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oryx
Last seen 2 days ago
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Emerging Star
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2013

2013-05-13 23:35:15
rating 4.3
2013-05-02 09:54:46
rating 5.6

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2012-12-18 19:51:53
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2010-06-18 08:16:14
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2024-10-28 22:39:22
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Upset of the Week: Midlothians vs Boozers 3-0
Host: Welcome, Blood Bowl fans! Tonight we're talking about the surprise upset that rocked the news circuits last night. In stark contrast to their dominant performance in bronze, the Heartless Midlothians have proven to a little more underwhelming since their promotion to silver. Last season they were topping the leaderboards in many categories including overall TD's, TD delta, completions, total yards, and several sub-categories. Ending with an overall 5-1-1 record, many expected great things from the Midlothians in their second season in the league.

However the Midlothians have been notably Mid, limping into week 5 with a 2-0-2 record and a highly publicized feud between their two up and coming super star blitzers, Davanandro And https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=16206272 and Galethe Jorad https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=16206271.

Their week 5 opponents, Coach Cervus' Coal Butte Boozers, were hovering just above them in the rankings at 2-1-1 after a strong start and a few shaky recent weeks. The Boozer's star blitzer Rogmesh Flingsnake https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=14493041 is known to have a taste for elves, and publicly boasted before the match that he intended to eat at least two elf fingers by the end of the first half. Davanandro And, as part of his sponsorship deal with Orcidas, released a line of "Death Elves" fashion products this week. Many of them prominently featured a stylized picture of a boot crunching Flingsnake's face, and #BootFlingSnake and #KillDavi have both been trending on twatter over the weekend. The teams played up the feud; on prime time Cabalvision, Flingsnake bit a live rat in two and roared so loud that the cameraman fell over when asked "What do you have to say about the threats from notorious 'Death Elf' Davanandro And?" in a post-game interview after their nail biting tie to Beachtown.

But, amidst calls for a closer investigation into the Referee Staffing Union's practices and policies, there were remarkably few fouls in last night's game. The ref called the very first foul on Line elf Lujack Millenium, and refused to cede the point even though the orc was clearly unhurt and no actual foul was intended. It should be noted that despite fouling no less than 10 times in the match, at no point did the ref attempt to interfere with aptly named and league-leading fouler Azuk Elfbleeder https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=16298451 . Anyway, this suspicious "merc orc lineman" has remained nameless despite this station's demands for transparency, and as you can see here [shows slo-mo replay] this is quite clearly an accidental trip and you can see right.... NOW! Look. Didn't you see that orc lineman grab the foot and guide it to his jaw?

I'm convinced, but the accusations of a biased ref are taken very seriously by the leaguea and the RSU and the allegations are currently under investigation. In the meantime the results stand, and despite the clearly underhanded tactics of Coal Butte's "Athletic Expenses" department, the Midlothians put on a dominating performance. With a final score of 3-0, there's no question that they've still got what it takes.

Nevertheless, something is rotten in the state of Denmark, or so they say. Star blitzer Davanandro And was sullen and sour all game, with none of his usual flashy victory dances. The crowd was sullen as well, with both sides grumbling and booing throughout the game as one side lost and the other didn't give the fans the gore they had come to see.

And, folks, it's true - And has nothing to celebrate about. Sure he's got a new sponsorship just this week, but the fad hasn't taken off this season and no other "death elf" teams are piling on the meme to give it credence. With a very mediocre record of 1 casualty, 1 mvp, and now 1 completion for the season, And is looking to put the pressure on to solidify his slot on the roster and he's running out of time to prove himself. His completion was an admirable one, but the game was already over at 2-0 and it wasn't a clinch play, especially when compared to Star Blitzer Galethe Jorad's early game sock em, clock em, game-winning blitz that took Flingsnake off the pitch for not one but two games! They say they'll save all but two of his teeth, but he's got a new scar and it sounds like his jaw structure is permanently weakened after that hit! Jorad was struggling with a bit of an embarassing season himself recently with only 2 casualties, but after a hit like that so early in the game, his name has gained a lot of traction this week. I've brought him on to our show today to get his perspective on the future of the Midlothians.

Host: Welcome, Galethe, and thanks for joining us today.

