Grotty Little Newspaper
Issue 12 - February 9th 2511


Christer and a friend - more friends inside.
News & Views
G.G. Goberson
by G.G. Goberson
G.G. Goberson introduces this issue with an editorial.
Angry Man's Corner
by Purplegoo
One man's rant at the World. This issue; The Cool Wall
Freestyle
by Calthor
Calthor demonstrates the art of freestyle articles
ManBush Interview
by Ro
Sitting down drinking with Fumbbl's long time Undead Coach Manbush talking about Clint, Bloodbowl and the hazards of beer and keyboards.
FUMBBL Focus
Admin Corner
by Ro
Ro expounds on what's happening on FUMBBL
A cup of tea with Christer and his cat
by G.G. Goberson
G.G. Goberson finds a small slot in Christer's shedule, and slips in an interview.
Dear Prinzka
by Prinzka
Everyone's favourite Agony Gobbo gives reams more good advice.
Coaches Couch
by PurpleChest
Chest, Couch and Coaches, Oh, and a topic: CRP Skills
FUMBBL Badges
by Hero164
Hero164 brings us an updated version of his badges for FFB
Team Tactics
Chaos Pact
by Calthor
Calthor provides the last in his series of articles introducing the new teams
Classifieds
Crossword
For Sale
Obituaries/Valedictories
GLN info
How to contribute
Acknowledgements
 
G.G. Goberson

WHAT!!!! What do you mean Christers office hasnt replied to the request!!!! Somebody get him on the phone!! WHAT?? To busy for GG? Perposterous!!!

Ahem...

Here we are again at the launch of another issue of GLN. Many new and exciting things are happening with FUMBBL as of late with the launch of FFB (B). As you will note there is not an admin corner this issue as Christer is up to his eyebrows in the transition. Great job Big C and crew.

As we move forward to the new era of the site GLN has put together a list of some of the more legendary teams of LRB4 and their deeds. Along with that an interview with one of the foulingest coaches on site and his legendary undead team.

We have alot of interesting articles and some fun pieces in the issue so sit back on your favorite throne and takes some time to enjoy

GG Goberson

 
Angry man’s corner.

One man's rant at the World. This issue; Purplegoo has mutated! For one issue only, he has been spliced with Jeremy Clarkson, an overweight, ugly motoring enthusiast who has a thing about Europeans. Clarksongoo will be taking us through the most important thing of all in Blood Bowl; cool.

Greetings, friends. I, Clarksongoo, am here to take you through the results of the 2011 FUMBBL Cool Wall!

For the uninitiated amongst you (and where have you been?!), not all Blood Bowl races are created equal in the World of cool. Just as at school you weren’t cool, you were the nerdy kid in the corner playing with his Games Workshop models and wondering what it would be like to be in Lord of the Rings, or if you’d ever see a girl naked (don’t protest, you’re reading a newsletter on a nerd website populated by geeks. If you aren’t 25-40, male, with reasonable education or better and in the middle classes by now, looking down on the cool kids from school who serve your burgers, you’re in the minority!), there are BB races that simply don’t cut it. They’d never get a date to the prom, they figuratively have their glasses held together by tape; and enjoy wearing cardigans. I, as Clarksongoo, am here as your guide.

Obviously, democracy is a terrible system. There was much forum debate in 2008 and then again very recently on what is a cool race. It’s a mess of opinion, bias and banter. What you need is a leader to cut through the noise, a man who is never wrong, an authority to steer you in the right direction. And I am that man.

So, now that you’ve accepted my word as gospel; here are the rules. There are four levels of cool. From the uncool (Seriously Uncool, Uncool) through to no mans’ land, to the cool (Cool, Sub-Zero). Each race belongs in a level, and I shall list them with the common populace’s take in brackets (just so we can point and laugh). There is no hard and fast rule on what makes anything cool. Be it popular culture references, the types of coach that use a race, the icons, how I feel today, cool is an intangible, floating scoring system of which it seems only I am qualified to use. So, eyes down, look in, and become educated. We’ll have you in sunglasses with a Playboy model on each arm yet, don’t you worry.

Section 1: Seriously Uncool.

For a race to have ended up here, they’ve really dropped one. This is the cellar of cool; the end of the line for any race. These races should probably be deleted, but I say no; let’s use them as a yardstick to measure coaches by. Got one of these teams? Go look in the mirror – nerd…

Amazons (Seriously Uncool): In life, as in sport, there is such a thing as an open goal. In terms of coolness, Amazons are it. Not even Emile Heskey with a blindfold on could miss this sitter; Amazons are perhaps the least cool of any race. As cool as a cheese pizza topping fresh from the oven on the surface of the sun, Amazons suffer in many ways. From the awful race design of simplistic, equal statlines, to the Blodge dependence, to the avoidance of Tackle in [R], to the insistence of some to soft porn the place up with player pictures, to hideous, samey icons; it’s tough to see any redeeming features Amazons possess. A race in need of a serious rethink, deletion or some system of releasing anthrax through your keyboard when you create a team. Afterall; if you have an Amazon team, you’re part of the problem!

Chaos (Mainly Uncool, some Cools): Oh, what’s that in your pocket? A Claw? How interesting. And in your other pocket? Oh. A Claw. Slightly less interesting, having two of them. What’s that guy got there? A Claw? Really? Who’s this chap? Sir Mighty Blow of Clawness? I’m sure we’ve met somewhere. Probably at Dave McPileon and Kill YerTeam’s house. There is nothing like bringing Claw to a Clawfight is there? Nothing impresses me less than ignoring playing Blood Bowl and trying to kill everything. Well – there is one thing, everyone building the exact same Chaos team to perform the exact same operation. Yes, you, with your Claw / MB / PO / Jump Up / Shotgun / RSC / Nuke skilled Beastman, the same as his, and his and his? You’re the problem, not the solution. You know what’s cool? Leap / Dirty Player. –ST , -ST Snotlings. You know what you are with your Chaos team? Massively uncool.

Dark Elves (Generally Coolish): So, we come to my first Clarkson correction / veto / I’m right, shut up. Dark Elves. Let me start by saying Darkies used to be cool, man. I remember their first album, it was called ‘Elves, but moody and mysterious’. One of the tracks had a sample on it from that DJ, you know the one, ‘MC look-at-my-Frenzy’. He was big news back in the day. Then, everyone jumped on the bandwagon. Darks Elves are comparable to that band you were into from their very first record, and then they went all namby pamby and radio friendly, the mainstream got hold of them, they thought they were bigger than Jesus… They were ruined by idiots, and became uncool overnight. Someone noticed the issue with Dark Elves and tried to help by throwing an Assassin at them (weaponry, as we’ll discover, is cool), but sadly, the same idiot slipped in a Runner through the back door to make the race even more efficient and play the Dark Elf way even better. You know what Dark Elves are? Germans. Ruthlessly efficient. Efficiency is seriously uncool. Plus, I’m Clarkson, the Europeans and I… Well, let’s move on.

Section 2 : Uncool.

Someone made an error with these races. Not so uncool that you’d not be seen in public with them, but uncool enough so that you don’t want to be around them too often. The sigh when you see yourself scheduled against one of these races is audible. Them again? Sigh.

Chaos Pact (Uncool) : When someone was looking at adding 3 new races to Blood Bowl, they clearly had a creativity bypass.

"Perkins, we need three new races!"
"Well, Jenkins, why are we doing this? I mean, to sell more models?"
"Nah, we don’t do models for BB now, at least not new ones."
"Oh – so these three races need to be something new, right? Interesting? Unique? Unique is cool."
"Nah, just do cut and shuts for at least two of them, it’ll be fine."

And here is that first cut and shut, Chaos Pact. Take some Chaos, a sprinkling of Big Guy, chuck in a Dark Elf and a Goblin, and, oh hell, stick a Rat in there, and what do you get? An utter, stinking mess, is what. Chaos Pact suffer from not actually adding anything to BB, not being worthwhile. They are only not Seriously Uncool because on occasion the Big Guy trio can kill everything, or not play at all, or score a random TTM with the Goblin. Such randomness is cool. But, mainly, you cut and shut some races, you give everything kill access, and you’ll just get boredom.

Pro Elves (Coolish): Whilst we’re talking unnecessary… Back at that same secret meeting place, only this time on the eve of LRB4, not LRB6;

"Well, we need some new Elves, that’ll shift minis, even if we’ve got three lots of them already. But the problem is differentiating them… I know, let’s give them a random, rubbish skill no one will ever select. We must have been really high when we wrote all of those useless skills, although, good joke on Diving Catch, Perkins, we’ll leave it in as a reminder how funny we all are (high fives all around). What's a skill we haven't used yet?"
"I dunno, give them some Nerves of Steel, and just make Linos AV7 MA6 just for the sake of ease, the rest kinda writes it'self."
"Hahahaha, yeah but seriously, let's have a good suggestion."
"Look, the Football is on the telly in a minute, I can't be bothered to come up with something new and exciting, let's just go with the first thing that we came up with!"
"OK, OK, you ring for pizza. Maybe everyone will hate ‘Zons enough to ignore this last minute rubbish."

Meanwhile, somewhere across town...

"You need one more painting for this exibition, Ted."
"You're kidding! It starts tomorrow! Quick, gimmie that canvas, I'll urinate on it, and come up with some war protest reason, the critics will love it."
"OK, OK, you ring for pizza. Maybe everyone will hate war enough to ignore this last minute rubbish."

And thus, Pro elves = modern art. Uncool, but they got away with it anyway.

Dwarves (Uncool) : Even though Dwarves aren’t cool, they’re necessary. No, really. Much as in the same way we can’t all afford a Ferrari and have to drive some 1.3 litre micro car, Dwarves are a fact of life. Like death and taxes, we appreciate they need to be, but don’t really like them much. The yin to the Elvish yang. The grounding in the running grindathon. The reminder of what we all could do without on a game by game basis. For this reason, and the hilarious addition of an expensive weapon, Dwarves escape Seriously Uncool. Plus; beards. The defence rests.

Orcs (Uncool, but getting frostier) : Much the same as Dwarves, you can’t really get away from the fact Orcs need to exist. I mean, how can you like Orcs? Bland, vanilla. An Orc team is like a washing machine, it does a job in an hour or so, but you can’t get very excited over it. It’s the lack of variety that really does for this kind of race; afterall, what can you give an Orc or a Dwarf really? Guard? Tackle? MB? I’d love to see the all Pro Orc team doing the rounds, but they’d fail faster than Michael Jackson at a ‘Who’s face is the least plastic’ competition. Much like bills, the Antiques Roadshow and Simon Cowell; uncool, but I begrudgingly accept that the World needs them to continue revolving.
Apart from Simon Cowell, he deserves a fate worse than death. Probably playing with Dwarves all day, every day with no access to a Deathroller?

Underworld (Sub-Zero, mainly) : Well, here is a hot potato. The democracy falls over massively on Underworld. Let’s analytically look at what we have here, we have half a Goblin team, half a Skaven team, you bang that in for 2 hours at 200 degrees, sprinkle mutations, and what do you get? An uncool team. If you chopped Angelina Jolie and Cameron Diaz in half and stitched the combined superwoman together, you’d get a mess made with all the right intentions. This is the Creepers problem, in a nutshell. Throwing mutations at a rubbish team doesn’t make them cool, it just means that the only mechanism available to that team to win games is to load up on Two Heads and Horns and get lucky. Aiming to get lucky isn’t cool, if you took your Cameron Jolie experiment out for an evening and came on too strong, she’d shun you. Even though your stitches were pretty bows. Desperation is massively uncool, to women, to Blood Bowl, in life. Sorry, Underpants, you’re not for me. Although, the other halves of my superwoman that I’d previously discarded might be; perhaps Gutter runners and the other Troll or a RO would have been better? Make a cut and shut team that actually might be handy? Perhaps the question here is, who gets the face, and who the backside? Creepers are the backside. And not a pretty one. Still not with me? Stick the Fonz into the start credits of Resovoir Dogs. ‘Dum dum de dum dum dah dah dah de de dum’… "Eeeyyyyy". Never cross the streams. Cool x cool does not equal cool squared.

Wood Elves (Somewhere in the middle) : Ahh, Woodies. The pointy eared bastards, in general, aren't cool. Being all fancy and dancing around the place isn't big, isn't clever. You'd like to punch Christiano Ronaldo, right? Like, repeatedly? Every time he does a step-over you hope he breaks his ankle and the other fellow elbow drops him, yes? So, generally, Elves suffer this first hurdle; they're ponces. Manchester United. Bayern Munich, Roger Federer, Pete Sampras, Tiger Woods, the Yankees, the Patriots. Perennial winners are never cool, never popular. FC United are cool, not Manchester United. A Wardancer you say? Block and Dodge out of the box? Universal speed? Even a super-n00b can pull off a Leap Blitz every so often? Yuck. Plus, Orlando Bloom. Debate over.

Halflings (Cool) : There isn’t much that’s less cool than being a TV controlling menace. There is just too much temptation for the weak with Halflings; a couple of Trees and some little guys and a whole bunch of Chefs and Inducements are normally more than a match for an unsuspecting ‘real’ team, and it’s all a bit underhand, a bit lame. It gets spoiled for everyone. Halflings suffer massively because when someone says Stunty to you, your mind drifts to Chainsaws, Pogo sticks and madness, not to the shire. There is no romance to Halflings, no magnificence in their souls. They are forever confined to uncool, with Mr. T looking down upon them from above, silently weeping, wishing he’d played for Woodies. Yes, he’d still have been uncool, but he might have won the odd game or played against some opponents with skills.

Undead (Around the middle) : Undead are the poor Regeneration buddy of the dead teams. With LRB4 Count and mass DP lameness looming over them like a deep, dark winter, Undead have a lot of ground to make up in LRB6. Ground they fail to make back. Stripping G access from Mummies and upping the price of Zombies and Skeletons is akin to wiping one of Will Farrel’s terrible movies since Anchorman from the face of the Earth; OK so you made a start, but look at what’s left. They always felt like a patchwork of Necro and Khemri, were always a bit too good and get things for free. That’s never a cool combination. They’re slightly cooler now that Skeletons are a genuine option and not a fun aside, but even so. If you find anyone excited over Undead, assume they’re mentally unhinged and keep your distance. He’ll probably attempt to murder you. Or sleep with you. Or both, regardless of order.

 
Angry man’s corner.

Section 3: Cool.

