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Purplegoo
Last seen 13 minutes ago
High Elf
Legend
High Elf
Record
186/39/46
Win Percentage
76%
Wood Elf
Legend
Wood Elf
Record
191/32/41
Win Percentage
78%
Overall
[R]
Legend
Overall
Record
1152/263/326
Win Percentage
74%
Archive

2019

2019-12-05 14:07:21
rating 6
2019-11-28 12:56:48
rating 4.2
2019-10-31 21:03:52
rating 5.7
2019-10-01 22:14:02
rating 5.8
2019-08-30 20:42:57
rating 5.8
2019-07-31 22:06:42
rating 5.2
2019-06-01 21:19:02
rating 5.8
2019-04-30 20:50:51
rating 4.8
2019-04-12 11:48:46
rating 6
2019-03-31 22:12:47
rating 6
2019-02-28 22:15:36
rating 6
2019-01-31 22:36:53
rating 4.3

2018

2018-11-30 18:48:22
rating 5.2
2018-10-31 21:31:37
rating 3.5
2018-09-28 21:04:52
rating 5.3
2018-08-29 17:19:08
rating 4.8
2018-07-31 11:28:46
rating 6
2018-06-29 17:21:49
rating 4.3
2018-05-31 22:31:52
rating 6
2018-05-01 22:21:48
rating 5.3
2018-03-30 21:58:47
rating 5.7
2018-02-28 20:53:29
rating 5.3
2018-01-31 22:10:32
rating 5.3
2018-01-08 23:13:09
rating 5.6

2017

2017-02-27 22:16:44
rating 5.7
2017-01-19 21:01:15
rating 4.8
2017-01-16 20:19:25
rating 3.5
2017-01-07 16:30:25
rating 5.3

2016

2016-11-07 21:21:31
rating 4.7
2016-10-13 12:48:51
rating 5.3
2016-09-12 09:06:48
rating 4.4
2016-09-08 21:05:08
rating 6
2016-09-05 18:57:28
rating 5.8
2016-09-01 19:24:37
rating 6
2016-08-30 21:34:24
rating 6
2016-08-28 11:26:25
rating 5
2016-06-24 06:34:00
rating 6
2016-06-22 20:55:03
rating 3.5
2016-06-20 19:18:03
rating 0
2016-06-13 21:12:57
rating 5.2
2016-05-18 19:37:27
rating 4.2
2016-05-15 20:23:20
rating 4.9
2016-04-11 12:44:27
rating 5.4
2016-04-04 09:20:28
rating 4.3
2016-04-01 18:40:48
rating 4.3
2016-03-29 18:47:58
rating 4.3
2016-03-25 11:39:15
rating 5.4
2016-03-24 09:16:47
rating 4.3
2016-03-20 12:35:28
rating 5.4
2016-01-17 21:05:12
rating 4.3
2016-01-14 19:47:35
rating 5
2016-01-11 20:58:21
rating 5.4
2016-01-09 19:03:09
rating 6
2016-01-06 19:39:11
rating 5.5

2015

2015-12-22 19:49:53
rating 6
2015-12-03 19:20:34
rating 5.3
2015-11-26 08:41:28
rating 4.3
2015-11-23 22:13:44
rating 4.8
2015-11-20 22:13:14
rating 5
2015-11-16 19:40:13
rating 5.3
2015-11-05 14:44:28
rating 4.3
2015-11-01 11:12:19
rating 5.3
2015-10-19 11:16:03
rating 6
2015-08-17 23:19:49
rating 4.8
2015-08-14 20:44:56
rating 4
2015-08-10 17:05:27
rating 5.2
2015-07-25 12:24:57
rating 4.9
2015-07-20 22:21:44
rating 3.5
2015-06-14 20:22:26
rating 5.4
2015-06-11 22:42:00
rating 5.2
2015-06-08 22:04:49
rating 6
2015-06-03 22:22:44
rating 5.2
2015-05-27 23:26:35
rating 5.3
2015-05-26 20:03:18
rating 6
2015-05-10 17:11:14
rating 5.6
2015-05-09 16:27:45
rating 5.8
2015-03-29 12:40:53
rating 6
2015-03-23 20:00:14
rating 5.6
2015-03-15 16:30:16
rating 5.6
2015-03-08 17:44:13
rating 5.5
2015-02-24 19:03:23
rating 5.1
2015-01-29 20:45:56
rating 5
2015-01-12 09:44:16
rating 5.5

