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Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Mar 29, 2023 - 20:58 Reply with quote Back to top

As the first half comes to a close, we all prepare for our mid season review.

Ex-convict will be streaming this live in a program of your choice* Soon* on Thursday of this week!

But, before that exciting news, we have even more exciting news.

The NBFL has had a long and storied history. Teams come and teams go. But in that time, they make friends, and sometimes, they even, dare I say, form rivalries?

Our intrepid skaven has undergone much research - although a large deathroller was guarding him, so perhaps this wasn't quite as dangerous as it may seem - in order to get the goods on the entire league.

What resulted from this, can only be described by the following image:

Image
happygrue



Joined: Oct 15, 2010

Post   Posted: Mar 30, 2023 - 03:17 Reply with quote Back to top

I think the record should reflect that the NBFL Discord had a very lively 30 minutes following the posting of this image, much of which consisted of "mild amusement and good natured ribbing" at the fact that Nelphine apparently wasn't aware of the existence of the footprints seen above.

It was glorious.

_________________
Come join us in #metabox, the Discord channel for HLP, ARR, and E.L.F. in the box!
Image
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 06, 2023 - 04:55 Reply with quote Back to top

The second season is starting with a bang! Week 8 is well underway, and we take a look at our playoff position. Those within 3 wins could still have a wildcard spot!

NFC
1 (52 VP): ChicagOrkz Borkz (NFC North)
2 (48 VP): Szeattle Scimitars (NFC West)
3 (45 VP): Atlanta Atrocities (NFC South)
4 (30 VP): Witchington Commies (NFC East)
5/6 (41 VP): Mean Fae Quackers (NFC North), Los Angeles Glams (NFC West)
7 (34 VP): Trans-Fat Crisco Porky Diners (NFC West)

31 VP: NOLA Powers From Above (NFC South)
30 VP: Clampa Bay Robotineers (NFC South)
24 VP: New York Kroaks (NFC East)
23 VP: Detroit Riots [NBFL] (NFC North)
20 VP: Manglesota Lyc'ns (NFC North)
17 VP: Khornalina Black Hats (NFC South)
16 VP: Dallas Crowbar (NFC East)
13 VP: Illadelph Sunshine (NFC East)

6 VP: Arizona Redbulls (NFC West)


AFC
1 (45 VP): Orkapolis Wargs (AFC South)
2 (40 VP): Tijuana Charros (AFC West)
3 (37 VP): Cleaved Land Bedlam (AFC North)
4 (30 VP): Buffalo Chill (AFC East)
5 (44 VP): Houston Treants (AFC South)
6 (30 VP): No-Skincinnati Bungles (AFC North)
7 (23 VP): Brew More Gents (AFC East)

22 VP: Jakesonville Jortles (AFC South)
20 VP: Kansas City Geese (AFC West)
19 VP: New Ziggland Chariots (AFC East)
17 VP: Pittsburgh Pirouettes (AFC North)
16 VP: Las Vegas Evaders (AFC West)
16 VP: Denver Brontos (AFC West)
12 VP: Titannesse Kraken's (AFC South)
10 VP: Baltimore Nevermore (AFC North)
6 VP: Floridaman Drunkfinns (AFC East)


Last edited by Nelphine on Apr 15, 2023 - 03:49; edited 1 time in total
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 14, 2023 - 05:06 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 5

By some miracle, a long-forgotten tome was discovered in the Las Vegas clubhouse behind the team’s in-house dry cleaner. What indeed could this binder hold?

Dead of the Week

Mortimer Bobson: Manglesota zombie; Dirty Player, Pro
Dash’s Equipment Manager: Detroit beastman; Dirty Player
Jortmal Agnew: Jakesonville linerat; Block, Dauntless
Phillip “Av6” Corsett: Clampa Bay lineman; Block, Mighty Blow

Death of the Week: …no one? Is this even NBFL? Apparently “Av6” Corsett was a draft pick (3rd round comp draft lol) so… I guess him by default.

Maimed of the Week

Art Sen [NCC]: Cleaved Land blocker (-AG); Block, Dodge, Guard, Stand Firm
Dasher Goes Undefeated!: Mean Fae lineman (-PA); Side Step, Frenzy, Strip Ball
Jake McMillon [TX]: Houston lineman (-MA); Block, Dodge, Guard
Steven "Gelada" Coe [UCSD]: Clampa Bay catcher (-AG); +AG, +AG, Block, Side Step
Danielle Young [TEX]: Buffalo witch elf (-AV); +MA, Block, Tackle, On the Ball, Juggernaut

Total NI this week: 13
Total MNG this week: 21
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 14, 2023 - 06:42 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 6

The binder contained pages only recently deciphered by a team of ethnographers brought in from… Reno? Where’s that? At any rate... just look at that list of maimed players. Yikes!

