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Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 17, 2015 - 08:07
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Team Challenge - Round 4

The door to the corporate box at Sentinel Stadium slammed behind him as Cobber Ponzi, CEO of Wastepac, entered the room. After glancing at the scoreboard and down to the field he sidled up to the Media Director. "1-1 eh? Looks like I missed a nail biter. What's a draw do to the tournament standings?"

"Draw?", came a bemused response, "it's not over yet!"

Cobber scanned the field again. Down one end of the pitch a solitary Norse lineman stood, ball in hand, chatting to the referee. Closer to the halfway line, the rest of the Freezy Trees players were in a huddle. If it wasn't a post game team talk, then what was it? "Struth! Where are the elves?"

Suddenly in the huddle, Clark the Yeti, lifted up a slight young lass, dressed in animal skins, high into the air. She, waved to the crowd, and blew them a kiss. The crowd cheered with delight. Then Cobber spotted him. At the bottom of the huddle he caught a glimpse of a lone High Elf lineman curled up in the foetal position. Clark thrust Sally downwards, feet first onto the cowering elf, he squirmed and avoided the full impact of the girl's studded boots. "ONE!!!!", roared the crowd with glee.

Up rose Sally again courtesy of a pair of giant Yeti hands. She gestured to the crowd, a quizzical look on her face, as if to say "What do I do now?" The look changed to a cheeky grin, before she was slammed down again. "TWO!!!!!", roared the crowd. You felt you could hear the poor Elf groan, impossible though, above the buzz of the crowd.

"They love her don't they?", grinned Cobber. "Where do they all come from? I thought this was meant to be a Sentinels home match"

"Bloody expats", muttered the Media Director, "They're everywhere"

Again, Sally rose skyward. She did a little jig on her Yeti hand platform. Followed this with a beautiful somersault dive back into the huddle. "THREEEE!!!!!".

"Quite prolific with the boot isn't she?", an impressed Cobber exclaimed, "Not very effective though" as he noted the prone Elf was still very much alive.

Up came Sally once more. She scanned the crowd, then performed a throat slitting gesture with her right index finger. But before she could plummet for a fourth time, the whistle blew from across the field. The lineman had scored, the match was over. Over the boos of a crowd disappointed that the carnage had ended, Aaron Silentbone, Loner High Elf, stood to his feet - a little dazed but unharmed, and made his way to the sideline.

Image 1 - 3 Image
Three rounds to go

Joined: Jun 03, 2004

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 08:57 Reply with quote Back to top

Things had been quite busy around the place.
The workers had just finished doing the upgrades to the Asgardome.
The new uniforms had shown up, emblazoned with the new team logo.
The only thing missing was the sissy bunch of elves called the High Street Dandies.
Toonie addressed the Angry Asgardians, "Looks like those high elves have gotten cold feet, typical from a bunch of wannabes coached by a slacker like Luohghcra!"
The Asgardians roared out in laughter.
Toonie said "Guess they are scared of facing a team that has a passing game to rival any elven team and they call themselves Legends?"
Patrician spoke up "Well coach, we're ready and raring to go, hopefully they can grow a spine and give the crowd what it wants, the might of the Asgardians taking the filed once more!"


Joined: Oct 14, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 09:56 Reply with quote Back to top

Memo From The Sports Desk
Coach DustBunny has been spotted in a down town tavern of ill repute clearly engaged in a pre-emptive celebratory bender. In between bouncing Halfling lasses of dubious morality between his knees he is quoted as saying "I'm the <censored> champion!! <illegible yelling and rambling> have to play the next *hic* two games and I'll still <censored> all you <censored> in this <illegible> regional!". When pressed for more information he stated "I mean sure <illegible> I'm going to play the games any*hic*who. I mean <censored> how else am I going to <censored> prove my superi-briety!". Further questions around tonight's match with the Banner of the Black Stag elicited the response "Those sexy naked muscle <censored> with their big <illegible and censored> ain't gunna know what <censored> me! I mean them. <censored> in a corset". The only closing statement he was willing to give was "Wanna come to the <censored> race track?! My buggy tol' me 'bout a shure thing! Just bet on the bull centaur wish the <illegible> swinging <censored>".

The sports desk will be on site for what is sure to be a memorable match later this evening.

[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny

Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 12:36 Reply with quote Back to top

Meanwhile, in the tea-room adjoining Fabios Finely Fabulous Fabrics...

