Arktoris
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
|
 Posted:
Jun 06, 2016 - 15:03 |
 
|
Michael von Bargen III stand out moment was when he multi-blocked two thralls and cas'd them both.
Brian's stand out moments were CASing Slibli and a spam blitzing cpomber |
_________________
Hail to Manowar! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by Ghor Oggaz |
|
ex-convict
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
|
| Posted:
Jun 06, 2016 - 20:59 |
|
Ex-con's NBFL Playoff Preview
Well, well. It's been a while, hasn't it? This article used to be a standard feature in the league, arguably the most interesting element we had going. But after years of wild, hilariously inaccurate predictions (I famously predicted a Super Bowl so enthralling that the server would crash and Kryten would use his admin hacks to award himself the title), I didn't have the time to type out predictions whenever the playoffs rolled around anymore.
But we're back with less common sense than ever, so let's preview who's going to be crying and which fan base will be celebrating:
NFC
The NFC as a whole has been the better conference for the last several seasons, which is a seismic shift from when I used to do my previews. Green Ball was just starting their dynamic run back then, and now they're the NFC's top seed for what seems like the fifth year in a row. With three teams over a .70 win percentage and another close to it, the conference won't be easy for anyone to win. Let's take a closer look at each team.
*disclaimer: I started this article before the playoff games started, but didn't get past this part before the first game between Arizona and San Fran was completed*
1. Green Ball Attackers
-The gold standard of the NBFL, the three-time Super Bowl champions are looking to do something they have yet to accomplish: win back-to-back titles. Armed with the arguably the best coach in the league, along with the best player, Charles Wood...wait, what happened to Charles? *does some research* Holy crap, I am really out of the loop. Apparently the most legendary player in NBFL history besides the infamous Chad Ochostinko, died two rounds ago in a 3-0 beat-down. Even without their ace in the hole, Green Ball will still be a threat to win another championship: winning seven straight NFC North titles and at least least one playoff game in six consecutive years all but guarantees that.
Chance to win the NFC: 25%
2. Philhala Arni
-Still yearning for more Super Bowl glory after winning a title several years ago, the Arni have given themselves another great opportunity by clinching a bye this year. When you combine great coaching with a lot of special players (five with stat increases, one of whom has a total of five), you get a team that can adapt to any situation thrown at them.
Chance to win the NFC: 33%
3. Carolina Black Panther Party
-Seizing your balls and apparently kicking them too, the BPP surged in the second half of the season with a 5-1-1 record, their only loss coming to the team that we just covered. With an always-potent ability to score in a blink of an eye (14 scores in their last 7 games, with a +9 differential), you have a chance to steal a game. With a ridiculous ability to remove threats (23 in their last seven, for a +12 differential), you can wear a team out over 16 turns. But give a crazy coach a team that can do both? Now you have something the traditional NFC powers have to fear.
Chance to win the NFC: 25%
4. Arizona Sinners
-The last of the NFC division winners is no slouch, and they have already won a hard-fought playoff game. It is still a very young team learning how to win, and now that they have some postseason experience, big things can be expected from them...next season.
Chance to win the NFC: 7%
5. San Fran Black Plague
-Alas the Black Plague were eliminated by the team above them in a tough contest. Constantly beat up while growing as a franchise has taken its toll, but there are several bright spots on the roster. Once they add some depth, I expect them to be in this article next year.
Chance to win the NFC: .01% "So you're telling me, there's a chance"
6. Minnesota Wolfkings
-One of the veteran NBFL franchises, the Wolfkings have never been able to string together a run that they need to achieve the status of the division rival, Green Ball. Coming in second place year after year, however, drives Minnesota with a fire that won't be extinguished. Armed with low expectations, playoff veterans, and fodder for days, could this be the time the Wolfkings live up to their name?
Chance to win the NFC: 9.99%
So which of these fine teams will be representing the NFC in the Super Bowl?
Obviously it won't likely be San Fran. And while they are veterans, Minnesota has never been able to score consistently enough to move on in the playoffs. Thus the four remaining teams meet my secret criteria for NFC playoff success: scoring, coaching, and not playing against Nurgle and Chaos Dwarves every year.
