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Tymless
Last seen 3 hours ago
Shambling Undead
Star
Shambling Undead
Record
372/187/322
Win Percentage
53%
Orc
Star
Orc
Record
232/113/213
Win Percentage
52%
Overall
[R]
Star
Overall
Record
1439/604/1099
Win Percentage
55%
Archive

2019

2019-11-06 22:59:54
rating 4.8

2014

2014-12-12 20:59:57
rating 5.5
2014-10-15 03:14:35
rating 5.3
2014-09-26 18:27:29
rating 5.2
2014-08-07 19:01:32
rating 3.9
2014-07-29 00:53:23
rating 5.2
2014-07-05 02:22:39
rating 5.5
2014-06-29 04:16:40
rating 4.2
2014-06-28 05:37:18
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2010

2010-02-09 21:53:57
rating 5.6

2009

2009-12-22 19:32:28
rating 5
2009-12-04 22:20:17
rating 4.7
2009-12-01 18:32:19
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2009-11-19 19:24:46
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2009-11-02 17:29:27
rating 5
2009-10-28 16:53:12
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2008

2008-01-25 06:16:11
rating 4.6
2014-08-07 19:01:32
16 votes, rating 3.9
Just a bit more humor.....
DROWNING LAWYER

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.


LUCKY DRIVER

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"


LUCKY MOTHERDUCKER

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons. This farmer had just inherited some of money from his brother's recent death. He couldn't decide which son he could send to college, since he could only afford to send one.
This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren't normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college.
The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks. He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn't be able to get close to his success.
The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn't have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they f**ked, she decided that she didn't want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they f**ked again. She agreed. After they f**ked the second time, the son left.
He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off.
When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing.
"That's nothing. I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 dollars for a f**ked up duck."



MURDEROUS NEIGHBOR

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
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Comments
Posted by Chainsaw on 2014-08-07 19:43:37
That lucky motherducker joke sucked.

Some wannabe smart ass (probably ~13 or so) realised duck and f**k sounded the same, came up with a retarded sentence with them in 3 different contexts, then fits a stupid story around it. Well done, son!

Jokes 1+4 were alright. :)
Posted by Badoek on 2014-08-07 19:54:03
:)

Rated 5 because even one (or two, three, four) laugh is something to award. Also there's no overload of jokes yet so no points deducted for that. Also not the best jokes around so not a 6.

Posted by Tymless on 2014-08-07 20:01:11
Yeah, finding humor isn't always as easy I would like. lol.
Posted by Russo on 2014-08-08 13:32:53
No 2 was the best one :-)
Posted by Jeffro on 2014-08-08 14:06:00
Thanks, Tym... I love not having to look elsewhere for silly jokes on occasion :)
Posted by mister__joshua on 2014-08-08 14:26:38
I must say, compared to your previous humour blogs this one is quite weak :)
Posted by Tymless on 2014-08-08 19:09:10
Agreed mister__joshua I will do better next time.