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 Issue 16 - May 26th 2515
GRIND Greatest Players
by Seventyone

Good evening sports fans. This evening on Cabalvision we are taking time to look back though the seasons to find some true legends while we wait for the next scheduled league to start. GRIND is a young league but already features some amazing players. Some say that it is the unique restrictions on skill ups which has resulted in this, some say that it is the lower numbers on the pitch and some the lack of re-rolls. Whatever the reason is, no one would want to face these guys...

Best Fouler

Crazy Orek (deceased)

So young, so promising, so dead. Orek’s life was lived to the full with an astonishing 9 fouls in just two games after he learned to play dirty. Amazingly he was able to kill a Skaven Blitzer, smash an ankle and pinch a nerve in just one of these games. His death remains shrouded in mystery after he bit the dust right in front of Lewis Lastic: the Ogre has always protested his innocence but has recently invested heavily in a chain of taverns and it is not clear where the gold crowns he has put in came from.

Phtert Pollipotent

This poxy player is sneaky and therefore unafraid to put the boot in. 18 fouls in 21 games is not a bad record at all.

Best (Big) Defensive Lineman

There are many claimants to this title, let’s have a look:

Rirkz the Claw

Rat Ogres are always scary and the Claws Rrikz has make him doubly so, especially for any Dwarf or Orc coaches. 17 CAS in 25 games is a good return but his early promise seems to be a little too much of a burden: he’s just not slashing like he used too...

Blasio (deceased)

The strongest player the league has ever known. Sadly this strength was indirectly his downfall: felled by a bad dodge.

In marked contrast is Orso Smaldone. He was once super agile but now seems to be struggling a little. Has a strong record for injuries (18 CAS in only 26 games) as well a successful completed pass. Surely he still has a role as a Quarterback even with an injury?

Sadly you can only have one big guy in a team: so I’m going to go with Rirkz as he has the most destructive potential. When you have no rerolls the Loner skill doesn't seem so bad...


Captain Uberto Neri

Neri is a legend for his extreme strength of body (who says rum is not performance enhancing) and mind: as the inspiration captain of the shipwrecks he has ensured that they have swept almost all away on the path to extreme victory. Critics would say that he doesn't actually handle the ball enough with only three touchdowns and 29 passes in 30 games, but to them I say: rubbish; he’s a legend!

Jerry “Rev” Harris

Now this is a real Quarterback. I will start with a quote from his biography: "Since starting to play in GRIND Jerry has become better and better. He loves to dodge, pass and (especially) pick up the ball, often under the noses of his opponents. The fans love him, the opponents love to hit him..."

This says it all really. With 47 completions from only 15 games the man is a Quarterback’s Quarterback and a true legend. It is important to note he is also a team player: no lurking around in the backfield for him or hanging around the sub's bench on defence. Jerry is not afraid to get stuck in and put his body on the line. So far he has escaped serious injury despite the many big hits and crunching fouls he has taken. Now he has learned to kick this is (yet) another dimension to his game.

If I had to choose I’d take both!

Wide Receivers

Here there are some real stud players: while the Quarterbacks like to think they get the glory it is really the guys running in the touchdowns that actually get to take home the fat endorsement cheques and the girls.

“Little” Vito Castello

A perennial sub who is only on the team to make sure he stays out of trouble (he is "involveved" with the dughter of team Captain Neri) Vito has actually provided surprisingly useful. Despite his effete appearance he is wriggly and super fast, capable of scoring straight from the kick off with relative ease. This means that he has ten TDs in 30 games: in any other team he would be a star.

This leads on to perhaps the greatest player GRIND has yet seen:

Pietro “Pipes” Petreilli

The glittering jewel in the crown of the Sartosa Shipwrecks: women want him, men want to be him. As well as being a considerable defensive threat with both wrestle and tackle as well as super strength Pipes is able to score seemingly at will. 172 spp in just 30 games is simply incredible and Pipes has it all. I’m, sure you all remember the Superbowl of last year where he scored an incredible six (yes six) touchdowns in the mauling of the Blighted Marches Brawlers. Boots all over the league have been sharpened on the off chance that Pipes might hit the turf at some point, but he’ll have to be caught first...


No one likes an Elf, but if they did they’d probably like them to be like this guy. Super fast, dodgy and able to ignore the opposing cornerbacks breathing down his neck. 25 touchdowns in 21 games is very good but a recent injury may mean he is just too fragile to continue to compete...


The recipient of the SPORTAN award from the inaugural CAS tournament held earlier, Theras is another Elf. This one can leap though: a truly impressive skill. “Only” thirteen touchdowns from his fifteen games perhaps places him a little lower than some of the others

If you can only take one, it has to be Pipes!


These are players that get things done: the beating heart of any team. They may not get the glory, but they lay the path for many a win.

Leo Vassello

Despite an injury weakening him significantly Leo still is of real value to the team and not just for his experience. His skill set is excellent although it’s unlikely he’ll be putting in too many big hits these days.

Denzl Waaaghshington

The White Moon Waagh have a great record so far (8/1/1) and it is players like Denzl that lead to this. When he hits he hits hard, really hard. Eleven CAS in ten games is a truly enviable record.

Constante Finetti

This dude is an example of why GRIND is so great. Constante may not have classic linebacker skills like the ability to pound his opponents to dirt, dodge away from them or tackle them to the ground but his extreme speed and almost predictive ability to see the play and where the ball carrier is going next means that he is the lynchpin of the shipwrecks defence, marking receivers or the ball carrier and stopping them from even thinking of getting away. He stands firm while others fall back.

The Cabalvision "Up and Comers"

These players are doing well but have not yet achieved true greatness. They will be looking to fill the shoes of the players above as old age and the opponents boots finally catch up with them.

Gerry Bertier

The captain of the Titans Gerry always leads by example. He is able to stand firm when hit without going down, and hold his opponents off him is he is going to hit the turf. Some are worried that his frequent appearances as an "expert" summariser of live games may be making his already bloated ego a little too big (and inspiring his opponents, especially the abhuman ones, a little too much). Gerry is a team man at heart though and surely nothing can stop his ascent into greatness.

Borga Gobthrotla

A hyper mobile troll who might just be the next big thing in the bone rending department. He will be looking to cause as much pain as possible, as often as possible.

Ratbash Necraka

A Black Orc on the same team who hits just as hard as Borga and may well learn to block properly shortly. This could be a devastating double act.

Donald Faison

Donald is the ying to Jerry's yang: always ready to receive a pass coming in with laser-like accuracy from the QB's throwing arm. Don is fast, very fast, agile and flexible: could he be the next Pipes?

Shice of Black Chasm

This Rat is fast, super fast. Surely he has a bright (but possibly brief) future ahead of him?

Keep it Cabalvison for all things GRIND-y, from live commentary of both big finals and grudge matches to the infamous "On the Grind" round up of events.

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