My projected Divisional Round games are Green Ball vs Arizona, and Philhala vs Carolina. I think that the winner of the latter will ultimately represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, and as much as I want to pick a certain team, I also don't want to jinx them, so I'm going to go with:
NFC Champions: Philhala Arni
*wink*
AFC
Now to the tough-guy conference. While the NFC teams can score fast on both offense and defense via turnovers, the AFC is full of teams that win by grinding down opponents with blocks, casualties, and fouls. Let's look at which of these six contenders do this the best, or at all:
1. Cincinatti Bludgeoners
-One of the rising franchises in the league, with two straight Super Bowl appearances and one title to their name. Simply put, you almost cannot score on this team. They gave up three scores in their last seven games, although interestingly each time they gave up a score the game ended in a 1-1 tie. They are methodical, bogging down opponents to their style of play, and once this guy gets his hooves on the ball, victory is all but assured.
Chance to win the AFC: 30%
2. New Angryland Bulltrots
-God I hate these guys. But despite all their success, their just-as-tough-as-the-team-above-them defense, and their stupidly good bullcentaurs throughout history, they have only been to one Super Bowl. If they don't get out-bashed (and let's be honest, their blockers seem to get removed quite a bit), out-lucked (we've all been there), or elfed, they may yet bring that home that title after all.
Chance to win the AFC: 30%
3. Indianapolis Crypts
-One of the more under the radar franchises in the league, the Crypts quietly go about their business ever year: too tough for unworthy foes, but not quite there to compete with the tier-1 teams. And while they are well-coached and competitive, the Crypts are currently lacking any stars, thus a group effort will be vital.
Chance to win the AFC: 5%
4. Oakland Elf Raiders
-Due to several forfeit ties denying them the opportunity to blunder their way to a loss, as well as sheer luck in the games that they did play, the Oakland Elf Raiders just managed to complete the second-ever unbeaten regular season in the NBFL. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: the Oakland Elf Raiders, the loveable losers throughout their time, managed to have an unbeaten regular season. Is it a surge in their Just Win Baby mentality? Is Nuffle taking pity on them? Can this even be explained? It will be interesting to see how the only elven team in the AFC will fair once they can't end their games in a tie, as they did in six of their ten completed contests.
Chance to win the AFC: 15%
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
-Another seemingly ancient NBFL foe, the Pirates consistently have success but come up short in the playoffs. With a so-so scoring differential of +2 and no differential in casualties in their last five games, Pittsburgh might be the definition of "meh". Underestimating a team with six St4 players would be a mistake, however.
Chance to win the AFC: 15%
6. San Dogo Chompers
-The franchise that always does the most with seemingly the least, San Dogo has been virtually a playoff guarantee for years now. It will be a tall task for them to pull off three major upsets because of their lack of depth. But with a thrower recently awarded as the best Quarterback in the league, a blitzer who has seen over one hundred matches, and two stat-boosted catchers, they certainly have all the tools at their disposal.
Chance to win the AFC: 5%
Which of these franchises will stand atop the heap of bodies that once resembled their conference rivals? While it would be fun to predict the lone elf to team squeeze out of the grasp of the big, bad, bash teams, a potential gauntlet of CD, CD, Nurgle is likely too much to overcome. Likewise for San Dogo and Indy, both of whom have a lot of youth on the team. Thus the favorites are the highly developed, no-one-scores-on-us titans that are the top two seeds: their clash in the AFC Championship game will be written about for years. And while they will be taken to overtime because of their affinity for not winning games where the opposition scores, expect a three-peat of AFC supremacy.
AFC Champions: Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Super Bowl XVI: "Philhala Arni" vs Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Once again we have a clash of styles in the Super Bowl: the fast-flying, turnover-causing "Arni" facing off against the grinding, smothering forces of the Bludgeoners. On paper, Cincinatti has all of the tools to shut down the NFC "East" champions: disturbing presence, guard, stand firm, etc. But the forces of the Black Pan...norse legions have tools of their own, including two St4 players and three Ag5 players to pull off bullshit plays. I'm predicting that their Av7 will hold out long enough to force Overtime, where the Bludgeoners will be coerced into an attempted quick score with the gleam of the Lombardi trophy blinding them. Thus the elv...not elves will seize the ball, as they commonly do, and throw it just over the outstretched hands of the defense, claiming a shocking but exciting championship!
