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Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 06, 2017 - 09:24 Reply with quote Back to top

Cobber rushed into the auditorium looking a bit flustered. He scooped up a bottle of Champers from a vacant team table near the front, then bounded up to the stage. After popping the cork and taking a swig, he began.

"Struth!", he beamed, "Didja see that rabble outside? I thought they were beggars at first. That Yeti, so badly beaten up I was sure he was some decrepit old cripple, hand out for ciggie money. But no! He was holding a sign 'Not Reddy', it's a protest! Poor dear can't spell of course, gotta admit I'm impressed he can write at all. To think he's still an active player. Maybe they should bring a rule in to stop such animal cruelty. Dunno what bugs got up their butts though, there's a free pissup in here they're missing out on."

"Bazza! Me old mate!", Cobber called out, spotting his friend in the press gallery, "Finally picked one I see! Right...", one more swig of Champagne, "...onto the awards..."

VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXX

The SWL LXIX Team Achievements

Turns (1090): Pharee Markhet
Completions (25): 50 Shades of Dulux
TDs (14): 50 Shades of Dulux
Cas (41): Pharee Markhet
SPP (101): Horrors Of Skye
Passing yards (49): 50 Shades of Dulux
Rushing yards (281): 50 Shades of Dulux
Blocks (329): Horrors Of Skye
Fouls (33): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (9.3): Pharee Markhet
Pass/Cp (4.2): Redgum's Rodents
Kills (5): Death Leopards

Turns (1157): Super Orks
Completions (19): Mexican Standoff
TDs (21): Mexican Standoff
Cas (36): Macabre Morticians
SPP (102): Mexican Standoff
Passing yards (104): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (247): Chaos All Sorts
Blocks (409): Super Orks
Fouls (57): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (10.4): Compare the Meerkat
Pass/Cp (5.5): Mexican Standoff
Kills (4): Prancing Unicorns

Turns (1113): Error 404 afterlife not found
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (13): Wings of the Condor and Steaked
Cas (28): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (98): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (88): Wings of the Condor
Rushing yards (218): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (280): Public Service Announcement
Fouls (43): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (10.0): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5.9): High Elvis
Kills (5): Blackwater Glee Club

Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Rotavirus (RS Industrial) 15 spp

The SWL Season LXVIII Awards

Image Image Thieving (Bribery and Corruption) 7 TDs
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 11 cas
Image Image Silver Thaw (50 Shades of Dulux) 115 turns
Image Image Declan (Criminal Code 1899) 160 rushing yards
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 26 pass yards
Image Image Dirty Pool II (Bribery and Corruption) 17 fouls
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 72 blocks
Image Image Endless Dusk & Image Miller Mood (50 Shades of Dulux) & Image TB (RS Industrial) 8 cps
Image Image Red Knight III (Horrors Of Skye) 4.56 block/cas
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 3.72 pass/cp

Image Image Kvothe (Students of the Arcanum) 27 SPP

Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) & ImageRianna Delaque (Mexican Standoff) 8 TDs
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 8 cas
Image Image Monsterous (Chaos All Sorts) 114 turns
Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 204 rushing yards
Image Image Martin Luthien (Mexican Standoff) 47 pass yards
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 45 fouls
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 80 blocks
Image Image Augusto César Sandino (Redgum's Revolutionaries) 10 cps
Image Image Hagrid (Striking Thunder Beards!) 4.2 block/cas
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 7.67 pass/cp

Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 34 SPP

The Disco Dan Ball
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) & Image Blue Suede Shoes (High Elvis) 7 TDs

The Replacemnt Knuckles
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 13 cas

The Touchstone Heart
Image Image Sorris Canchell (Error 404 afterlife not found) 115 turns

The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) 159 rushing yards

The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 77 pass yards

The John Stone Boot
Image Image Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found) 19 fouls

The Eth'el Shield
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 76 blocks

The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 12 cps

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Image Image Neil "Waka Waka" Kilmister (Blackwater Glee Club) 4 block/cas

The Duskwind Strongarm
Image Image All Shook Up (High Elvis) 7.89 pass/cp

The Duke Snakefield Medallion
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 26 SPP

After the final gong was given out, Cobber was handed an envelope by a League official. He opened it up, then his cheeky grin suddenly vanished. Cobber glanced backstage for an escape route and spotting a fire exit he continued. "Right you lot, I've got an important announcement from the Southern Wastes League Commissioner", he nervously went on....

