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 Issue 10 - August 13th 2510
Dear Prinzka
by Calthor
Prinzka

Please meet Prinzka. She is an old goblin shaman, and a former Star Player that has played for many famous Goblin teams. She is infamous for influencing matches by her unstable WAAAAGH! magic. These days she is retired, but her wisdom of the game is enormous - as is her madness.

Dear Prinzka,

Duh, where'm I?

- Nin

Failed a Bone-head roll, eh? Fear not! Have a look around. Is there a crowd making a lot of noise? Do you smell the scent of sweat and blood? Is there an idiot walking around striped in black-and-white? Is there a spiked ball flying around somewhere?

Then it does not matter where you are. All that matters is that you start hitting your opponent, ya Stupid Bully!

Dear Prinzka,

Does Lord Borak regard your opinion as worthy of his comtempt, or indeed you of his?

- Yours One Time Spectator of Lord Borak And Still In Therapy

I doubt Mr. Ironbrain still remembers me from the only time we've ever met. I drugged him pretty heavy, after all...

Yes, that was one special night. It took a long time getting that arrogant oaf out of his armour. To tell you the truth, I expected more from a Chaos Warrior his size!

Dear Prinzka,

In our last match miss Evil, my beloved witch elf, stayed in the KO box with Mr. Angry, a skilless lineman all game long. I have tried to join her, but she kicked me out! She said she had a headache and needed to rest, but, really, she was far too noisy to have any rest in that KO box.

What can I do to spend time in the KO box with her too ? I'm a fine and healthy dark elf blitzer, a very valuable element of our team ! And Mr. Angry is just a rookie lineman with no skill, no SPP, no fame nor glory. And he has a ridiculous name. I'm better than him. Yet she kicked me out and spent the match with him! Will miss Evil finally be interested in me if I assassinate this little worm?

The Goth&Gorgeous' mighty blitzer Bardakh the Black.

Meagre worm! You should be thanking the heavens that she even allows you to play on the same team. Personally, I suspect that she got a headache from your continued persistence in trying to sniff her behind. I suggest you get back to doing what you do best: dying on the LoS.

If you are still desperate to get her attention, come to me - I'll make you forget she ever existed in the first place... One night in the arms of this old goblin is more magic than your scrawny elven butt can handle in a lifetime!

Dear Prinzka,

After joining Fumbbl and losing many hours of my life my girlfriend felt threatened by a crafty Amazon and left me, my dog died from forgetting to feed it and was consequently reanimated by nurgle. My house burned down because I was in the middle of a match. And my job wont let me near Java code for the next 6 months. How can I work for FUMBBL?

Dwarfed by Life
-bxnyc

I believe Christer needs someone to feed his squig. You could apply for that job. I won't expect you to live long, but I guess that's what you get for failing your dog.

Dear Prinzka,

I recently survived an amazing event and would like your opinion on it. In the process of throwing me my Troll friend decided eating me was more fun. As he was trying to swallowing me he choked to death and I managed to scramble out while he was regenerating. Now my question is simple. Should I avoid my hungry team mate from now on or should I trust that he will not eat me after his past experience.

Jag "Toejam" Flous

He choked to death on you, so I assume he did not find you all that tasty. Logic would dictate that it would be best to make sure he does not forget that.

But then again, we are talking about a Troll here. So, my advice is: stop worrying about your impending doom and find all the glory you can before he eats you. If you're afraid, try eating a mushroom before playing.

Dear Prinzka,

I am an awesome player, one of the finest on the team, but for some reason, the coach seems to utterly disrespect me, and keeps throwing me into harms way, when another player could do the job just as well, well, not as well as I do it, obviously, but well enough that it wouldn't need me. He keeps mentioning something about me being overrated, and 'bringing the side down'

Yours
Concerned for survival

If you know better than your coach, then perhaps you should help your coach. Retire and become an assistant coach. No need to fear your death that way too.

OR! You could stop being a bleeding coward and just do whatever your coach tells you to do. Your coach places you on the Line of Scrimmage? Then you should excell at your job there, and your coach will quickly think better of your skills.

Now stop whining and smell the waaagh!

Dear Prinzka,

I am a cheerleader on a certain Lavino based team. I have been seeing the teams coach in secret for many weeks now but am very concerned that i have started to develope an itchy rash in my ....errrr..... lets just call it my "end-zone".
Should I be worried and what should I do?

Yours hopefully,
Itchy N scared in Lavino

Sounds just like an ingredient I was missing for one of my potions. Come on over and I'll dissect that end-zone of yours! I'll garantuee you that you'll never feel itchy there again...

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