Here we on then, on the right side of the Cool Wall. These races are right in the gang, they’re cooler than ice, super-cool, Disco Stu-esq characters who we all wish we could be. Or something.

Norse (Cooler end of cool) : Firstly, Vikings are cool. History is a maze of races and civilisations of varying degrees of coolness, right from the sunburnt Greeks and English to the frozen Aztecs, and the Vikings are right up there with our sacrificial friends. Hardy drinkers, axe wielding pillagers. Lovely. If you ever called a Norseman uncool, he’d slice your legs off and make you watch as he made off with your girlfriend, so I’m not nearly silly enough to do so. Lots of armour seven and an interesting upgrade in the new rules; a rubbish Big Guy that occasionally goes nuts and kills all sorts of AV9 folk, a Thrower that seems to be an LRB4 hangover you’d never actually need (surplus positionals are cool) yes, they are correctly in the cool bracket. There’s also something magical and mystical about snow, isn’t there? Perhaps the biggest thumbs up for Norse is that they’re a low AV team that tries to outbash you; almost guaranteeing blood every game, everywhere. Genius. Not sub-zero because someone decided to gift them AV8. Plonker.

Chaos Dwarves (Uncool ish) : I can see I’m going to have to work hard to win some of you over here, wait a second, I’m Clarkson! Agree or you’re wrong. Here we have the coolest bash team so far. What we like about Chaos Dwarves is that they’re the nearest thing BB has to a team of sections that have to come together to function efficiently. Dwarves first, but plus mutations and hilarious hats. Anyone that is anyone knows that hats work. The more outlandish and silly the better – see the sombrero. You can’t pass a man in a sombrero and not think he’s got plenty going on downstairs. Then, Hobgoblins. AV7 so they’ll die, but the only AG3 on the team hence vital, lovely. Bulls – yeah, this one’s a tough sell. ST4 MA9 more or less, they’re a royal pain, but they do make a glorious BBQ after a swift boot to the groin sees one off, and I love a bit of meat. Finally, out goes the dependable Troll, in comes a useless Minotaur, good move for cool points, that. Wild Animals are cool in that they don’t always work, like the loved car from your youth you occasionally had to jump start and was held together with sticky tape, it’s romantic. If you’re going to run a bash team, here is your cool option.

Khemri (Depending on ruleset, either seriously uncool or uncool) : I hate _the man_. You know who I mean, dude, the gnarly man. He’s capitalist, he’s corporations, he’s celebrity culture, he’s tax, he’s raising retirement ages to 70 or above. He’s everything that Fight Club stood for until they attached Brad Pitt (BRAD PITT) to fight capitalist, celebrity pigs (seriously watch it back, that’s Brad Pitt saying those things). I’m an idealist. I believe in equal rights, a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work, that Communism was misunder… Well, let’s not go nuts. Khemri have been beaten, slapped down and had the nerf bat inserted so far up their rear ends that they’re a broken shell of a team. Yet they’re still here. +2 DP has gone, but they live on, Fouling because they’ve nothing better to do. The main problem Khemri had was being misunderstood. People thought this terrible team were too good (I say people, I mean idiots), and as such, made a terrible team worse, and I stand against idiots. What’s cool is that they’re still here, and more than that, they’re more of a real Blood Bowler’s challenge than ever before. Seriously, it’s a real man that makes his livelihood as a Khemri coach these days; my hat is off to these risk takers and crazy fools. Vive la resistance.

Vampires (Sub-Zero) : Ooooh, what might have been. What a near miss. Clearly sub-zero in LRB4 and in danger of dropping to -1 degree Kelvin breaking the laws of physics, we have Vampires. A team with Hyptnotic Gaze, people. A skill that can basically give a team more than one Blitz a turn. The fluff is magic too, you’re playing a sport, and then a dude in a cape walks over and says ‘Look into my eyes…’. Brilliant as a mechanic, perhaps the best rule in the game (after the Eye, sob). They can also kill their own team, a brilliant thing. They’ve a Star that breaks the rules for stars and turns up anyway, superb. Just a thing of team rule creation beauty, LRB4 Vampires were sex on a stick.

Fast forward to today, and what do we have? Only BH on OFAB. You can finish what you’re doing on OFAB. TWILIGHT HAS HAPPENED. It’s a sad, sad thing that’s happened to Vampires, but they retain their coolness. For now. As with all things, when they break into popular mainstream culture and are the subject of eight year old girl’s dreams, they are no longer sub-zero cool. We hope, in vigils of silent prayer, that they make a comeback.

Slann (Cool): Slann have so little going for them on the surface. When Perkins brought several ideas to the LRB6 meeting that were all rejected, I can almost taste the mad panic that danced in his eyes when he stumbled over that last idea; “Frogs, erm, from outer space?”. Delicious. I’ll bet he was cringing, expecting a good slap.

And yet here Slann are. Frogs from outer space is an idea that’s been presented as if we should go with it, knackers to how ridiculous it is. They have a positional player, a ‘Blitzer’ that is for all intents and purposes entirely useless until he gets at least three skills and is worth a minimum of 170k, or three rookie Linos give or take. So you never take him until you’re rich. That’s madness. They have borrowed a Big Guy from elsewhere, and everyone has the bonkers VLL / Leap thing going on.

But then you actually play with them, and they’re interesting. That’s what cuts through all of the stuff that just reads horribly about them, if nothing else, they’re riotous good fun and great to be around. The chubby girl who doesn’t care that she’s chubby and has a great time and a pie is cool, there’s no getting away from it. Kermit these guys ain’t, always interesting they are. In a World of Orcs and Dwarves, Perkins actually struck gold. I’m yet to see a Slann game that wasn’t mad. Cool.

Humans (Various, mainly on the cooler end) : “How do you like your average, Sir?” “Medium-average, please”. Hoomans. There’s something splendid about Humans, in a World where we have fantasy races (and Frogs from space, I know, still freaks me out too), it’s grounding and comforting to know that Humans are still in there, giving it all they’ve got. And what do they have? A mountain of 3s, that’s what. So what if the Blitzers are probably too expensive, Humans are the beige of Blood Bowl in stats and results only; they’re a tricky Jack of all Trades, and the game is enriched because of that. As Independence day taught us, even Will Smith can save the World without the help of Jazzy Jeff; that’s the beauty of Humans, we believe so much of ourselves, and we are capable of the sublime and the ridiculous. Your compatriots, your compadres, your buddies… Go Humans.

Necromantic (Cool) : Or as Darth Vader at the end of Star Wars III says, NECROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ahem. Werewolves have got off pretty lightly in the Twiglet farce, they’re sort of still underground, dirty, hairy and cool. Thankfully. Necromantic are possibly the coolest of the dead races, fast, not all that great, especially at high TV, but fun. Whilst a Necro team was off being clever and developing Facebook, Undead are the idiots that plan their lives by it, feeding the machine. Flesh Golems are pretty cool, a positional +ST guy, not a hitty one, that’s novel, and only 0-2 Ghouls enforces a strong Zombie presence. That’s cool. Perhaps the best thing Necro have going for them is that they feel underground and underused. That’s always cool. You heard of this new band? They’re called Necro. They released their first EP on 100 limited edition disks. Cool, eh?

Lizardmen (Cool) : Lizards are a cold blooded cool bunch. Coach Gritter once had two Lizardmen teams, one called Smashy Dodgers, the other Dodgy Smashers. And that’s a pretty good summary. The very embodiment of little and large, these slippery characters are a really enjoyable mix of swift getaways and low agility strength. Perhaps the coolest Big Guy but one (so cool Slann nicked him, and more of the coolest Big Guy later), the Kroxigor is an intriguing mix of hit and tail. Lizards play so differently to other races, this individuality and unique style makes them cool. Plus, have you ever seen a lizard trying too hard? I mean their cool is effortless, they’ll play anything anyway, they’ll just get on with it. They’re French chique without the issue of being French. Skinks are essentially turbo Goblins, what’s not to like?
I’ll leave this section with one of my favourite Arnie lines. Arnie shoots alligator. ‘You’re luggage’. Classic.

Ogres (Mainly Uncool) : Here we have a newly cool team! What do you get when you introduce ST1 players with AV5 to Blood Bowl? Anyone? Hilarity! Add in six guys with the Bonehead skill? I’m reminded of all of those black rimmed pictures you get posted in forum threads with ‘Epic Fail’ as the tagline. You know the ones I mean, man walks into door, woman doesn’t realise she’s naked, silliness. Except, unlike those pictures, they don’t get dull after a while. They are the comedy getaway driver that needs Sat. Nav. The dancer with two left feet. The nerd game equivalent of a man falling over. And it doesn’t matter how many times you see ‘man falls over’ or ‘man is hit in face / groin’ in comedy, you know what, it still works. A terrible race harshly treated by the rules review (they fight the power with our Khemri friends), but they shine on perhaps the most important front. They’re now pretty damned cool.

Section 4: Sub-Zero

This is where it’s at. Men want to be them, women want to be with them, this is the pinnacle of cool. If you don’t have these races on your books already, you better had soon. Either that, or just admit you aren’t in with the cool guys. No-one wants that!

High Elves (Cool): In the absence of a Ninja or a Pirate Elf team, look no further than the coolest pointy eared guys going. When your girlfriend looks over your shoulder at what you’re doing (drawn in by you swearing at double skulls) and asks; “What on Earth are you doing”, you get to say with confidence, a puffed out chest and a song in your heart “I’m Blitzing with my Dragon Warrior”. Phwoar, you sex machine. Even though GW saw fit to rob us of the sexy names, High Elves still have so many cool things going for them over their pointy eared cousins. They’re a hidden treasure; whilst everyone has a German Dark Elf team, High Elves are much less seen. They’re mysterious and rare like a funny American sitcom. They have a hard start in life too, with so few skills, they’re tricky at low TV. What High Elves are is the race for the dreamer, the perfectionist. They’re never ever ‘finished’; HE always need one more skill. There’s always one Lion Warrior that needs a couple of TDs, one Lino that’s a bit gammy. Even though their snobbish aloofness indicates they might be, perfection is never achieved, but the pursuit of perfection (and what could be more perfect than the perfect High Elf team) is devilishly cool. Elvis Presley wishes he was a High Elf, and so should all of us. Never fear your foes with a High Elf team; play hard, play fast, and if all else fails, remember you’re the dude.

Skaven (Sub-Zero, voted the coolest team in 2008) : Crawling, scuttling deep beneath your feet, the mutated Rats of the Blood Bowling World. It’s hard to find a single roster member on the Skaven team with anything wrong with it. Gutter Runners, fastest player in the game bar none, can score any time even in one turn (just so we’re clear, chainpushes = cool. OTS things, seriously uncool, but you wouldn’t do that, would you?), but equally is super dead the moment something catches up. Line Rats, armour seven that can’t get away, glorious. Storm Vermin, quality name, bit of Claw / MB, but not too much. Rat Ogres, RAWR! Entirely overpriced, and the most easy to hunt down and kill Big Guy around. He’s also unique to the team, which is super cool. Throwers, well, meh, bit of Sure Hands, but at Linos! Skaven are a constant production line of squishable goodness, and they’re cool because of it. They can make something out of nothing, die, and then get replaced by cheap, willing fodder the next game, to pull the same stunt. Lovely.
Live fast, die young has always been cool in our western World. James Dean. Kurt Cobain. Jimi Hendrix. Sid Vicious. Buddy Holly. Bruce Lee. Countless, countless names have promised so much, given us a glimpse of sheer wonder and passed on, leaving us to only wonder how great it could have been. Add thousands of Skaven to that list.

Nurgle (Cool to sub-zero) : We begin with the concept of disease, and whether this is cool. I spent hours in school sex education lessons learning that disease was bad (m’kay), but at no stage did Nurgle’s Rot come on any of the videos, much as it sounds painful and worth warning the youth of today about. So I guess that means we can make our own minds up! Nurgle have always been effortlessly sub-zero cool. They have the coolest Big Guy in the game (again, unique to the team), his mission, to stick to you like glue and then reproduce for the team. What’s not to love about that? It’s the good end of one of those women from Jerry Springer. Nurgle are massively expensive and have the Dist. Pres. / F. App combo in spades, conjuring images of squeaky clean Wood Elves really hating their day’s play, it’s glorious. The team is so massively unique with the addition of Rotters, Warriors and Pestigors that you want to see one on the games page every time you load it up so you can tune in and be entertained. Ugly but cool, a trick few pull off. Infact, I can only think of Nurgle and Mick Jagger. Superb stuff, and it shows the rules guys can do it when they put their minds to it. Chaos from space?

Goblins (Cool) : Let’s go through the cool checklist from all that we have learned so far. Underpowered seems cool. Low AV seems cool to an extent. Teams that could do great things or implode with equal chance seem good. Weaponry – always good without exception. Roll that all together, and what do you have? Goblins. They are the antidote to the ruthless eight turn grind, to playing the game with a matrix of numbers floating past your eyes, to boredom. A race with rostered Ball and Chains, Chainsaws, Bombs and Pogo sticks can never be anything short of sub zero whilst no other heavy weapon teams exist. Goblins will bring madness, lunacy and blood on all sides to the mixer. If you lick a Goblin, your tongue will stick, freeze and shatter as if you were in a Wile. E. Cyotee cartoon. If you ever play in or spectate a Goblin game and you don’t smile through 16 turns, you want to check you’re playing the right game.

So, friends, we come to the end of the cool wall. Here is a summary;

Seriously Uncool: Amazon, Chaos, Dark Elf.
Uncool: Orcs, Dwarves, Undead, Woodies, Pro Elves, Chaos Pact, Underworld, Halflings.
Cool: Slann, Lizardmen, Chaos Dwarves, Necromantic, Khemri, Ogre, Humans, Vampires, Norse.
Sub-Zero: High Elves, Skaven, Nurgle, Goblins.

I must leave you now, I’ve more cars to drive and more people to insult. Get playing BB with a sub-zero race, and we’ll all salute you. Remember: cool is everything!

 
Freestyle
by Calthor

The following article is a Freestyle article. The author has incorporated three subjects, as voted upon in the forums (see the thread here). If you enjoy this type of article, be a good reader and let us know! That way, you're sure to see it return in the next issue...
The three subjects used in this article are:
Chaos Gods
Heavy Metal (music)
Naming Your Teams/Players

There are basically two distinct sides to Blood Bowl. One is quite familiar to most of us: the competitive side. It is what makes some of the coaches thirst for the top CR spot. It is what makes us want to demolish the opposing team, win with glorious prowess and it is what makes us join tournaments.
But if that was all there was, then all the teams would be equal in power. Ogre teams would be just as good as Orc teams. Perhaps there should only be one statline. All teams are basically equal!