"...so I took his cravat, and dragged it through his soup!" The crowd of fawning sycophants laughed obligingly as Lord Debenham finished his amusing anecdote with a gracefully disdainful flick of his burnished locks.

A commotion at the door drew the Lord's attention.

"Lord Debenham! Lord Debenham!" Darien, Debenhams newest (and most irritating) valet burst upon the bevy of admirers and rushed to his Lords side.
"Bah! What is the meaning of this crass interruption, boy?"
Darien blushed, but carried on regardless, his excitement for the moment overriding his natural (and entirely justified) sense of inferiority. "It's a wondrous tale, milord! It seems there are some Norsemen in town, and they claim to be fans of a Bloodbowl team from your old league!"
"Yes?" Debenhams tone could have curdled milk.
"Well, the team, the... Asgardians I think? They are parading about in 'new uniforms' and boasting that they are better dressed and better passers than any elves!"
Lord Debenham pushed the boy rudely aside as he sprang to his feet.
"Clothed Norsemen?! This I must see! Gather the lads, it's time to get back to the pitch!"


Joined: Oct 14, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 23, 2015 - 14:11 Reply with quote Back to top

Memo From The Sports Desk
We have deeply immersed ourselves in the Madness that is the Misery to bring you this exclusive post-mortem match report! Coach DustBunny is nowhere to be found; having disappeared with a gaggle of loose Halflingesses. Despite his apparent earlier intoxication he managed to goad his players on to yet another victory! The shambling mishmash of players remain undefeated. We have tried to get a comment from the Norse who ran afoul of them but nothing more intelligible than a groan was forthcoming.

We will get back to you, our good people, with more news as it happens.

*Breaking Update*
It appears a Misery player is still on the field and may be able to comment! On closer inspection it is actually the much maligned gutter rotter Greywacke Jones who was killed during this brutal clash. He is offering no comment, but the sounds of the gases leaving his distended corpse are rather enchanting. More as it happens, or we'll just make something up.

[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 31, 2015 - 00:33
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Team Challenge - Awards Night

As Cobber Ponzi passed the MC on the way to the podium a look of disgust crossed his face. "That dirty bugger dropped his guts on the stage!", he thought to himself.

As is his custom, the CEO of Wastepac gave one of his painfully lengthy speeches. First there was the obligatory self praise, a good 30 minutes extolling the virtues of the banking business, and all the good that rampant money lending does for the Southern Wastes community. This was followed by an uncomfortably inappropriate 10 minutes gushing over Wastepac's new promo girl, some indistinct Norse linewoman, leg in a cast after a recent encounter with the Sphinxes. Finally he ventured onto the topic of Blood Bowl, and to the reason for the event.

"... and so onto the award. Well, we all know who won this beautiful example of high tech craftmanship", he said brandishing the flimsy Plastique™ cup. "The inaugural Wastepac Team Challenge Trophy goes to the DIBBL Intruders, who clinically defeated the High Elves 5-2".

There was a smattering of applause as a DIBBL Invaders representative crossed the stage to receive the award.

"As for next season. We fully intend to continue our fine relationship with the SWL and sponsor another...", Cobber paused for a moment, he looked slightly ill. "...and sponsor another team competition. We hope that the HEROES will once again step up and take on the DIBBL Intruders. But there is always the option for another faction to come forward and mount a challenge."

Cobber again fell silent, then gagged before uttering "Struth! What's that bloody awful stench? It smells like somebody died in here!"

Wastepac Team Challenge Trophy - SWL Season LX, DIBBL Invaders

Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: Aug 03, 2015 - 11:22 Reply with quote Back to top

‘Twas a bright Autumn day in the wastes as the good fellows of The Club sat in in the executive both, with good cheer and fine brandy flowing watching their HEROES run the pants off some upstart hobgoblins.

Laughs were had, spirits were high until and a glorious long ball was thrown, spiraling deep into the opposition territory. And then it fell harmlessly to the ground with the Lion Warrior still staring into the sun looking for a clue.

And then the crunch was heard by all.

The laughs had stopped. The cheer had dissipated. Monocles were lowered. The brandy in the gold gilded cut crystal balloons had gone still.

The members held their breath, for one of the favourites was trying vainly to rise to their feet, his ankle clearly twisted in a manner most foul as the medic rushed on to the field.

And then he was still. So very, very still.

A murmur went through the crowd. A legend had fallen, and this day had somehow darkened.

