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Assassinville Jag'Wires
Roster [L] Dark Elf

This team started under new management Season X as the Cleviland Dark Browns - proudly putting the "evil" in Cleviland and the AFC North.

Season XI they were moved to a new franchise in the AFC South
("Jacksonville") and so changed both team and player names...)

    1. Season 10:
      (Choices limited to "left overs" from actual Ssn 10 draft, but fortunately Tampa Bay had just "released" 2 excellent selections, and the Cleveland team we were replacing had made an equally gifted draft that we inherited, so that worked well.)

      1. Drafted:
        1. o Rd 2, pick #20: Kevin "Smokes" Poles (U.Con.) Blitzer 46 spp: MB, Tackle, Strip

        & 2 extra for "expansion" team (both released unsigned from Tampa Bay)
        1. o (Rd 1, pick #8) Sawblade Lee (Painstate) Blitzer 56 sp: Dodge, Guard, Stand Firm, Tackle
          o (Rd 5, pick #42) Thigh Bones (Navy) Blitzer 32 spp: Tackle, Sure Hands, Dodge

      Season 11:
      1. With the #19 pick in the Season XI draft, Jacksonville happily and proudly selects...
        1. o ...Lineman Bela Howgoesit, who becomes... (Lineman) Luke "Howgoesit" Joeckel, Golden Gate. 31 spp (Block, Dodge, Guard), Offensive Guard.

        And, with what may or may not be the 51st pick of the draft, but is definitely the last, Jacksonville formally selects...
        1. o Lineman Damien Harell Jr. (32 spp ~ Block, Dodge, Tackle) out of Navy, who becomes... (Lineman) Tony "Damien" Boselli, Defensive Tackle.

  1. Season 11 AFC South vs NFC West

    2 W - 1 T - 1 L

      1. Ssn XI AFC South Division Record
        (v. Indianapolis Crunk, Houston Texasaurus, Tennessee Titanz)

        1. 0 W - 1 T - 1 L

    Season X Schedule:

    1. Week: result v. Opponent* (race)

      Wk 1: 2:2 T v. Indianapolis Crunk (Elf]
      Wk 2: 2:1 W v. St. Louis Lambs
      Wk 3: 0-1 L v. Houston Texasaurus
      Wk 4: 1-0 W v. Arizona Undercards
      Wk 5: Tennessee Titanz
      Wk 6: Seattle SewerHawks
      Wk 7: Ban Francisco Footy Fighters

      Wk 8:
      Wk 9:
      Wk 10:
      Wk 11:
      Wk 12:
      Wk 13:
      Wk 14:


    Season 11 the team moves from Cleviland to "Jacksonville", and leaves their rookie roster (and hopefully record) behind. Altho' one key player was lost and several more gimped, the draft of a Blodge Guard and a Blodge Tackler plus two surprise +St players since end of season noticeably improves the roster on paper.

    Season X is the inaugural year for this new mix of players and coaching staff, who are accepting that this may be a building year but are optimistic for a good showing despite some intimidating TV and player-experience disparities. Starting with only 3 players above Experienced status, they have their work cut out for them, but it is truly said "(D)Elfs can do anything" - and so we'll see!

    1. Week 1 & 2 - Rats. 2 losses, tho' the 2nd (in-conference) was close. Just... rats.

      Week 4 update - The season may have just ended early with the deaths of Kicker Nacho Night and soon-to-be-Veteran lineman Tenebrous Jones. On the heels of the previous week's death of Dirty Player "Bad" Shades, this setback completely eliminates the 'Browns depth on a team that was already behind the curve in an established conference.

      Week 5 - The spiral continues as two Lineman are released with identical a career-ending broken collarbones, a blocking lino and fresh hire rookie Metcalf, injured his first game.

      Week 6 - vs. Khemri, the future was not bright - but zero casualties! Not just no perms, the Giants got 0 spp in the Cas column (altho' one apo was used after a particularly vicious foul). If we can survive the POMBoys, things may be looking up...

      Week 7 - I survived the POMBoys and all I got was this stupid bandage. No Perms.

      Week 10 - Critical playoff game v. Pittsburgh (who got beaten decisively last meeting), a chance to gain in-division and have a great shot at the playoffs with a very soft end-of-season schedule. Coach Nico falls asleep during the game, and doesn't even show up to "next day same time", so the commissioner awards him the win. And the season is over for Cleviland.

      Week 13 - To pour salt in an already gaping wound, a truly pyrrhic win over New Khemri. Star Draftee Blitzer Sawblad Hackman is killed, along with Wrestling lino Claw Matthews Jr, and 68 spp are lost. Two more MNG, draftee Thighbones McMurk and a rookie lino, leaving only 9 for the for the final game v. Fangsas City. And while the win is good for pride, it only hurts our draft pick.

        1. each Game, +Gate -cost of lost players = total balance // Sim w/ spp.