That's not how Blood Bowl works. There is the fluff-side. The mad side of line. Jump in and surrender yourself to Wonderland, because this is a world in which mad goblins wield chainsaws, the undead come back to the pitch to play once again and high elves and dark elves hate each other. If you forget about the fluff and focus almost exclusively on the (somewhat random) strategy of the game, then let's face it: you're missing out.

The forum is full of strategy, at least if you know where to look properly. Tips on how to enjoy the 'fluff side of life', not so much. It is automatically assumed that new players know the world of Blood Bowl as much as the veterans do. There really aren't so many reasons given why fouling is such a part of the game. Is it really any wonder that we always get new players to complain about fouling, stalling and similar aspects of the game? Understanding this game is not just about the raw numbers, although that might win you more games. However, to really enjoy this game, you should also know the background of this game. There is a surprisingly high amount of information about the fluff of this game... And it is all missing in the latest rules pack, due to the negligence of a certain well-known company that we sometimes refer to as Grandma Wendy.

The lack of this information breeds lazy new coaches. They have played the computer game, and where impressed by the game, even though the bugs were disturbing. After only a little bit of investigation or luck, the player finds FUMBBL. All is well?
Hardly. Coach Joe will now create a Chaos or Khemri team named 'dark bashers' with players named 'Bob' and 'Splut'. If he has some talent, he might even win games after a learning curve. Eventually though, this weird game loses its shine and Joe quits playing, never to return.

Perhaps if Joe would have seen the rich world behind the rules, Joe would have learned the 'why' of fouling, and he would have felt inspired to make teams that matter. His teams would then matter beyond the scope of a few games or a single SMACK. Tournaments would come to life, and Joe would learn to see why some of the old teams are respected so much.
In the end, Joe would be a valued member of our community, eventually contributing as heavily as the regulars in the forum. We would be so proud of him, the day he makes a poll that includes 'Macavity' instead of 'Pie'.

So, here's a lesson for Joe. We return to the basics. Joe wants to make a Chaos team. And why not? There is nothing essentially wrong with a Chaos team, as long as it is done with the right reasons. Now, even before Joe starts to name his team and its players, we introduce Joe to what makes Chaos Chaos. We introduce him to the Chaos Gods.
At the same time, we remember a solid fact. To make a team last for a longer time, it needs to have personality. It needs to have a theme. It needs something that makes it last longer than 20-25 games. It needs to be memorable. It is usually a good idea to incorporate things you like in real life, especially if you can't think of anything good to use. Some of the most memorable teams have used RL-elements in the creation of their team. Don't know what I'm talking about?
A techno song: Sleeper in Metropolis.
Competitive eating: Competitive Eaters.
A famous actor: Clint Eastwood Roles.
Norse mythology and nordic-themed heavy metal music: Hellbound Charioteers.

Heavy metal music? Now that's a good idea, because Joe happens to like metal. So Joe, a die-hard metalhead, is about to make his first Ranked/Blackbox Chaos team. He has now learned that Chaos is all about the four Chaos Gods. He reads up on them, all the while thinking about his team and how he can combine the fluff of a certain God with his music passion.

Khorne

Khorne is the Chaos god of anger, fury, violence, hate, war, bloodshed and rage. Every act of violence gives power to Khorne. He is the Lord of Rage and the Lord of Blood. He is the mightiest and the oldest of the Chaos gods and he sits on a throne of skulls centred in a lake of blood. The mountain is growing ever higher...

Really? Joe quickly flips through his cd collection to find Slayer's most famous album 'Reign In Blood'. In fact, it quickly dawns on him that most thrash metal bands are closely connected to Khorne. Anthrax, Exodus, Annihilator, Kreator, Pantera... But not just thrash metal. A lot of death metal fits fine too: Death, Celtic Frost, Obituary, Deicide, Morbid Angel...

Joe writes down a few great team names. Angels of Massacre, Morbid Cannibals, Slaughterhouse 666, Sorrow Post-Mortem, Suffocation Brothers.
Even player names come easy now: Vinny Venom, Slaughterboy, Bloodbeast, Helleater...

Nurgle

Nurgle is the Chaos god of decay, disease and corruption. He is the Great Lord of Decay or the Lord of All, for everything falls apart eventually. Nurgle is a patient god, for everything is subject to entropy. And that is why in the end, perhaps it is Nurgle that will be there when the universe comes to and end as everything falls apart...

Joe smiles. He hadn't expect that a Chaos god would be so closely connected to a musical genre so obscure and brutal: goregrind (and pornogrind and grindcore). In fact, bands like Carcass, Repulsion, Regurgitate, Aborted and Cattle Decapitation all fit the bill perfectly. Nurgle is all about disgust.

It doesn't take Joe long to jot down a short list of team names. Last Days Of Humanity, Leaking Carcass, Gynaecological Problems, Meat Dissection, Gut Disturbance. (And Joe has wisely left out some of the more adult-rated team names.)
Some possible player names come easily now: Vomitfist, Impale, Parasite and Lord Disgust.

Slaanesh

Slaanesh is the Chaos god of lust, excess, hedonism, pleasure and perfection. He/she/it is the god of delights and the youngest of the gods, although nonetheless a power to be reckoned with. Slaanesh coaxes its opponents as much as anything else and it is no secret that the Lord of Dark Delights finds it easy to convince others to 'just let go'. Soon, all will be dancing 'till the end comes, naked and surrendered to the most primal of instincts...

Joe has to look in a totally different part of his collection this time, although some of the more sexually-orientated bands in the goregrind genre could work too. Really though, there is nothing that fits the bill better than glam metal and some of the dubious offshoots of that genre into blacker/extremer metal. Bands like Poison, Twisted Sister, Mötley Crüe, Alice Cooper and Kiss fit the bill, as well as Cradle of Filth, Paradise Lost and My Dying Bride.

It is perhaps a little harder to find the proper names here, but the names are nonetheless quite inspiring that Joe ends up with. Spawns Of Love and War, Hedonistic Voices, Cruel Pleasure, Sisterhood of Darkness and Love.
Some possible names: The Seven Night Delight, Astral Habit Nun, Ravendark, Pesha Pain.

Tzeentch

Tzeentch is the Chaos god of change, vitality, magic, dynamic mutation and grand, convoluted scheming. Tzeentch listens to the plans and hopes of every mortal, manipulating the course of history as it fits him best. His plan goes beyond mortal comprehension. Tzeentch is the Changes of Ways, and in the end, if it will ever end, all existence will come together in the great writhing masterplan of Tzeentch...

And here too, Joe is able to see the overlap with his musical interest. Tzeentch fits in nicely with complex technicalities of progressive metal and technical (death) metal. The complexer the music, the better it fits in. Queensrÿche, Dream Theater, Cynic, Meshuggah, Atheist and Gojira.

It is a real joy to find the proper names inspired here. Joe has now truly learned the pleasure that comes in this part of the game as well. Essence Entralled, Madness Sleepers, Veil of Complexity, Manifested Manipulation.
Player names: Reality Qualm, Terminal Illusion, Pain Ghost, Dissension Eternal.

Now all that remains for Joe is to choose what Chaos God to adhere to. It doesn't really matter. He has now fallen. He might lose a hundred times, but he will now play with passion. He will learn, he will enjoy, and his team will always evolve with him. In time, he will truly be one of us, and our community will be richer with his added presence.

What is our lesson? Sometimes it is more important to show and explain a new player why fouling is a part of the history and background of the game, than to recount the literal advantage. A new player will not necessarily get the term of 'player advantage', but show him the joy and relevance of the mechanic in the fluff, and you will have a convict forever.
Soon new and old players will come to FUMBBL when the new client comes out of beta. When you are playing one of these players, keep this in mind if the player seems open for it. It is our duty to welcome him with open arms first and a spiked boot afterwards. It might be a hard process sometimes, for the new player as well as for us, but for every player that will eventually shout out 'It's a conSPIROcy!', it is worth it.
Remember, show and explain the player everything, not just the cold numbers. Only then will the new player understand why shadow46x2 is fat...

 
Chaos Pact
by Calthor

Slann has access to mad leaping all over the board. Underworld has mutations on goblins. The third new team is Chaos Pact, and is the final team of the new three that the GLN wanted to cover. Yet, what is so special about Chaos Pact exactly?

Three Big Guys

If we compare Chaos Pact to regular Chaos – which could be argued to be closest to Chaos Pact both in roster and fluff – Chaos Pact has access to two more Big Guys. While we all know that Big Guys should always be used as massive roadblocks, having access to three means that the road can be totally jammed sometimes. In other words, those Big Guys are very useful, as long as they attract as much attention as possible.
Because they also have to 'replace' the lack of STR 4 (Chaos Warriors) on the team. And I am reasonably sure that most of you coaches would prefer two Chaos Warriors to a Minotaur/Ogre and a Lineman.

The Renegades

Alright, alright. The Big Guys might not be worth enough to pick Chaos Pact as your team to play with. However, the team can also field three renegades. A Dark Elf, a Skaven and a Goblin. They are all just linemen with Animosity though, so how good can that be? It depends. The renegades are perhaps not incredibly attracting, they do open some options for the team. Let's see!
The Goblin might look useless at first, but his presence on the team is certainly good for something: throw him with a Big Guy for a last-turn One-Turn Touchdown. In addition, you can give him Sneaky Git for some low-risk strategic fouling. Finally, the little bugger has Mutation access, which makes his future bright. A Two Heads, Horns, Big Hand goblin can steal a ball when you'd least expect it.
The Dark Elf might just be a Lineman looking at his stats, but as a AG 4 player on a relatively bashy roster, he is much more. Some might be tempted to use him as a thrower due to the AG 4, but that isn't very wise due to the Animosity skill. He is definitely a ball carrier though. You should either use him as a protected runner – you can trust him with his AG 4 to pick the ball up easily as well as dodge out of a tight situation if necessary – or as a receiver. Either way, he is probably going to rack up quite some SPPs, and that makes him even more useful. Besides Block and Dodge for protection, his Mutation access combined with AG 4 means you can make a Leap/Very Long Legs player or give him Big Hand and Two Heads so that he can take the ball in any situation.
The Skaven might very well be the worst of the three on the roster. A player with MA 7 on a team that isn't oriented for speed isn't all that useful. He can be used as a speedy receiver, which is especially useful if you need to score in a two-turn drive. The other option is to make him into the team's Dirty Player, as he can get to and from his targets just a little faster. Some coaches might opt not to include him on the team though. However, with some development he can be quite good at his role, thanks to Extra Arms and Two Heads. Still, the Skaven will only really shine if you happen to roll a stat increase with him.
So yes, the three renegades definitely add something to the team. But enough to warrant no STR 4 players? Enough to make you want to play the team?

The Prototype: Marauder

Yes, you might like having three brutal Big Guys. You might appreciate the three renegades and their differing talents. Yet the key to growing your Chaos Pact team to full potential is the fact that the team fields the perfect lineman. And here is why the Marauder is so good. The Marauder is almost exactly like the Human Lineman. A clean, standard statline: 6/3/3/8 without any skills. For 50K, that's decent. You will rarely hear someone complain about the value for money on Human Linemen. No, they aren't all that good, but they are worth their money. They fill their role perfectly. What the Marauder offers, is skill access to Passing, Strength AND Mutation WITHOUT any increase in TV. That's exciting for more than one reason.
Under the new rules, a double is worth 10K more than a regular skill. This means that on a high TV Chaos Pact team, Marauders can take Passing, Strength and Mutation skills for lower than other teams do. Marauders are incredibly TV-efficient. That might not sound all too jolly, but its implications are huge. You should only very rarely take an Agility skill - probably Jump Up or Dodge are the only interesting skills, and only for specific players. Jump Up is good in combination with Mighty Blow, Piling On and Claw for a brutal, mobile pain bringer and Dodge has its uses on a stat freak you want to keep alive and useful at all times. At other times, stick to the wide array of other skills. Block and Guard should be the standard, with a few Claw and Mighty Blow players to hit hard. A dedicated thrower with Sure Hand, Pass and Accurate opens up the passing play with a renegade as receiver. Finally, a few players with Wrestle and Tackle fill the role of disturbing the opponent's game plan.
Distribute your Mutations smartly. A player with a STR increase love his Tentacles and Foul Appearance, a player with an AG increase could be complimented with Two Heads, Extra Arms and Big Hand to be an all-round ball player. Of course, you can always have a little fun with one Mutation-spammed player!

So, these three elements make up the Chaos Pact team. If, however, it is the Big Guy power aspect that solely piques your interest, than you should turn to Khemri, Lizardmen or regular Chaos. What Chaos Pact is really all about, is options and possibility! Marauders are incredibly efficient and can turn into all-round monsters, especially thanks to the Big Guy roadblocks. Add in a OTT Goblin, a Skaven runner-receiver and a mutating Dark Elf and you have got a team that can perform surprisingly well. Remember though, at its core Chaos Pact is a control-bashy team. Roadblocks and STR access means you have to go for the blocking route, and often a slow grind. The difference with many similar teams is that Chaos Pact has more alternatives due to its many options. It can open up a passing play if there is not a lot of time left, or it can throw a goblin for a lucky OTT. The team can field a plethora of different options if the classic control-bash-grind does not work, but it requires a handy coach to balance all these options without losing much efficiency in the standard strategy.

Good luck, and may the Chaos Gods be with you!

