23 coaches online • Server time: 03:26
* * * Did you know? The number of matches played is 2412132.
Log in
Recent Forum Topics goto Post Famous Team Fan Grou...goto Post Tournament changesgoto Post SWL All Southern Was...
The_Great_Gobbo
Last seen 3 days ago
Goblin
Experienced
Goblin
Record
40/38/625
Win Percentage
8%
Orc
Emerging Star
Orc
Record
13/2/14
Win Percentage
48%
Overall
[R]
Emerging Star
Overall
Record
53/40/638
Win Percentage
10%
Archive

2018

2018-01-05 12:15:30
rating 5.4

2017

2017-12-27 16:43:51
rating 5.5
2017-03-01 21:20:56
rating 6

2016

2016-12-12 17:33:50
rating 5.9
2016-12-08 21:04:33
rating 6
2016-12-07 21:09:17
rating 6
2016-12-06 17:59:32
rating 6
2016-10-06 08:51:41
rating 5.7
2016-04-20 19:06:50
rating 5.8
2016-01-18 08:46:18
rating 5.8

2015

2015-12-24 12:58:46
rating 5.4
2015-10-12 15:43:14
rating 6
2015-10-05 15:10:52
rating 6
2015-10-01 14:42:06
rating 6
2015-08-06 15:36:54
rating 5.7
2015-07-17 00:28:10
rating 5.8
2015-07-15 15:22:22
rating 6
2015-06-30 11:54:03
rating 5.9
2015-04-22 14:17:08
rating 5.6
2015-04-20 12:52:18
rating 5.6
2015-04-10 01:05:15
rating 5.5
2015-03-17 00:43:05
rating 5.7
2015-03-12 14:31:14
rating 6
2015-03-11 00:24:39
rating 5.8
2015-03-04 13:54:35
rating 6
2015-03-02 15:21:24
rating 5.3
2015-02-23 15:46:24
rating 6
2015-02-19 12:56:45
rating 6
2015-01-22 12:58:39
rating 5.6
2015-01-20 18:36:18
rating 6
2015-01-20 13:55:35
rating 5.7
2015-01-13 17:42:41
rating 6
2015-01-12 14:19:44
rating 5.6
2015-01-01 18:21:17
rating 6

2014

2014-12-31 10:04:22
rating 5.7
2014-12-30 10:59:38
rating 6
2014-12-23 09:56:24
rating 6
2014-12-10 14:26:16
rating 5.9
2014-12-09 19:10:26
rating 6
2014-12-01 09:22:30
rating 6
2014-11-29 11:30:56
rating 5.9
2014-11-26 18:07:55
rating 6
2014-11-09 22:35:16
rating 6
2014-11-07 12:26:08
rating 6
2014-11-06 11:55:47
rating 6
2014-11-03 13:49:56
rating 6
2014-10-28 21:49:57
rating 6
2014-10-28 19:50:01
rating 6
2014-10-24 11:36:26
rating 5.9
2014-10-23 11:43:20
rating 6
2014-10-21 01:42:26
rating 5.9
2014-10-19 22:19:28
rating 6
2014-10-17 23:39:15
rating 6
2014-10-13 23:48:20
rating 6
2014-10-01 15:24:43
rating 5.9
2014-09-26 17:01:02
rating 5.9
2014-09-25 20:40:17
rating 6
2014-09-23 14:10:11
rating 6
2014-09-16 15:35:31
rating 6
2014-09-16 00:15:22
rating 6
2014-09-11 16:16:54
rating 5.8
2014-10-01 15:24:43
25 votes, rating 5.9
Ded Troll Refund
The Great Gobbo enters a small, dingy backstreet tavern dragging with him a hessian sack which obviously contains something large and very heavy. Through the gloom and smoke various shady looking characters can be made out. The volume of the tavern drops noticeably as the Great Gobbo walks in but quickly returns to normal once the occupants recognise the intruder. This is not the kind of tavern where it pays to look too hard or for too long at someone dragging a mysterious sack. The Great Gobbo spots his quarry and heads over to a huge, bald, ugly human sat in a corner booth on his own. His fingers and neck are adorned with lots of big, crass gold rings and necklaces which almost match the colour of his nicotine stained teeth. His fat, scarred face is covered in stubble and tattoos, and his sheepskin coat is immaculate.