          Game 1 +40 -00 = +40k // +9 -0 = +9 team spp (star Blitzer McMurk -AV, not fired)
          Game 2 +30 -00 = +70k // +20 -0 = +29 team spp
          Game 3 +70 -70 = +70k // +13 -6 = +36 team spp: RIP DP Lino (-6) (star Blitzer Smokes -MA, not fired)
          Game 4 +30 -140 = -40k // +9 -21 = +24 team spp: RIP Dodge Lino (-15), RIP Kicker (-6)
          Game 5 +70 -140 = -110k // +12 -6 = +30 team spp: -St Blocker (-6), -St rookie Lino (-0)
          Game 6 +60 -0(!) = -50k // +11 -0(!) = +41 team spp (and v. KHEMRI!)
          Game 7 +50 -0(!!)= +00k(!) // +9 -0(!!) = +50 team spp (and v. the POMBoys!!)
          Game 8 +20 -140 = -120k // +12 -10 = +52 team spp: RIP ss Lino (-9) & rookie Lino (-1) (v. Orcs w/ 6 x MB)
          Game 9 +20 -0 = -100k // +10 -0 = +62 team spp; (Runner Speedie -MA)
          Game 10 commissioner ruled forfeit v. Pittsburgh Pirates* (chaos dwarf)
          Game 11 commissioner ruled forfeit v. Oakland Elf Raiders (dark elf)
          Game 12: tbd v. Denver Mile Under Club (undead)
          Game 13: tbd v. Sandcinnati Bengals* (khemri) (mid-season replacement for rats) +14, -68 spp. +40k, -170k
          Game 14: Last game - only 4 meaningful spp, the other 6 wasted, no losses, v. Fangsas City Chiefs (vampire)

          As of Game 8, that's a net average of almost -1 player, -15k and only +6.5 spp gain per game ( actual gross almost 11.9 spp/), a total of 7 players lost, or -490k and -43 spp (not including 2 perms on star blitzers). Not what the ownership or coaching staff might have hoped for. Rough goal for a 2 score game would be 14-16 spp/game minimum.

  1. Season 10 AFC North vs. NFC East

    4 W - 1 T - 9* L
    1. (* 2 by commissioner ruled forfeit)

      1. Ssn X AFC North Division Record
        (v. Baltimorc Waaaghvens, Cincinrati Bengals, Pittsburgh Pirates)

        1. 3 W - 0 T - 3* L
          1. (* 1 to Pittsburgh by commissioner ruled forfeit)

    Season X Schedule:

    1. Week: result v. Opponent* (race)

      Wk 1: 0-3 L v. Philadelphia Cheesgles (skaven)
      Wk 2: 2-3 L v. Cincinrati Bengals* (skaven)
      Wk 3: 2-1 W v. Pittsburgh Pirates* (chaos dwf)
      Wk 4: 1-2 L v. Flashington Redheads (amazon)
      Wk 5: 1-0 W v. Baltimorc Waaaughvens* (orc)
      Wk 6: 1-1 T v. New Khemri Giants (khemri)
      Wk 7: 1-2 L v. Dallas POMBoys (chaos pact)

      Wk 8: 1-2 L v. Baltimorc Waaaghvens* (orc)
      Wk 9: 0-3 L v. San Dogo Chompers (human, TV diff 570)
      Wk 10:x-x L v. Pittsburgh Pirates* (chaos dwarf)
      Wk 11: x-x L v. Oakland Elf Raiders (dark elf)
      Wk 12: 2-0 W v. Denver Mile Under Club (undead)
      Wk 13: 2-1 W v. Sandcinnati Bengals* (khemri) (mid-season replacement for rats)
      Wk 14: 1-2 L v. Fangsas City Chiefs (vampire)

      (...Playoffs?...) (cancelled week 10 by commissioner ruling, when he gave Division to Pittsburgh)

      1. (* = in AFC North)

    o 1st 4 games: Builders. TD Diff: (30 - 0) | Cas Diff: 45 (26/14/5 - 0/0/0)
    Sample Builder Game: How it's done

    ~ Game 1 ~
    0-3 loss to Rats

    Out skilled, out played, out bashed and generally out coached.

    ~ Game 2 ~
    2-3 loss to (different) Rats

    Made a couple inexplicably bad moves - dumb kneejerk clicks where I should have waited, and those gave away the first half, and the game. 2nd half I did better, but got snaked twice and elf-balling failed.

    Among other things, still need to "learn" the team - only 2nd game ever v. competition, and still simply don't know the 14 players and this particular mix of 2 dozen skills. This will help on several levels (including speeding up play in general), won't be boggled for first minute or more of turn.

    Smokes skilled up to Blodger, several others on cusp of 16 spp.