 
Interview With a Manbush
by Ro

Ro: So how long have you been playing blood bowl?
Manbush: Started playing 2nd edition with my brother back in 1986
Ro: Nice how did you find fumbbl?
Manbush: my brother found it on the internet, and after a long haitus from bloodbowl, we started playing TT again with the LRB 4. This was back in about 2005 then he installed the fumbbl client, and off we went
Ro: heh Ol timer
Manbush: LOL
Manbush: yes pot, I am a kettle
Ro: You are known for your undead team the Roles. How did you decide on undead and where did the idea for Clint Eastwood Roles come from?
Manbush: yeah that was one of those novelty ideas that just kept going I fell in love with undead. The variety on the team, the mummies, the regeneration, the raising of dead players.I just fell in love with the whole style of them. Came up with the idea for the Roles cos I wanted to make yet another undead team, and I was on a Clint Eastwood movie binge.I thought "I bet I could make a team made up of characters that Clint played" I also had just figured out how to crop pictures for the fumbbl player roster, and wanted to excercise it that has so far been the peak of my computer skill achievements
Ro: 1300+ games later and Roles are one of the well known teams on site. Who are /were some of the most memorable players you have had
Manbush: I have a hall of fame on my team page, there have been some amazing mummies but my most memorable are the long term fouling zombies, like Dave Garver who played 325 games finally retired him after his second niggle caused him to miss 5 of his last 6 games
Ro: Speaking of niggles will the Roles be moving to FFB and the new rule set?
Manbush: They sure will, and I will move them as soon as ranked moves.
Ro: Who are your favorite coaches to spec and or play vs
Manbush: my love of undead coincided with my move to the dark side( DP fouling) When I first started, I didn't like Dirty Player and wouldn't use it. Holy crap I laugh at myself when I think that now.Then I got invited to a league tourney called the Rat Race, which Synn ran. All skaven league with points awarded for kills and perm injuries. This was where I first used Dirty Player, and was instantly enlightened (or corrupted)
Ro: Its a fine line
Manbush: yes it is. I think it IS the line, the perspective you view it from decided how you see it
Ro: words of enlightenment from a Zen Master Fouler
Manbush:So after seeing the beautiful effects of the boot in the rat race league, I knew my ranked teams had to embrace this gift. This was when I made a new team. which was undead, for the purpose of practising both killing and ball playing. I got one of them right
Ro: and yet its not the entirity of your game you can still ball
Manbush: I can play ball when I need to but sometimes the urge to fight and kill overcomes me, and the ball becomes less important
Ro: I would guess that depends alot on who your playing
Manbush: it's good that I'm indoors on a computer when these urges hit me
Ro: lol
Manbush: I have made a lot of friends here on FUMBBL, and it's usually these friends that I spectate. The Roles will accept any challenge(within the TS limits), but I have many regular opponents who I will play every time they want to. Fave opponents of the Roles are the Schmertzal Darkbones and the Hellbound Charioteers
Ro: Do you think of the Roles as Legendary?
Manbush: I'm very happy that others see the Roles as legendary
Manbush: They are a very long lived team, with a rollercoaster history that has seen them get pounded from 280 TR down to 140. I remember a time of a brutal string of kills and perms that left me coaching a team with 6 zombies and a ghoul
Ro: They are the oldest undead team on Fummbl if I recall correctly
Manbush: they have the most games played of any undead team
Ro: What has playing a team with 1300 + games taught you?
Manbush: that there are some lessons I just refuse to learn
Ro: heh
Ro: any advice for new coaches starting out?
Manbush: for new coaches starting out with undead, I'd say be patient and take your lumps and learn what you can from them. The most important thing to learn is not to get attached to your players, cos they will die. I'd recommend the use of DP fouling for the recruitment bonus that undead get and I'd recommend bashing as much as you can when you have regeneration and your opponent does not
Ro: Now I have to bring this up simply because its so funny and I have witnessed it for myself. Knowing that from time to time we all play drunk. How many times have you passed out playing a game?
Manbush: LOL a lot it's very easy to come home from the pub and think you're up for a game, but as we all get older and find out, once you sit down, you will wind down and when you wind down, eyes droop
Ro: and the older you get the faster you wind down
Manbush: absolutely
Manbush: spoken like a true prodigy Ro
Ro: heh I have yet to pass out
Manbush: yeah I've woken up on the floor by my desk, beer can in hand If I pass out on you, don't worry, I have finished every game I passed out on, unless opponent decided to move on
Ro: Any final words of wisdom or thoughts for the unwashed masses before we wind down?
Manbush: my final words are, play the way you want to all styles are needed in a global community like Fumbbl play the way you want, since it is YOUR time you're committing your players will be bullied, but don't get bullied as a coach
Ro: Thanks a lot Bushy
Manbush: eheh thanks for the time Ro

 
Admin Corner
by Ro

At the Offices of FUMBBL and GG Goberson
*Ring Ring*
"Thank you for calling FUMBBL Agnush speaking, how may I direct your call?"
"Christer"
"Im sorry Mr Kaivo-oja is unavailable at the moment. May I take a message?"
"WHAT!!!!! UNAVAILABLE?? YOU PUT HIM'
*click"ON RIGHT...........Hello?......."
*slams phone down*
"GET ME CHRISTER'S OFFICE AGAIN!!!! SHE HUNG UP ON ME!!!!"

*Ring Ring*
"Thank you for calling FUMBBL Agnush speaking, how may I direct your call?"
"HOW DARE YOU HANG UP ON ME!!!!!! IM G.G. GOBERSON AND I DEMA"
*click*"ND...................."

"SHE DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME ONE GET ME ANSWERS NOW !!!"

*Ring Ring*
"Thank you for calling FUMBBL Agnush speaking, how may I direct your call?"
"Hello Agnush. This is Ro from GLN calling. I wonder if I may speak with Christer?"
"I'm sorry, Ro. Christer is unavailable at the moment!"
"I see. Well, the next issue of GLN is almost ready to go and we have nothing for Admin Corner. So..."
"Well Ro, he is very busy with the recent and up coming changes with FUMBBL. The change for Box is already moving ahead as planned. He is now working on the move for the rest of the site. He expresses his regret at not answering but everything else it taking his attention right now."
"So what about Admin corner?"
"Run this if you have to Ro. I dont mind as I have always wanted to be in the GLN. Have a nice day"
*Click*

Ok, folks. This issue of Admin Corner is cancelled as the Big Man has his hands full of moving the site to FFB. The Admin Corner will return as normal in the next issue.
Ro

 

Da Boss and His Friends...

 
A cup of tea with Christer and his cat

G.G. Goberson: Thanks Christer for taking time to talk to us at GLN. We know you have been interviewed several times in different formats but with the changes and all the new coaches coming in we figured it was time for another sit down. Can you give us a brief rundown on how FUMBBL came to being?

Christer: Anytime GG. That's a fairly long story. The short version starts somewhere around early 2002. Back then, there were very few options on places where you could play Blood Bowl online. OLBBL was around still (although fairly inactive at that point), and the only real alternative seemed to be Tom Anders' PBeM league MBBL. Due to not really being able to find games on the tabletop, I was looking for a suitable online adaptation and did join MBBL for a short while. The constant mailing of files back and forth when playing PBeM quickly became tedious. Matches took up to a week to finish and as you can imagine, it was very tedious when Nuffle wasn't smiling your way.

G.G. Goberson: Yes I could imagine. Its tough enough somedays to sit an hour with Nuffle laughing at you.

Christer: Indeed. The slow pace of the games wasn't was I was looking for. Around that time, I ran into SkiJunkie's project which was much more aligned with what I wanted from an online client. Mostly everything was automated and games were fast to play. There were lots of missing features at the time but more importantly there were no online leagues I could find for it.

G.G. Goberson: So you built one.

Christer: I did, yes. At first, it was a closed round-robin league among a few participants I connected with through the Talk Blood Bowl forum (now called Talk fantasy Football). Nothing was automated, so participants sent results to me and I entered them into a custom built league manager application

G.G. Goberson: That seems like alot of work on your part.

Christer: At that time, it wasn't too bad actually because there were few people and a fixed schedule. However, when I decided to start an open-play league and accept more coaches, things quickly went out of hand.

G.G. Goberson: I could well imagine considering the amount of games that have been played on FUMBBL since its birth.

Christer: I was spending hours on end entering results and updating other people's rosters (everything was hosted by me even back then, and team rosters were updated by my league manager application)

G.G. Goberson: Obviously, that would cut into your day significantly.

Christer: Absolutely. I was working on a web-based system as much as I could at the time, but it was sort of slow going. However, an ununfortunate event changed things around. At one point, the database I used in the league manager application was corrupted and I effectively lost the ability to continue updates. This was late 2002. My memory fails me, but let's say it was early november of that year

G.G. Goberson: Heh. I can imagine your stress at the time. All that work and unable to continue with it

Christer: This was a bit sad because it meant that the league was effectively halted because of this. So I was faced with the option of restoring all the data somehow, or just push forward with the web based system. I ended up halting the league and focus on the automated system, expecting it to take 3-4 months before I could have things up and running.

G.G. Goberson: Well with the league halted, I would assume you put that time toward the web bases system.

Christer: Indeed. It would have taken a lot of time to restore everything either way. As it turned out, this guy who called himself Mr-Klipp approached me saying that he was also working on the same type of thing. We talked about things over a couple of weeks and ended up pooling our resources. And both him and I spent alot of time to get things up and running as quickly as possible.

G.G. Goberson: Very Fortunate. Twice the productivity with out both doing the same thing.

Christer: After a short beta phase, where people were testing things, we launched on January 3rd, 2003.

G.G. Goberson: Very nice. Jan 3, 2003 a day of joy for gamers, a day of anguish for spouses.

Christer: Hah, indeed.

G.G. Goberson: So obviously you are involved in computer programing. How much of your day is taken up by maintaining FUMBBL?

Christer: It varies alot actually. The time I spend on the site include top-level management and advise, meaning I talk with the rest of the staff about particularly tricky tickets, or deal with high-level issues for tournaments (making sure prizes work, figuring out schedules, fitting them into various other plans for the site) Of course, I am also spending a fair amount of time on the development side, adding features, adding support for the new FFB client and things like that.

G.G. Goberson: I would think that the admin staff picks up alot of the day to day slack with tickets and such. How many admins do we currently have?

Christer: Most of the day-to-day work is taken care of by the staff team. Without them, the site would probably grind to a halt fairly quickly and they deserve great amounts of gratitude from everyone who's on the site. The staff has to deal with the worst sides of people, which is never fun.

G.G. Goberson: YA HEAR THAT COACHES!!! APPRECITATE YOUR ADMINS STAFF!!! ahem.....

Christer: Currently, we have 15 staff members, myself included. This doesn't include the team of people who handle tournaments and people who moderate the forums

G.G. Goberson: I have to bring this up since its a personal obersvation. Since I have been on FUMBBL, I have noticed that some of the miscreants of old have now come on board and are working with the site as staff. How do you decide who gets to help?

Christer: It's not so much a decision on who gets to help as it is a decision on who I should beg for help from. Joking aside, I truly appreciate the work the staff does and I fully realise that it's not always a fun job. As for deciding who I approach, I have used various methods over the years.The most common way, however, is to simply look at the current user base and identify people who do alot to help others, who have been around for a long time and is generally someone who seems to fit the rest of the staff group. After finding one or a few suitable people, I usually approach the other staff members to hear their opinion. It's very important to me that the staff members are able to work as a team, and that there are no major inter-personal issues between an old staff member and a new one.

G.G. Goberson: That makes sense as they have enough site issues to deal with. Non staff members can help out too. Answer questions, play new coaches, write tactics, submit to GLN.(Shameless Plug)

Christer: Absolutely. It's the helpful type of players that in general are approached to hear if they are interested in joining the staff team as well. Being known in the community (or sub-community in case we're looking for specific language skills for example) is a big bonus. It's impossible for the staff team to evaluate someone who they don't know.

G.G. Goberson: Exactly. Any memorable coaches that stick out in your mind?

Christer: The 14 others on the current staff team? Actually, anyone who's been on the staff team in the past as well.

G.G. Goberson: well um ya... alright then... Do you still play on site? There is an urban legend you have a second account no one knows about.

Christer: I do play every now and again. More lately with the introduction of the FFB client. As for a second account, I don't have one.

G.G. Goberson: Because its against the rules.

Christer: Well, that too. But the thing is, I think it adds flavour to the site to play as myself. People seem to enjoy meeting me on the field

G.G. Goberson: I know I did. Its one of those status things I think to say you played the big man himself. So FFB was born out of a letter from GW?

Christer: Oh, not at all.The FFB client had been in development for 2 years prior to that letter. In fact, the client was almost scrapped because of the cease and desist.

G.G. Goberson: Really? How come?

Christer: Because kalimar isn't exactly interested in a legal battle. The thing is, getting cease and desist letters is somewhat scary. A fairly big company is effectively threatening to take you to court, which is not something normal people are interested in.

G.G. Goberson: understandable. Yet we have FFB.

Christer: We do, and I am very happy we came to this point in the end.

G.G. Goberson: Even with the Khem nerf?

Christer: The cease and desist letter pushed back development a couple of months though. All images and sounds had to be replaced and verified to be copyright free. I've been a fan of the khemri team from very early on. There's something about the basic theme of them that makes me enjoy them. Maybe it's the 20 hours straight of glueing a team of them together that's talking, but I really enjoy the look and feel of them

G.G. Goberson: Well I play Khem alot. I find the challenge of thier play style rewarding.

Christer: The fact that they are nerfed, even though they were weak at the upper end even in LRB4, doesn't matter much to me. Yeah, I usually don't play them as killers which seems to be popular. I actually try to play properly

G.G. Goberson: One mistake at high end and you give up a td. Thats the challenge I like.

Christer: It requires a lot of discipline to play well defensively

G.G. Goberson: lol You mean the 8 dp skellie teams.

Christer: No, no. I mean that it's extremely easy to get caught far from the ball It takes a lot of planning and thinking to keep the players where the action is, and in particular the tomb guardians.

G.G. Goberson: I was refering to the standard build of Khem but ya easy to get caught.

Christer: Personally, I usually don't go completely overboard with DP. 2-3 is more than enough.

G.G. Goberson: I find 2 is enough. So now FFB is live in box. Are you finding many issues or problems now that a majority of games are ffb?

Christer: There are a few here and there obviously. However, considering that FFB is still young compared to JavaBBowl the issues aren't really that major. Most major game-breakers have been ironed out and I'm quite happy with how things are running now

G.G. Goberson: When can we expect the move for the rest of the site?

Christer: My current plan is to migrate R as soon as possible. Quite possibly as early as the weekend of the 12th to 13th of february (next weekend). The R migration is a bit trickier than blackbox though, since I am aiming to give coaches the option to move the team to a LRB4 only division rather than get migrated over. Shortly after that, Academy will be migrated. Once the migrations are completed, the divisional structure will be pretty much the same as now, with all divisions using FFB. The only addition will be a LRB4 division, which will probably function much like L does today.

G.G. Goberson: Im guessing L is gonna be the tough one. With so many different formats and groups to deal with.

Christer: The hardest part of L is that it includes a number of "odd" teams. Stunty Leeg teams for example. Most likely, L will be handled much like R, giving coaches the option of choosing to go to the LRB4 division, or migrating over to FFB.

