All things must come to an end.
The Scabby Eye Saracens
stormed through their qualifiers, gathering momentum after every game.
First round it was luckyjim12's goblins Almost Too Wee
. The match
saw the Saracens playing uphill 100k so 2 bumper bag of goblin nachos were employed to bribe the ref. Sadly for Jim, his luck deserted him completely as the Saracens dominated and in a goblin vs goblin game, that quickly spells doom for the dominated team. Kerbbst Omper
picked up 5 TDs and a cas, getting his tournament off to a fantastic start with 17spp.
Second round, more goblins. This time Gnarl n Snarl
, a now disbanded team. This was the second game for GnS and almost the 140th game for the Saracens. The inducements had little chance of bridging that gap, despite coach Bo-brum coming armed with secret weapons, wizards and bribes galore. Kerbbst Omper
continued his winning ways, this time scoring 3 times and notching up another cas.
Current tally, 8-0 in TDs, all scored by Kerbbst. 12-3 in cas with troll legend Other 'Un
picking up 7 of them.
Third round, and in a break from goblins the Saracens find themselves playing some flings
. And boy was this a close one. The aromas coming from the master chef and the distracting beauty of Zara the Slayer combined get so close to stopping the goblins scoring when they received half 1. But once again Kerbbst was able to put his +ag and sure hands to good use, securing the loose ball turn 7 and applauding while the chainsaw fouled Zara, stunning her. Coach Doofr unfortunatly failed the hand off for the TTM but made up for it by playing a blinder of a second half. It took heroics by Kerbbst (who else) to get a 1db pow on the ball carrier but a favourable throw in secured the flings equalising. The set up with perfect for a goblin ttm thought, high kick on the kick off table is caught in easy hand off position. Troll is free for TTM. "Hang on guys", says Other 'Un
(a very eloquent troll. "I've got a 3db on this fling and I've got block and he doesn't." "You won't roll triple skulls will you," says Kerbbst. "Of course not," says Other 'Un
so, overtime against the flings. And the defining moment of the match is Doofr getting his treemen mixed up and choosing both down with his non-block treeman as the first move of a turn, basically giving me back to back turns. Kerbbst scurrys up the line and pops in his 10th TD of the competition.
Final of the stunty qualifier and the Saracens faced a tree-mendous (haha) team of halflings, Tuerats, Tuerats pas
coached by Khor_Varik. Honestly, I think if any match the Saracens played in the GLT deserves a replay watch it is this one.
A chef for the flings, 3 bumper bags of goblin nachos for the ref for the goblins. Let the mayhem begin.
Saracens receive and pitch invasion stuns the saw, 1 troll and 2 goblins. And 0 players on the other team. But that's the end of the bad luck for a while for the gobs. The fanatic KOs 2 flings turn 1, troll casualties 1. Khor_Varik sets up a 2db on the fanatic turn 2 but only pushes him. And at the end of the drive (guess who scores), there is only 1 fling on the pitch and only 2 gobs off it. TTM? Easy! 1-1 at the interval.
Second half the fanatic is taken off turn 4 as the goblins frantically throw everything into the flings, hoping for a mistake. But none is coming as a near textbook drive is capped off with the turn 8 score. Goblin TTM? Touchback will help :) 2-2.
Overtime for second game in a row. And the fanatic is back for his third drive of the game as the ref wipes nacho crumbs from his face *crunch crunch*.
Flings recieve and things look bad for the Saracens. But a 2db on the fanatic can't take him off and he's there to help the team throwing not 1, not 2 but 11 block dice into the fling ball carrier who refuses to drop the ball. But he can't avoid dice 12 and 13 which take him down, Kerbbst grabs the ball, and the shoe is on the other foot as Kerbbst rushes 21 yards up the field, shrugging off blocks left and right (10 in total), to score the winning TD in the final.
Wait, now we have to play vs real teams? Dang...
First round of the main draw and the Saracens are up against Cyrus-Havoc and his Chess Players
a pact team featuring a blodging troll. Fancy that. We've, at the moment, got 2 of them (foreshadowing) so there's 3 on the pitch.
What words can I use to describe this game
. A dicing spring to mind. But it was sooo much more than that. It was a game where the pact team only threw 20 blocks and that only resulted in 3 injury rolls (and no cas). It was a game where the ogre was removed turn 1 to the chainsaw. Where Kerbbst could throw a 2db on a st4 elf and cas it to deny the TD. Where the Chess Players ended their drive with 3 players on the pitch, apoth used, 2 seriously injured and 1 dead. Second half ended the same way with 2 pact players on the pitch.
In short, everything that goblins can do "in theory" came together in one glorious crescendo of lucky dice. And Cyrus-Havoc took it like a gent, graciously and with a smile. What could have been an unpleasant experience for both of us was saved by his good humour.
Round 2 and we face the big boys. 2.5mil of nurgs.
Morale was low and expectations were lower going into this one. We knew we were in for a drubbing, it was just going to be a question of how bad. Could the 800k of inducements somehow hold some of the tentacle tide at bay? Let's find out by looking at the game.
Goblins receive. Pitch invasion. Fanatic KO, all 3 trolls stunned (Ripper was stupid enough to join us). Suddenly that first turn of hitting against some rotters looks very shaky. Good old Noisey 'Un, the team chainsaw, is able to KO the St6 Beast of Nurgle but the ref spots him and sends him off for an early shower. Nobbla follows quickly after. Ripper is KO, Other Un (troll) is badly hurt but regens, Kerbbst is badly hurt. End of turn 3. 3 goblins on the pitch. Yikes. Oh Mork, give me something. "How about a dodge to pick up the ball in a tackle zone and then a dodge to score, all done around a player with tackle," booms an Orc voice from the heavens. "Errr, fanks Mork, youz da best."
Reset, turn 4 for the nurgs and they receive. We're able to mount some form of defence as all 3 trolls are on the pitch as well as Nobbla. But by turn 6 we're both to 1 troll as claw does what it does. And we are unable to stop the nurgle equaliser.
Second half. 3 goblins on the pitch as well as a fanatic and 1 troll. No nurgle KO or cas. This is gonna hurt but at least we have the TTM. And 2 apoths. Fanatic goes turn 1, goblin goes turn 2, goblin goes turn 3. Leaving 1 goblin and 1 troll, seperated by some distance (and several tentacles). So I do what any goblin coach would do - try and save my own skin by not standing up my single goblin. And he does what any nurgle coach would do. Brutally gang foul an isolated troll *sob*
First round of fouling - stunned.
Second round of fouling - stunned.
Third round of fouling (turn 7, no way to get to ball) - cas. -ST. Apoth - dead. Regen - failed.
And so ended the career of Big 'Un
At the time of his retirement he held the following records:
3rd top active goblin star (ranked) 252spp
3rd top blocker (101 cas)
3rd most valuable player (10 MVPs)
2nd oldest player (142 games)
2nd most blocks (1123)
He was a legend with guard, stand firm, block, dodge, grab and break tackle.
He was a good troll and a friend to all.
But turn 8 TTM you say? We had 4 players to set up facing a stacked LOS, rippling with disturbing presence and bristling with tentacles. It didn't end well.
Well, that's my lengthy write up of a goblin's perspective on Grotty Little Tournament 2516. It was a fantastically organised and well run event. Every coach I faced was a delight to play against (I expected nothing less, knowing the calibre of people on this site), and I look forward to playing more tournaments.
Thanks for all of the /cheers, the /aahs and esp the /laughs.
(Final tally for Kerbbst: 13 TDs and a total of 50spp in these 5 games. Not bad for a goblin)