The score no longer mattered, the coaches attention turned to more important matters – the organising of (another) journeyman, the hiring of a new player & subsequent training plan, and notifying the widow that her husband’s neck had somehow been broken due to complications with a sprained ankle.

“There has to be something that we can do to protect these fellows”. Professor Daudy remarked “These HEROES bring such joy to the common people, and to have a day end like this is so… Regrettable.”

It’s just the way they’re built” offered Professor Semitenece, “I don’t mean to be racist, but it’s a known fact that for all their agility - elves have an Achilles zone, a weak spot if you will, located somewhere between the instep and the forehead.”

“Well, something has to be done, no-one like to watch someone murdered on a blood bowl field. It’s just not family entertainment”. Daudy added.

“There was that red-headed chap last month” Doctor DustBunny interjected, not one to mince words.

Daudy countered “Yes but that hardly counts, he was a referee. My point is that we should support these HEROES follows, since they formed at the start of the season interest has piqued and the game has been better for it.”

“But something is missing, they’re just not living up to their potential. We’ve had week after week of lesion, laceration and amputation, punctuated by the occasional excellence in scoring. It should be the other way around.” DustBunny sceptically added, polishing his monocle.

“Undoubtedly.” Daudy agreed “They seem to be mortally challenged. They’re loved by the people, but they should be idolised. Ballads should be written. Songs should be sung. HEROES should be immortalised”

“But they’ll hardly amount to anything if the go around dying all day. You can’t argue with those facts” Semitence said reaching for his top hat. The game today was approaching an end

DustBunny thought hard, Daudy’s wisdom providing the inspiration for a deeper thought on the matter. “I feel there’s something that we could be doing, should be doing. What is it that HEROES need to be great? Methinks you’re right, something else needs to be present in the SWL.”

“If only there was a way to gain information on how the inner workings of how a blood bowl players body functions. If someone could collate the information, and conduct a study, for academic purposes of course.” Semitence mused.

“Such research would need to be considerable and exhaustive. A cursory look would not suffice; we’d probably need to form some sort of official institute.” DustBunny concluded.

Brows were furrowed. Glances were exchanged. Long moustaches were twirled in deep thought. The silence was deafening until a voice came from the rear of the clubhouse…

“Noble scholars, we have the technology… Such a virtuous undertaking has to be done, and if it falls to us to give the HEROES what they need to be great, than that is a burden we must carry. No-one is better suited than us, we’ve taken the last 2 Trials of Blood and between us we’ve only lost 1 game this season” Doctor Chavo added.

In that moment a purpose was born and glasses were raised to an illustrious honourable cause.

And then the crunch was heard by all.

Eyes turned back to the game as the referee lay motionless on the pitch.

And they laughed and laughed and laughed…

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 07, 2015 - 23:21
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After the debacle of the LIX Awards night it was decided that the Team Awards needed to be a low key affair. When a brawl erupts between a few disgruntled players this is manageable, but when whole teams go at it, things quickly spiral out of control.

So, due to the razing of the community hall and the multiple murder of at least one player at the LIX Awards, the location of the LX Team Awards announcement was kept top secret. Only coaches and media invited to the event.

The timid member of the Awards sub sub committee took the stage. He was still sporting a neck brace from the LIX Riot. The glare of the spotlight prevented him from seeing the crowd, but it was clear that there was a big turn out.

"GET ON WITH IT!!!!", roared the unmistakeable voice of a Chaos Warrior. This wasn't good....

The Unofficial SWL Season LX Team Awards!

Turns (1145): Blackwater Glee Club
Completions (16): [SWL] Jeagers
TDs (16): Athel Loren Lovers
Int (2): deities of dodge
Cas (35): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (154): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (35): [SWL] Jeagers
Rushing yards (262): deities of dodge
Blocks (341): Soylent Greenstars
Fouls (39): Madness Mountain Misery
Blocks/Cas (8.6): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5): Gray's Anatomy
Kills (7): Blackwater Glee Club

Turns (1158): Asha'maniac
Completions (24): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
TDs (20): Port Macquarie Snowleopards & Redgum's Rodents
Cas (40): SWL Fun Police
SPP (139): Port Macquarie Snowleopards & Redgum's Rodents
Passing yards (134): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Rushing yards (297): Redgum's Rodents
Blocks (371): Cocksville Blockers
Fouls (56): Sphinxes from Mars
Blocks/Cas (7.3): SWL Fun Police
Pass/Cp (6.4): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Kills (6): SWL Fun Police

Turns (1131): Error 404 afterlife not found
Completions (17): Steaked
TDs (13): Error 404 afterlife not found
Cas (28 ): Malapropism Mania & Intoxicated Mayhem
SPP (131): Intoxicated Mayhem
Passing yards (50): Intoxicated Mayhem
Rushing yards (261): Slumbering Skink
Blocks (343): Error 404 afterlife not found
Fouls (34): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (11.6): Intoxicated Mayhem
Pass/Cp (5): Large Head-on Colliders
Kills (5): Malapropism Mania

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Aug 11, 2015 - 16:26 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 59.