Dead of the Week

A Phantom: New Zig bull centaur; Block
Eric Ebron: New Zig award-winning blocker; +ST, Guard, Mighty Blow, Dodge, Claws, Pro
Derek Stingley Jr.: Houston catcher; Block
Pharaoh Brown: Houston lineman; Wrestle, Dodge
Arnorr Finnrson [WAS]: Houston thrower; +PA, Leader, Cannoneer, Sure Hands, Dodge
the Juice: Las Vegas lineman; Wrestle, Dodge
Manline Hermuggins [CIN]: Kansas City lineman; Guard, Block
Caleb Olivia: Kansas City lineman; Block, Kick
Karter Efnie: Trans-Fat Crisco blitzer; Guard, Grab, Strip Ball, Multiple Block
Micah Kisser: Glams lineman; no skills
Baker Midfield: Glams lineman; Kick, Tackle

Death of the Week: I don’t know how he is so lucky (narrator: it's Brew More), but Wolvezzz has dominated the Death of the Week season after season (all two that I’ve been doing it!). This time it was Eric Ebron, defensive Player of the Year extraordinaire, who was buried midfield during an absolutely brutal match. Pour one out, blaze one up, or just spit on the grave of a league legend!

Honorable Mention: in a first, Houston grazes the DotW list, contributing their uber-thrower Arnorr to the charnel-pile. Pretty much the ideal thrower in a league that sees very few of them (honestly, only a few programs even try to build pure throwers in NCBB these days), Arnorr’s pinpoint arm will no doubt be missed in Houston.

Maimed of the Week

Gaukr Svartkellson: Floridaman lineman (-AG); Pile Driver
Durham Smythe: Floridaman lineman (-PA); Fend, Shadowing
Kenneth Sabo [NOVA]: New Zig bull centaur (-MA); Block, Guard, Side Step, Jump Up
Pierce Banbury [NAVY]: New Zig blocker (-MA); Mighty Blow, Guard, Grab, Pro
David Andrews: New Zig blocker (-ST); Guard, Brawler
Chavo Beardback [BU]: New Zig hobgoblin (-AG); +AG, Block, Sure Hands, Pro, Fend, On the Ball
Lorebass: Mean Fae catcher (-AV); Block, Dodge, Guard
Shadow Kiim: Las Vegas catcher (-AG); Block, Dodge, Side Step
Theodora VanSpaulding: Las Vegas lineman (-ST); Sneaky Git
Mosegi 'Mandible' Md: No Skin skeleton (-ST); no skills
Cornelio Chit [POLI]: No Skin blitzer (-ST); Dodge, Mighty Blow, Guard
Chloe Juktar: Trans-Fat Crisco blitzer (-PA); no skills
Martin Cobbder: Trans-Fat Crisco catcher (-PA); Sneaky Git, Dirty Player, Pro
Borel Gwydion: Pittsburgh lineman (-PA); Dirty Player
Earnest “Mistakes” Jones: Glams blitzer (-PA); +ST, Dodge, Frenzy, Mighty Blow

Total NI this week: 16
Total MNG this week: 20


Last edited by wintergreen13 on Apr 14, 2023 - 16:21; edited 1 time in total
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 14, 2023 - 07:20 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 7

Some sort of gasping wheeze escaped the binder when the pages for week 7 were opened. Spectral analysis by some very reputable local ghost hunters found that the souls of many recently departed blood bowl players were glomming to this thread and making it gummy and hard to follow. Said team promised to bring in their exorcist to “clean up the prose,” “amplify the lede,” and “get rid of your spooky buddies”.