G.G. Goberson: Now there has been a long going debate about merging divisions. You have stated several times that this wont happen. How do you decide whats best for the masses? It cant be easy

Christer: It's not easy, no. At first, I generally avoid forming an opinion myself, but instead let the issue be discussed on the forums Then I read as many opinions as I can find and try to collect it all, keeping track of all sides' thoughts

G.G. Goberson: filtering out the Pie option im sure.

Christer: Then I analyze the issue, try to come up with different scenarios for what would happen if I chose various courses of action. Finally, I come up with an opinion of my own. I want to think that I have a fairly unique perspective on things based on the history of the site.

G.G. Goberson: Nice to see you take into account the opinions of the site. Most of us long termers consider it our site even though its yours. The forums tend to get heated and there has been some comments about the mods being too quick to lock threads. Your thoughts?

Christer: I think the forum moderators are doing a good job overall. Sure, there are occasions where threads are locked a bit too early but even then there's usually a high probability that the thread will diverge off topic. It's a really hard job to keep things moderated properly, and to me it's mostly a matter of evening out the reports of too much locking against the support tickets and complaints about rude behaviour.

G.G. Goberson: Heh. No one on the internet is ever rude. ahem..

Christer: Right, I forgot about that

G.G. Goberson: With the launch of FFB there has been an influx of new coaches and some old ones back. Has there been an upswing in games?

Christer: Absolutely. The effect has been nothing but remarkable. The number of games per day have more or less tripled since the blackbox division was migrated over to FFB.

G.G. Goberson: Thats awesome. Its good to see the site headed back to the days of a full games page. Any advice to a new coach?

Christer: Absolutely. It's a good feeling to see so many people enjoying the site after all the effort, both from myself and from kalimar.

G.G. Goberson: Speaking of effort.... Ya all see that pay pal button at the top of your page. Im not sayin but Im just saying if ya enjoy what you get here.....

Christer: My advice would be to enjoy themselves and not worry so much about their pixels. It's easy to create new teams around here, and there's plenty of fun to be had

G.G. Goberson: FUMBBL pretty much boasts a play style for anyone. Thats one of your main themes. People can play how they want as long as it is in the rules

Christer: That's the idea, yes. We try to not dictate too much how people play the game. In the end, it's about having fun.

G.G. Goberson: Ok another legend. Did you build the Admin client into FFB?

Christer: The funny thing is, there is actually an admin part of FFB. However, it has nothing to do with getting an advantage, but is more there to assist with administrative tasks.

G.G. Goberson: You heard it here first folks. The Admin client exists......

Christer: And let's not talk about the fact that I wrote the RNG for FFB.

G.G. Goberson: hehe. So can we expect the WO once Ranked becomes FFB?

Christer: The official tournaments will resume as soon as it's possible.There are a couple of minor technical issues that's preventing them as it is now, but these will be ironed out fairly soon.

G.G. Goberson: Fantastic. Will they be seperate B and R or will there be crossovers again?

Christer: That's something that hasn't been discussed yet. The R/B crossover tournament was meant to be a one-off thing

G.G. Goberson: Fair enough. Well Boss any final words to FUMBBL before we sign off?

Christer: Keep playing, bring your friends and spread the word.

G.G. Goberson: This has been GG Goberson with Christer, his cat and a cup of tea. Be nice to your staff, help out new guys and have fun.

 
Dear Prinzka
by Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

During matches, my coach is whining a lot about the eye that the ref lost. I don't really understand why, usually he likes it when he turns a blind eye on my actions. What is going on with my coach? What used to make him joyful makes him angry nowadays. Should I stop maiming referees in post match sequences now?

Signed,
Bootlover the confused hobgoblin.

Dear Bootlover,

You'd better keep an eye on your coach. Of course, as long as you're playing like you're usual eye-for-an-eye self, I think you don't have to worry. Go on and maim your referee as much as you like; better a no-eyed referee than a one-eyed referee. But no matter the number of eyes your referee still has, make sure you remember that what the eyes see, the heart believes. So strap on your boots and make sure that that ref is losing his eyes, or he'll be all eyes, and he'll sent you off the pitch. Aye, as long as you do your best to foul as brutally efficient as you used to and sneakier than ever, you will always be one of the favourites on the team!

Giving your opponent the evil eye, Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

I am a big bad ass minotaur who recently joined a promising Chaos Pact side and is always getting tossed the ball to from the crowd (so often that you might even think they'd be afraid I might run into the ranks to recover it instead of satiating my thirst for blood on the pitch if they wouldn't throw it to me in time).

For some time now, though, I have had bad dreams ever since fellow marauders brought up that life (and death!) was just a bunch of "pixels" anyway (as their claim was massively irritating me, I have decided to dismember and devour them on the spot of course, their brains actually didn't taste too bad despite their disturbingly sick minds. I liked the frontal lobes most^^).

In these dreams I am just a random assortment of "pixels" and I happen to encounter lots of 0s and 1s (never have bothered much about math though, as the first target in sight usually equates with the next victim) who tell me that I am gonna be deleted by a giant behemoth being they worship as "Christer", holy adminfather of all lands, "pixels" and the fumbblverse Even worse, sometimes I even dream of being hugged by our coach. If I wasn't some nutty mad cracked minotaur anyway, you might think I'm gonna losing it!

Dear Prinzka, I am confused:

What are these "pixels" and how do they taste? As yummy as pixies? The thought alone makes me hungry again right now!

And do you think I should visit this "adminfather"-thingie and have a straight talk between him and my horns? I neither know what these curious "pixels" are, nor do I want to be one. This whole mess is totally getting my goat and makes me standing around roaring in rage, I think I need to get off now in order to "delete" some more "pixels" myself (preferably the froggie ones, I've become mad about that "squish"-sound they produce when being "deleted" ^^).

And, dear Prinzka, are minotaurs actually allowed to use "emotes" ^^?

Totally looking forward to your answers (hopefully before being "deleted" myself ^^)!

Yours hungrily
Eutrocity, Minotaur of Team Baneslayer Angel Slayers

Dear Eutrocity,

Well, aren't you bright for a Minotaur. A little too bright for my taste. Intelligent Minotaurs never really work, they get too arrogant and philosophical. It hurts their game plan a little.

I'll keep it short and simple, Eutrocity. Your goal, should you choose to accept it, is to die on the pitch in a pool of blood, like a true Minotaur. No need to worry about some vague 'deletion' thread that way. You will have fulfilled your purpose, and I will be able to process your meat and sell it as Dried Minotaur Jerky ("The taste is absolutely Eutrocious!").

Looking forward to your death,
Prinzka

PS: Nuffle frowns on emotes.

Dear Prinzka

In a game with my team Human Line Defense against Dwarf Steamrollers I got knocked down under one of their Deathrollers. The doctor had no cure for me and now I have a concussion. Any good advises on how to recover from that? I can no longer train and all I do is just sleeping. The coach is sending me evil eyes and I think I soon will get the boot. Please help me.

Christof Hulkenberg

Dear Christof,

A concussion? What did you do, bang your head against a Deathroller? No wonder the coach is thinking about firing you. Someone so incompetent should not be on the pitch. Best thing is to brew the following potion: *Boil a big pot of water *Throw in five halfling ears, the nose of a werewolf, and the dried earwax from a dying Troll *If you're still alive, then you're probably healthy enough to play Blood Bowl again

You can pick up the water at my place if you don't have enough.

Kindly,
Prinzka

PS: Is your coach sending you actual physical evil eyes? If so, I could use a few, my stash is almost empty.

Dear Prinzka,

I can't seem to get my troll slayer off the pitch. The games been over for an hour now and he's still too busy rolling, tasting, making blood angels and, in one case, making sweet love to the carnage. I know he's very happy and he truly won me the game, but he's taking it a bit too far...

We have some tranquilizers, chains and a straight jacket, but no volunteers have stepped forward, not even for money How do I get him on the wagon for the next match? Or even off the pitch?

If we dont make Arnoth's gate by nightfall, we'll never get there in time.

Sincerely worried (and disturbed) coach

Dear Sincerely worrier (and disturbed) coach,

You do realise that by the time you read this reply, you will have already played your next match? You do realise that my reply is not immediate, and therefore your question is not really suitable for this column?

I'll answer your question nonetheless, as this kind of situation might occur again. Dear coach, I believe you do not have what it takes to be a proper Dwarf coach. What is wrong with a player so dedicated to Blood Bowl madness that he wins you matches in his bloodthirst and insanity? Nothing. You say you are disturbed, but why? He has embraced his Troll Slaying mentality. All you need to know is how to handle him. Tranquilise him, put him in a straightjacket, feed and drink him, and release him on the pitch in the next match. If you can find a lackey to do the job for you, than do it yourself, ya lazy git.

Also, don't ever bring him near me or any of my Squigs,
Prinzka

 
Dear Prinzka
by Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

My name is Slayey McKillCrush and I am a successful beastman for my Chaos team Elfbashing Cherrybowlers. After I learned how to tackle and to block, I went to the nearby Slaanesh temple and got myself a nice pedicure. Now I got beautiful nine inch razor sharp nails on my claws. I recently learnt to multiblock, too, and now it's so funny to teach these elves a lesson. See them splut and hear their coach whining about the 39 TS difference!

But alas, I heard the rumour that the new FFB refs will not allow me to enter the pitch with my razor sharp nails??? I heard I will not be allowed to run and multiblock to kill three elves a turn? Please help me? What should I do? My coach needs me for his self-esteem!

Piling on can't be the sollution!?

Yours sadly
Slayey McKillCrush

Er...
Can someone please neuter this testosterone-driven, egocentrical beastie? I'm sure he would do nicely as a floor decoration in the new Blackbox.

Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

I recently received a game offer from a nice coach who wanted to play my 11-man DE team with his slightly stronger orcs, who had 9 MB players (4 of whom had Tackle), and to whom I would have given up 1 handicap. What is the most polite way to convey "sod off" while still leaving the option to play this otherwise nice coach in the future? Smile

As a goblin, I imagine this to be similar to an offer from an MB-first dwarf team.

Sincerely,
NotAnElfbowlerButNotSuicidalEither

Dear NotAnElfbowlerButNotSuicidalEither,

I can tell you that this is a common problem. It is up to a coach to make sure his team is not picked upon. After all, the small ant does not fight the large elephant. The coach must make sure that matches are as fair as possible.

That said, there many ways to decline this offer. Here is a list with some suggestions. I can assure you that all are polite and within the spirit of Blood Bowl.

  • Sending the answer by post, along with a ravenous squig.
  • Assassinating their cheerleader squad and scrambling their bodies so it reads: 'No. Really.'
  • Agree to play them as long as they play the Minotaur team first.
  • Put itching powder in their pants.
  • Paint their skin pink, so you answer: "No chance in hell, ya silly Pinkskins.

Be as inventive as you can! After all, there are more than enough orcs around, and we can do with a few less.

Kindly awaiting your inventive plan,
Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

I'm thinking of joining the Hellbound Charioteers, but my mom doesn't want me to. What should I do?

Hail and Kill,
Khorne Fist (my new name, but my mom still calls me Terance)

Dear Terance,

I am afraid of the day you will walk on the pitch, as the worried shouting of your mother would probably ruin the experience for every spectator in range. For that reason, I have informed your mother of your persistence and adviced her to chain you to the wall in the basement.

Hoping never to hear from you again,
Prinzka

Dear Prinzka

I am addicted to dressing dogs as bees. What would you suggest I do to solve my problem?

Hero164

Dear Beedog164,

Exactly what is your problem? As long as you're staying clear of the werewolves, I don't see one.

Staying well away from you just in case this is contagious,
Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

I heard a rumour that everyone I know is in fact Christer in disguise. How can I carry on my life under this cloud of uncertainty?

Many thanks, Paranoid

Dear Paranoid,

Christer is great.
All praise his name.
All hail him. He is the Caesar of FUMBBL. All hail!
May Christer enlighten your every moment,
For Christer is one and all.

Kindly,
Chr... - er - ... Prophet Prinzka.

Dear Prinzka,

I will remain an anonymous CD blocker in my team and I am writing on behalf of my coach who I fear is going insane.
The thing is; our team is on paper quite mean. We have lots of Mighty Blow, Guard and Claw and our coach does his best every game to try and make sure that we create more blocks than than the opposition. Why is it then that we get both outcassed and outscored by inferior teams? What can he do to reverse this trend before he goes insane and retires our team and taking up his old coaching job with a skaven team? That also does not create any cas but at least he knows how to win games.

Worried about the future, Anonymous CD blocker.

Dear CD toadie,

By the looks of it, your coach is completely inexperiences about where to block the opposition. He is just mindlessly telling you to maximise your blocks, when it is also key to block at the proper moments and with the right players. Dwarfs are infamous for their blocking skill, but they also need their fellow Dwarf to block properly. Use Guard to optimise your offensive or defensive line.

In short, that filthy rat is a louzy coach for you. Chop off his tail and send it to me, and I'll voodoo him into oblivion. You need a different coach.

Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

In a recent game, my last ever, I was declared dead. My parents were both understandably upset, but also proud of the way I had 'died as I lived, for Blood Bowl'. I think they were also quite looking forward to being local celebs and the death pay outs that my former team bestows on the widows of players. Sadly it was not to be, my coach called on the services of an Apothocary, and he 'saved' me. While it is true I am no longer dead, the useless sawbones didn't quite set things right, and I am no longer as agile as I was. So the team fired me. So no death duties. And no one wants to hire a low agility elf. So I have no job, no future, and no pay out. Can I sue the useless quack for what he did? Or do I have to live with it?

Yours in penury,
Gaylord Leafhugger

Dear Mr. Leafhugger,

The first thing to do is review your contract. Looking at your name, I'm guessing you're playing in a Wood Elf team. Wood Elves generally protect the their player rights reasonably well, so you're lucky there. You need to look at the Apothecary-clause and the Retirement Rulings.

It is very likely that the team is not going to give you anything though. So yes, you're going to have to live with it. However, don't give up all hope! There is still much to be done... My advice? Play as a Thrall on a Vampire team. A little bit of male bonding with fangs will fit you just fine, mister Leafhugger, and you're still a fast and experienced player on that team compared to most other Thralls.

My squig likes humping trees too,
Prinzka

 
Coaches Couch

This issue the topic for the newly fabreezed couch is the Skills of the CRP. We’ve grabbed some coaches that 'claim' experience and got them to talk, whether they wanted to or not. The bar is serving cocktails, mostly Mohito’s and Mai Tai’s, but with the odd Martini thrown in. The nibbles are kalimata and lugano olives.

