I previously talked about cutting back on BB (My pleas are as much for myself as they are for you if not more so.) and ceding attention. And some days later, the commitment of NBFL came knocking. Rhys Lloyd, an integral game winner and Hall of Famer lock, died in that game - the final of the season. It was perhaps the result of a misclick earlier where I burned my Apo on a KO in the 1st. Perhaps it was the result of my desire to win the game and putting him in harms way when I didn't have to because I was already a lock for the Playoffs? Perhaps it was subconscious spite leveraged on those two previous 'perhapses'? Regardless, he died.

In that moment he died, there was a sense of loss. A fear of the future games I would have to play absent him, especially in the playoffs. All the games he won me through OTTD bullshit flashed before my eyes, exploded into oblivion by a Legend Werewolf in the penultimate turn of the game.

But in the next moment, there was a sense of calm. I asked myself "What can I learn a little bit more about life in this moment? Maybe I'll learn to play better without him? Maybe this helps with inducements against me in the playoffs? Maybe this changes what people expect out of me in the playoffs and liberates me from previous modes of playing during the season?"

It was instinctual because the very purpose of me playing BB, outside of refocusing gambling addiction into gaming addiction, is to understand aspects of life through it. Not all the time but most of the time. And with little fun detours just to see if it could be done and to what degree (Coca Loca BBL and more recently Italo Disco Kings RL).

Won 3-2 by the way. Maybe a snagging a 4th trip to the SB in a row is the charm? Maybe it isn't. I sure would like to win it, but if I don't it's a fun little thing about my experience with BB that all of my NBFL buds get to share with me. I could be the Buffalo Bills! Or I could be the Nearly Buffalo Bills. Either way, there is a shared experience with folks who came together, in some capacity to indulge in that experience sharing. Even if they don't appreciate it or see it themselves.

I am letting a lot of things out right now across every person or group I'm connected to because I don't know what the future holds. I have sat on some of this over the years (YEARS!) thinking 'What's the point of sharing this touchy feely horseshit if I get bogged down in people taking it as an attack on themselves because I'm a caustic scamp at times?' I project insufferable arrogance through condescension and take up the room. I know. I don't like it either even if it makes me and others chuckle on occasion.

Better to say it now in this way than never get to say it.

P.S. You don't need to PM over this because this is a letter of appreciation for all of you (Yes, even you MattDakka, even you Koadah, even you Calcium) for tests and experiences and food for thought.

P.P.S I'm going to go win that SB to zip some lips.