"You're all FIRED!... toodle-oo...". Before the audience had a chance to react, Cobber had grabbed one more bottle of grog, and scarpered.

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 04, 2017 - 00:41 Reply with quote Back to top

News Flash - Luke Skywalker and the Prancing Unicorns will **NOT** be making a return in Season LXXI

In a surprise move that has left long time fans of the SWL shocked, the Southern Wastes League are adopting a completely new rules set for Bloodbowl and refreshing the entire competition in Season LXXI with brand new teams!

Inside sources have indicated that SWL coaches will be permitted to compete in the new competition, however all current SWL players will be given a final Hurrah and some lucky few teams will be selected to compete in the URN before being relegated to the "Siberian" Fringe of the Wastes.

The Prancing Unicorns will be missed by all who have come to love this unique Orc team. But perhaps a few Fringe matches will be played during quiet interludes to keep the fans happy.

Season LXXI will be an interesting start to the new year with so many rookie teams taking the pitch, the chance to make and win Premier just opened up, with the long standing, legendary teams and players forced to make way for the fresh blood coming through!

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 27, 2017 - 22:00 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Keothi sat back and reflected on a turbulent Season LXX - Second place in a furiously competitive Conference wasn't bad at all... If only Luke hadn't tripped over in the dying seconds of the game on the TD line against the Meerkats! Keothi mused... First place would have been ours for the taking.
Now there were whispers were on the wind that the Powers that be were discussing a complete revamp of the Southern Wastes Bloodbowl. New rules being implemented, faint rumours that there may be new races being accepted onto the hallowed Bloodbowl turf. The old teams to be retired and coaches both old and new recruited to usher in a new era of the game.

I'd better brush up on my CV [thought Keothi]; there might be some interesting races out there in need of a coach.

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 23, 2017 - 00:01 Reply with quote Back to top

News Flash - Luke Skywalker will be making a return in Season LXXI

Coach Keothi confirmed today that the Legendary Orc's brush with death has not shaken the young Jedi's love of the game of Bloodbowl, nor will he relinquish his Captaincy of the Prancing Unicorns.

The Legend of the Unicorn team was most foully set upon by a gang of Norse Thugs after valiantly standing his ground against overwhelming odds on the pitch against the Wonga Wonga Whalekillers last game.

Coach Keothi: Luke is well on the mend and is looking forward to watching his team play the Griffon Gate Sentinels in their final match from the Darkside Corporate Box. Although seriously injured from his last game, his healing powers are miraculous and we expect to see Luke back on the field with no noticeable decrease to his abilities.

Rumours had been floating about the SWL that the Unicorns might retire Luke Skywalker as his key strength to the team was his high strength coupled with his extraordinary agility.

Coach Keothi denies that the rumours have any basis to the reality of the situation.

Coach Keothi: Luke Skywalker is the heart and soul of the team. He leads from the front and knows that he will be in harm's way. But he wouldn't have it any other way. No one respects a Captain who leads from the rear. Luke will be the Captain of the Unicorns for as long as he wishes the position. He has the full support of myself, the team, his fans and the CEO of Darkside Pty Ltd.

Joined: Sep 30, 2003

Post   Posted: Nov 05, 2017 - 06:56 Reply with quote Back to top

Lettor of Response to Krazy Keothi,

Dar Keothi,

Ye call yerself an Orc! What are dese Arful Allagations you is makin? The only fings we are gilty of iz ard work and taking dose pills yer trainer selt to us, which he ashored us was complete legit. So Yu go on prancin about pretendin ye iz orc an all. But Iz suspec wiv yer hi fallutin words you iz noting but a scumy humie.

I dint sumbit dis paper cos i wipe my bum wiv it. Like any respetin orc wuld. I see forwad to smashin you te bits on te fild.

You faak orc,

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Oscar Wilde

Joined: Oct 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Nov 05, 2017 - 04:40 Reply with quote Back to top

Deathroller returns!