The gathered throng are:
turboraton: Over 30 games in the box and plenty on the FFB beta.
freak_in_a_frock: Over 120 games of FFB
awambawamb: 160 games both FFB and Real Life.
jimmyfantastic: 160 games, half FFB and half Real Life.
JockMcRowdy: Over 40 games of FFB and a huge CR.

GLN: as a way of saying hello, and as is now traditional, please tell the readers something about yourself they wont yet know.

turboraton: hi there, first world citizens! It is true, we ride llamas.
jimmyfantastic: Hi, I look a lot like Brett Favre, but thankfully not from the waist down!
awambawamb: mmmh... my girlfriend doesn't know that I play BB. She believes I quit some time ago.
JockMcRowdy: In Blood Bowl I tend to whine a lot but in real life....I'm exactly the same
freak_in_a_frock: The last game I conceded was over 5 years ago, I conceded because my chair broke and I cut my arm on the radiator, requiring stitches
JockMcRowdy: rofl that’s a lack of commitment
turboraton: should have re-connected on the hospital!

GLN: OK. We're here to discuss the skills of CRP, the Competition Rule Pack, for Blood Bowl. As a way of setting a benchmark, how would you score the CRP rules out of 10 and in one sentence why?

JockMcRowdy: 6. Many great improvements but I feel a lot of the fluff is gone and some skills are gimmicky and don’t fit. a lot of the fun is gone too, less silliness.
freak_in_a_frock: I agree with Jock, now you have to actively make a fun team, rather than have one develop. I would score them an 8. I like that they have balanced the game a lot, but in some ways it takes away a lot of the fun. The game has become a lot more about skill choices rather than skill rolls
awambawamb: They have highs and lows, but in general I'd give them a 6. They're good for quick playing and that's good, but I don't like the complexity of some of them, along with the no braining of others. I agree with the point about skill choices rather than rolls, very rarely do I take doubles on S access players now.
jimmyfantastic: I would score it about 7. Nerfing Dp is terrible but at least they got rid of ageing.
turboraton: I'd go for 8. Aging, Inducements, Journeymen are strong points of this rule set.

GLN: Great, Lets us know where you're all coming from. So onto the skills themselves. As that’s why we're here. Several are brand new, let’s talk about them. Fend for example, what do you make of it? is it the new dodge?

JockMcRowdy: My main gripe is the loss of traits, doubles used to mean access to slightly more powerful skills that added some flair to your team, none were game breaking and I think they will be a big loss, stand firm random dodging hilarity especially
freak_in_a_frock: Fend will never be the new dodge, it is too situational. Until a team has real success by spamming fend it will always be a secondary choice
awambawamb: I don't like dice-depending abilities; they kick the strategy out of the game. like Jump Up, now ridiculous for a low Ag player. And skills that cancel each other - they just don't make sense.
jimmyfantastic: Dodge is a far superior skill but fend can certainly keep players alive a little bit more.

GLN: What situations will we see fend in then? what players WILL it keep alive?

turboraton: I have faced LoS Fend, and I can say it works, it's annoying and it can cause troubles on your positioning, It's a good addition in my opinion
freak_in_a_frock: Fend seemed to only be added because piling on become so over-powered it needed a counter skill. Surely if that is the case they should really have looked at toning down piling on a bit
JockMcRowdy: I have only used fend for LOS players, its useful but if a player has more than G access there are too many other choices that come before it, doesn’t fit with fluff either how exactly does a guy stop someone following up when they have been knocked over?
jimmyfantastic: really good 1st skill for norse linos and if you have a star you don’t want to eaten by a mb po guy
awambawamb: So they overpowered Piling On: let's make Fend! But Fend is too nice to avoid it, so let's make Juggernaut! what's going to come for Juggernaut? That's a chain of overruling...
jimmyfantastic: They sure did overpower piling on but at least there is some violence left in the game after they killed Dp and fouling.
awambawamb: And razor sharp claws, and claws
turboraton: LoS Fend is the way to go for me. Not on 1st skill but perhaps on 2nd
JockMcRowdy: I agree with the skill countering comments, if fend was suddenly removed and piling on toned down I’m not sure it would be missed

GLN: Ok, let’s move on a little, I plan to cover those in time, and I am SURE they'll crop up again. The other skill getting a lot of press is wrestle, similarly situational? or a new 'must have'? A lot of people seem to think it’s a cage breaking, ball getting dream.

jimmyfantastic: It's certainly good on teams with less than stellar access to guard and decent movement. Which is a lot of teams. I think it will replace block more and more on the weaker teams.
awambawamb: HELL YEAH! Players with wrestle have now 50% to remove 8 tackle zones for one turn. Not bad!
turboraton: I play lots of Skaven, and I tell you that having wrestle is very good both when attacking and when defending. It is also great on LoS.
JockMcRowdy: this also sits in with the 'we must have a way to counter this skill' theory, but I actually like wrestle block WAS something that needed more interaction
freak_in_a_frock: wrestle was a good skill to include, combines well with a lot of other skills. Stripballers now have another weapon, slow players can be brought down easier.

GLN: how will we see wrestle used? what will it combine with?

jimmyfantastic: I think its a little silly fluff wise that it’s general. I would have liked it to be strength access .I don't imagine wood elfs out wrestling black orcs.
freak_in_a_frock: I disagree, I see it a lot like a judo move, using the opponent’s weight against them
JockMcRowdy: LOS players and a dedicated ball getter, so a wrestle strip ball guy, obviously jump up will be nice with it
awambawamb: What's the point of having both wrestle and strip ball? when the ball carrier will be prone, he will lose the ball automatically...
jimmyfantastic: block
freak_in_a_frock: Wrestle is almost a must have for a slann team. Stops the ball being safe anywhere
turboraton: Wrestle is great on gobos!

GLN: Why gobos? what use would that be?

jimmyfantastic: they are decent movement and the team lacks guard. this is the primary requirement for wrestle guys.
turboraton: Wrestle creates many holes that your ball handler can take
freak_in_a_frock: I would prefer dauntless on a double for a gobo, now it is available
awambawamb: And makes dwarves move of only one pitiful square per turn!
turboraton: Imo, as opposed to block, Wrestle create many chances, I expect Skaven team winning lots of majors thanks to wrestle

GLN: And possibly the other widely available brand new skill is grab? situational again? or does it get you all as excited as wrestle clearly does?

freak_in_a_frock: Grab will be a very good way of setting an OTT up without the need of a blitz to start it off. You can then save that blitz for the run in
jimmyfantastic: far too situational in my opinion. maybe one on the team for OTS attempts and a bit of frenzy
JockMcRowdy: to be fair I haven’t ever used it, but it seems very gimmicky to me, 'we have side step, needs a counter' again will have its uses but too many others skills worth having before it, cant see it appearing too often, but I may be proved wrong
turboraton: Sadly I have not played with a team with lots of S access and neither against them. But I can see that Grab is a good skill as well to create a hole where your runner can move in. Sometimes you can't run for the TD and now thanks to Grab/Guard you might now.
awambawamb: Grab is a poorly developed idea, as it conflicts with Frenzy, and gets cancelled by side step. Waste of skill points makes games more boring, imho
freak_in_a_frock: I have also seen suggestions of the crowd surf opportunities with grab. And trees will love grab, finally that take root won't stop them from wanting to hit people
GLN_Barman: Players with tentacle gain much from grab, like the BoN.
JockMcRowdy: true, hadn’t considered trees and tents types
GLN: Silence barman, and fetch Mohitos.
jimmyfantastic: and essential if you ever take multiblock because you cant follow up on multiblock anymore so you want to keep the two guys next to you.
JockMcRowdy: they really ruined multiblock

 
Coaches Couch

GLN: OK, there are some maybe more 'niche' new skills as well. Are we actually going to see them? juggernaut for example? who is going to take that, and why?

JockMcRowdy: wild animals need jugger for them to be useful you need to be blitzing regularly, and jugger means you don’t have that 1/9 fail anymore
jimmyfantastic: No doubt pact and CD minos and rat ogres will take juggernaut, chaos minos will probably want to mutate a lot. never taken by a non big guy I imagine
awambawamb: Frenzied players will take juggernaut to enjoy the crowds with fresh meat of sidesteppers!
freak_in_a_frock: When I was testing in the beta division I did put juggernaut on my wolf, just for testing purposes mind. It was a completely wasted skill once I had tested it. The problem is that only players that lack general access need it, and even then these players usually have loner, and therefore you don't want to be wasting your blitz with them

GLN: It is one of the skills that seems to cancel a lot of others. Is that a good thing? And is it really enough to counter Freaks concerns? Won’t big guys with jugger still be a liability blitzing?

JockMcRowdy: I can see it popping up in league formats, where your opponents might go with fend teams or have lots of stand firm. but it lessens the risk, and there isn’t a wealth of skills to choose from
turboraton: Blitzing with big guys it’s ALWAYS a risk.
freak_in_a_frock: I still think it will just cover up newbie’s lack of skill. since newbie’s will be the only ones that will want to blitz with their big guy
turboraton: go Rat Ogre! I tell you, CRP is a Skaven conspiracy
awambawamb: Big guys are also a pain of those new rules
JockMcRowdy: I always want to blitz with a snow troll, he wants to play!!!
jimmyfantastic: hey I loved blitzing with my snow troll, str 5 MB PO claw men are good
JockMcRowdy: to be honest I agree that it’s pointless, but a nutter that can’t be stopped like frenzy actually fits in with BB fluff, so I like it

GLN: And then we come to sneaky git, is it just a bone thrown to the goblins? or will we see elf SG's?

freak_in_a_frock: Absolutely pointless skill
jimmyfantastic: yes sneaky git totally sucks as does fouling in general now
awambawamb: nowadays you wouldn't foul someone if you're not sure to pass the armour roll, so there's little use for SG
freak_in_a_frock: Sneaky git only works when you failed at what you wanted to do anyway. The only way sneaky git will ever be good is if they get it to combine with dirty player properly
JockMcRowdy: I misread sneaky git on first read, I thought it said it cancelled being caught on armour rolls reducing sending off to 1/6
jimmyfantastic: that would have been much better rule jock
turboraton: Yeah it is an Under Powered skill, but hey the name rocks. Sneaky Git, think of a Chaos Warrior getting it on a double
JockMcRowdy: thinking that it would be cool for stunties and elves I thought it rocked, however it doesn’t do that and is the second worst skill in the entire game
freak_in_a_frock: Basically you need to have the option to +1 to the armour roll, meaning that if it is a double that won't break armour unless the +1 is added. If you then get the option to +1 or not , then it would be ok
turboraton: which one is the #1 useless skill jock?
JockMcRowdy: kick off return
jimmyfantastic: hah yeah noobs love it though for some reason!

GLN: I wasn't even going to bother asking. lets do it quickly, anyone have anything good at all to say about Kick off return?

freak_in_a_frock: again it is a good way to cover a lack of skill, it means that you can cage easier if your set up sucked
turboraton: why do you think it’s a bad skill? Yeah it’s not a stellar skill but it can help on the critical 2turn TD
awambawamb: not bad, imho
freak_in_a_frock: it is the counter to the 'kick' skill. As we have already said this rule set is all about counters
JockMcRowdy: well with bad kick gone kick isn’t all that wonderful either now
freak_in_a_frock: now that kick is optional I’d argue it is even better

GLN: Right, let’s change style. Mutations have changed. Easier to get, some the same, some very different. What are the good and the bad mutation changes?

turboraton: Two Heads baby, it's all about the two heads.
freak_in_a_frock: it does make the teams far more generic. In fact now it has become too normal to see a mutant taking to the pitch. Before it was special to have a freak on the team
jimmyfantastic: I think I like the claw change. I think that disturbing presence and foul appearance could have remained as one skill, I can't see anyone taking either now.
JockMcRowdy: foul appearance split into 2 has made them both not worth taking now
turboraton: many of times you think your cage is safe, and the 2 headed gobbo can do an easy 2+ with rr to get the assist you need. On the other teams, getting 2 heads is almost like a poor mans +agi for the storm vermin’s
JockMcRowdy: that’s what I was meaning about traits, the joy of rolling a double on chaos or Skaven and deciding how to shape the player
freak_in_a_frock: The problem with traits though was that your team development was based too much on luck. The traits were too over-powered compared to normal skills
awambawamb: Claw got nerfed and they trashed RSC. Mutation gobbos are now stars if they get two heads!
JockMcRowdy: tentacles is too easy to escape now, the BON no longer strikes fear, I like the changes to horns and extra arms though
turboraton: how about Big Hand on the gutters? sounds like a good idea to me
JockMcRowdy: or the pact de, yep leaping big hand ag4
jimmyfantastic: yeah horns very nice for chaos. Very Long Legs have also a secondary rule that can be confusing. It's hard to keep track of all "this-counters-this" in RL
freak_in_a_frock: Anyone else think that the VLL change was made just to accommodate slann teams? which seems a little arse about face to me
JockMcRowdy: definitely, and because it was no longer a double, you couldn’t have +ma for less TV
awambawamb: They wanted to see things jump, probably because one of the developers bought a trampoline, and here we go.

GLN: Horns need no run up as long as you are blitzing and extra arms seems to help with everything to do with the ball. Did they get too buffed?

