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The_Great_Gobbo
Last seen 2 hours ago
Goblin
Experienced
Goblin
CR
Record
41/40/648
Win Percentage
8%
Orc
Emerging Star
Orc
Record
13/4/18
Win Percentage
43%
Overall
[R]
Veteran
Overall
Record
54/44/665
Win Percentage
10%
Archive

2018

2018-01-05 12:15:30
rating 5.4

2017

2017-12-27 16:43:51
rating 5.5
2017-03-01 21:20:56
rating 6

2016

2016-12-12 17:33:50
rating 5.9
2016-12-08 21:04:33
rating 6
2016-12-07 21:09:17
rating 6
2016-12-06 17:59:32
rating 6
2016-10-06 08:51:41
rating 5.7
2016-04-20 19:06:50
rating 5.8
2016-01-18 08:46:18
rating 5.8

2015

2015-12-24 12:58:46
rating 5.4
2015-10-12 15:43:14
rating 6
2015-10-05 15:10:52
rating 6
2015-10-01 14:42:06
rating 6
2015-08-06 15:36:54
rating 5.7
2015-07-17 00:28:10
rating 5.8
2015-07-15 15:22:22
rating 6
2015-06-30 11:54:03
rating 5.9
2015-04-22 14:17:08
rating 5.6
2015-04-20 12:52:18
rating 5.6
2015-04-10 01:05:15
rating 5.5
2015-03-17 00:43:05
rating 5.7
2015-03-12 14:31:14
rating 6
2015-03-11 00:24:39
rating 5.8
2015-03-04 13:54:35
rating 6
2015-03-02 15:21:24
rating 5.3
2015-02-23 15:46:24
rating 6
2015-02-19 12:56:45
rating 6
2015-01-22 12:58:39
rating 5.6
2015-01-20 18:36:18
rating 6
2015-01-20 13:55:35
rating 5.7
2015-01-13 17:42:41
rating 6
2015-01-12 14:19:44
rating 5.6
2015-01-01 18:21:17
rating 6

2014

2014-12-31 10:04:22
rating 5.7
2014-12-30 10:59:38
rating 6
2014-12-23 09:56:24
rating 6
2014-12-10 14:26:16
rating 5.9
2014-12-09 19:10:26
rating 6
2014-12-01 09:22:30
rating 6
2014-11-29 11:30:56
rating 5.9
2014-11-26 18:07:55
rating 6
2014-11-09 22:35:16
rating 6
2014-11-07 12:26:08
rating 6
2014-11-06 11:55:47
rating 6
2014-11-03 13:49:56
rating 6
2014-10-28 21:49:57
rating 6
2014-10-28 19:50:01
rating 6
2014-10-24 11:36:26
rating 5.9
2014-10-23 11:43:20
rating 6
2014-10-21 01:42:26
rating 5.9
2014-10-19 22:19:28
rating 6
2014-10-17 23:39:15
rating 6
2014-10-13 23:48:20
rating 6
2014-10-01 15:24:43
rating 5.9
2014-09-26 17:01:02
rating 5.9
2014-09-25 20:40:17
rating 6
2014-09-23 14:10:11
rating 6
2014-09-16 15:35:31
rating 6
2014-09-16 00:15:22
rating 6
2014-09-11 16:16:54
rating 5.8
2015-02-19 12:56:45
10 votes, rating 6
Gromstomp part 2!
It has been over a week since anyone has seen the Great Gobbo after he went into his shed to build a team tank. Only Nigel has been allowed in and out and more than one inquisitive goblin has been to see Doc Eadcase with squig related injuries. It seems as if the waiting is over however, as we have been summoned to the Great Gobbo's shed. The early afternoon sun is hot and bright as the door to the Great Gobbo's shed slowly swings open and he emerges blinking into the light.

The Great Gobbo: "Bloody ell itz brite out ere! Nige go fetch me shades!"
KO! Magazine: "I assume you have finished your invention as you have summoned me here to witness it's grand unveiling?"
GG: "Cheers Nige, well mate itz evun betta den dat, chek dis owt!"

The Great Gobbo proudly hands over a wooden board. At the top is scrawled 'Fings we az killed' and underneath are a list of names with a surprisingly good picture representation of every player the Green Tide has killed on the pitch.

GG: "Wotcha fink?"
KO!: "It's very nice, where are you going to put it?"
GG: "On der teem bio page so everywun kan see it. Nige elped wiv der kolorin in of der pikkys"
KO!: "Well it's very nice. Is that all you wanted to show us?"
GG: "Nope, kop a load o dis! Now Nige!"

