“After the shock defeat of Backwater Blitz by the undersog Enfield Tennis Academy side, the Red Star Strikers found themselves matched up against the Norse Angry Asgardians with the chance to wrap up the Conference title in the second last round, ensuring their promotion to the Premier Division. Enfield had done the Reds another favour, injuring two of the Asgardians including the fearsome Minotaur, Frozen Terror, in the previous round. Mao Zedong and Deng Xiaoping were missing for the Reds, however, so the coach hired a ring in from a local side to help out the line of scrimmage. It's just as well he did too, because the local constabulary showed up pre-game to take away Ho Chi Minh for an undisclosed crime. Whilst Ho thought something bad may have happened during his latest binge after he woke up with no memory and bloodied knuckles, the timing was still suspicious and many saw the Norse hand in the actions of the lawmen.

The Strikers won the toss, and with eleven on eleven, they were keen to assert their dominance. Karl Marx soon tipped the numbers the Reds' way, putting Blood the Reaper out for the game. Not to be outdone, Lavrenti Beria kept up his impressive run of hits by putting Snorri the Fearless out for this week and the next with a smashed collarbone that will probably affect him for life. Marx knocked out Erik the Butcherer and the numbers were heavily in the Dwarves' favour. The Norse side couldn't find a way into the match. They fouled just about every Strikers players they knocked over, but could not hurt the tough Dwarves. Meanwhile Vyacheslav Molotov ran down the pitch unchallenged as his teammates brutalised their Norse opponents. Kliment Voroshilov beat down Erik the Valiant, putting him out of action for the rest of the game. Karl Marx, looking deadly this game, put the boots into the Asgardians star thrower, Patrician the Skilled, ending his season.

This was all the Norse coach could stomach. He capitulated before the might of the Red Army, throwing in the towel and pulling his players off the pitch before any more of them got hurt. The Norse players were booed off the field as the fans hurled rubbish and whatever they could get their hands on. Whilst the Red Star Strikers were happy to record the win and secure their promotion, it could not have been done in a more inglorious manner. Whispers from the Asgardians' rooms after the match suggested the team may be retiring after a glorious career which has spanned over 200 games. Whether that is the case or not remains to be seen, but it was a quick end to a day that romised so much for spectators, and ended with players and fans alike scratching their heads in confusion. The Reds now face their old rivals, the Ogres of the Nard Harpies, and will hope to get through unscathed so as to prepare for the Premier Division in Season XXXI.

Twahnlow Votes
3 - Oz the Ironman

Very difficult to give votes in such a short match, but Oz the Ironman made a nice blitz early.

2 - Dan the Deceivious

Knocked out Klaus Fuchs in the only bit of pain the Dwarves felt all day.

1 - Patrician the Skilled

Did nothing, but have to give the 1 to someone. He was fouled because he had the potential to be a matchwinner. With him out of the picture, it was always going to be difficult for the Norse.

(Thanks Toonie)”