We follow the Great Gobbo into his living room/sty/scene of a recent explosion, take a proffered bottle of Gwiness and after shooing Blinky off the driest chair settle down to catch up with the news.

The Great Gobbo: So wotz der lazt fing yew rememba?

KO! Magazine: Well I remember getting your message to come and see you, and then being held up by a small green highwayman and then nothing, it is all black after that.

GG: Yeah dat wuz Dik Swede

Nigel opens one eye from where she is lying at our feet and emits a short bark

GG: Whatevva. Turnip, Swede, Strawberry sum kinda root veggyble. Anyway afta yew robbed im, an ee iz still pretty mad bowt dat, ee followed yer ter politely ask fer iz belonginz bak wen rowndin a korner at a krossrowdz ee sin dat yew ad krashed. Az ee wuz chekkin yew fer any injuries ee fownd me letta ter yer an now yew iz ere.

KO!: I don't remember any of this.

GG: Korse yew doant, yew woz in a korma.

KO!: You mean a coma?

GG: No, a korma! Yew krashed inter der lokal Cathay tek away an made a rite mess. Anyway I let yer kip in me kave, yew kan owe me der rent fer dat, an now ere yew iz.

KO!: How much rent?

GG: Undred gold.

KO!: A hundred gold pieces! How long have I been here?

GG: Bowt a yer.

KO!: A year?! Oh my God, what's happening?

GG: Gud kweshchun an coincidentally wot i wontz ter tell yew bowt.

KO!: Err, okay, sure why not.

GG: Ok, well der furst fing ter menshen iz Der Tide ad dere furd evva legend Airy Bigfoot

KO!: Wow, congratulations! When can I meet him?

GG: Err dere mite be a problum wiv dat...

KO!: He's already dead isn't he.

GG: Yup.

KO!:*sigh* So what else has happened?

GG: Well der Wurld az shut.

KO!: What do you mean the World has shut?

GG: Well der Nurgles Rotters were on tor in Cathay, Batman showed up an dey ad a fite in a market an everywun got ill so dey shut der Wurld til der plague endz.

KO!: We are in the middle of a pandemic and you start off the news by telling me about a now deceased legendary player? Are you insane? Well, yes you are, but even still! So what are we doing to defeat the disease?

GG: Itz well klevva, Doc Eadcase kame up wiv der idea. Wunce a week we go owtside der kave an klap arr andz fer a minute ter try an kill az many germz az we kan, den we kum bak in.

KO!: That's it?

GG: Thatz it.

KO!: No attempts at a vaccine or anything useful like that?

GG: I jus sed, we kill der germz by klappin. Yew stoopid or summat?

KO!: I meant more like helping other people?

GG: .....

KO!: Okay, maybe not then. So how are you coping?

GG: Itz grate, I gave der Tide ladz a mega pay rize den stukk em all on furlow so we getz der max muney we kan frum der NAF. I iz mekkin moar muney now den evva wivowt doin a fing!

KO!: Even for yew that's low GG.

GG: Look magik teef iz expensive rite.

KO!: Magic teeth?

GG: Yeah! Fer me lazt bit o newz.

KO!: Which is?

GG: Det Tides next game will be their 500th, akordin ter der skwirrels, an so we az arranged a speshul game against ar most ated rivals!

KO!: Common sense?

GG: No, Left My Heart In San Francisco !

KO!: When?

GG: Munday nite, 21:00 serva time.

KO!: Hang on, you have never beaten Coach Zed's lads ever!

GG: An datz ware der teef kum in.

KO!: So whats so special about these teeth?

GG: Well Doc Eadcase discovered dat yew umans, az well az avin gold teef also az sum kalled wisdum teef. So we went owt an akkwired sum and den der gud Doc made me a set of false nashers wiv nuffin but wisdum teef. I iz now so klevva i kud reed a book!

KO!: I can't be bothered to explain....

GG: Tew kunnin fer yer eh? Fort so. Dat git Zed ent gunna no wot it im, unless ee openz iz eyez an sees it iz me wiv a ammer. An der best bit iz wen i win ee bekumz me slave ferevva.

KO!: You had a bet with him?

GG: No yew smegead, itz all in Hero's pamphlet on Badges. Look under der opponentz sekshun, see der wun now i iz der masta

KO!: Yeah.....

GG: Well if i beet im i getz dat badge an so i bekomes iz masta. And if i iz der masta ee must be me slave, an dere ent no badge ee kan ern ter get owt of it hehehehehehehe.

So there it is, tune in on Monday @ 21:00 server time to see Der Green Tide play their 500th ever game against Left My Heart In San Francisco and find out if Zed has to become the Great Gobbo's slave forever (or until Hero invents a new badge that might get Zed out of the situation).

Stay safe.
Self isolate.
Self love.
Avoid jigsaws.