The Thunder Beards’ Deathroller that vanished a month ago has been returned by the notorious Trevor Philips.
Local news reports say there is still no sign of RoboDwarf or Boba

It had been a tough time for the dwarfs after a month long search around the treacherous Mt thunderclap. However, the return now comes at a perfect time just hours before facing the Macabre Morticians.

Team Captain, Brian Blessed said he would not comment on whether Trevor Philips had been involved in the theft. However he did say “Mr Philips is a deranged lunatic” and was pleased to find someone “perfect for the job” as deathroller driver.

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 20, 2017 - 02:16 Reply with quote Back to top

Letter of Appeal for IMMEDIATE Investigation into "Super Orks" by the SWL Committee

Dear Sirs,

I am writing on behalf of my legal clients; Dark-side Bloodbowl Pty Ltd, the company entity that owns the players, coach and all rights, trademarks, royalties and benefits even vaguely related to the Prancing Unicorns SWL team.

We find the following to be completely outrageous and reprehensible!

There is another Orc team with multiple stat increases!

The Prancing Unicorns request that the Commish of the SWL immediately investigate this co-called "Super Orks" team! We note that there are FIVE Ability increases on this fledgling SWL team and no supporting documentation as to how this ocurred.

The Unicorns were drug tested and came up clear, the paperwork [team fluff] proving that no banned substances were behind the Strength, Agility and Movement increases on the team - only careful training in the ways of the Force and a minor robotic upgrade to C3PO which was also cleared as permitted under the rules of advancement for non humanoid players.

We notice that no such paperwork has been provided by Coach Grod.

Yours Sincerely,

Tort Greenskin
Legal Counsel for Darkside Bloodbowl Pty Ltd
Office 101
13 Carnage Avenue

Joined: Oct 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Oct 12, 2017 - 17:05 Reply with quote Back to top

Deathroller disappears from the Thunderarena!

Deathroller RoboDwarf of the Striking Thunder Beards! vanished from the club’s workshop late last night just hours before their match day 2 encounter with the Wonga Wonga Whalekillers

The 200k deathroller had only recently had the game of its career by knocking-out orc legend Luke Skywalker.

The disappearance may be linked to a new wizard academy opening in the area. Although, local police have not ruled out the possibility of theft, and are looking for any leads including the whereabouts of Boba. The Dwarf Blocker has not been seen since the Thunder Beards’ exuberant post match celebrations.

Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 16:04 Reply with quote Back to top

Harken! A Dirge is Sung!

One of the original signatories to the Pact has fallen! One of the 'old men' of the league, having played his first games in Season 40... but only a pace slower for all that, after 69 bruising sojourns on the fields of glory.

Unlike the showboating newcomer "Monsterous" he only had one MVP... the rest of his prowess earned off the sweat of his own brow, and the blood of many a downed foe!

His was an all round performance... scoring key touch downs, making clutch passes... and knobbling slippery foes! All aiding his team to the walk the pitches of Glory heads held high! To become the most consistently winning Pact Team in SWL history!

Yes, even willing to be the team player and put in the boot when required by his Coach. Thus a fitting end to his growing legend... the soft leather of his elfish opponent a fitting recognition of his continued presence and threat even from the ground. Helping once again to see his team victorious and in the Hunt for Conference Success.

Weep not for this fallen hero! Yay, save instead your tears for the SWL hordes of fan faithfuls. Bereft forever more his scintillating style on the field.

G 69 R 172 B 275P 20 F 4 Spp 77 Cp 8 Td 10 In 0 Cs 17 Mvp 1

NAF Regional TT Tourney Organiser (AUS/ NZ)
TT Bloodbowl in AUS - www.ausbowl.com
TT Bloodbowl in NZ - www.theendzone.co


Joined: Aug 11, 2017

Post   Posted: Oct 05, 2017 - 07:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Ron Jackhammer: Welcome all to a brand new season of he Footy Show. I am your host Ron Jackhammer.

Jolly Pansy: And i'm the Jolly Pansy. We are in a new exciting league with a new team.

Ron: Same stupid coach though. I mean all hail our boss. What match up our we looking at tonight Jolly?

