Fumbbl az recently gained a numba o new playas, an spectator figures iz up. Owevva der atmosfear in der growndz iz getting wurse. Sadly sum spekz view a Blud Bowl match az an opportunity ter eat prawn sanwiches an sit kwietly fer an hour or so. Dis iz ded rong, so I az produced dis informative an elpful guide to der art o spekkin games properly.

Rule Wun: Pikk a teem

Soundz obvius dunnit but sum people (espeshully Bright Crusaders fanz) want to clap gud play by both teems an sit on der fence. Well I az set fire ter der bluddy fence so get on wun side or der ovva before yew burnz ter deff.

Rule B: Mek sum noise

Now yew az picked a teem ter support it is yer job ter influence der game in yer teemz favour. Der arr many wayz to do dis, yew kud start a riot, invade der pitch, frow a rokk or wotevva but der bestest fing yew kan do iz annoy der opposishun koach wiv konstant booin, laffin an tawntin so dat dey getz mad at yew an startz mekkin mistakes. So ow does yer get gud at bein annoyin?

Rule free: Der iz no rule free

Rule fore: Drink lotsa grog

Alkyhol iz proven ter reduce inhibishun, improve der singin o rude songz, enhance yer fitin abilities an mek der opposite sex look moar attraktive. Basikally it iz every gud fanz bestest frend so drink lotsa it before, durin an afta spekkin der game. Top tip, make sure yer grog iz in a glass bottle so dat yew kan frow it at der opposishun or smash it ter stab sumwun wiv. Rule C: Tek it persunally.

Wunce der game az begun everyfin der opposishun koach does iz dun to get at yew personally. Don’t tek dis kinda abuse! Talk smakk bout dem behind der bakks in der spek konversashun box an qweshtun dere sexual orientashun. Ee iz not skorin tuchdurns ter win der game, ee iz doin it koz yew arr iz bitch!

Rule Lotz: Don’t stop

Despite wot anywun sayz der moar yew do it der moar annoyin it gets. Watch ow many timez a koach starts off with sum friendly banta wiv der specs only ter be spittin bile by der sekund alf.

Now yew az bin told ow ter spectate gamez I wantz ter ear loads moar noise in future. Annoy dem koaches!