Dead of the Week

Jadeveon Clowney [SML]: Kansas City blitzer; +AG, Grab, Tackle, Mighty Blow, Guard, Juggernaut
Chad Henne [Jax]: Dallas runner; +AG. +MA, Block, On the Ball, Sprint, Sure Feet
Matt Schaub: Houston thrower; Dodge
Darrell Green: Witchington lineman; Block
Smash Snell #41 (FB): Brew More blocker; Mighty Blow
Drake LondonAtlanta hobgoblin; Dirty Player

Death of the Week: Seriously? I gotta choose between Clowney and Henne? BULLS**T. Well now, actually, I *did* have to play against Clowney way more often than Henne, so suck it, Dallas: Clowney is Death of the Week! Also: DWARVES SUCK
*this message brought to you by all elves everywhere but mostly Garc

Maimed of the Week

Bloke Bottles: Glams lineman (-ST); Block
Leonardo Stadegrio: Trans-Fat Crisco lineman (-AV); Wrestle, Strip Ball
Bora Bradidottir [DD]: Mean Fae catcher (-PA); +AG, +MA, Block, Dodge, Side Step, Leap
Demeco Ryans: Houston lineman (-AG); no skills
Crolos Bonecall: Titannesse rotter (-ST); no skills
Andrew Hosford [UTEP]: Khornolina khorngor (-AV); +AG, Block, Dodge, Guard, Sure Hands
Benito Jones: Floridaman ulf (-AG); Block, Mighty Blow

Total NI this week: 20
Total MNG this week: 24
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 14, 2023 - 19:29 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 8

Hey, wouldja look at that! The Binder of Sorrows finally ran out of pages! The past meets the future! Einstein-Rosenburg event horizon! Er.. other exciting science words!

This week’s list brought to you by Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” (thanks Lorebass!)

Dead of the Week

HyperboLemuR is more than just a pretty spreadsheet!: Mean Fae lineman; Defensive
Savage Journeyelf: Mean Fae lineman; no skills
Denise Kelly [CHI]: Illadelph beastman; Block, Guard, Stand Firm
Nova-un: Illadelph beastman; Dodge
Jason Gibson [QUZ]: Baltimore Khorngor; Block, Tackle, Break Tackle, Two Heads
J. Elway: Denver skink; no skills
Verone McKinley III: Floridaman lineman; Sprint
Martin Whitelightning: Floridaman lineman; no skills
Ánië Ancalimë III: Tijuana rotter; Dirty Player

Death of the Week: it was a bit of an off week for the league, without a single dead player with a stat of any kind. Which means this week’s DotW goes to Baltimore’s Jason Gibson! A 4-skill khorngor who was gearing up to be a nasty threat with break tackle and two heads, his time was cut short after a brutal block from Houston’s David Johnson.

Maimed of the Week

Ralph Samuelson [UmGO]: NOLA Catcher (-PA); +MA, Sprint, Sure Feet, Juggernaut
Davis: NOLA lineman (-AV); no skills
Thunk Ragpow: Detroit chosen blocker (-PA); Block
Longhorn [IVCC]: Arizona bull centaur (-AV); +AG, +AG, Block, Sure Hands, Tackle, Mighty Blow
Michael Deere: Arizona hobgoblin (-AG); Dirty Player
Seth Clawkins [C’C’]: Witchington witch elf (-PA); +ST, Block, Mighty Blow, Side Step
Champ Bailey II: Witchington blitzer (-MA); Break Tackle
Jesus "Giripollas" Angoii [POLI]: Titannesse rotter (-AV); Dirty Player, Big Hand
Steve Owens [OK]: Denver saurus (-AV); Wrestle, Tackle, Frenzy, Dodge

Total NI this week: 18
Total MNG this week: 16
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 15, 2023 - 03:15 Reply with quote Back to top

Week 9, the first week with popular playoff placements! Those within 2 wins and a draw are will need to fight for every point to make the playoffs.

NFC
1 (59 VP): ChicagOrkz Borkz (NFC North)
2 (55 VP): Szeattle Scimitars (NFC West)
3 (45 VP): Atlanta Atrocities (NFC South)
4 (31 VP): New York Kroaks (NFC East)
5 (48 VP): Los Angeles Glams (NFC West)
6/7 (41 VP): Mean Fae Quackers (NFC North), Trans-Fat Crisco Porky Diners (NFC West)

38 VP: NOLA Powers From Above (NFC South)
33 VP: Clampa Bay Robotineers (NFC South)
30 VP: Witchington Commies (NFC East)
27 VP: Manglesota Lyc'ns (NFC North)
16 VP: Dallas Crowbar (NFC East)

23 VP: Detroit Riots [NBFL] (NFC North)
20 VP: Khornalina Black Hats (NFC South)
13 VP: Illadelph Sunshine (NFC East)
6 VP: Arizona Redbulls (NFC West)