NBFL Super Bowl XVI Winners: Not Philhala Arni !
Congrats to these men with normal ears as they showed off feats of "surprising" agility to claim their first Super Bowl title!
*whispers* Go Jeffro! |
_________________
Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.
Don't drop the soap. |
|
Jeffro
Joined: Jan 22, 2009
|
| Posted:
Jun 06, 2016 - 21:35 |
|
In truth, the Black Panther Party's loss to Philhala was TOTAL HORSESHIT... and we beat Cincinnati in a game that was NOT total horseshit, so uh... that and 50 cents will get us a bag of chips, right? |
|
|
Relezite
Joined: May 21, 2007
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 04:35 |
|
Im confused. Did Ex-Convict predict a quantum-state win for both Philhala and Carolina? Does that simultaneously jinx both of us AND neither of us? I shouldn't need to consult my physics book to understand this. |
|
|
JackassRampant
Joined: Feb 26, 2011
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 04:51 |
|
So you're saying GB takes it again. Gotcha. |
_________________
Lude enixe, obliviscatur timor. |
|
MrNomad
Joined: Mar 24, 2007
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 04:55 |
|
|
Arktoris
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 05:47 |
|
my $$$ is on Carolina this time. |
_________________
Hail to Manowar! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by Ghor Oggaz |
|
Jeffro
Joined: Jan 22, 2009
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 05:52 |
|
| Relezite wrote: | | Im confused. Did Ex-Convict predict a quantum-state win for both Philhala and Carolina? Does that simultaneously jinx both of us AND neither of us? I shouldn't need to consult my physics book to understand this. |
I think he was jinxing you and rooting for me. That was how that works.
| Arktoris wrote: | | my $$$ is on Carolina this time. |
THAT'S my jinx...  |
|
|
ex-convict
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
|
| Posted:
Jun 07, 2016 - 06:25 |
|
Let's be honest: if there's one thing we should have learned about my predictions over the years, it's that by merely mentioning a team, they've got a 91.6% chance of being jinxed |
_________________
Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.
Don't drop the soap. |
|
Arktoris
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jun 10, 2016 - 06:51 |
|
| Arktoris wrote: | | my $$$ is on Carolina this time. |
whoops I meant to say Minnesota. sorry I confused the two. |
_________________
Hail to Manowar! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by Ghor Oggaz |
|
Jeffro
Joined: Jan 22, 2009
|
 Posted:
Jun 10, 2016 - 06:58 |
|
| Arktoris wrote: | | Arktoris wrote: | | my $$$ is on Carolina this time. |
whoops I meant to say Minnesota. sorry I confused the two. |
 |
|
|
ritzi
Joined: Aug 11, 2007
|
| Posted:
Jun 10, 2016 - 08:38 |
|
The Jinx did work!
Thanks ex-con!
Well, usually i loose in the divisonal playoffs... |
|
|
Arktoris
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jun 11, 2016 - 05:20 |
|
| Jeffro wrote: | | Arktoris wrote: | | Arktoris wrote: | | my $$$ is on Carolina this time. |
whoops I meant to say Minnesota. sorry I confused the two. |
|
What! Both teams have players with a lot of back hair. It's easy to mix them up. |
_________________
Hail to Manowar! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by Ghor Oggaz |
|
Arktoris
Joined: Feb 16, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jun 17, 2016 - 19:22 |
|
Minnesota, that's the state where people make cheese yes? the cheese heads right?
No?
Oh, whoever the cheese heads are, that's the team I'm rooting for. Green Ball Attackers then. that's my team for the Superbowl!
Go Green Ball! Cheese is great! |
_________________
Hail to Manowar! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by Ghor Oggaz |
|
JackassRampant
Joined: Feb 26, 2011
|
| Posted:
Jun 17, 2016 - 19:55 |
|
I gotta root for Philhala or New Angryland: get some new blood into the SB (both have been there before, just not recently). But I think a GB vs Cincy rematch looks likely. |
_________________
Lude enixe, obliviscatur timor. |
|
|
|
| |
New Team Page Beta
Search
