Green Dukes Dominate in 4-1 Win Over Peele University
Recalled from his duties as a forest warden due to a new forest-wide safety policy, Dethwyntyr Whitebranch was on hand to lead the Duqueswood University marching band in the pregame performance of the team’s fight song. To watch Whitebranch’s performance, click here or on the image above.
The
Duqueswood University Green Dukes topped the Peele University Keys 4-1 in an offensive explosion that thrilled the raucous elven crowd in their
NCBB season 48 home opener. Sophomore catcher Kyryssa Saphand (Horticultural History) chipped in two TDs for the Green Dukes, while freshman wardancer Kam Skatreebo (independent study—unnecessary physical contact) and senior catcher Zindari Dawnwind (Elemental Lore) each found paydirt as well. Speedy skink runner lineman Donkey Teeth contributed the lone TD for the Keys with a game high 22 yards rushing.
“I think this shows you the power or our safety-first approach,” said Coach Baerys Pondripple after the game. “After all, the best way to score is to run away from, rather than toward, your opponent. It’s a simple concept, really—though Skatreebo does seem to be having some trouble with it, but we’ll get the lad there soon enough.”
Skatreebo led the Green Dukes in blocks for the second straight week, and after scoring his touchdown, once again sought out a student in the stands to ram with his forehead.
Contrary to Coach Pondripple’s thoughts on the value of safety, others think the pre-game festivities may have had more to do with the Green Dukes’ stunning offensive output. Back in the Duqueswood confines after being
recalled from his forest warden duties to rake leaves from forest paths, Duqueswood alumnus and former team captain Dethwyntyr Whitebranch was on hand to lead the school’s marching band in performing the Green Dukes’ fight song before kickoff.
The performance whipped the crowd into frenzy, which clearly contributed to the Green Dukes stealing the ball after Donkey Teeth fumbled the opening kickoff. Yet, for reasons that were at first unclear, Whitebranch was immediately apprehended by campus security and escorted off university grounds, before Saphand, who scooped up the fumble, crossed the goal line to put the Green Dukes up 1-0.
“Well, I’m not familiar with the university’s disciplinary policy regarding alumni,” said Coach Pondripple after the game. “But I can tell you that Mr. Whitebranch was specifically told not to perform that version of the song. After he graduated, we revised some of the lyrics to be more … safety forward, so to speak.”
The lyrical alterations Coach Pondripple is referring to consists of the lines “We fight for the wood / Fight for the good / Fight for the right to be free” being changed to “We’re safe for the wood / Because being safe is good / And we all love safety.”
Speculation has swirled that Whitebranch’s refusal to sing the new lyrics is part of a protest against Pondripple’s safety-first edict spreading to the forest wardens and leading to his recent recall. However, Whitebranch insists there was no deeper meaning behind his performance.
“I just don’t really know what being ‘safe for the wood’ means,” he said. “Does that mean you, like, wear a helmet when you go near a tree?”
Asked if that were indeed the intention of the new lyrics, Coach Pondripple said no. “But mandatory helmet wearing throughout the forest might not be a bad idea,” he added. “Acorns have been known to cause a nasty bruise.”
Regardless of the controversy, the Green Dukes were able to quickly build on their 1-0 lead with another takeaway-score, and then went up 3-0 on a touchdown pass from senior thrower Phaedry Featherwind (plant psychology) to Dawnwind. Despite Donkey Teeth’s heroic second-half touchdown run for the Keys, during which the tiny, fleet-footed skink dodged through three different Green Duke defenders, Duqueswood was able to hold on for the convincing 4-1 win.
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Off Field Notes
Rumors of
a potential Nurgle infestation in the northern sector of the Duqueswood continued to gain traction this week, as there were several reports of pestilence-blighted trees in the area. Specifically, three elflings were reportedly swallowed by a puss-spewing oak tree that had developed a monstrous mouth.
Duqueswood grand chieftain Myrvis Spinleaf, however, dismissed concerns, insisting that the accounts were exaggerated. “Trees are wondrous creatures,” he said. “This is known to all elf kind. They’re constantly changing. They bloom, they green, they blossom, they shed their leaves, and maybe … sometimes … they develop large snarling mouths and get a bit hungry.”