AFC
1 (48 VP): Orkapolis Wargs (AFC South)
2/3 (40 VP): Cleaved Land Bedlam (AFC North), Tijuana Charros (AFC West)
4 (37 VP): Buffalo Chill (AFC East)
5 (44 VP): Houston Treants (AFC South)
6 (37 VP): No-Skincinnati Bungles (AFC North)
7 (27 VP): Kansas City Geese (AFC West)

26 VP: New Ziggland Chariots (AFC East)
25 VP: Jakesonville Jortles (AFC South)
24 VP: Pittsburgh Pirouettes (AFC North)
23 VP: Brew More Gents (AFC East)
19 VP: Las Vegas Evaders (AFC West)
16 VP: Denver Brontos (AFC West)
15 VP: Titannesse Kraken's (AFC South)
10 VP: Baltimore Nevermore (AFC North)

9 VP: Floridaman Drunkfinns (AFC East)


Last edited by Nelphine on Apr 21, 2023 - 05:05; edited 5 times in total
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 18, 2023 - 02:43 Reply with quote Back to top

So, number 7 NFC has more points than number 2 AFC. Long live the NFC!
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 18, 2023 - 06:10 Reply with quote Back to top

Mmmm... is Las Vegas knocking on the wildcard door with our 2 whole wins and 26 VP? Whee!
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 21, 2023 - 07:52 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 9

The DotW team is introducing an exciting new feature for our weekly articles: paid advertisements! Wow, that’s what I call CONTENT. We’ve also started accepting submissions for Death of the Week over in #nbflstats, so if you would like to lay down a sob story for your recently departed favorite player, please funnel your angst over there. And hey, if your argument is compelling or your poetry terrible enough, you might worm your way into infamy! But seriously, no one is going to top Wolvezzz for overall DotW stats so don’t even try.

Oooh, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! I’m on pins and needles. This week’s column brought to you by our very first supporter: Nelphine! The ad copy reads thusly:

“Help everyone my computer blowed up. Please send me money (loonies and toonies only, this is Canada dammit, there are rules) so I can fix my broke-ass machine. I can’t even drop cheerful witticisms on my opponent in chat! I DON’T KNOW WHAT PRAYERS MY TEAM HAS. Pay me or you can kiss your weekly playoff preview article goodbye!”

It says here that if you don’t have “loonies and toonies” you can use Venmo to drop some $$ in the ol’ account. Just send the money to nelphine@nelphine.nelphine.

Dead of the Week

Catman: Khornolina lineman; Strip Ball, Dirty Player
Gerhart: NOLA lineman; Block, Dodge, Frenzy
Antonio "Monkey" Barrios [UCSD]: Arizona hobgob; +MA, Block
Lavar Arrington: Witchington lineman; Block, Dodge
Dare Ogunbowale: Houston lineman; Dodge
Marvin Jorts Jr.: Jakesonville gutter runner; +AG, Wrestle
Shannon Sharpe: Denver saurus; Block, Dodge, Guard
Mikhail Jordnan: Las Vegas lineman; Tackle, Strip Ball
Divine Diablo: Las Vegas lineman; Block, Guard
Stomp Manynerds #13 (WR): Brew More dwarf blocker; Guard, Stand Firm, Mighty Blow
Harry Granthammer #60 (LB): Brew More dwarf blocker; Guard, Stand Firm, Mighty Blow

Death of the Week: Well, I’m going to be firm but fair: none of this is very compelling. I’m going to give DotW to Jakesonville’s Marvin Jorts Jr., partially because a +AG gutter is a force and partially because goddamn do I love any player with jorts in their name. But I almost gave it out randomly! And Brew More disqualified themselves by having two identical players killed in the same week – I mean, plan it out people! Jeez. At least we can look forward to some fun deaths in weeks 10 and 11.

Maimed of the Week

Delvin the Crushinator: Clampa Bay blitzer (-AV); no skills
Martin the Cobbder: Trans Fat Crisco catcher (-AV); Sneaky Git, Dirty Player, Pro
Bob Kuechenberg [Miami]: New York lineman (-MA); +AG, Dodge, Wrestle, Strip Ball, Tackle
Takla Marcellus [BUFF]: Arizona chorf blocker (-AG); Guard, Mighty Blow, Stand Firm, Pro, Multiple Block
Jalen Wydermyer [A&M]: Witchington blitzer (-PA); +ST, Dodge, Side Step, Tackle
Veronica Surehands [USC]: Houston catcher (-PA); +AG, +MA, Block, Guard, Side Step, Sprint
Dawson Poscidion [TTRR]: Baltimore bloodseeker (-MA); Block, Guard, Mighty Blow
Freddie "Froggy" Frawglegs [SDSU]: Titannesse pestigor (-AV); +MA, Wrestle, Tackle, Leap, Dauntless
Denzel Elfington: Las Vegas lineman (-MA); +AG, Dodge, Wrestle