Jolly: Opening game for the students is vs some elfs called 50 Shades Of Dulux. Rumour has it they were created in a dark dungeon. Some of things i hear that were done there......... (Jolly goes into a delirous trance)

Ron: Snap out of it Jolly, we have a job to do. Looks like the captains have walked into the pitch for the coin toss. Kvothe wins it for the frogs and has decided to recieve. Smart move vs elfs.

Jolly: Did u see that Ron? money just seemed to change hands between pdarby and the ref. He is already up to his old tricks and the ball hasnt even been kicked yet.

Ron: Disgraceful. And the ball is kicked. Wait a minute. Somehow the elfs have managed to change their postion without the ref seeing. Man i hate pesky elfs. Frogs are going for a soild cage in the centre. Very smart.

Jolly: and the first cas of the match has happened. Wilem of the students throws a knuckleduster fist into pensive face and killed him. Team Apo is running onto the pitch to check it out. And he is somehow walking it off.

Ron: Typical elf trick. Suffer a little hit and takes a dive just to get away from the violence. Pathetic. The students slowly grind up the field. None of their leaping flair yet but they havent had to need it yet against this defense.

Jolly: Can't do a defense when their is no players on the pitch. Not gonna lie. This is pretty boring, We want more blood! Even the fans are starting to get impatient.

Ron: And looks like the fans have got what they wanted. Elxa Dal is out with a BH. They een have a mexican wave happening. Jolly, don't wave back.

Jolly: Spoilsport. Manet has done it again. This time removing star blitzer, Flooded Gum, breaking open his skull.

Ron: I swear they let any1 off the field these days. In my day u had to be proclaimed dead or paid the apoth off to get out of the game.

Jolly: Did u see that Ron: WIld Dove just tried headbutting Wilem and managed to get himself killed in the process.

Ron: Solid defense that. And at the end of the half Kvothe runs in the TD. Good half right Jolly? Jolly? Were u go?

(camera shows the students huddle around in celebration and then you see Jolly run in and join the hugging.)

Ron: Oh dear. Doesnt he remeber that last time he did this they put a restraining order on him? Looks like the elfs are setting up wierdly. Can't be much they can do with 7 players.

(Jolly walks back in tired and a huge grin on his face) That was fun and they didnt even call security on me this time.

Ron: Thats only cause half of this team is gay. Whats happened? Busy talking to you and missed the elf turn. OMG, it looks like the 50 shades managed to do a 1 turn TD.

(Jolly runs back out and joins in the elf celebrations)

Ron: That guy is gonna get fired. If anyone here wants to be a commentator please see our manager at the end of the match. We will bakc for the 2nd half after these messages.

Ron: Welcome back to the second half and looks like Jolly made it back. Jolly, you can't keep doing this.

Jolly: I know. But elfs are so nice and cuddly. Lets get back to the sport action. The students are set up in a solid defense arrangement. Looks like the elfs are going for a quick TD.

Ron: But wait. Musing has managed to find himself on a pit trap and has fallen over losing the ball. Some how he still manages to score. Lets go down to our on the field correspondant, Shady Palms and see wat he has for us. Shady?

Shady: Thankyou Ron. The crowd is getting crazy down here and I have managed to get hold of one dulux supporter who can't seem to contain his excitement. Sir are u enjoying the game?

Spectator: Enjoy? I have been standing in the this line for the toilet for the last 30 minutes.

Shady: Poor guy. He doesnt know what he is missing. Back to you Ron.

Ron: We really need better correspondants. Have u got anything to add about this game Jolly?

Jolly: Yes. If any of the players wanna celebrate after the game my number is 555-398-7621

Ron: Jolly!!!! Get your head back into the game please. The small amount of elfs left on the pitch try and setup defensively while the frogs look like they are gonna try for a fast TD. They are pulling a kansas city shuffle. Auri drag half the team to one side of the field and then BAM does a quick hand off to Manet who then runs down the other side with no1 to stop him.

Jolly: Beutiful play. Cant't stop a team that can pull that trick off. ANd TD students. score is tied up 2-2. Anything can happen now.

