“FUMBBL Minors 1600TW V-4: Round 1

At first, we were excited about this match, as it would eliminate Goblins from our list of teams needed to complete the grid. After that we started getting nervous. Coughing up 150k in inducements, and that chainsaw they were holding had us repeatedly asking whether there would be a wizard standing on the sideline or bribed referees turning a blind eye to rampant weaponry and fouling. When you're wearing no armour, these are the things you worry about.

The goblins surged forward, but rerolls were burnt, the chainsaw kept missing its mark, and the trolls forgot why they were there in the first place. Though, one goblin by the name of Jibblewit Trumbum killed rookie blitzer Diana Breed on a 2d blitz. Serves as a reminder that even your every day average goblin can be deadly. As the goblins set up for a possible thrown teammate by one of their trolls we stepped in to stop them, and set up an impenetrable wall in front of them, inadvertently placing four of our players in the path of a fireball, courtesy of the wizard standing outside the goblin's dugout. Sarah-Six-Speed was badly burned by the fireball, but the apoth healed her wounds. Immediately afterwords Briana fell into the crater left by the fireball and broke her hip. Real smooth, Brie.

With only 6 players left on the field things were looking very grim, until a block gone bad caused a goblin turnover, with the ball carrier pinned against the sideline. Turn 4 was a miracle. We boxed in the gobo holding the ball to negate side step, and with a blitz, surfed the little green bugger. The fans gave an assist but stomping on the poor goblin removing him from the rest of the match before tossing the ball back in, and into the goblin side of the pitch. There was a lot of space between us and the ball, and several prone gobos as well, but we decided to make a dash for it. A crazy series of dodges and we had the ball in hand and a few defenders to tie up the prone goblins. Though they managed to surf one of our linewomen, their fanatic, in an attempt to wreck some havoc, ran into their prone loony, knocking the loony out, before failing a GFI, and thereby knocking himself out. With the two biggest threats removed from the match, we quickly ran in the defensive touchdown, and crossed our fingers for the knock out rolls.

Playing 9-on-9, the goblins did their best to even the score, but one of the trolls would still not cooperate, and the little green ones were continuing to suffer injuries at the hands of these women. Their big, strong, manly hands.

Second half, 8-on-7, we ran the length of a sparsely populated pitch, as more zons and goblins continued to find their way off the field via a stretcher. We ran in our second touchdown turn 4, because stalling against goblins is LAME. If you are reading this, and you have stalled against goblins or halflings, you are lame. Hang your head in shame.

Not much left to say. The goblins made one more attempt to run past us, but tripped, leaving the ball for us to capture. But not for long, as the ball was back in their green hands the following turn, thanks to a failed GFI. But, a bad goblin pass, coupled with a good bounce, and we were holding the ball yet again, but too far away from the goal line to do anything with it.

This was a super enjoyable match, against a very social and capable coach, jdmickleburgh. There were laughs, discussion of team tactics(since we both enjoy coaching goblins) a few more laughs at the expense of some of you coaches here on the site.

Good game.”