about storing it all with the flat limits on team fees now. Surely this state can't last.


Bribery and Corruption abound in the SWL, Phillip, administration is full of it, wait 'till you see who got promoted to the Conferences so the most fabulous goblins there's ever been could have a spot of time for rebuilding.


No once cares about your Goblins, Terence. There's continuing discord among the coaching staff about tournament listings and how they did or did not get a good draw. Error 404, with the best one, you say?


Joined: Mar 16, 2015

Post   Posted: Sep 27, 2017 - 01:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Suttbutt walked into the small ramshackle arena. The stands would barely hold a thousand fans!

After the dismemberment of Hostile Kiddies, Suttbutt thought he'd retired
However the call of the fans had brougjt him back.

The only issue, where wasnthe manager and who was he coaching??


Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Sep 24, 2017 - 09:22 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 69.

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's SWL 'All-Stars' Team, and the representative squads for each level of competition within the SWL.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League, and this season sees a blend of newly discovered talent and some of SWL’s all-time legendary players. This season’s All Star team sees the return of some familiar names, and the induction of a very promising new Big Guy.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXVIII:

Damien “Shake it Off Halford (C) Chosen Blocker, Blackwater Glee Club
Tanya “I’m Blue” Mustaine Beastman Runner, Blackwater Glee Club
Eztletalpalli II, Skink, Pink n Scabby
Forrest Gump Dwarf Runner, Striking Thunder Beards!
Crockat I Skaven Blitzer, Compare the Meerkat
Huge Axeman Wolf, Error 404: Afterlife Not Found
Kai the Kobra, Beast Runner, Public Service Announcement
Alejandro Marquez, High Elf Thrower, Mexican Standoff
Vicky Parker, Linewoman, Cult of Munroe
Robert Vileorc, Zombie, Macabre Morticians
Bedlam, Ogre, Chaos All Sorts

Last season we fêted Damien Halford as an unlikely Captain for the SWL All Stars. This year he returns to make us eat those words while he helps himself to a second helping. Back-to-back captaincy of this illustrious team is a rare honour indeed, but for Halford it is only one of many accolades he has earnt in an outstanding career. He is a crucial member and onfield leader for the Glee Club and with them won his third Premier Championship this season. The 10 CAS he caused no small part of the reason they were victorious. The new rules which might have been expected to blunt his efficacy seemed not to slow him at all. He was able to cripple the rats and elves he faced, but also the heavier opponents. Three CAS against the little Thunderbeards in the final game of the season was a testament to how sharp his claws remain. He now has over 100 career CAS in only 79 games, and will be back to defend his title in season 70.

With last season’s All Star beastman, Drew De La Rocha, stepping into more of a passing role this season, it fell to Tanya “I’m Blue” Mustaine to pick up the scoring slack. Big shoes (hooves?) to fill, but Mustaine showed that she was up to it, scoring 9TDs for the Premier Champs. She’s got the agility of an elf and speed to burn, a sure set of hands for picking the ball up or securing it in her grip, and a wicked set of horns for any defender thinking about trying to mark her. Mustaine’s best performances were early in the season, where she set the tone with a brace against the Urban Nightmare and a hat-trick against the Meerkats. She was there at the end too though, scoring in the final game against the Thunderbeards and celebrating her team’s success with the best of them. She’ll be celebrating tonight too, having been named an All Star for the first time.

One of the few players n Premier capable of outrunning Mustaine was also the only player to out-score her. Eztletalpalli II is a young skink but has already stepped out of the shadow of his namesake and started to forge a reputation of his own. An astounding 13 TD season—in Premier, no less—established him as a Super Star of the SWL. He really has all of the attributes for exciting skinky play. He’s quick and agile, even by the standards of his kind, and seems able to sprint at incredible speeds without tripping over. He’s better at avoiding blocks than riding them, preferring to step aside or dodge away than risk being tackled. His consistency of performance was also laudable, scoring in every game this season, including four games with 2 TDs and a hat-trick vs the Meerkats. With 22 TDs from only 19 games, he’s on track to be a very young Legend… if he survives long enough.

Forrest Gump is a wonderful young Dwarf who already has a pool room packed full of awards and tributes. This season he returns to the All Stars for his second consecutive selection, earnt on the back of a stand-out Premier season in which he rushed for over 100 yards. This brings his career total over 1200 (in only 57 games) and his career average remains above 20 yards per game. For a team that relies on the running game, the Thunderbeards understand the value of this agile little dwarf in attack, but he’s also useful in defence, able to attack the ball and strip it from his opponents’ hands. He broke his jaw in the final game of the season, a brutal encounter with the all-conquering Glee Club, which will keep him out of the start of Season 70, but we know he’ll bounce back and be ready to give his all to another successful Thunderbeard season.