Our apologies for the delayed proceedings. Our esteemed MC was last seen chasing two small children around the house pleading with them to go to sleep.

But he's back now, and ready to announce this season's representative squads.
Firstly, our congratulations to Barre’s Large Head-On Colliders for securing another Premier title, and to all of the Conference teams who will next season test their mettle in Premier.
Tonight we’re pleased to announce The SWL 'All-Stars' Team.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LX:

François Englert (c) Bull Centaur Large Head-on Colliders
Taken for Granite Bull Centaur Malapropism Mania
Borgan Bollinger Orc Thrower Intoxicated Mayhem
Ghoulhardy Ghoul Error 404 Afterlife Not Found
Dexterous Dexter Gutter Runner Redgum’s Rodents
Stonetroll Pestigor Madness Mountain Misery
Damien 'Shake it off' Halford Chaos Warrior Blackwater Glee Club
Foul Frank Nurgle Warrior SWL Fun Police
Chuhui Saurus Sotek Sacred Spawning
Sdlss Saurus Slumbering Skink
Cabbapult Zombie Error 404 Afterlife Not Found

François Englert is again a Premier Champion, and again Captain of the All-Star team. This is his 5th selection, equalling Abdominal Snowman’s record for the most appearances. After another stellar season, his record continues to astound: 118 TDs and over 2,200 rushing yards in 133 games. Once again, the combination of his speed and strength proved devastating, especially for a player with such reliable ball-handling. Sure of hand and sure of foot, able to break through tackles, or fend off his opponents; he is a powerful offensive threat. He is also highly effective in defence, able to run down even the fastest opponents and drag them to ground. One of the true modern greats of the SWL, and a worthy captain for the LX All Stars.

Malapropism Mania had a rather torrid season in Premier division, ending the season near the foot of the table and with just the one win. Their one shining light was the astounding form of their experienced Bull, Taken for Granite. This is the first time Granite has been selected to the All Stars, and the honour recognises the best season of his career. Finally stepping out of the shadow of his more storied team-mate The Abdominal Snowman, Granite combined a brutal attack on his opponent (inflicting 9 CAS) with his attack on the opponent’s endzone. He scored 3 TDs this season, bringing his career total to ten. The many seasons have taken their toll on Granite, an old head wound may yet bring his career prematurely to an end, but if he can put together another season of this calibre Mania may soon rebound from the conferences and give him another tilt at a Premier title.

Despite a serious injury in the final game of the season, Borgan Bollinger achieves his second selection to the All Stars. He was a stand-out performer in a Premier season which featured far more rushing than passing, but with his remarkable agility, his strong arm, and his deadly accurate placement of the ball, Bollinger showed how threatening a talented thrower can be. He threw 10 completions for the season, and when he couldn’t find clear receivers against Wings of the Condor, he ran it in twice himself.Perhaps the most impressive new development in Bollinger’s game is his ability to lead others, giving valuable onfield directions and helping his team-mates to avoid the kinds of errors which would otherwise have his coach, Erickan, tearing his hair out.

Error 404 backed up an undefeated Conference season in LIX with a genuine run at a Premier title in LX. They had several players vying for the All-Stars, and there will be much debate I’m sure about the relative merits of Huge Axeman, or Flesh Gordon. But even in a team of stars, it was once again was Ghoulhardy who stood out, earning himself a second consecutive selection to the All-Stars. In only 25 games, Ghoulhardy has become a much celebrated player, undoubtedly due to his exhilarating pace and bewildering side-step. His 5 TDs this season took his career total past 20, and he’s averaging only a shade under one per game. He’s also developing his defensive skills, and has an uncanny knack for bringing down opponents with a desperate, lunging tackle.

