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Quotes about Bill Brasky:
"Bill Brasky is a son of a b*tch!"
"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
"Bill Brasky could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!"
"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
"He sweats Gatorade"
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
"He sheds his skin once a year."
"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."
"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
"They found $60 in change in his stomach."
"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
"He date raped David Bowie."
"He once inhaled a seagull."
"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."
"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."
"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"
"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"
"He has dandruff the size of mice!"
"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"
"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"
"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."
"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."
"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."
"He breastfeeds John Madden."
"They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."
"Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."
"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos."
"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."
"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"
"Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."
"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
"He thinks Ironman is gay."
"His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
"I remember one time, Brasky took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Brasky got splashed. So Brasky yells, 'I'm Bill Brasky and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Brasky didn't step in there and finish the show."
"Brasky's testicles have an I.Q. of 91!"
"He was divorced nine times; fifteen if you count the other six women he married."
"His wrist watch is set to Hell time."