Crockat I has been a player to watch for some time now, a promising talent in a promising team and instrumental in their amazing first season in Regionals, all the way back in Season LXV. Since then, the rise of the Meerkat has been swift and competing this season in Premier, they showed it has also been hard-earnt and well-deserved. For Crockat I, this season was a break-out from very good player to All Star. Whilst he regularly inflicted casualties on his opponents—using his ferocious attack, swinging horns and sharp claws as if he were rabid—it was the triple CAS game against the Glee Club which really brought him to the selection committees attention. In one of the best games of the season, he was brutal and efficient, leading all players for blocks and inflicting serious casualties. It wasn’t enough to win the game, but it was enough to win his first selection to the All Stars.

Huge Axeman makes his fourth appearance as an All Star this season, but his first since LXIII. Despite the long hiatus, he proved in Conference this season that he could perform as well now as he did in his relative youth. An astonishing 14 CAS for the season, including at least one in every game and a match-winning 4 against the goblins of Bribery and Corruption showed that this old wolf needs no new tricks; the old tricks work just fine. As strong as ever, with that same frenzied ferocity, the same speed and sharp claws. He is an unstoppable force and strikes fear into the heart of any sane player who faces him on the field. Already a Legend of the SWL and Decennial All Star, he now becomes one of the most selected players ever to this team.

Like Axeman, Kai the Kobra is also a veteran player and Legend of the league. He returns to the All-Stars for his second selection after being overlooked in season LXIII. In conferences this season, he found more room and a little less pressure than he had against Premier opponents, and he made the most of all the freedom he was given. He rushed for 200 yards, a rare feat in SWL history, and scored 7TDs in the process. In many ways he’s the perfect ball carrier: ridiculously quick, super strong, sure of hand, able to dodge attackers or stand up toe-to-toe when they block him. His horns give him a blitzing advantage and make defenders hesitant to mark him too closely. He’s in a position to pass 1,000 career rushing yards early next season and if things go his way he may have his sights on 50TDs. If he hits both those targets again, a third All-Star selection would surely follow.

In an All-Star team based on running and hurting, Alejandro Marquez provided a tactical alternative. For the second consecutive season he threw for over 100 passing yards, at an average of more than 10 yards per throw. He was the master of the long-bomb, using his strong arm and safe throws to cut out his opponents and send the ball high over their head, down the field and into the arms of his waiting receivers. He was a quick player himself too, more than happy to sit very deep in his own defence and pick his moment before rushing forward and throwing for the end-zone. His efforts this season took him past 500 career yards (in 54 games at nearly 10 per game) and confirmed him both as a Super Star and a posthumous All Star.

One of the younger players to be called up to the stage tonight is the linewoman Vicky Parker of the Cult of Munroe. She’s certainly made an impression on Conference games this year, despite coming into the season with fewer than 20 games to her name. Few would have known her name when she lined up against the Mexican Standoff. She’d had some successes in her early career, without ever really dominating a game. By the end of that match though, she had 2 TDs and the attention of some important people. She would score a double on two more occasions this season, and finish with 8TDs and few completions as well. She proved herself capable against all comers, whether elven, undead, or Norse. In part her success stems from her unusual agility, but she also has a great eye for reading the ball, reacting to the kick-off while others are still standing still and watching. She has sure hands on the pick-ups and catches, or for retaining possession when her opponent tries to strip her of it. With over 300 career rushing yards, 14 completions and 15TDs, she’s developing into a valuable all-round attacking threat.

And so we come to a familiar part of the evening where perennial All Star fouler, Robert Vileorc is… wait. What’s the meaning of this. Stop. You can’t just. What is this. Security! Securit-

“Alright. Hold up y’all. Hold up. Robbie. Robbie, I love your wok man. Imma let you finish. You’re a great fouler. You been at it a long time. I mean no disrespect to you man but seriously now. Seriously. Come on! Zower had the greatest fouling season of all time. Of all time, yo. Robbie here had more fouls but what harm did he do? Zower killed people, man. He straight up stomped them to death. He injured Prince Moranion himself. He's the reason Marquez's All Star award is posthumous. 34 fouls and he killed four people amongst ten CAS. You got to recognise that. No. Hold Up. Zower was the best fouler this season. Zower. I love you man. You old bastards on the committee. We paid you! We paid you everything you asked us for. We lobbied! You got to recogni-”

Sorry for that interruption, folks. As I was saying, Robert Vileorc once again is selected to the All Star team. Congratulations, Robert.