Dexterous Dexter is one of the less experienced players in this All-Star team, and few would have predicted his selection only one season ago. He had a slow start to his career, often playing a support role to more experienced Gutter Runners on his team. Initially, he had been planning to develop himself as a defensive threat, but a shift in focus has unlocked a whole new aspect to his game and elevated him to his first selection as an All-Star. With one game left in the season he had a respectable 5TDs, and a couple of handy completions against the dwarfs of Asha’maniac. His team had suffered a string of losses, and what had seemed an assured Conference title had slid from their grip. They needed a win to be promoted, and a win they got. Dexter scored all 6TDs in a comprehensive 6-3 defeat of Cdwat’s Griffon Gate Sentinels, finishing the season with 11TDs, te most of any SWL player in Season LX.

Stonetroll came into the SWL with a successful trial-of-blood behind him, and quickly established himself in the Regional Division. He has been selected to the All-Star team after his first season, a rare honour, but in this case, well-deserved. In only 10 games, Stonetroll has rushed for 246 yards, thrown 55 blocks, and scored 14 TDs. He is a very versatile player, using his speed to cover a lot of ground on offence and on defence. He is difficult to get to ground, but a ferocious tackler, and uses his horns to great effect. His efforts were instrumental in Mountain Madness Misery’s Regional title win, and he will no doubt be a formidable force in the Conference division.

Chavo’s Blackwater Glee Club entered the Regionals at the start of season LIX to some fanfare and great interest, only to deliver a disappointing first season and remain in the Regionals for season LX. And wow, did they make amends for that! A 5-0-2 record saw them win the title, with +10TDs and +26CAS. It was their most experienced player – and the only player to have played in every one of their games – who led from the front. Damien ‘Shake It Off’ Halford is now two-time captain of the Rising Stars team, and a first time representative for the All-Stars. Earlier in his career he was a scorer, but as the team has developed around him his role has changed, and he’s taken to the new function with vigour. Halford hurts folks. Lots of folks. He’s built for it. He’s strong, he hits hard, he tackles to the ground, and he piles onto the fallen. Add this to the sharp claws he has sprouted, which cut through leather and steel and flesh, and it’s no surprise that he collected 13CAS during the year, including 4 against Bigbullies’ Amazons (equalling his personal best for CAS in a game).

Foul Frank makes his third consecutive appearance in the All Star team, and continues to add to an already impressive collection of personal honours. Since his first season, in LVI, when he was named a Rising Star, Frank has gone from strength to strength. He has been selected in the representative squads in every season he has played, and has collected golden and silver Twahnlow awards for his blocking and brutality on his way through. His success is testament to training and application over natural talent. Looking at Frank, you’d struggle to separate him from any number of Nurgle Warriors wanting to play this fine game, but once he is on field, he has the skills to set himself apart. Terrifying strikes, sharp claws, a brutal propensity to press the advantage when his opponent has fallen, all qualities which have earnt him this selection. After a first round forfeit he opened the season with all 5 CAS against no less an opponent that the Wonga Whale Killers. He didn’t look back from there, adding 9 more CAS to finish with 14 from only 6 games.

Chuhui was a crucial component of Sotek Sacred Spawning’s conference title, an irrepressible force in the clinches, who fought talon and fang for his team. This is his second selection to the All-Stars, his previous coming after the LVI Season. In 61 games Chuhui has amassed 571 blocks, averaging nearly 10 per game. He makes good effect of them too: 12 CAS for the season brings his career total over 40. He was impressive against the rival lizards of the SWL Hunting Crocs, with 3 CAS, but his best game was undoubtedly the 2-1 win against Pjj’s Edamame Diet. He inflicted 5 of his team’s 6 CAS for the game, almost all of them serious injuries, and one a death. His brutal attack effectively left Edamame crippled and secured a crucial win for his team on their way to next season’s Premier division.

Joining Chuhui and Frank on the All-Star LoS is another Saurus; Sdlss. It takes a special player to become the most experienced player on the current roster of SWL’s longest running franchise. With 100 games to his name Sdlss is the old lizard of Slumbering Skink, but in LX he put together one of his most impressive seasons. While other players were more obvious, more showy, more attention-grabbing, it was Sdlss’ constant presence at the heart of Faulcon’s team which had the experienced pundits talking. It was a season of remarkable grit and determination. Despite his old injuries, Sdlss was ever-present. His previously injured skull had raised concerns that he wouldn’t be able to last out the games, but what we saw was the opposite. His leg injury made him less agile, but the spectators barely noticed. Agility is not what Sdlss brings to the pitch. Instead it’s his strong blocking, his mighty blows. For any young students of the war-within-a-war on the LoS, Sdlss shows the value of a strong player who can keep his feet and help those around him.