2014

2014-12-30 19:45:18
rating 5.3
2014-08-02 11:18:38
rating 5.8
2014-04-18 20:12:27
rating 5.6
2014-03-22 10:18:13
rating 5.8
2014-01-19 10:47:29
rating 6

2013

2013-12-23 17:59:38
rating 5.8
2013-10-14 19:20:12
rating 5.6
2013-07-03 21:03:39
rating 4.8
2013-04-15 17:28:27
rating 5.8
2013-03-19 21:14:15
rating 4.7
2013-03-13 19:41:40
rating 5.1

2012

2012-10-16 20:56:34
rating 4.3
2012-07-28 09:44:26
rating 5
2012-07-13 19:52:14
rating 5.3
2012-04-19 21:10:11
rating 5
2012-03-02 18:47:22
rating 5.1

2011

2011-11-29 19:45:04
rating 5.1
2011-11-22 10:02:09
rating 5.4
2011-11-15 21:03:30
rating 4.5
2011-11-01 21:39:43
rating 5.1
2011-09-25 16:48:03
rating 4.9
2011-05-23 16:04:59
rating 5.6
2011-02-27 11:51:34
rating 4.8
2011-01-20 12:45:03
rating 5.7

2010

2010-11-11 17:50:10
rating 5.4
2010-09-28 20:56:23
rating 4.8
2010-08-30 16:25:01
rating 5
2010-08-01 21:22:32
rating 4.9
2010-04-04 21:25:57
rating 4.6
2010-02-17 20:09:59
rating 3.5
2010-01-05 12:05:02
rating 4.6

2009

2009-12-21 11:19:56
rating 4.8
2009-10-04 20:50:45
rating 4.5
2009-08-22 14:18:13
rating 3.8
2009-08-09 09:12:55
rating 4.7
2009-08-02 21:07:56
rating 4.7
2009-05-05 21:24:46
rating 5.1
2009-01-25 11:17:28
rating 5

2008

2008-11-04 20:06:44
rating 4.6
2008-10-15 20:26:30
rating 4.8
2008-06-03 11:50:09
rating 5.1
2008-02-16 15:47:30
rating 5
2008-01-06 10:48:05
rating 5.1
2008-01-03 21:03:34
rating 4.6

2007

2007-11-12 15:51:33
rating 4.7
2007-10-27 19:33:15
rating 4.8
2007-09-20 15:15:48
rating 4.2
2007-09-10 10:11:44
rating 4.5
2007-08-17 17:11:56
rating 4.6
2007-08-17 13:46:09
rating 3.8
2007-08-02 15:32:47
rating 4.5
2007-07-31 12:11:50
rating 3.9
2007-07-30 18:44:45
rating 3.8
2007-07-30 09:51:58
rating 3.6
2014-03-22 10:18:13
41 votes, rating 5.8
Poor old Zzharg
Ahoy-hoy.

On this day of celebration, I am reminded why we all play the game. One of the reasons is fluff, isn't it? We're all a bit embarrassed about playing a 'sport' with 'fantasy races' (explain it to a girl. Then use the name of the game. Zero action assured), but as nerds, we know it's cool.

One of the best things about the fluff is the in game scenarios the rules give us. Like the scenario I like to imagine when I hire poor old Zzharg Madeye.

'Coach!'

'Good afternoon Zzharg, are you well?'