JockMcRowdy: no they are fine, did anyone ever actually choose either of them before? other than gutters
freak_in_a_frock: Horns also got a nerf by not combining with dauntless now
jimmyfantastic: no-one took em then and no-one will take them before claw now
JockMcRowdy: that was necessary though, a str 2 gutter taking on anything for 2 dice was silly
awambawamb: I don't like the new Horns, it doesn't have the background. A Horned player was supposed to *charge* the blitz from distance, not sprinting up like a spring

GLN: and on we go. So, a lot of other skills got changed. What’s the best changed skill, and why?

freak_in_a_frock: Of course we all forget that thick skull is no longer a mutation. that has made a huge difference, well someone might take it on a troll at some point
JockMcRowdy: I don’t really like any of the skills changes it’s my biggest CRP complaint so ill go with diving catch, at least now it has a vague use and will occasionally get chosen. thick skull is still a waste of time as a skill choice unless restricted to S
turboraton: I get it on my big guy sometimes after guard and the usual double
JockMcRowdy: you would occasionally want TS on fodder but more than likely it will cost you a double better spent elsewhere
jimmyfantastic: I like that they made Piling On too powerful. Thick Skull is awful as a choice but a nice bonus on the players that start. no way should you pay even 20 TV for it
freak_in_a_frock: best skill is and always will be block
turboraton: I agree on that
awambawamb: I don't really have a preferred one changed skill. But Horns is nicer now, even if it's like cheating
freak_in_a_frock: even the counter of wrestle doesn't stop Block being the best, but it is a boring choice. We can all pretend we love other skills, but it will still be the first skill we all choose the most often
JockMcRowdy: I’m an elf man, dodge is usually choice no1
freak_in_a_frock: I like that stab skill, but I have a love for assassins that no-one else shares
jimmyfantastic: I think Guard is better than Block but for sure Block is more essential
awambawamb: Block or Wrestle, depends on your race, high Mv races will choose Wrestle more than Block
JockMcRowdy: honestly I’m surprised there isn’t 'Counter Guard - you can prevent someone in your tackle zone using the guard skill'
freak_in_a_frock: ..coming soon to a pitch near you...
jimmyfantastic: they could have added it to juggernaut

 
Coaches Couch

GLN: Ugh. Bored of unchanged old skills, We are here to talk about new things. Block/guard/dodge are SO 2010. diving catch was mentioned earlier. Is it really now actually a choice instead of a joke?

jimmyfantastic: divine catch is still a joke but like TS is nice for players that start with it
JockMcRowdy: diving catch is no longer 'divine catch' the +1 to catch means you can still effectively use a passing game in a tackle zone and for certain teams that may run a HMP game it will be good, can see some khemri with diving catch
freak_in_a_frock: HMP with bombs will also be great fun
JockMcRowdy: can’t you diving catch a bomb?
freak_in_a_frock: would you want to?
turboraton: diving catch is really amazing now, with that +1 to catch

GLN: so. we're moving on again, time is against us and I have plans for this couch that don’t involve a large group of men. Let’s talk extraordinary skills. Stab. Is it as bad as the press it gets?

JockMcRowdy: assassins are the best thing ever, can’t believe DE got a bump, what did they need that for?
freak_in_a_frock: I love it, I just think it is used wrong, too many people forget it is optional
turboraton: stab is great vs that 7av carrying the ball with blodge and sidestep
jimmyfantastic: I love Stab and I love assassins
JockMcRowdy: when R gets moved and I can transfer team of awesome they will be getting 2 assassins straight away, used on the los on your drive they will be invaluable
freak_in_a_frock: remember even on an av9 LoS you have a 1/3 chance with 2 assassins of taking a player out. And if it doesn't happen the assassins provide the assist to block the player away
awambawamb: Ugh. Stab should have been a unique skill of Zara and Hemlock, not a skill on a regular player. Way too devastating against everything with Av less than 8
turboraton: I break assassins, I’m not afraid of em, free spp!
freak_in_a_frock: The fear factor is good to. Place an assassin next to a player on your own team, and that player virtually gains fend. Nobody wants to follow up into an assassin
awambawamb: Score twice with the assassin (not difficult with Ag4) and you have a chance to get Guard. OMG. Stabbing Guard.
JockMcRowdy: you have to use them right, all about positioning
jimmyfantastic: multistab assassin !
JockMcRowdy: just think of assassins as assists that will really annoy the opposition
freak_in_a_frock: people don't like to mark them either, which makes scoring that much easier

GLN: what about titchy? is the 'dodge into titchy tz's without -1' any use?

freak_in_a_frock: Titchy is like VLL. It was added to make snotlings work, not because it was a skill that was needed
JockMcRowdy: of course, but why would anyone want to use ogres anymore, I mean really, that were bad enough anyway, now they are the worst team by far
turboraton: well tbh, its more free spp for me
JockMcRowdy: how many calories are in a SPP turbo?
awambawamb: I liked the addition +1 on the injury roll with old titchy
freak_in_a_frock: I have actually seen people employing snotling cages, so I am not sure everyone is even aware of the rules of Titchy
jimmyfantastic: it’s interesting because they nerfed ogres because they were just a better version of goblins, then created underworld that are just a better version of goblins..
awambawamb: they're going to nerf Underworld too. Maybe with Decay
turboraton: gobbos have chainsaw and bombardier, can’t beat that
JockMcRowdy: bombs will be hilarious when they come in
turboraton: imagine throwing a bomb at that snotling cage!

GLN: decay, is that another one people rant even going to really notice?

awambawamb: Decay killed the Khemri Stars.
JockMcRowdy: decay is a bizarre one for me, not sure why they felt the need
jimmyfantastic: Khemri will notice that they have been demolished. And nurgle will notice that their linos are not the bargain that they appear to be.
freak_in_a_frock: Decay seems to be handed out at random too. Why guardians and not mummies?
JockMcRowdy: every player that has decay is a bit rubbish anyway why the double insult
jimmyfantastic: can't have teams being good that aren’t elves I think
freak_in_a_frock: I would have been happy to see decay expanded to all Undead. And remember I am a necro coach. I just feel that with the apoth nerf regen got too good
JockMcRowdy: decay would fit fluff wise nicely onto zombies and skeletons and mummies of course
turboraton: decay would be awesome on dorfs
awambawamb: It's the Dark Elves Era, let's face that.
JockMcRowdy: dark elves will rule all, they were second only to pro elves in the running game, but now they start with a dump off player so they can be better than pro elves, plus why not through in free armour rolls for good measure, if darkies don’t win everything coming I will be very surprised.

GLN: chainsaws don’t need to be started now. has that sunk in do you think? Isn't it a bit scary?

jimmyfantastic: chainsaws haven’t been a factor in any of the many games I have seen them in
freak_in_a_frock: chainsaws as stars are rubbish. Too often that first roll is a 1 followed by a failed loner roll, followed by said star cashing his pay check in the dug out
JockMcRowdy: chainsaws yes that sunk in when I had a los player die. but they still fall down and die easy, have to roll 2+ to try and maim you, and get sent off on auto, they are actually worse now
turboraton: guys what are you talking about? Chainsaws rule this game, on most of the teams it’s almost free due to inducements
awambawamb: Newbie’s that can't rely on tactics like to put better players on the same level by the Rule of the Dice, and so it went for the chainsaw. It's quite no braining
freak_in_a_frock: They are a liability, great fun but too random to rely on. For gobbos it is a different story, no loner makes them viable, but even then, no dodge means a dead Looney very quickly
JockMcRowdy: seen games lost purely to getting excited using the chainsaw getting 'kickback' and losing the turn

GLN: and it had to happen. We've all been as restrained as the Amish. But here we go. Piling On. It's shiny and new for CRP. What's your verdict? Does everyone need one (or five) now?

jimmyfantastic: yes 5 I love it
turboraton: even the coach needs Piling On
JockMcRowdy: I actually have no problem with piling on being good as it leaves your player prone, but when dirty player got nerfed to might blow getting rid of the po player suddenly became very difficult, so piling on is far too powerful compared to the other damaging skills
freak_in_a_frock: I think that piling on will be the choice of those that don't want to win. People will soon discover that having your players lying prone is not a good thing at all. If they had left Dp as +2 it would be seen for what it is a lot sooner
awambawamb: Personally, I wouldn't let my team can opener lay down on the grass, ready to be fouled. And I think I'm the only one that thinks that was better before, adding a strength modifier to the roll...
jimmyfantastic: because they nerfed DP but they replaced with a great way to kill players and get spps. lying on the ground now is actually safer than standing up vs a MB PO threat
freak_in_a_frock: I just specced a game where an orc team totally out guarded his opponent. The opponent had 2 piling on but the orcs had 5 or 6. The orcs guard was completely useless because no one was standing. The orcs got destroyed.
JockMcRowdy: obviously it needs to be used wisely to be good
turboraton: orcs getting destroyed? man where was I?
JockMcRowdy: but it goes back to the loss of fluff, why is falling on a guy 4 times more powerful than stamping on his face with studded boots

GLN: and finally. Anything we haven’t covered about and around CRP skills that you want to briefly mention?

turboraton: Diving Catch, remember it’s a +1 to catch now, you guys will have to search for another comedy option when new players ask you for doubles ideas
JockMcRowdy: the loss of traits was a stupid stupid idea
awambawamb: Big Guys? How about them? Big guys lost their ability to lose their negative traits on a double, that's bad. They just add randomness to the team
jimmyfantastic: I really HATE that they killed DP.
freak_in_a_frock: What happened to get wolves to fetch?

GLN: one last thing.... your chance to give respec', to put a shout out, to name drop your homeboy, who in FUMBBL do you want to 'big up' and why?

awambawamb: Spiro. He knows the truth. RNG IS BROKEN!
jimmyfantastic: I love Spiro
freak_in_a_frock: Big up to Cusi, coz I like to keep the memory alive. If you don't know or remember who he was take the time to find out
JockMcRowdy: id like to big up petew, purplegoo and pac, who got the WIL up and then running over the years, I've had the opportunity to meet all of them in person and they are wonderful chaps who have made my time on FUMBBL a great experience, also the chief Big C, and his minions who made the new client and transition possible
jimmyfantastic: yes christer etc
turboraton: I’d like to big up all the coaches that moved to LRB6 and didn’t feel the need to stay with an old rule set

 
FUMBBL Badges
by Hero164

It has been a few years now since I first launched the FUMBBL badges, based at the time on the XBox Live achievement system. Nowadays everything is achievement-crazy with steam and MMOs giving a little badge for every step you take.

Step forward the revamped FUMBBL badge system for FFB, 251 achievements for you to have a go at, even if you think you’ve done everything there is to do in Blood Bowl.

Some people put them on their profiles' bio and tick them off as they go along. I’ve seen some amazing efforts over the past few years.

Lastly I want to introduce the concept of ‘FUMBBL Firsts’ with these first steps into LRB6, the first coach to complete each badge to be immortalised in the thread with a first completed acknowledgement.

These are not set in stone and I am always looking for new ideas. Hope to see as many coaches joining in as possible as we move to FFB.

Happy Fumbbling
Hero164

One thing I am keen to do is to put next to each badge the first person to complete them. If you think you are feel free to post below and it will say forever more:

Badge - First completed by x Coach.

Disputes can be resolved using dates of matches or just fisticuffs.

Without further ado - FFB badges!

Rules

No 1v1 games or other similar formats.
Games must be competitive in nature.
Games must not have been FFB deliberate bug tests.

Games
Has won a game 5-0.