Cabbapult represents Error 404, the second of their players honoured tonight and a further testament to the strength of their squad. A strong case was made for the cruel boots of the Blackwater Sting Conference, where both Sally (of the Freezy Tress) and Karma Man II (of the title-winning Sphinxes) plied their vicious trade. But Cabbapault is honoured tonight because he did his work in Premier, under the bright glare of the stadium lights and the watchful eyes of the referees. He is a dirty, rotten player, just the sort of guy any coach would want around when team-mates like Huge Jackman are felling opponents. Cabbapault has 31 fouls in a career of only 22 games, and we’re sure he will accumulate plenty more when his team take another shot at Premier in LXI.

Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. There were a lot of new faces named this year, and some perhaps controversially overlooked. Where was Flesh? Huge Jackman overlooked again? No representatives from two Conference winners, including the impressive Sphinxes? Plenty of Big Guy’s in the Rising Stars, but none good enough for All Star consideration? Is the team too bashy?
Perhaps. Each would be able to put forward a good argument. With only 11 spots available in the All-Stars, there’s always going to be debate. It says much for the high-quality of the players newly attracted to SWL that this job is so hard, season after season.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative teams:

LX Prem-Stars
Taken for Granite Malapropism Mania
Ghoulhardy Error 404
Borgan Bollinger Intoxicated Mayhem
François Englert (C) LHC
Viola Wings of Condor
Huge Axeman Error 404
Robert Brout LHC
Cabbapult Error 404
Vrong Glenfiddich Intoxicated Mayhem
Sdlss Slumbering Skink
Flesh Gordon Error 404

LX Conference Rep team
Dexterous Dexter Redgum’s Rodents
UbirrIII Wä?a Warriors
Hoover Widowmaker Snowleopards
Bolwgan Softrock Snowleopards
Dodgy Dan Redgum’s Rodents
Foul Frank SWL Fun Police
Jur Grady Asha'maniac
Sally Freezy Trees
Chuhui Sotek Sacred Spawning
Uaxadohi (C) SWL Hunting Crocs
Chiccgar SWL Hunting Crocs

LX Rising-Stars
Lothario II Athel Loren Lovers
Grumnir Banner Black Stag
Gypsy Danger SWL Jeagers
Stonetroll Madness Mountain Misery
Mickey 'Disturbia' Danzig Glee Club
'Shake it Off' Halford (C) Glee Club
Dan 'Asereje' Rollins Glee Club
Greywacke Jones Madness Mountain Misery
Lazar Vidovic St Killa Sinners
Ogre There! Ogrepaid Ogresexed Ogrehere
Gov Scumtini Soylent Greenstars

So that ends another awards post-season.
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 12, 2015 - 01:19 Reply with quote Back to top

@SinnersFC twitter:

"Lazar goes out on top! Sad to see the Board lack the funds to continue. Vale Sinners!"

"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW!

Joined: Apr 26, 2008

Post   Posted: Aug 12, 2015 - 08:57 Reply with quote Back to top

Blockeroonis Distraught As Dahl Announces Retirement

SWL Fan Favorites the Cocksville Blockers have today announced that team captain, Lucky Larry Dahl has been forced into retirement after he fractured his skull in the infamous Nuffle's Vengeance game.

Known as Mr. Versatile for his contributions to all facets of the game, Dalh Captained the Blockers to their 7 win season and for the less successful Season 2. Unfortunately, Dahl has recieved medical advice that any further participation in Blood Bowl would likely end in death.

Legendary SWL Coach, Tomay, has announced Cooter Boogie as the new captain, "he has been a leader during off season training, now it's time for him to take over on the field."

Join now and "Create a Legend"

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 12, 2015 - 12:13
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SWL Awards LX

Welcome to the SWL awards for Season 60.