'Super, thank you. I've spent all week training intensely. This looks to be a big game, thanks for calling me up!'

'Not at all. I think we'd really benefit from your unique skill set out there today. We've won the toss, so get out there and show me what you can do!'

'Excellent! Where do you want me?'

'Middle of the LOS, please.'

'Middle of the LOS? Why on Earth do you want me there? I'm not going to be able to get to the ball there.'

'I know. You won't be getting the ball, Zzharg.'

'Eh? There must be some mistake. Look, here, this is my Blunderbuss. What we do is, we cram the ball in there, fire it down the field, and we're away!'

'I'm aware of the Blunderbuss. That is a terrible strategy, and we won't be doing that.'

'What, no pumping the ball down the field?'

'No.'

'I'm not getting the ball at all?'

'Absolutely not.'

'Look. I'm not calling you rubbish or anything, but here I am with my BLUNDERBUSS, I've a Strong Arm, I can Pass, I've been working on the razzle dazzle all my life. And you want me for LOS duty? Have you hired the right man?'

'Absolutely. You see, you're strong, you can take a hit, and if anything dies, I'd rather it be you. Frankly, I'd rather you left the Blunderbuss at home.'

'Old Bessie? The crowd only comes to see her! Listen, this is ridiculous. Do you know how much you've wasted with your terrible gameplan? Ninety thousand gold pieces. Ninety thousand. I am so enormously expensive, and you're throwing my talent away.'

'Actually, there are very few Inducements available cheaper than you. Infact; you represent excellent value as fodder for a half. That Goblin idiot over there with the Chainsaw? He's 130k.'

'What?! NOBBLA?! 130k? You can't be serious. You'll be telling me old man Morg is 200k next.'

'Actually... Never mind. Look, just get out there and play. Well, stand and get hit. Under no circumstances get the ball, and if for some reason it comes your way, keep Old Bessie out of it.'

'I need a new agent....' As Madeye turns to face his opposite number, BAM, 10, 10, dead. Old Bessie is crushed beneath the scrummage of the LOS.

Any more silly fluff fun to be had with stars or on-field situations? There must be loads... I'm just tickled by poor old Zzharg wanting to use his trusty Blunderbuss and none of us ever letting him. :)
Rate this entry
Comments
Posted by Prez on 2014-03-22 10:24:14
lol love it (6) :)
Posted by Garion on 2014-03-22 10:24:52
haha :D poor Zzharg I now wonder if anyone in the history of fumbbl has ever used Old Bessie
Posted by harvestmouse on 2014-03-22 10:26:20
Nice, well written.
Posted by geggster on 2014-03-22 10:39:13
Nice one, Phil.
Posted by anisdrin on 2014-03-22 12:36:44
Great!
Posted by ersatzniere on 2014-03-22 12:42:18
Excellent.
Posted by WhatBall on 2014-03-22 14:23:59
Instant classic, thanks.
Posted by Scaramanga on 2014-03-22 14:45:55
hahahaha !!!!!! excellent !!!!
Posted by Anzelak on 2014-03-22 15:04:13
Heh, good job.
Posted by PaddyMick on 2014-03-22 15:53:10
Made me laugh :)
Posted by Cavetroll on 2014-03-22 16:10:09
Poor Zzharg, but good read.
Posted by MattDakka on 2014-03-22 18:40:24
All very true and funny, too bad Star Players were made by incompetent and clueless game designers.
:/
Posted by Synn on 2014-03-22 20:29:44
Awesome. 6.

Loved how Morg was brought into it.

__Synn
Posted by jamesfarrell129 on 2014-03-22 21:22:23
Chaos Pact team with 150k inducements: 60k for Bommer D, 90k for Zzharg.

Set both up in the endzone, 3 squares apart.

Bommer tosses a bomb to Zzharg, who catches it, stuffs it into his blunderbuss, then HMPs it downfield.

Who needs a double roll on a goblin team?

Coming soon to a league/tournament near you :-D