Good morning everyone and welcome to the Big Beast! I am Sneezing A. Snot and With me is MY MAN Max Spleenripper. In this our premiere show we will go over some of the storied franchises here in the Big Beast conference and let ya’ll know who we think are CONTENDERS and who are just pretenders! So sit back relax get some bloodwiser maybe some McNurglets and enjoy.

But first can I say!? MAX! MY man. This is our first show… you didn't think that maybe? Just maybe Max it might be a good idea to put on a tie for the occasion? COMMON man. You’re better than that.

OH YOU DIDN’T NOTICE MY DESIGNER CHAINSAW!? $50,000 for a chainsaw and all this guy notices is that I didn’t wear a tie today. You know some say it is actually fashionable to skip the tie. But whatever we aren’t here to talk about fashion Sneezing A. we are here to talk about THE BEAST! The Big Beast and you know what Sneezing A.? I am going to go out on a Limb here and say you might as well call this conference the big BEST because that's how good each and every team is in this conference. This is BY FAR the most competitive conference in the NCBB and…

LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE MAX. You now BANJO well that every team in the beast is not every team in this conference is all that great. You no banjo well that ain't true?

Not true? Not true? Name one team Sneezing A. one team that cant compete with any team in any of the other conferences any day of the week. Just one. YOU CAN’T do it.

Easy. Appalachian State. There I said it. It wasn't hard and you can’t disagree. We’re talking about a team MAX SPLEENRIPPER, a team that 1. Lost to a one skill wood elf team and now rival in Fayetteville, 2. Lost to a SORRY 2 win team in UMASS 3. Had a PATHETIC performance in their last game of the season against Ottawa 4. Comes in at a puny 1320k tv one of the lowest in ALL the NCBBs Automatic Qualifying teams… SHOULD I GO ON MAX CAUSE I CAN GO ON IF YOU NEED ME TO!? SHOULD I GO ON!?

ok ok enough. So maybe every team isn’t the tip of the top. But there is more than enough talent in the BIB BEAST Sneezing A. to say that they will have MULTIPLE teams representing the conference in bowl games this season.

go on. I’m listening. Don’t worry I will interject the next time you are WRONG.

Oh I have no Doubt you will be interjecting Sneezing A. whether I'm right or wrong. But if you can let me finish without interrupting that would be great. But let’s say there is one team that I KNOW will be having at least 2 wins this season and THAT team Sneezing Q. is Wisconsin.

2 wins? At least 2? Why do you say that Max?

You interrupted me again Sneezing A. and if you hadn't you would have heard me say that they will definitely be beating at least DUKE AND BRO-HIO this year because these two teams are Wisconsin’s RIVALS AND THEY HAVE NEVER EVER NOT EVER beaten Wisconsin.

Well that’s all fine Max. but you are forgetting. This is a down year for them. A building year. Now that isn't to say that this team is devoid of all talent. They have a sophomore gutter runner with natural one turn potential, they have a junior ball sacking gutter and really those two tools can carry a team a long way. BUT! BUT MAX and it is a very BIG BUT! Can they take them ALL THE WAY!? Probably not.

WHY SNEEZING A.? Why are you so down on everyone and everything?

I’m not down on everything Max. But I am down on UTEP. another team that is mediocre MAX that you say is somehow competitive. You want us all to believe that the BIG BEAST. Is the strongest conference then we go down the list of teams and here lies UTEP. A dead lump of rotting flesh.

Another team in a rebuilding year. Look there is potential there. They have all the pieces this team is young. They are gonna get it together and wreak havoc on the opposition. Everyone was so scared of them last season Sneezing A… THAT THEY WOULDN'T EVEN PLAY THEM! Disgraceful. And disgusting. But let's not focus on that. Let’s instead focus on the fact that they are the sole real bash team in conference full of av 7. There I said it. They don't call this conference the Beast because you can just fly around all willy nilly throwing passes scoring on command. Oh no! This is the Beast with a capital B and UTEP is the team that is going to make it that way. This team is going to be killer.

But if i can switch gears for a second here. I wanna take a minute take a minute SNEEZING A. to talk about Barea. You wanna talk about a young team with talent!? This team is loaded with mighty blow tackle blodge all over the place stat increases and what's best most of these players are only going into their junior year Sneezing A.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MAX! You are absolutely right. FOR ONE in your life you are right. This team is coming into their prime and they are ready to compete. I look for this team to do great things in the Big Beast this year. IF. and I mean IF. they can stay healthy. This team is fragile only AV 7.

One bad game could send these young athletes right down into the belly of the Beast.

Let's talk about another team… Let's talk about the Fayetteville Bronchospams.

This is a good team. A young team. Only 3 games in their NON AQ season BUT 3 perfect games they are a PERFECT 3-0-0! Most of these players are red shirt freshman BUT they do have a ST 4 war dancer and a kicker and really Max what more do they need!

Hmmmm what more could a wood elf team need? What could possibly help them win some games!? Howabout if the put some damn armor on! I am sore just looking at yet another AV7 team in the Beast! 3 perfect games yes but what is gonna happen when game 4 tears them to shreds, and that ST 4 war dancer breaks his neck and cant pick up the ball anymore!?

Why do you always want to plan for the worst MAX? Why do you want the worst for everyone? You know what I think Max? I think you are a Human fan.. That's right bias journalism because you want to root for the Conference Commissioners team to kiss some damn ass and get some recognition. Pay some damn respect to the wood elves and all they have accomplished in this short time they have been in existence.

You wanna go on talking about pink skinz fancy elves, mice and rotting corpses. I wanna talk about MY boy D boy’s you say UTEP is the B in beast!? Let’s have a look at Cal! CAL IS THE BEAST.

COMMON Sneezing A.

NO I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU FINNISH! You went on and on about ME kissing ass for stating facts about App. St. having a probable comeback year and in your very next breath you are gonna start in with high praise for the League Commissioners team!? REALLY SNEEZING A? REALLY!?

Did I say they I had high praise for them?

I’m waiting…

Was I supposed to an...

I didn’t give them a damn bit of praise. I simply wanted to call to the viewers attention the fact that they were my team. There's nothing wrong with playing favorites around here. This is a blood bowl show. We all watch blood bowl and we all have teams that we cheer for the team i so happen to cheer for is CAL.

You said Sneezing A. and I quote “Cal is the B in Beast” that is high praise you’re saying they are the top dogs!

You know what. I did say that because they are. All these other teams have something to prove Cal went to the championship game last season. How many of these other teams can say that!? NONE. Cal is the team to beat. In addition to that they have two National titles in their trophy case and are by far the biggest, baddest team in the beast so yes they are the B in Beast. Stating facts is not high praise stating facts is stating facts. Cal is a perennial bowl contender and this season won't be any different.