    ~ Game 3 ~
    2-1 win v. Chaos Dwarfs

    First team win, and could easily have been 3-1. (Overlooked obvious blitz on Turn 8 while typing something witty.) :/

    Draftee blitzer/ballhawk Smokes suffered -MA & MNG (apo duplicated the injury, natch), dp Bad Shades kia'd. Inducement Superstar Eldril Sidewinder took MVP (1/15 chance), only 8 other spp. No skills, 70k gate.

    ~ Game 4 ~
    1-2 loss v. Amazons

    Ouch. And so ends the season.

    1 player out each of Turns 1-5 (and Apo used Turn 2 to keep BH Thigh Bones in the game), then 1 RIP'd in each of Turns 7 and 8.

    Kicker and 15 spp lino RIP. Wrestler mng. Lanu got MVP and so skilled up to blodger. 30k Gate = insufficient funds for any replacements, only 11 will suit up for next game.

    ~ Game 5 ~
    1-0 win v. Baltimorc Waaaghvens (orcs)

    A victory, but another pyrrhic one. Made a LOT of dumbdumbdumb mistakes 1st half - giving away field position, and the late-1st-half 1-0 lead. (I ~knew~, as soon as that RR was used on the Dodge, not to finish the blitz w/ a non-blocker. Knew it. Dumb mistakes.)

    2 players -St, one a blocking lino (but one a 0 spp rookie), and a Sidestepper mng. MVP to Smokes, no skills, gate will cover 1 replacement.

    ~ Game 6 ~
    1-1 Tie v. Khemri

    So close to an upset win. AND no perms - so that's a win by itself. 3 braincramps lost the game. 1) Didn't try to -2d blitz w/ ballhawk when had the chance, before cage formed*, 2) borfed how Wrestle works (thought it ended his turn if he had no Block and got Both Down), and 3) tried for pickup instead of letting Ag 2 Khemri try.

    1. (* Far from high %, but... Free WE marks lower skel, MB WE blocks them down. This (more or less?) clears a path for standing Guard, who moves/dodges up and marks both cagers. Unskilled Lino 2d blocks cage corner back. Down Guard stands, dodges out and into cage marking ball carrier (3+ into 2 TZ's if block worked - or free dodge midfield could dodge around to mark from behind) - and Tackler gets 2d on ballcarrier, w/ NoS Runner free to pass to last free plino or mark ball/carrier.

      MUST see puzzle scenarios, and this one wasn't tough.)

    Oh well. No skills, but survived, and with a 60k gate and a dozen spp tossed around.

    ~ Game 7 ~
    1-2 L v. Chaos Pact (POMBoys)

    We not only survived with no perms, but threatened a defensive steal to win toward the end of the game. 1 greedy mistake end of 1st half might have been the tie (not moving free players to defend first).

    MB WE Glume skilled up w/ Block, +50k, with the only downside is that our lesser Guard Blitzer will MNG (v. Orcs%

Show matches | Show stats | Show Development | Show past players | View Roster | Yearbook | Team Options | Refresh
Progression: Standard
# Name Position Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs vp Sp Cost  
1 Murdrice "helmet-first" Jon...Witch Elf7347Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Mighty Blow, Block, +MA-ma265407136110k (110+80k) 
2 Tony Wrackl'ns Witch Elf7347Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Mighty Blow 5100016110k (110+30k) 
5 Daryl SmokethBlitzer6348Block, Mighty Blow, Tackle, Strip Ball, Dodge, Side Step-ma2639320181100k (100+110k) 
6 “Fragile” Fred TaylorBlitzer6347Block, Tackle, Dodge, Sure Hands, Fend-av, -ma2521015359100k (100+80k) 
7 Cecil Shorts iiiBlitzer7348Block, Dodge, Side Step 121302119100k (100+40k) 
8 "Big" John Rendersome Blitzer7448Block, Guard, +ST, Stand Firm 233204332100k (100+110k) 
9 Tyson All-you All-youLineman6458+ST, +AG 10230212070k (70+90k) 
10 Mohamed MassaqreLineman6348Wrestle 14000121270k (70+20k) 
11 Long DingLineman6348Wrestle, Kick 25310311770k (70+40k) 
12 Mince MenawayLineman6348Dodge 12220101070k (70+20k) 
13 Tony "Damien" BoselliLineman6348Dodge, Block, Tackle 11280603870k (70+60k) 
14 Luke "Howgoesit" Choke-holdLineman6348Dodge, Block, Guard 10290314070k (70+70k) 
15 Joel SmeengeLineman6348Wrestlem9110111170k (0k) 
16 Marcus ShroudLineman6347Dodge, Block, Guard-av25330554770k (70+70k) 
13 players (+1 player missing next game)  
Coach: Smeat Re-Rolls (100k): 4  
Race: Dark Elf Fan Factor: 10  
Team Value: 2280k Assistant Coaches: 0  
Treasury: 310000 Cheerleaders: 0  
Tournament Weight: 2370k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:27 (16/2/9) |TD Diff:44 (77 - 33) |Cas Diff:28 (49/23/11 - 27/20/8)
Last Opponent: More human than you, man