Ron: And it has started raining. Thi is gonna slow the game down dramtically with both teams trying to score a winning TD. Elfs are trying to go deep but their just aint enough and the frogs are marking every1 in sight

Jolly: it is elf's though and we all know the BS they can do. And a fail catch by Babbler leaves the ball on the ground. Auri has broken away down to the end zone. Kvothe goes to pass it. OMG the crowd has just errupted after that huge TD. Frogs win their opening game.

Ron: What a end to a exciting game. If the frogs keep this up they might have a chance this season right Jolly? NOT AGAIN!.

(The camera fades out with Jolly running down the field to join in the student celebrations)

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 04, 2017 - 13:11 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 70 regional preview. Talk of regionals abounds! Terence?


Please send money, we are broke, this is really just to ask for money, thankyou.

Wizards Guild memorial Regional is I don't even know what it is. Our research budget is zero.

Image Horrors of Skye Rating 239, a million spare. Once premier contenders, occaisional regionals contenders. 26th season, Slicer V and Skinner III loved their last trip down here.

Image Bribery and Corruption Rating 204, broke. Thieving and Bribery return home for their 12th, the new boys with 'em will get a chance to grow here. Prem run, surely.

Image Pharee Markhet Rating 179, half a million coin. 6th season, their first trip back to reggies, about half the originals have made it. They'll enjoy this and make a proper mess.

Image Redgum's Rodents Rating 139, 100k. Slick Simon missed the SWL so much he dragged a bunch of jouneymen along to play a season in reggies. Expect him to terrify the new squads.

Image RS Industrial Rating 130, new squad. More rats, showing some promise, coach says straight to prem, or was that a different skaven coach?

Image Racket Rating 130, new squad. Goons, thugs, ruthless, who knows what they'll bring once the warpstone makes itself felt more deeply throughout the team. Probably heads and claws.

Image Death Leopards Rating 130, new squad. Not the easiest team to get started, they are solid outfit with a few seasons under their belts, and the most loved roster in the SWL's history.

Image Criminal Code 1899 Rating 129, new squad. It's not my fault govenor, they provoked me. You're allowed to say that when you kill all these skinks. Just not that agile one, no reason though.

Image 50 Shades of Dulux Rating 127, new squad. Fragile, they'll enjoy the frogs first round though. Pinky swear. Note I may have already seen the result. That is not right at all.

Image Students of the Arcanum Rating 124, new squad. Another frog team sets about taking on the SWL, not a bad regional to start with then, with having a frog team in it, for everyone else, you see.

Image Sheikh Rattle And Roll Rating 124, new squad. A famed coach from the days of old returns to terrorise the SWL with one of the meaner teams there is. Expect big things, once the rust sheikhs off.

Image LA Looterz Rating 118, new squad. Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice. First round, fight, there will be no new master here.


That's lots, big reggie, excellent, wrap it up Terence.


I'm done, Phillip, go the goblins! The big ones!


No one cares about your goblins, Terence. 8 new squads, 35 returning, and a filler from the fringes of the SWL. Crunch, if you thought blooding was rough, it only gets meaner, in the greatest league there's ever been, no room for the slightest mistakes all the way to the top. Jump Up exists, crowd throw-ins go anywhere at all. Turn 15, put someone in range, maybe even with the ball. Little things.

Games are on, players are dead, stars are being made. Season 70, go the SWL.


Joined: Apr 23, 2016

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 07:37 Reply with quote Back to top

Competition is healthy in any organisation. Joseppi Worralli, the Wozfather, has offered a handsome reward to his 'family'. The Capo who manages to maim the most enemies will be wealthier than they could ever imagine.

Of course, they must be alive to receive their handsome reward.

Which Capo will come out on top? Will another move through the ranks, please the Wozfather, and take the role of Capo or even Capo Bastone?

Racket Never Rat!

Joined: Aug 11, 2017

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 05:59 Reply with quote Back to top

Ron Jackhammer walks into the studio, full beard and a can of bloodwieser in each hand. He has a confused look on his face until he bumbsinto his old co-host, The Jolly Roger. Jolly looks as pristine as ever but that could be cause he's gay.
Ron Jackhammer: Jolly! (gives Jolly a big hug) What are u doing here? Weren't u in lustria sampling the locals?