Total NI this week: 20
Total MNG this week: 15
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 21, 2023 - 14:57 Reply with quote Back to top

hey hey, its fixed now! i can whine properly again!

also, yeah i didn't even realize my opponent was giving me petty cash, i assumed it was treasury and didn't buy any inducements
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 22, 2023 - 05:44 Reply with quote Back to top

Week 10. If you want a decent shot at playoffs, well, you better be within 2 wins! It's getting tense, except for those freaking orcs. Won't please someone think of the orcs??!

NFC
1 (66 VP): ChicagOrkz Borkz (NFC North)
2 (62 VP): Szeattle Scimitars (NFC West)
3 (45 VP): Atlanta Atrocities (NFC South)
4 (38 VP): New York Kroaks (NFC East)
5 (51 VP): Los Angeles Glams (NFC West)
6 (48 VP): Mean Fae Quackers (NFC North)
7 (41 VP): Trans-Fat Crisco Porky Diners (NFC West)

38 VP: NOLA Powers From Above (NFC South)
33 VP: Clampa Bay Robotineers (NFC South)
33 VP: Witchington Commies (NFC East)
30 VP: Detroit Riots [NBFL] (NFC North)
27 VP: Manglesota Lyc'ns (NFC North)
27 VP: Khornalina Black Hats (NFC South)

23 VP: Dallas Crowbar (NFC East)
13 VP: Illadelph Sunshine (NFC East)
6 VP: Arizona Redbulls (NFC West)


AFC
1 (55 VP): Orkapolis Wargs (AFC South)
2 (47 VP): Cleaved Land Bedlam (AFC North)
3 (43 VP): Tijuana Charros (AFC West)
4 (40 VP): Buffalo Chill (AFC East)
5 (47 VP): Houston Treants (AFC South)
6 (37 VP): No-Skincinnati Bungles (AFC North)
7 (32 VP): Jakesonville Jortles (AFC South)

30 VP: Kansas City Geese (AFC West)
29 VP: New Ziggland Chariots (AFC East)
26 VP: Las Vegas Evaders (AFC West)
24 VP: Pittsburgh Pirouettes (AFC North)
23 VP: Brew More Gents (AFC East)
19 VP: Denver Brontos (AFC West)
18 VP: Titannesse Kraken's (AFC South)

12 VP: Floridaman Drunkfinns (AFC East)
10 VP: Baltimore Nevermore (AFC North)
Nelphine



Joined: Apr 01, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 28, 2023 - 05:28 Reply with quote Back to top

Week 11 is here! Real playoffs, real little green men from alpha centauri, real gold covered bricks! Only those within 1 win and 1 draw have a hope, and do they really?

NFC
1 (69 VP): ChicagOrkz Borkz (NFC North), secured playoff spot week 11
2 (69 VP): Szeattle Scimitars (NFC West), secured playoff spot week 11
3 (48 VP): Atlanta Atrocities (NFC South)
4 (41 VP): New York Kroaks (NFC East)
5 (55 VP): Mean Fae Quackers (NFC North)
6 (54 VP): Los Angeles Glams (NFC West)
7 (41 VP): Trans-Fat Crisco Porky Diners (NFC West)

38 VP: NOLA Powers From Above (NFC South)
36 VP: Clampa Bay Robotineers (NFC South)
36 VP: Witchington Commies (NFC East)
34 VP: Manglesota Lyc'ns (NFC North)


30 VP: Detroit Riots [NBFL] (NFC North)
30 VP: Khornalina Black Hats (NFC South)
26 VP: Dallas Crowbar (NFC East)
16 VP: Illadelph Sunshine (NFC East)
9 VP: Arizona Redbulls (NFC West)



AFC
1 (55 VP): Orkapolis Wargs (AFC South), secured playoff spot week 11
2 (47 VP): Cleaved Land Bedlam (AFC North)
3 (46 VP): Tijuana Charros (AFC West)
4 (40 VP): Buffalo Chill (AFC East)
5 (54 VP): Houston Treants (AFC South), secured playoff spot week 11
6 (44 VP): No-Skincinnati Bungles (AFC North)
7 (33 VP): Kansas City Geese (AFC West)

