11 votes, rating 5.5
The Great Gobbo groaned. His head pounded and his mouth felt like something had died in there. As various parts of his devious brain started to re-boot he realised that he wasn't at home but yet in a familiar place.
The Great Gobbo: "Mek us a brew will yer 'Arry an tell us wot I did dis time"
Sergeant Farmer: "Here you go buddy. Actually you are not in any trouble at all, we found you having an argument with a rock and when we couldn't get any sense out of you we took you in for protective custody. So what was it this time, grog? toads? Or are you going to give me the usual story about it being an allergic reaction to a dodgy rat?"
GG: "I woz avin an argument wiv a rokk?"
SF: "Yep, it was quite funny actually. You were accusing it of following you around and spying on you for Left My Heart In San Francisco"
GG: "I doant remember any of dat, all I remember iz avin dis weird dreem about sum Ogre kalled Krakerjack or summat an iz mate der big gob. Proper mental it wos."
SF: "I'm no doctor but it sounds like you have been over doing it. I'd go home and have a good long rest if I were you. Like a biscuit?"
GG: "I'd luv a ob nob. Cheers 'Arry I fink yer rite, I needz a rest"
After buying Sergeant Farmer and his guardsmen another packet of biscuits the Great Gobbo goes back home to his cave for a nice long rest. Within minutes of him closing his eyes there is a loud banging from the new front door.
GG: "Nige pakk it in, I iz tryin ter sleep..."
BANG, BANG, BANG
GG: "NIGE, PAKK IT IN!"
BANG, BANG, BANG
GG: "NIGE IF I AZ TER KUM OUT DERE I IZ GUNNA TURN YER INTER A BEEN BAG!!!"
BANG, BANG, BANG
GG: "RITE DAT DOES IT, YEW IS DED MEET......"
There is a tremendous bang and bits of shiny new door go flying into the Great Gobbo's hallway. As the dust settles a huge shape can be seen silhouetted in the ragged hole where the door used to be. The Great Gobbo edges closer and is shocked to discover that the apparition in his doorway is none other than Gromstomp Limbrender, legendary ogre of the Blood Sea Buccaneers. A mighty arm is thrust out towards the Great Gobbo clutching a ragged piece of parchment. Gingerly the Great Gobbo prises the note from Gromstomps outstretched paw and reads the following.
'As per our agreement, Gromstomp Limbrender is officially transferred to the Green Tide. We will retain his playing registration as we don't want to see you succeed on the pitch.
The Blood Sea Buccaneers'
The Great Gobbo's mind reeled. This couldn't be happening could it? Meeting that big mouthed thingy was just a dream wasn't it? A little shaken the Great Gobbo sends Nigel out to round up the Tide for an emergency meeting.
We enter the Great Gobbo's meeting room in the back of his cave and find the usual suspects gathered around the long wooden table. Doc Eadcase is at the far end of the table picking his nose whilst next to him Honest John is showing Uzzy Banned the contents of an old battered suitcase. The Great Gobbo sits at the head of the table with Nigel at his right hand side and Russell on his left, alongside Dyno Mite who is sat off to one side playing with a flint, completes the line up.
The Great Gobbo: "Rite now yew iz ere we kan start dis meetin. Today Gromperstomper frum der Blud See Buccaneers turned up wiv transfer papers to der Tide wiv im. Der kweshtun is wot we gunna do wiv im"
KO! Magazine: "Hang on a second, the Blood Sea Buccaneers transferred their legendary ogre to the Tide? So what did you give them?"
GG: "..err, nuffin I fink..."
Honest Jon: "You think.....?"
GG: "Well I kinda kondukted der transfer inna dreem....."
Dr Eadcase: "Inna dreem? Yew bin at my medicinal toadz agen boss?"
GG: "No,no,no, I swears it! I ad a dreem dat I talked ter dis ogre kalled Krackerjack an is mate der big gob an dey gave us Gromperstomper an den today ee showz up at me kave an smashes down me new door! Dat reminds me, yew still owe me fer dat door yew tossa"
Dyno Mite: "I ent givvin yew nuffin till yew pay me"
GG: "An I ent payin yer till yer stop droppin dose bluddy bombs or evun wurse frowin em at our ladz!"
DM: "Mebbe if yew paid me I kud afford some free time ter practise yew nobber!"
KO!: "Gentlemen, gentlemen please! This is not the time for bickering. Having looked at these papers it does indeed seem that Gromstomp has been legally transferred to the Tide, but with the condition that he cannot play for you, so what are you going to do with him?"
DM: "Not pay im!"
GG: "Shuttup yew!"
HJ: "Flog im, I knows a bloke who will do me a good deal on a second hand ogre"
GG: "Err, we karn't. Part o der deel woz we ad ter treet im wiv respect an keep im"
KO!: "Well he is a legend, why not make him a scout as he obviously knows what it takes to play Blood Bowl"
Russell: "He can't, he hasn't got any badges!"
GG: "Wot yer jibber jabberin about now?"
Russell: "I checked with Scout Master Hero 164 and he doesn't have a single badge so he can't be a scout"
Uzzy Banned: "Yew no dat all goblin tournament yew iz plannin boss, well why not av im ref it. No wun iz gunna argue wiv im an if yew keep der fakt dat ee wurkz fer us a sekret den ee kan cheet fer us in der games we playz in"
GG: "Dats not a bad ideer at all Uzzy, I likes it! We shud...."
Before the Great Gobbo can finish his sentence the room fills with noise and colour then a bright flash. As the rooms occupants eyes re-adjust to the gloom of the cave two presences can been seen.
GG: "IT'S DEM! KRACKERJAK AN DER BIG GOB! Tole yew I wernt mekkin it up whilst on toads!!"
The shimmering form of the Great Maw proceeds to tell all those present of the evil plans of the Gnome Red Nose Frank, and of the treasure that await them if they agree to aid the Great Maw in stopping him. Many hours later when the Great Maw has finished his long and rambling story the room falls silent as those present go deep in thought.
DM: "GOT IT!! I no ows ter do it! Rite we all nows dat gnomes likez ter go fishin fer wurms rite"
HJ: "It's true, every time I see a gnome he is sat on his lawn fishing"
DM: "Well wot we do is sit in is garden wiv fishin rods scopin out der joint, rite"
GG: "Sounds promisin"
DM: "Rite! Den wen ee goes out we put a brikk frew iz window, nip in, grab der metal an set fire ter der place. Simples"
The room goes quiet as everyone looks at Dyno Mite
The Great Maw: "Can we have an idea from someone who is not a free range retard please?"
GG: "I az a plan. Long ago a famus gobbo kalled Big 'Ead Phlegmface invented dis machinery o destrukshun kalled der One Gobbo Tank. I kud modify dat basic ideer an mek it bigger so dat it wud be a teem tank. We wud need fore memberz of dis teem, a leeder, well datz obviously me, a sekund in command oo elpz kum up wiv der planz.."
Nigel jumps up onto the table and bares her enormous teeth for all to see
UB: "Err, I fink Nige wud be best fer dat role"
GG: "Agreed, welkum abord Nige. Now we need a reely big, reely strong an reely stoopid memba of der teem"
GG: "Yeh, dat meks sense, almost az if ee were ment ter kum ter uz at dis time, spooky! Finally we will need ter go to a ospital and find a krazy person...."
The room all turn to look at Doc Eadcase who is trying to kick himself in the face...
GG: "Dats dat sorted den, rite I iz gunna go to me shed an build dis tank fer a teem. We will meet agen wen I az finished buildin it. Now bugga off outta me kave, I az work ter do!"
TO BE CONTINUED....