First the Bronze Awards, for outstanding performances in the regional leagues:

Image Image Lothario II (Athel Loren Lovers) and Image Stonetroll (Madness Mountain Misery) 8TDs
Image Image Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club) 13 Cas
Image Image Gov. Scumtini (Soylent Greenstars) and Image Grumnir (Banner of the Black Stag) 114 Turns
Image Image Grumnir (Banner of the Black Stag) 191 Rushing yards
Image Image Gypsy Danger ([SWL] Jeagers) 37 Pass yards
Image Image Greywacke Jones (Madness Mountain Misery) 15 Fouls
Image Image Baroness Faulconberg (Black Tower Barons) and Image Ogre there! (Ogrepaid Ogresexed Ogrehere) 63 Blocks
Image Image Gypsy Danger ([SWL] Jeagers) and Image Karkorov Van Deamon (Jinxed Jesters) 10 Cps
Image Image Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club) 4.77 Block/Cas
Image Image Baron Von Kessig (Black Tower Barons) 4.5 Pass/Cp

And the Bronze Twahnlow goes to an amazing all round effort of 7TDs,4 Cas, and a Cp:
Image Image Mickey "Disturbia" Danzig (Blackwater Glee Club) 30SPP

As always, the Silver Gongs are very difficult to attain, with more than 500 players in the conferences this season:

Image Image Dexterous Dexter (Redgum's Rodents) 11TDs
Image Image Foul Frank (SWL Fun Police) 14 Cas
Image Image plowing deeproot (Port Macquarie Snowleopards) 117 Turns
Image Image Ubirr III (Wä?a Warriors) 179 Rushing yards
Image Image Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards) 133 Pass yards
Image Image Sally (Freezy Trees) 24 Fouls
Image Image Chuhui (Sotek Sacred Spawning) 86 Blocks
Image Image Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards) 20 Cps
Image Image Foul Frank (SWL Fun Police) 4 Block/Cas
Image Image Kantil (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 7.29 Pass/Cp

And the Silver Twahnlow goes to a the TD king for this season's conferences:
Image Image Dexterous Dexter (Redgum's Rodents) 35SPP

Now on to the best of the best. The stars of the Prem Division:

The Disco Dan Ball:
Image Image ghoulhardy (Error 404 afterlife not found) and Image François Englert (Large Head-on Colliders) 7TDs
The Replacemnt Knuckles:
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 11 Cas
The Touchstone Heart:
Image Image Flesh Gordan (Error 404 afterlife not found) 114 Turns
The Xies-ler-aym Slipper:
Image Image ghoulhardy (Error 404 afterlife not found) 170 Rushing yards
The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow:
Image Image Borgan Bollinger (Intoxicated Mayhem) 49 Pass yards
The John Stone Boot:
Image Image Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found) 17 Fouls
The Eth'el Shield:
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 73 Blocks
The Emilio Luthien Boomerang:
Image Image Lyceres (Wings of the Condor) 12 Cps
The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist:
Image Image Erigor Chabot (Intoxicated Mayhem) 4.6 Block/Cas
The Duskwind Strongarm:
Image Image Borgan Bollinger (Intoxicated Mayhem) 4.9 Pass/Cp

Finally the highest individual honour goes to the magnificent Bull with 3TDs and 9 Cas:

The Duke Snakefield Medallion:
Image Image Taken for Granite (Malapropism Mania) 27SPP

Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Aug 15, 2015 - 14:20 Reply with quote Back to top

Deep under the bleachers, amid the discarded paper ale-cups, peanut bags and bloody rags, a shambling mob of spectators watched the deciding game of the season – or at least, they attempted to do so. Driven away from even the cheap seats, they were forced to ‘enjoy’ the game as viewed through the hairy legs, shit-crusted boots and fungus-ridden hooves of those spectators lucky enough to count themselves among the living.
“What’s goin’ on, Merv? I fink this lump in front of me ‘as passed out – all I can see is pimply arse!” a voice rasped from one dank shadow.
“I reckon them elves just scored! Or maybe they just had another one carried off the pitch. I dunno, this lass keeps twitching her bloody skirts” replied the nearby, vaguely-human shape named Merv.

The crowd above roared their appreciation at a particularly hard knock from a well-hatted dwarf.
“What was that then? Anyone see that one?” asked Merv.
A chorus of negative replies came moaning from the darkness.
“Bah!” spat a voice from the rear of the mob. The moaning and shuffling stopped as a slightly-less-decrepit individual lurched forward into a shaft of dim light provided by a ragged hole in the seats above (courtesy of an errant bomb throw in a previous week’s game).

“This… is Ridiculous!” rounded vowels and an uncanny ability to voice capitals could be heard through the death-rattle voice. “Why do we cower here, in the darkness and stink, unable to watch the games we love no less than the living?”
“Well I reckon it’s…” began Merv.
“No! No excuse excuses this inexcusable behaviour! We here have just as much right to sit among those above as those above have to sit among each other! We have paid, just as they have, have we not?”
“Weeeelll, I dunno paid. Not exactly paid, persay, I mean all I had was this dead rat and the feller at the booth just kind of closed his eyes, and I mea…”
“Merv! Just… Can’t you see I’m pontificating here?”
Merv nodded slowly and held up his hands – well, one hand anyway, the other having been lost somewhere long ago “Sorry Albert, pontifficayte away lad.”