32 VP: Jakesonville Jortles (AFC South)
32 VP: New Ziggland Chariots (AFC East)
31 VP: Pittsburgh Pirouettes (AFC North)
30 VP: Brew More Gents (AFC East)
29 VP: Las Vegas Evaders (AFC West)


21 VP: Titannesse Kraken's (AFC South)
19 VP: Floridaman Drunkfinns (AFC East)
19 VP: Denver Brontos (AFC West)
13 VP: Baltimore Nevermore (AFC North)


Last edited by Nelphine on May 04, 2023 - 05:19; edited 8 times in total
wintergreen13



Joined: Apr 10, 2011

Post   Posted: Apr 29, 2023 - 04:34 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL Season XXX Week 10

Come week 10 the pundits start talking about the “playoff hunt”. Unfortunately for their opponents, many of the league’s players took the “hunt” part literally, and in a few cases this interpretation did extend to the attempted consumption of said prey.

Doot doot doot doot doot doot New Segment Watch: Fungus’s Fun Facts! *snort* Bwrrwrwrwrwrw whoowee! *snort* Damn that's good. Now for the facts: there were only 3 MNGs this week; 2 games were played with zero SI or deaths, and this marks the third time this season that there were more NI handed out than MNGs. Now give me another bump. Okay, on to our sponsor of the week!

This week’s DotW is brought to you by the NBFL Apothecary Union: Your Gentle Care Professional.

“Hi. For 30 seasons the Apothecary Union has been your trusted partner for all on-field surgeries, genetic testing/enhancement, and off-season rehabilitation. We like to think of ourselves as part of the team and, ultimately, as family. But recently we have heard grumblings that teams should “get rid of the apothecary” and that “they always kill my players”. I’m here to dispel those rumors. Yes, it is true that our staff have been struggling to bring injured players back in such a way that they can continue to play the remainder of the match. New restrictions imposed from above have forced our associates to abandon certain ‘experimental techniques’ we used to employ. But this does not mean that you should fire or (is this right? Okay) murder your apothecary. Would you murder your aunt? Okay, not Brenda, I’m talking about Aunt Lauren, the cool aunt. Anyway we’ve gotten derailed. Our apothecaries are still awesome and you should be happy to have them on your team. And no, our fees have not been raised; it’s called inflation, Doug. Get over it.”

There you have it! I’m convinced: Apothecaries Rule ™

Dead of the Week

Brenston Basher [CLEM]: Mean Fae blitzer; Mighty Blow, Guard, Side Step, Dodge, Tackle
Fabio Variola [OTT]: Manglesota wraith; Tackle, Mighty Blow, Guard, Fend
Feign Horn: Illadelph chosen blocker; no skills
Darrell Green II: Witchington lineman; no skills
Doug Williams: Witchington lineman; Sneaky Git
Mark Clayton [PITT]: Pittsburgh catcher; Block, Dodge, Tackle, Grab
Michael Phelps: Baltimore lineman; Foul Appearance, Dirty Player

Death of the Week: Well well well. Look who it is. Brenston Basher, finally coming in to join his predecessor Shane “Fraggin” Jones in the afterlife. The #1 slot on Mean Fae has been a bit of a hotseat, with 5 blitzers wearing the fated jersey in their 2 seasons. Only Asteflix Wants to Playnow managed to escape with his life, I mean retire to the country. While a few other notable names kicked the bucket this week, only one of them wrote more than what you would expect from a morose teenager in an effort to buy off the DotW Krew (please try to buy us off we take any and all bribes).

Maimed of the Week

Chloe Juktar: Trans-Fat Crisco blitzer (-AG); no skills
Amrawa Elderon: Pittsburgh lineman (-AV); Block, Sure Feet
Raymond BAMMMM Lewis: Baltimore khorngor (-ST); Mighty Blow, Claws, Fend
Justin'The Boot" Tucker: Baltimore lineman (-MA); Foul Appearance
Ed Norton: Baltimore lineman (-AV); Foul Appearance, Kick
Brian Cushing: Houston lineman (-AG); no skills
Logan Efar: Denver skink (-AV); no skills
Reggy: Denver skink (-MA); Diving Tackle

Total NI this week: 13
Total MNG this week: 3

Editor's note: we just realized that Baltimore contributed more than 1/4 of the total deaths / named injuries this week, so we'll be coming up with a new award for those who make a sizeable deposit in the coming weeks.
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