Interview with a Chosen
GLN: Hi, this is Dooby for the Grotty Little Newspaper, and we have with us here today the all shining star from Teeth and Ladies, Tyra Banks, former thrall, now Chosen of Nurgle. Welcome Tyra.
Tyra Banks: Thank you Dooby.
GLN: We have just heard that, according to the recent Publication ‘The Stunty Records’, you are now officially the best all round stunty player in FUMBBL history. How do you respond to this?”
Tyra: Well it’s not really something that surprises me. If it wasn't for my ridiculously small size, I would be able to compete in the big leagues. But then again, I would probably humiliate them all, and they would just try and kill me. But it’s not like I haven’t been killed before. Actually I have been dead so many times now that I have lost count.
GLN: You are also the most expensive stunty player in history, how do your teammates react to this?
Tyra: Well, what they say or do has little meaning to anyone, because the team pretty much exists only because of me. They don’t even have enough money to hire vamplings anymore. And seeing as we are competing in the Tzeentch’s Chainsaw Massacre at the moment, we are taking heavy casualties, so we have a hard time stocking up on players or fodder as our lord calls them. And yes I am expensive, and if anyone else tells you otherwise... let me know!
GLN: I have heard that your wage demands have caused your team mates to resort to using second hand boots and that the team owner’s wife has had to sell her wedding ring. Is this true?
Tyra: Well, we all make sacrifices. Not me, of course. I even have a personal apothecary. Not everyone is happy about that either, but thrallings come and go. I don’t. I am planning to stay. I want to be the greatest ever.
GLN: It is without doubt you are a great player. As such, why do you foul so often?
Tyra: Haha, I just love blood. I love to see it smeared all over the pitch, I love jumping up and down on a silly treeman until I can hear the branches crumple under my heavily spiked boots. And sometimes, it keeps me safe... Silly ref.
GLN: As far as we are aware there are only three stunty Legends, is that your ultimate goal or do you have higher goals? It's just that we heard that you were going to open a bank - Tyra Banks' Bank.
Tyra: I will be the greatest. As far I as am concerned I am the greatest right now, but that's just me. I will be legendary, even if old age might slow me down a bit. As for the bank, yes I have starting making some small arrangements. Only problem about that is that I can’t count. I used to, but since the R.O.T. final, I haven’t been able to focus quite as well. Sometimes, I simply just stop. It’s a very weird feeling. But when you have been blessed by the Great Unclean One, you can’t expect it to be all good. I lost my good looks, that’s for sure. But I still think I am the best looking.
GLN: Are you planning to compete in other events soon?
Tyra: Well right now my boots are making sure that we are winning the Tzeentch’s Chainsaw Massacre points race at least. And after that, well lets see what comes up. When the R.O.T. starts, we will win that again. That was really fun, and the reason that I am what I am today.
GLN: That’s all for now, we will here at stunty records continue to follow your further boot kicking and excellent passing game. As we know you want that title as well. Good luck in the upcoming R.O.T and with the final round of Tzeentch’s Chainsaw Massacre. Keep it bloody.
Tyra: Thank you Dooby, I will. I am dirty to the bone, you know.
Tzeentch’s Chainsaw Massacre's group stage has just ended, the first of May. Any number of points gave you a chance to win a ticket to the play-offs via the tournament's lottery. The winners of this Massacre's lottery, and continuing on to the play-offs are:
To all the other teams that competed in this Stunty Leeg Event (of Death, Gore and Explosions): Better luck in the next lottery! SLEDGE is fun for all the family! (Except possibly for the parts of it that get killed.)