Has won 100/200/500/1000 games.
Has won a game playing up 390TV.First completed in LRB6 by Freak in a Frock
Have a 75% win loss record.
Have a picker and player badge for all R races.
Opponents
Has beaten a player with 180cr
Beat a player with a 5/0/0 or better VS record
Has beaten an Admin
Beat the first active person who beat you 5 times
Have a 10/0/0 record vs someone
Bashing
Has killed two people with a single multiblock.
Has killed one of every race.
Has killed one of every position – complete grid.
Has killed a star player.
Has killed every star.
Has killed a legend.
Has killed a player by fouling turn 16.
Kill yourself and your opponent by a both down.
Injure every opponent player
Kill 5 players in a match.
Kill a grandfathered player
Passing & Intercepting
Complete an AG1/2 Longbomb
Score with a bounce pass.
Score with a Dump Off.
Pass into the crowd then score on the same turn.
Intercept needing a 10 or more.
Intercept three times in one game.
Get completions with 6 players in a match
Intercept then pass for a TD without moving.
Score with the ball in your own end zone.
Passblock to intercept twice in one match.
Get 5 completions in a Blizzard.
Fouling
Foul on all 16 turns.
Get the ref on turn 1 with 2+ Dp then don’t foul.
Have 5 players sent off in the match.
Foul every turn with the highest spp player left.
Average 12 fouls a game for 20 games.
Bribe the Ref 5 times in a match.
Foul 20 teams into retirement.
Clever Plays
Score 1 turn TD with an MA 6 player (no blitz)
Score with 2 dodge, 2 block, a pass and hand off
Surf 4 players in one turn.
Score on a blitz kick off result.
Score needing to make 8 or more dodges.
Player awards – Single Player must get in a Single Match
Get a Larson (cas, comp, int, td)
Get a perfect Larson (as above with MVP)
Cause 5 cas in one match
Make 5 completions in one match
Score 5 TD in one match
Player awards – Lifetime
Have a bio for a player of more than 1000 words
Get a player with -ma, -st, -ag, -av, n or worse!!
Get a player with +ma, +st, +ag, +av
Have a player with 100 completions
Have a player with 100 casualties
Have a player with 100 TDs
Have a player with 25 interceptions
Have a player with 25cp, 25 cas, 25td, and 5 int
Have a player that has played for 3 teams.
Have a player with 5 niggles.
Team awards – Single Match
Every member of the squad gains at least 1spp
Be cleared from the pitch but still win.
Score with 5 different players.
Win from 2 behind at half time.
5 or more players gain skill rolls.
Skill and hire two journeymen in a game.
Team awards – Lifetime
Have 5 active legends in a single team.
Recover the team from 6 or less players.
Play 500/1000 games with one team.
In chat and say your team name 5 \o/’s = badge
Have a treasury of 500,000gp (Not through handicaps)
Have a TV of more than 3000
Team cas of more than 1000
Team completions of more than 1000
Team TDs of more than 1000
Team Ints of more than 200
Have a team with 18ff
Famous Teams
Play and beat 5 of the following teams: Deathgerbils Revenge Nandorins 11 Thugz Terrifying Anarchists Sleeper in Metropolis Hellbound Charioteers Fighting Hellfish Competitive eaters Blood Falcons Divine Assassins Trees Fluffy Kittens and More startrek.nl Sneaky Plans Rhazgul's Judgement Beedogs Crossdressers Tiny Steel Hammers. Pro Popes I Left My Heart In San Francisco Blood Sea Buccaneers Fleetfoot's Revenge I Agility Monsters Roid Rage [B]abes Ultimate Mr. Men Rata Blanca Lone Stars Six Hooves Under Chuck Versus Blood Bowl WMD’s in the Box Fun With Goats Flachpfeifens 4th try Schmerztal Darkbones Slime Barons Hell Grannies Vault Tec Squad Flying Sammiches Angry Newscasters Dirty Little Dinos
Make an opponent retire a team with at least 250 games.
Have 50 coaches declare themselves fans of your team.
FUMBBL Fun
Have Zen master Blog Rater and Writer Awards.
Have a 5.9 Rated Blog
Have 300 coaches answer your poll.
Have an article in the GLN
Start a league
Play 100 B Games
Complete your Grid
Play 100 Stunty Games
Get 50 Buddies
Comment on 50 games.
Smack Talk – Make your boast in public!!
Nominate a player then kill him in the match
State exactly who will score your hat-trick
State you will win 3-0 with no cas against
State you will clear the pitch.
Loser retires his team (you must win for badge)
Lucky Git
Pow a blodger with the ball, -2db no tackle.
Make a play to score needing three 6’s
Cas 5 players at a kick off
5+ opponents stunned on pitch invasion yours=0
Get a 3+ favourable blitzes
Ball bounces off 3 opposing players onto yours
Player blocked with 10 dice without falling (1tn).
Play through the game without needing a reroll. (no concessions)
Ref ignores 8 consecutive fouls
remove five or more players with one fireball
Unlucky Bastard
Break something in real life in frustration
Fail a GFI to score twice in the same match
Roll 10 1s or skulls in a row.
Roll 6 skulls on a single block.
Have a 100sp+ player killed by a rock.
Fail 6+ KO rolls in one go.
3 consecutive apothecary results get you worse injuries.
Fail 6 consecutive regens.
Kill an AG 5+ player on a failed dodge.
Have 6 players refuse to play because of the heat.
Crazy Skills
Leap Blitz with a Big Guy for a cas.
5+ players on a non Slann team with Diving Catch
Have 4 players in a team with claw/mb/po
Have a player with 5 mutations.
Have 3 players with Fan Favourite.
Have 5 players on your team with wrestle.
Have 3 players with AG2 and Leap.
Have 5 players with Shadowing.
TTM
Has eaten 10 goblins
Has scored by a TTM directly into the end zone
Has killed a player with a thrown team-mate
Has thrown a team-mate into the crowd.
Score 3 TTMs in one match.
Very Hard – Your opponent must play normally
Has scored with one player on the pitch.
/td>Has won a major tournament.
Win a game with only you not blocking.
Win a game making no dodge rolls.
Win a game passing every turn you have the ball
Kill two players with a single wizard.
Win 5 consecutive games with no rerolls.
Win without standing any players up.
25 games with a team buying no extra players.
Get a 2000tv team using only linemen.
Impossible
Complete everything in this thread.
Complete your (B) Grid.
Play 5000 games with one team.
Have an active player with 1000spp
Make everyone agree about t16 fouling.
Race specific
Necromantic
Rez a player then kill another with the zombie in the same game
Score twice in a game with a Flesh GolemFirst Completed in LRB6 by Over-dose
Get a td, cas and a comp with both wights
Surf and score in a single blitz with a wolf
Have 2 ghouls over 100spp
Orc
Have 1 BO score, 1 cas, 1 complete and 1 int.
A Black Orc dodges, picks up and completes.
Cause a cas with all four blitzers.
Score 50 Td with a gobbo
Play a game having hired 5 stars.
Chaos Dwarf
Win 10 games with no Bull Centaurs
Get a legend Hobgoblin
Have a strong arm, accurate big guy with 20cps
Score two TD’s in 1 game with CD Blockers
Score a TD with Zzharg Madeye’s Blunderbuss
Amazon
20 games vs Dwarves with a winning record.
Populate your team with hot women pictures
Cause 50 Cas with an Amazon.
Hire Zara and have her kill a Mummy.
Play 20 games at 200+ Ts with a 60% win ratio.
Khemri
Win 10 games with no Tomb Guardians
Score with two Tomb Guardians in a game
Make a Legend Skeleton
One turn with a Blitz-Ra
Retire an AG4 Khemri uninjured on principle.
Goblin
Fail all boneheads for 3 consecutive turns.
Have 2 gobbos eaten in one game.
Kill three players with secret weapons in a match
Cause 50 cas with a gobbo
Have 5 players with Diving Tackle
Halfling
Kill a player with a rooted Treeman.
Kill a player on a -3db.
Get 3 Kills with a fling in one game.
Make 5 consecutive stunty dodges.
Have a team with 5 or more DP.
Dwarf
Cause 3 cas with a Deathroller in a game
Put out 11 players with guard for a drive.
1 Turn with a Longbeard
Have a TS kill a player using dauntless, then die.
Have a team with 50 games but no retirements
Pro Elf
Get a 3000 TV Elf Team
Clear the pitch of an AV9 Team
Legend a Catcher
Field a team with 6 Mighty Blows
Win an Elite Smack
Dark Elf
Kill two players in a match with a witch elf
Kill and Injure 2 opponents with a single stab
Legend a Linesman
Kill/SI 100 High Elves
Field an all Blodge Team
High Elf
Get 50 Cp with a Dragon Warrior.
Hire Prince Morian and get him killed.
Make 50 Completions with a PW in 15 Games
Kill/SI 100 Dark Elves
Cause 9 casualties in a match
Wood Elf
Cause 50 cas with a Wood Elf Catcher
Field 6 Players with Leap
Get a Wood Elf to 51spp in 5 games
Make a Larsson with Jordell
Win a game 7-0
Lizardmen
Play 25 games with no Sauri and a winning ratio
Kill a player because of Prehensile Tail
Kill a Str5 + player with a skink.
Score 50 td with a Saurus
Legend a Skink
Undead
Win a smack without the Count
Kill/SI 3/4 Tomb Guadians on a Khemri team
Legend a Ghoul
Get a Wight to 51 Spp in 15 games.
Score 3 touchdowns with Zombies in a game
Skaven
Play 25 games with no GR and a winning record
Play 4 rats with foul appearance.
Win when suffering 8 casualties
Get a Str 5 Rat (not ogre)
Win 6-0 with all four gutters scoring.
Ogres
Bonehead 5 ogres in a single turn.
Win a game with no Ogres.
Give all your Ogres Pro.
Cause 50 cas in 10 games.
Legend a Snotling
Vampire
Bite 6 thralls in one match.
Fail 12 OFAB rolls in a game.
Make a Legend Thrall
Play 6 Vamps on the pitch for a game
Successfully gaze 3 players then score
Rotters
Tentacle 5 players for a turn with no escape
Make a Warrior with long legs and extra arms
Give five team members +AV
Make a Legend Pestigor
Score 10 Tds with your Beast.
Humans
Hire Griff and Zug and win
Score 20 TD with a catcher in 10 games
Score with all four Blitzers
Legend a Linesman
Make 15spp for an Ogre in a match
Norse
Play 6 Blodge players in a game
Cause 40 Cas in the first 10 games
Kill a player jumping up from prone
Surf 6 players in a match.
Win a Legend Smack
Chaos
Play 4 leaping Chaos Warriors
Kill a player fouling with Borak
Only score with CW for 10 games (win. ratio)
Make 10 teams Retire
Legend a Minotaur
Chaos Pact
Fail 5 animosity rolls in a game
Have each of your big guys kill an opponent in a single match
Score with all three renegades in a single game
TTM twice in consecutive turns to score
Cause 25 cas with a goblin.
Slann
Leap into the endzone to score a TD three times in a single match.
Give Leap to your Kroxigor
Legend a catcher
Kill 50 Lizardmen
Win a Smack with Slann
Underworld
Field a team where everyone has at least one mutation.
Have 5 players with sneaky git.
Play Skaven 25 times, and have a winning record against them.
Get 5 randomly chosen mutations on your troll
Win a Smack with Underworld
 
Crossword
by Ehlers

The GLN proudly present the first cross word in FUMBBL history. Many goblins have used their time to search through the history books of FUMBBL and The Blood Bowl history. Are you as clever and wise as hundred goblins? Do you know your FUMBBL history? Do you have knowledge outside of the Blood Bowl pitch? Take your pen and fill that cross word!

All A&Q are related to FUMBBL or Blood Bowl
Spaces count too, so BB = Blood Bowl (10 spaces and not 9)



Across
  • 3. Something Green
  • 6. Boots + Gravity
  • 9. Great Team of LRB4
  • 10. Crowd Count
  • 14. Eat Infested Cheese
  • 16. Literate Goblins
  • 17. Blood Bowl Term
  • 18. Greaves that grants Jump Up
  • 19. Orcland Raiders Stadium
Down
  • 1. Group on FUMBBL
  • 2. Blood Bowl Underground
  • 4. CR 180+
  • 5. Major Tournament
  • 7. FUMBBL majors' champion
  • 8. Security Officer
  • 9. Something Sneaky
  • 11. Star Player
  • 12. Secret Weapon
  • 13. Food
  • 15. Why the RNG is broken?

The answer will come up at an appropriate time.
So will you be the first one to solve it first before others do?

 
FUMBBL Classifieds: For Sale

Foe sale - 1 dud BOMB... wel i tink its a dud n e wy, it aint gone of yt, kontakd boomer Blosemstuff

 
Obituaries/Valedictories

  • Nikola Tesla, Mummy for Dead Science
    Emerging mummy blocker, Serbo-Croatian electro engineer "Nikola Tesla" left the undead ranks of the "Dead Science" yesterday after suffering a savage beating at the hands of star coach Tarabaralla's "Pawns Only!".

    Tesla will be remembered for his bloodthirst, his powerful blocks and for his contributions to theoretical physics.
  • Stryke, Blitzer for -wolverines-
    The captain of the -wolverines- Stryke was killed by the crowd in the first half he had only just got his first skill.
  • Kestix, Thrower for -wolverines-
    In the second half of the same game Stryke (see above) died, thrower Kestix was killed by the Kroxigor (who then also managed to pluck the ball from the air and make a dash towards the end-zone). He will be missed...he was a star in the making
  • Kysthan, Black Orc Blocker for -wolverines-
    Black orc Kysthan was then killed towards the end of the game by a saurus.

    How the -wolverines- will get past this I don't know (although the drop n rating of about 30 will help), hopefully replacement captain Stryke ii will be able to lead the team to a much needed victory!
  • Sludge, Troll for =Pump It Up=
    Poor old Sludge was the bane of every stunty coach he played against, with skills including tackle, multiple block and reak tackle he truely was a wonder of the stunty world, and will be missed.

    In the 13 games he played in he caused a tremendous 15 casualties and an MVP, which he rightfully deserved.

    RIP Sludge

    (Right then u other lot this is what happens when u fail yer GFI's next to a dirty player and then don't regen...don't let it happen again!!)
  • Jim "TANK" Wassersleben, Ogre for Gnoadig!
    Jim was a little ogre boy when he found interrest in blood bowl. He soon become a contract from several teams, and played a few seasons 'till he signed at the Gnoadig!.

    Despite other advices, he soon became a very interesting player, as he developed awesome skills (piling on, block, frenzy, break tackle, multiple block) in training and used them on the pitch.

    Unfortunately in his last game against some frogs coached by jimjo, he got fouled and died by a non dp-linefrog in Turn5 of the 2nd half.

    So my best ogre of all time passes away. I am glad that it happened before my whole team suffers from an airplane accident (ffb-reset).

    Rest well, Jim.
  •  
    How to contribute
    by the GLN editors

    Where to contribute

    Those wishing to contribute to the advertising sections of the Grotty Little Newspaper (GLN) should post in the appropriate section within the correctly dated GLN forum. These are regularly checked by the editors. If your forum contribution is erased, it was probably used and is safely tucked into the correct area of the GLN.

    For those wishing to contribute an article to the GLN please go to the IRC channel #GLNR and speak to Ro or anyone willing to listen :) about it.

    House style for the GLN

    Articles in the Grotty Little Newspaper, like any publication, have a set of house styles which mean that certain elements appear in a consistent style across the whole issue. Specifically, please conform to the following rules:

    • FUMBBL is spelt in all capitals... NOT Fumbbl.
    • Blood Bowl is spelt as two words, both capitalised... NOT Bloodbowl or Blood bowl.
    • Races and positions are capitalised when they are referred to individually, so for instance you would talk about an Orc Blitzer, not an orc blitzer.
    • Skill names are also capitalised. Note that both Dump-Off and Throw Team-Mate have a hyphen, but Side Step and Bone Head do not.
    • Coach names are referred to as they appear on their coach pages so that, for example, m0nty is not capitalised but Christer is.
    • Be careful with apostrophes. Do not use them when talking about plurals, like SPPs.
    • Question-and-answer (Q&A) interviews are normally done with the questions being preceded by GLN:, not the author's name. Carriage returns (i.e. a blank line) are inserted between the Qs and As. Stage directions (when you are describing something that is happening, not being said) are put after the speech in a new line, in italics. There are no quote marks around the speech sections.

     
    Acknowledgements

    The Grotty Little Newspaper would like to thank everybody who made this issue possible:

    Pestigor <!--Card [editor.gif] Ro, 6 3 3 8 42, Horns, Nurgle's Rot, Regeneration, Block, Mighty Blow, Piling On, Editor-->
    Beast Of Nurgle <!--Card [christernew.jpg] Christer, 4 6 1 9 55, Loner, Disturbing Presence, Foul Appearance, Mighty Blow, Nurgle's Rot, Really Stupid, Regeneration, Tentacles, +St, Block, Stand Firm, Guard-->
    Pestigor <!--Card [yoda.jpg] James_Probert, 6 3 4 7 35, Horns, Nurgle's Rot, Regeneration, Block, +AG, Dodge, -AV, Coder-->
    Pestigor <!--Card [Calthor.gif] Calthor, 6 3 3 8 21, Horns, Nurgle's Rot, Regeneration, Guard, Block, Regular Contributor, Proof Reader-->
    Rotter <!--Card [ragegob.jpg] Ehlers, 5 3 2 7 17, Decay, Nurgle's Rot, Dirty Player, Block, -AV, -AG-->
    Nurgle Warrior <!--Card [pcavatar.jpg] PurpleChest, 4 4 2 9 55, Disturbing Presence, Foul Appearance, Nurgle's Rot, Regeneration, Block, Guard, Regular Contributor-->
    Rotter <!--Card [mezir.gif] Knut_Rockie, 5 2 4 8 27, Decay, Nurgle's Rot, +AG, Sure Hands, -ST, Resident Artist-->
    Nurgle Warrior <!--Card [ragegob.jpg] Shades_SteelFist, 4 4 1 9 9, Disturbing Presence, Foul Appearance, Nurgle's Rot, Regeneration, Block, Resident Artist, -AG-->
    Rotter <!--Card [gobbo.jpg] Purplegoo, 5 3 3 8 2, Decay, Nurgle's Rot, Contributor-->
    Rotter <!--Card [gobbo.jpg] Hero164, 4 3 3 8 5, Decay, Nurgle's Rot, -MV, Contributor-->



     


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