The final inductee tonight is first-time All Star and a rarity for this esteemed team. That’s appropriate, because Bedlam is a very rare player indeed. A chaos ogre, he has managed to draw upon the favours of various dark gods and to eke the benefits of a balanced warpstone diet, enough that he has been granted many great boons for the science and art of the sport he plays. He has impressive agility for such a big player, stands firm against those who would push him, lends his aid to teammates fighting alongside him, all of which we might expect from an experienced ogre. But Bedlam has worked hard on his blocking skills with the All Sorts coaching staff, and he has sharp claws protruding from him. These talents allowed him to cause 10 CAS in his team’s undefeated Regional Champions season, and so we welcome the big brute to his rightful place among the SWL All Stars of Season 69.

Congratulations go again to all those named in the All-Stars Team. Last season we thought that the line-up was a brutal mix, but if anything this line-up seems even more so. The return of Axeman and the emergence of Bedlam sit alongside the ongoing development of young talent and the continued performances of proven stars. Much remains to be seen in the coming season, but one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars (a fact felt keenly by Zower and all his many fans), and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads, and especially to our first ever Runt selection:

LXVIII Prem-Stars
Eztletalpalli II Skink Pink n Scabby
Tanya "I'm Blue" Mustaine Pesti Blackwater Glee Club
LaCoy Elf Catcher Wings of the Condor
Forrest Gump Runner Striking Thunder Beards
Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha Pesti Blackwater Glee Club
Damien "Shake it off" Halford CW Blackwater Glee Club
Crockat I Rat Blitzer Compare the Meerkat
Itchnsaur Saurus Pink n Scabby
Muniphet Skelly Settra's Sons
Bluto Dwarf Blocker Striking Thunder Beards
Andrew "Starships" Cornell CW Blackwater Glee Club

LXVII Conference Rep team
New Fish Norse Runner Freezy Trees
Vicky Parker Linewoman Cult of Munroe
Blackford skink Legend of Lustria
Kai the Kobra Beast Runner PSA
Alejandro Marquez Helf Thrower Mexican Standoff
Huge Axeman © wolf Error 404
Wrathnomenias Wight Macabre Morticians
Volos Rat Blitzer Styx and Warpstones
Robert Vileorc Zombie Macabre Morticians
Masochist Chosen Blocker PSA
Zower Norse Lino Freezy Trees

LXVII Rising-Stars
Bedlam Ogre Chaos All Sorts
Caterwaul Linerat Chaos All Sorts
Grimnir Goldentoe Runner Karaz-a-Karak Krakens
Invisible Ork Orc Blitzer Super Orks
Catapult Inspector Orc Thrower Tusq
Fenrir Redback Wolf Minnesota Tombwolves
Northgate Guard Orc Blitzer Tusq
'No Relations' Clinton Cheese Blocker Wunderland Libertines
Matt "War Horse" Waugh Runt Yutee'ess Tigerjets
Spider-Orc BoB Super Orks
Eulogy Jones Bull Paradise Slavers

So that ends another awards post-season. That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 22, 2017 - 01:56 Reply with quote Back to top

No dramas at a Twahnlows award cermony? Yeah that's never going to happen.

As the show wound down and the host started thanking his bosses at the SWL observation table, a sudden roar of anger erupted from a nurgle table. The table was flipped and up to the stage stormed a furious Bloater.

Leperous Larry towered over the quivering host "WHERE'S MY @%$%#%! AWARD!!!"

"but... but.. but.. you only hurt one person, no fouls.. you don't get an <gulp> award"

The loathsome brute bent down and grabbed the host by the wrist. "If you're not giving me my prize. I'll take this instead". A sickening sound followed, and shortly after Larry strode triumphantly from the stage, dismembered hand held high.

"My silver glove", Larry chuckled with great satisfaction, "not many have claimed one of these before"

ImageImage Leprous Larry (SWL Fun Police) 2 int

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 20, 2017 - 09:59 Reply with quote Back to top

The Season 69 awards were much less rowdy than previous ceremonies. SWL admin sent a party to observe and players seemed to be on their best behavior, no violence, no murder, minimal swearing, not even much drunken vomiting. The host of the event (some junior SWL official) was no Cobber nor even a Bazza, quite boring all round.

The liveliest it got was a bit of booing for the Silver Boot winner from a norse table. Also some loud sobbing from a bunch of groupies in the public galleries when the recently deceased (and apparently rather dashing) winner of two Silver throwing awards was unable to collect his trophies.

VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXIX

The SWL LXIX Team Achievements

Turns (1161): Super Orks
Completions (7): Minnesota Tombwolves and Hochland Snakes
TDs (13): Chaos All Sorts
Cas (28): Chaos All Sorts
SPP (94): Chaos All Sorts
Passing yards (10): Tusq
Rushing yards (258): Chaos All Sorts
Blocks (381): Super Orks
Fouls (53): Yutee'ess Tigerjets
Blocks/Cas (10.5): Chaos All Sorts
Pass/Cp (2.3): Chaos All Sorts
Kills (3): Egon Schiele All Stars

Turns (1104): Macabre Morticians
Completions (32): [SWL] Jeagers
TDs (16): Steaked, Forest Magicians and Slumbering Skink
Cas (33): Freezy Trees
SPP (101): Forest Magicians
Passing yards (166): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (318): Slumbering Skink
Blocks (372): Horrors Of Skye
Fouls (58): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (11.7): Freezy Trees
Pass/Cp (7.2): Mexican Standoff
Kills (7): Macabre Morticians and Freezy Trees

Turns (1151): Striking Thunder Beards!
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (17): Blackwater Glee Club
Cas (25): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (109): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (60): Blackwater Glee Club
Rushing yards (240): Blackwater Glee Club
Blocks (333): Pink 'n Scabby
Fouls (30): Settra's Sons
Blocks/Cas (12.1): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (6.0): Blackwater Glee Club
Kills (3): Blackwater Glee Club, Wings of the Condor and Pink 'n Scabby

Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 20 spp

The SWL Season LXIX Awards

Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 6 TDs
Image Image Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 10 cas
Image Image Spider-Orc (Super Orks) & ImageInvisible Ork (Super Orks) 114 turns
Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 153 rushing yards
Image Image Catapult Inspector (Tusq) 12 pass yards
Image Image Matt "War Horse" Waugh (Yutee'ess Tigerjets) 17 fouls
Image Image Northgate Guard (Tusq) 65 blocks
Image Image Ricky Rubio (Minnesota Tombwolves) & Image Catapult Inspector (Tusq) 5 cps
Image Image Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 4.3 block/cas
Image Image Tidius (Hochland Snakes) 2.75 pass/cp

Image Image Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 20 SPP

Image Image New Fish (Freezy Trees) 11 TDs
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 14 cas
Image Image Masochist (Public Service Announcement) 113 turns
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) 200 rushing yards
Image Image Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff) 106 pass yards
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 36 fouls
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 82 blocks
Image Image Butterfly Baby ([SWL] Jeagers) 18 cps
Image Image Roy Horn (Forest Magicians) 4.67 block/cas
Image Image Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff) 10.6 pass/cp

Image Image New Fish (Freezy Trees) 33 SPP

The Disco Dan Ball
Image Image Eztletalpalli II (Pink 'n Scabby) 13 TDs

The Replacemnt Knuckles
Image Image Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club) 10 cas

The Touchstone Heart
Image Image Brian Blessed (Striking Thunder Beards!) & Image Bluto (Striking Thunder Beards!) 112 turns

The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Image Image Eztletalpalli II (Pink 'n Scabby) 178 rushing yards

The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Image Image Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club) 54 pass yards

The John Stone Boot
Image Image Muniphet (Settra's Sons) 11 fouls

The Eth'el Shield
Image Image Itchnsaur (Pink 'n Scabby) 75 blocks

The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 9 cps

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Image Image Lyceres (Wings of the Condor) 4.25 block/cas

The Duskwind Strongarm
Image Image Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club) 7.72 pass/cp

The Duke Snakefield Medallion
ImageImage Eztletalpalli II (Pink 'n Scabby) 39 SPP

Joined: Apr 09, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 18, 2017 - 12:15 Reply with quote Back to top

The High Tea Party would like the All Star Committee to note the record show:
Game 6: First Half Turn 8, Duane Darksnake was the only remaining player on the pitch for a pitch clear. Lying Prone surrounded by Freezy Trees, he stayed down, opening his arms for what should have been the most glorious moment of his pitiful career. The crowd was pumped, baying for blood, then what does this so called "True Fouler" Zower do?
Fertilise the turf with elf blood? nay, he Stood idle while a touchdown is run in.

To quote "Fouling is an art form, done well it is a glorious spectacle, an effective method of giving the crowd what they all lust for - blood."

Joined: Feb 21, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 18, 2017 - 05:40 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach tribalsinner hopes the league powers that be place the pretenders with the real foulers in the upcoming season. Coach ramchop would probably run scared however. All talk no foul.

When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty
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