Albert sighed and looked out between a pair of scabrous legs at the pitch, where another Dark Elven figure was being stretchered off. “All I’m saying is, we shouldn’t have to stand for this. It’s fair enough that we were once buried 6 feet down, but that doesn’t mean we should be trodden upon.”
“Hear hear!” nodded Merv.
“I mean, what do they think? We’re dead, so we don’t matter? Have they forgotten their past already? What about that first final, when the Gentlemen stood proud and hoisted the cup high? Or when the Ecclesiarchs ‘persuaded’ the great Count to lead them to a victory everyone said couldn’t be done?? When the Slammers blazed through the divisions and stamped their mark on the Leagues history?!!?”

Albert looked around the assembled, once-living folk who were listening in rapt attention.
“I say we live under the boots of the living no more! I say we step out into the light, and we remind them all – living AND undead – that we matter!”

A chorus of groans and mumbles that sounded vaguely affirmative emanated from the mob.
“We shall gather the undying teams of this great League, and we shall band them together to show those upstart lifers how it’s done! From this day forth, THEY will feel OUR boots treading – nay, STOMPING – down upon THEM!”


Cabalvision cameras zoomed in on the podium and the gathered newsfolk, League officials and interested onlookers (who got in cos their lad Chris, he knows the guy who is mates with the cousin of the caterer who does ALL the press-conferences) hushed as a tall, lean figure in resplendent burial wrappings strode in holding a scroll.
Ziggy opened the scroll, set it down on the lectern, glanced at it for a moment, then looked up at the crowd.

Leaning down with one hand on the lectern, he cleared his throat (for effect) and began:
“In light of recent events in the Southern Wastes League regarding the formation of factions, groupings, gatherings, and/or stables of teams who share a common interest, origin or playstyle, we, the Federation of Undying Legends do hereby state that…Ah sod this!” Ziggy stood up and tossed the scroll aside.

“Lissen up you lot! Heroes, Villians, Invaders – the whole ‘orrible lot of ya! Us Undying folk ain’t gonna lay down no more, see? We’ll be top-jackals once again, and if we have to stomp on every last breath-taking, blood-pumping, squishy lifer one of yas, then we’ll do it!” Bony fists crash down at the last outburst, splintering the hapless lectern.

“We’re gonna stomp ya!”


Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 15, 2015 - 23:07
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Team Challenge - Preseason

Cobber Ponzi, CEO of The Wastelands Pachyderm Banking Corporation was hard at work in his office. Spread before him on the lavish desk was promotional material for the new season awaiting his official approval. Most of the glossy brochures prominently featured a scantily clad Norse linewoman wearing little more than a pair of silver boots. Cobber scrutinized the material intently.

"Sir!...", in burst an Office Lackey.

Cobber looked momentarily startled. He cautiously moved his right hand from beneath the desk, an uncharacteristically guilty look on his face. Then slammed his fist down on the table top. "What the bloody hell do you want!!!", he roared.

"We have a challenge Sir"

"About time those Heroes got their act together", muttered the CEO, "the season's already underway"

"err, it's not the Heroes", continued the Lackey, and held forth a decaying scrap of parchment with the letters "F.O.U.L." scrawled across it.

Cobber pondered this latest development. His thoughts interrupted by two more Lackeys busting in.

"Sir!", they called in unison. One brandished a scroll sealed with an oddly disturbing mustachioed symbol. The other a crisp envelope embossed with the HEROES logo.

"Struth!", Cobber looked perplexed. "First come first served. Now get out of here, I have important work to do".

"...but Sir, there's no ga-"

"OUT!", boomed the CEO, and the Lackeys departed hastily, shutting the door behind them.

Cobber looked at his pile of paperwork. "Now", he cooed, "where were we?".

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Aug 16, 2015 - 13:11
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Team Challenge - The Draw

"What the bloody hell is this!?!"

Cobber Ponzi, towered over the seated Office Lackey. Face a deep shade of purple and spittle showering the poor lad.

"I've got to present this... This! To the Board in half an hour. 4 games in the Reggies? Are you trying to get me fired?!??"


"Fix it! NOW!!"
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