Jolly: Locals were fine until it came time to choose sacrifices for the sun god. They seem happy to make the sacrifices but never seem to choose a local. Can't remember the last time i had so much male attention. How did they manage to rope u back in for this?

Ron: They still have the tapes of me and that ogre cheerleader. Thought i got them all last time they blackmailed me but u can't seem to delete everything of the internet. Do you know who we are working for this time? Not the same idiot is it?

Jolly: It is sadly. Hope this time he doesnt run out of MONEY mid season like last time. Still trying to pay back THE DEBT collectors after that.

Ron: Can't be that bad. I hear we are in a different league this time with a new team. Some students who need the money for tuition.
I'm sure there is safer ways to make money.

Jolly: There is but pimp fees can be expensive.

Ron: Well looks like they are still setting up the set. I'm heading back to the trailor to finish drinking. U wanna come?

Jolly: Of course. I think we are gonna need it to get through this season.

Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2017 - 04:34 Reply with quote Back to top


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Oct 01, 2017 - 08:23 Reply with quote Back to top

Sponsors welcome, apply at all good, uh, places. Terence, how do the sponsors get hold of us? This was so much easier when we were with the network.

Image An SWL season 70 conferences preview independantly produced. Go!


Thanks, Phillip.

Fukuoka Fireflies conference, named for a premier-winning ladies team from just before the great war.

Image Freezy Trees Rating 219, 700k bank. 15th season for the Trees, what a pack of superstars; Clark, Gox, New Fish, Old Fish, and Little Cat B. They've shown great form of late, and have the players to go all the way, just need to put together a run of wins to get up in the mix, and this conf has to suit them.

Image SWL Jaegers Rating 215, 400k. Butterfly Baby, Romeo Blue, and Shaolin Rogue continue to lead these heroes into their 10th season. They've survived the rigours of the Conferences well, carrying a few injuries but the team has no shortage of winning potential if they can just avoid the snakes.

Image Urban Nightmare Rating 211, a million ready. Legends Roundabout and Tunnel join Skyscaper and Intersection in these bouncing premier contenders. The power remains with the Chosen in the Nightmare, Beasts serving to protect them well into this 11th season. Prem or bust, again!

Image Forest Magicians Rating 208, spent everything. 5th season, a couple of stars known to their fans, the team is well balanced and will dissapoint some of the older squads in their heady ambitions with the sort of trickery all woodies are famous for.

Image Styx and Warpstones Rating 177, 300k forever. 5th season also, Volos and Ephialtes steal accolates aplenty, these denizens of the underworld ruining the dreams of so many pretenders, but only ever doing enough to stay in the confs themselves.

Image Tusq Rating 174, 200k banked. 3rd season fresh out of the regions after the last Bob Borc Cup, they've performed well all the time, but will be looking to survive and build against some of these monster squads.

Image Egon Schiele All Stars Rating 169, bankrupt. 3rd season, other BBC debutant finds itself in the big time of SWL confs. No troubles, the young team will survive and prosper, or they won't. Easier to see after the first round game against the Nightmare.

Image Wunderland Libertines Rating 158, treasury 300k. 2nd season, welcome to SWL conferences little men. Someone's gotta get the cherry, let's see how the new claws hold up against the claws they face in round one and two alike. No one likes tacklers, get 'em boys!


Quite the group of young teams there, Terence, don't be surprised if the coaching skills they bring with them and often huge inducements they'll recieve help them make the grade up here.


As long as there's less tacklers about when Bribery and Corruption make their next premier run.

Kowabunga Connection conference is not named for the Cowabunga Connection, who never did anything, but instead for the S56 premier winners. Dwarfs. Hmph.

Image Prancing Unicorns Rating 242, 400k banked. Legend Luke Skywalker, along with Darth Maul and Princess Leia, have been trying to keep a team together around themselves since that rough premier jaunt. Now 11th season, it's looking promising, some young talent on the way, not too bad on the claw front here if they can make use of the skills they have could easily make premier again.

Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards Rating 235, 500k banked. 14th season woodies, they've lost some greats, but Pepii Dancesthewars, JR Coolman, and Seeding Deeproot all have plently of talent to haul in the wins despite the injuries. If they can hold that treasury, they'll be in a good position to step up once more and take on the very best the SWL has to offer.