The Great Gobbo - "Oi Honest John, I wantz a wurd wiv yew!"
Honest John - "Oh it's you. I'm closed for lunch so piss off"
GG - "Nevva mind dat mush, I iz ere ter complain bout diz troll wot I boort frum yew"
HJ - "Ah yes, the Norsican Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?"
GG - "I'll tell yer wotz wrong wiv it mate. E's ded, datz wotz wrong wiv it!"
HJ - "No,no, 'e's uh,...he's resting"
GG - "Look mate, I no a ded troll wen I sees wun, an i'm lookin at wun rite now"
HJ - "No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable troll, the Norsican Blue, idniit ay? Beautiful musculature!"
GG - "Der muskylature dunt enter inter it. Itz stone ded"
HJ - "Nononono, no, no! E's resting!"
GG - "All rite den, if ee's restin i'll wake im up! (shouting at sack) 'Ello Mr Trolly Troll! I've got a lovely alflin stake fer yer if yer show....."
(HJ kicks the sack)
HJ - "There, he moved!"
GG - "No ee didn't, dat wuz yew kikkin der sak!"
HJ - "I never!"
GG - "Yes yew did!"
HJ - "I never, never did anything..."
GG - (yelling and kicking the sack repeatedly) "ELLO TROLLY!!!! Testin! Testin! Testin! Testin! Diz iz yer nine o'klokk wake up kall"
(Takes troll out of the sack and thumps it's head on the table)
GG - "Now dats wot I kallz a ded troll"
HJ - "No,no...no, e's stunned!"
GG - "STUNNED?!?"
HJ - "Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin up! Norsican Blue's stun easily chief"
GG - "Now look mate, I've ad enuf o dis. Dat troll is definitely deceased an wen I boort it yew tole me dat itz total lakk o movement was koz it wuz shagged out followin an overtime game"
HJ - "Well, he's...he's, ah ....probably pining for the fjords"
GG - "PININ FER DER FJORDS?!?!?!?!? What kind o talk is dat?"
HJ - "No no! E's pining!"
GG - "Ee ent pinin, ee's passed on! Dis troll iz no moar! Ee az ceased ter be! Ee's expired an gone ter meet iz maker! Ee's a stiff! Befert o life ee restz in peace!Ees kicked der bucket, Ee's shuffled off diz mortal coil an joined bleedin Nuffle! THIS IZ AN EX TROLL!!"
(pause)
HJ - "Well, I'd better replace it then.Hmmmm,I'm right out of trolls at the moment"
GG - "I see. I see, I getz der picture"
HJ - (pause) I got a slug"
(pause)
GG - "Pray, doez it play blud bowl?"
HJ - "Nnnnnot really....)
GG - "WELL IT'S ARDLY A BLUDDY REPLACEMENT DEN, IZ IT?!?!?!?!"
HJ - "N-no, I guess not" (gets ashamed, looks at his drink)
GG - "Well?"
HJ - "How about a re-roll and some dirty magazines?"
GG - "Yer, alrite, sure"
Rate this entry
Comments
Posted by mister__joshua on 2014-10-01 15:53:45
Haha. Fantastic
Posted by Badoek on 2014-10-01 17:48:51
Lmao! Poor troll
Posted by Nightbird on 2014-10-02 00:27:05
a re-roll and some dirty magazines.
HA!
6 sir. a 6!
Posted by Dalfort on 2014-10-02 02:29:37
someone should do this as a sketch... fantastic work!
Posted by the_Sage on 2014-10-02 08:27:45
Always nice to see a mashup of comedy greats. =)
Posted by eldritchfox on 2014-10-07 22:35:19
wunderful