GJ: Awoooooooo! No problem man, no problem. Just soaking up the sun, you know? It feels good to be on top, it really does.

Host: Quite the play! There was a moment there where I thought the legend of flingsnake was just over. I mean you really had me going there! So tell me Galethe, on paper you've had a decent season but not a standout one. Have we been sleeping on your potential this whole time?

GJ: Totally! Just like I told the last guy, we coulda been 5-0 this season if that emo orangutan Davi would have just shaped up and done what he was supposed to. Look I'll be real with you, we have the number 3 scoring player in the league right now, Vulshock Aurora https://fumbbl.com/p/player?player_id=16353895 . He was just a clueless rookie when he joined, and now he's scored 6/8 td's that we've scored - as a team - since the start of the season. Am I getting salty and demanding more ball time? No! Am I sulking and developing weird habits to woo the fans? No! Am I keeping the entire team up till 2am with 4 cheerleaders in my room? No I'm not.

Look not everyone understands this, but if you're not dying, you're not pro. People think this union blitzer gig is living the high life - but let me tell you, a lot of it is taking the biggest hits over and over, being in the right place at the right time, and letting other people take the glory while being the glue that holds the team together. That's right - I'm the reason this team is succeeding right now, although no one seems to get it. And I'd rather share that burden with another dedicated, hard working, humble blitzer, but instead I get prince emo and his groupie brigade.

We're in the big leagues now. You can't just kick everyone in the face and expect not to have scrutiny, especially as an elf. Everyone expects that kind of gutter play from orcs and goblins, but we elves are held to a higher standard of conduct, both on and off the field. Everyone gets all excited about sponsorship this, sponsorship that, but at the end of the day all Davi did was to paint a target on his head - our heads - and without me stepping up to take charge, we would have gotten crushed this last game.

Host: That's quite the claim! Can you really back that up? It was a good hit - I won't argue that one - but I'd hardly say that you carried the whole team on your back.

GJ, somewhat bitterly: Yeah well I wouldn't expect you to understand. Nice and cushy in this studio here, no orc boots anywhere near your teeth.

Host, taken aback: Well I.. I mean I ... We all have to make our choices.

GJ: Look, do you know what it did to the linos? Think about it man. Davi sells this crazy idea that we - elven union, Midlothians - are somehow going to destroy these orcs, and then the ref calls ONE MEASLY FOUL and Coach Oryx bans Davi from fouling for the rest of the game. You know who they come to when it's time to go out on the line against that offense? They don't go to Davi, they come to me. And I'm the one who has to look them in the eye and say "Look, I'm sorry you have to do this, but we're going to win anyway." Meanwhile he's staring out the window like someone shot his mother in front of him. He's not cheering anyone up! It's always tough to send the linos out there to die for us, but it's even worse if you sell them the idea that we're going to do the stomping for once.

Host: I... I never thought about it like that.

GJ: And you know what's worse? They fouled us all game long! We got fouled nearly drive, and Davi wanted to foul them back, he did, but Coach Oryx told him he'd pull his contract if he fouled before victory was secured.

Look, I'll admit it, Davi's not a bad guy. He's just an elf with a dream, but that kind of stuff doesn't belong in the big leagues. We work too hard to throw it all away on a ref that can be bought. [looks at the camera] Sorry man, I'm just telling the truth.

Host: A candid and surprisingly empathetic response from Galethe Jorad.

Well, thanks for joining us tonight to give us your perspective on the game, and congratulations on your massive upset! We'll have our eyes on you in the last few games of the season. Just tell me one more thing, and be honest with me - Do you feel it? Are the Midlothians going to take it all the way in the post-season this year?

GJ, looking a little uncomfortable: Well, I uh... I mean Yeah of course... I mean I want us to... I didn't..

Host: It's ok GJ, it's just you and me and the camera tonight.

GJ, gaze downturned: Look I just don't think we've got what it takes man, I mean everyone wants to say they're going to win it all but I think we need another season to get our team on the same page. Sorry Coach, but that's how I feel.

Host, a little bewildered: Well, there you have it. A sobering prediction from Galethe Jorad, star blitzer of the Heartless Midlothians. Until next time folks!
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