Image Striking Thunder Beards! Rating 227, always broke. After another premier trip, these 9th season dwarfs survived it a bit better, no longer the littlest team in conferences, Forrest Gump and Hagrid will be looking to have another shot at the big time. Still featuring a young Deathroller pilot, excellent.

Image Compare the Meerkat Rating 223, 600k for rats. They made premier, while they didn't enjoy it much, Keytarkat, Crockat, Kendokat, and Bellydancekat lead them back to practice their lightning turnover skills and learn the love of the game once more, in their 7th season.

Image Macabre Morticians Rating 189, 600k spare. Fouling up the SWL fair to put goblins and everyone else to shame, their 9th season sees Wrathnomenias continue to drop player after player to be ground under the advancing boots of this notorious squad. Put them off the park before they put you off the park.

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels Rating 182, 100k banked. 20th season for these stalwarts, legendary Iolas continues to sack with the best of them despite a growing list of injuries. Likely still some building to do before the reach for the stars once more, but great potential within.

Image Wonga Wonga Whalekillers Rating 179, 150k tucked away. 31 seasons now, that rebuild they were going so well on is on again, legends Fish Oil Nilsson and !Mbele Mummyslayer with Hungmir will need to make the most of their inducements against these massive opponent squads. No favouritism for the former greats here.

Image Paradise Slavers Rating 156, 300k banked. Another set of 2nd season Chaos Dwarfs welcomed to the big time of SWL conferences. They'll either understand how to protect themselves and grow for the experience, or they won't. This conference doesn't have a soft opponent for them all the way.


Seven former premier contenders, one of them a multiple champion! What a conference, Terence! Anyone who makes it through from here must do well at the top, surely.


Depends if any of them remember how to compete reliably against a field like that, Phillip.

Woodies Double Double conference is named for some Woodies, ironically, who did manage two premier titles long ago. Doubles escaped them, twice.

Image Chaos All Sorts Rating 240, 200k at the ready. 12th season for once-were-wanderers, back up from bullying everything in sight in the regions, might be time to bully everything in sight in the conferences. Surely this is where they earn the right to promote, surely!

Image Mexican Standoff Rating 222, 150k. 24th season sees legend Lianna de la Castilas along with Rianna Delaque lead the Mexicans into another season of elfing it with the best of them. A couple rookies about in key positions, that won't last long and they'll look to prosper here.

Image Redgum's Revolutionaries Rating 207, 700k banked. 8th season Regengades are a well developed team, no standouts anyone but their fans would recognise, capable of getting the job done anyway. But they're well short of the skill set on the bigger pact they meet in round 6, good things take time.

Image Settra's Sons Rating 179, 200k on call. 5th season now, their premier experience was a harsh one after they lost a key player on the way in. Takh'anet the Terrible continues to lead the way for this developing squad who have dominated at this level before and could well do so again.

Image Karaz-a-Karak Krakens Rating 160, broke. 3rd season and rumour of a runner in the making, this will be a good test of their structural play, and their famed hitting power against these bigger squads. Have to expect a few wins.

Image Super Orks Rating 154, 100k banked. 3rd season and already replacing player after player, there's more big claw squads here to show these Orks what real villainy is all about, and they didn't enjoy the All Sorts down in reggies either. Should be a steady, if not grand performance.

Image High Tea Party Rating 148, 150k is something. Macaron has survived to lead this famously fragile group of journeymen into their 5th season. They'll beat anyone on their day, but the games where the limited armour gives out quickly leave them with few options for making headway against the bigger squads. Elf it anyway, I guess.

Image Hockland Snakes Rating 133, 100k reserve. 2nd season, look what the cat dragged up to Confs. Expect the biggest of stars to be a regular feature for the Snakes, and they'll be needing a few of those from their opponents to avoid the cherry. Better luck in S71 reggies.

Three conferences once more, some bigger than others, one a minor premiership on its own.

One to watch for sure, Terence. Good to see your Goblins out from the real competition.

Our conferences celebrate teams from our storied past, having created a legend in the SWL. Check the listings, catch the replays, we're over budget but it's kicking off and there's plenty to see for weeks to come.

Go the SWL. Someone please sponsor us.

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