Nigel pulls a thick rope with her teeth and all four sides of the shed fall outwards like the opening of a brown and musty flower. The roof slides off to one side and breaks. Revealed is a cart the like of which we have never seen. It is rectangular and large with a big wheel on each corner. The drivers seat is at the front as usual but there are no reins or obvious ways of attaching a squig or horse to pull it. At the back is what can only be described as a giant kettle with pipes running off it to pistons connected to the wheels. The whole thing has been painted black with red stripes along the sides and the whole thing is covered with a roof.

GG: "Ta daa! Me tank fer a teem"
KO!: "How on earth does it work?"
GG: "Not wun hundred percent sure, but wot yew do is mek a brew. When dat is done yew leaves der kettle on an soon der wheels start ter turn an der yew go, geenyus!"
KO!: "What is the red stripe for?
GG: "Meks it go faster"
KO!: "And how fast does it go?"
GG: "Not entirely sure az der wosnt much room in me shed ter get it goin. Tell yer wot, we will give it a test run ter der Bridge Inn an yew kan tell uz ow fast we went"

Suddenly Gromstomp appears and stops dead as his eyes fall on the tank. "Puuuuurrrrrty" escapes from his lips and he sprints over and hugs the tank in his huge arms. He then climbs into the drivers seat and grabs the wheel that is in place of the reins and starts making brum brum noises.

Gromstomp: "My tank. We go now. Me drivin"
GG: "Rite get on, an yew Doc Eadcase. Nige mek uz a brew we is off ter der pub!"

Nothing happens. The Great Gobbo and Nige drink their mugs of tea. Then the tank trembles and whistling noises can be heard all over it. Just as we are about to make our excuses and get off the mighty pistons move and the tank lurches forward. Slowly at first but getting faster and faster until the swamp if flying past us as a blur. Gromstomp has an expression of ecstasy on his face which is the polar opposite of the expressions on ours.

GG: "Rite we iz ere, prepare ter stop!"
KO!: "How do we stop?"
GG: "Like dis!" as Nige spits a huge anchor over the side and into the ground.

When we wake up we are lying down on a bench in the gloom of the Bridge. Our head is in incredible pain and our nose is clearly broken. Sat around the table are the Great Gobbo, Nigel, Doc Eadcase, Gromstomp and Honest John and they are all clearly very drunk.

GG: "Oi oi, ees awake! Give im a drink so ee kan toast me bred"
KO!: "Bread?"
GG: "Geenyus, bred wotevva, jus toast sumfin!"
HJ: "Yew wanna drink? Drink ter your leg!"
GG: "I'll drink ter yer leg"
HJ: "Okay, so we'll drink to our legs!"
KO!: "How long was I out?"
GG: "Dunno, wot day iz it? Hehehehe! Oh yer, wen I sayz stop yew shud be wearin yer seet belt"
KO!: "It's a bit bloody late for that now! Why didn't you just turn the kettle thing off?"
GG: "Karnt"
KO!: "What do you mean you can't? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THING IS STILL ON RIGHT NOW!"
GG: "Yer, so wot?"
KO!: "SO WHAT?!!! THE WHOLE THING IS..."

Before we can finish the sentence there is the sound of an almighty explosion followed by a blast wave that knocks over every drink in the Bridge.

KO!: "...liable to explode."
GG: "Ah.....bugga. Betta kum up wiv a plan 3 den."
KO!: "Plan 3? What was plan 2?"
GG: "Plan B iz ter keep on drinkin until we az a plan 3. MELV, NOVVER ROWND OVER EAR!"

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Comments
Posted by Timetis on 2015-02-19 19:42:46
Most of the great gobbos schemes seem to involve either booze or hallucinatory toads nowadays, where is his ambition gone off to!?

Building a tank for an ogre in just a week time is pretty ambitious though, I presume.

Wonder what they blew up...
Posted by The_Great_Gobbo on 2015-02-19 21:27:54
err, der tank blew up az we left der steem engine on whilst we went fer a drink
Posted by Badoek on 2015-02-20 08:13:29
Seems like Timetis would fit right in with the rest of the team :D
Posted by Timetis on 2015-02-20 11:05:03
I'm confused now! :-P
Posted by Badoek on 2015-02-20 15:08:18
It's called Really Stupid in a goblin context but you can go with Bone-Head too if us helping you doesn't work.
Posted by The_Great_Gobbo on 2015-02-21 19:40:34
Rite wot we fink appened woz dat we left der heat on der steem engine on. Soon all of der water ad turned ter steem an evaporated. Der metal den got very ot an combined wiv der pressure in der pipes exploded.

Dis also appened wen der furst uman built der furst steem engine kalled Puffin Billy. Ee drove it up der igh street in a likkle town kalled Camborne, den went inter der pub to celebrate left der engine on an iz blew up az well!