A Guide for New Coaches and Those Trying to Reinvent Themselves

I remember joining FUMBBL after winning a local tournament composed of a bunch of my buddies. Ah, my “unbeatable” high elves. Then I remember getting beaten like a step-child on FUMBBL. Is the dice generator broken? Is the guy somehow cheating? Is it because the client hates Americans? No, no, and yes, but no. It is because coaches here are better.

Synn: fumbbl coaches are the best in the world..... period

Did I give up? Should you? No, and no.

Attention new coaches (i.e. less than six months), this is for you! Experienced coaches trying to reinvent yourselves, this is also for you. As a fellow relatively new coach, I was lucky enough to run across a lot of great advice and I feel obligated to share some of it. Unlike some of the tactical articles in the GLN, this will not help you win with elves or orcs, but it will help you enjoy FUMBBL and achieve overall success. As the article title says, Survive, then Thrive.

Since I credit other coach’s help with my development, I use quotes from other coaches throughout.

Whether your goal is to win and have fun, or just have fun, this will hopefully help. And, as a preface, please always remember to follow common sense etiquette and the admins (and other coaches) will be your friend.

Mezir: If you wish to achieve anything on this site, you must curry favour with me.

Contained below are 10 of the truths (aka my opinions) that I have come across in my first 350 games or thereabouts.

To SURVIVE, you must have certain realizations:

1. Some people will be jerks, just like anywhere else.

shadow46x2: A coach's reputation is way too easy to find out if you hang out in the IRC channel and join the community. If they're sketchy, it'll be clear pretty soon... If they're a good coach... Same deal.

2. Every player you ever have will be either killed or retired, or have his team retired. The sooner you get over valuing a particular player or even team, the sooner you can relax and enjoy each game.

shadow46x2: Enjoy the boot... Pixels are pixels, and they're going to die... Learn to laugh at misery

3. The dice will hose you sometimes—they sometimes hose everyone. If you want to completely eliminate luck, play chess. You will go through dry spells — don’t let it ruin you. You will see strange things on FUMBBL because you will a lot more games than on table-top and see many thousands of dice rolls. With that many rolls, expect to see many double ones and double skulls and don’t let it get you down too much.

PurpleChest: 1: Recheck you basics. It's often not Nuffle, but you, that is screwing you. 2: Keep trying, dice fortunes change. 3: Lube up, lie back and dream of the time the sixes all come for you.

4. Some people will foul you a lot. Some people will stall. If you don't like it, don't play them. This does not make them a jerk or wrong, it is just their way of playing the game.

5. The coaches on FUMBBL are better than everywhere else and you will start off losing games, but it will make you better.

To THRIVE, you must do certain things:

1. Have fun chatting in IRC. You will meet other coaches and have a better chance of learning and finding good games and people. Keep a good attitude while doing this.

Mezir: Insert yourself slowly, don't troll, don't spam, don't shout. Get a feel for the site and the atmosphere before you start trying to make a name for yourself. And whatever you do, don't play deathgerbil.

2. Spectate the games of high-rated coaches and of races you want to play. It will give you a number of ideas.

Synn: I say start with a team and use them a bit for the development, see how different tactics work. Then you get a general idea on skills like Guard, Sure Hands, Tackle and such.

3. When your players die, and they will, laugh about it and be a good sport when things don't go your way. Coaches you will play remember how you helped them enjoy their good luck and they may do the same for you.

Malthor: When you dice rape your opponent really bad, show some respect and remember their name the next morning, heh.

Synn: I hate it when my opponent makes me feel like the only reason I am winning is because of one snake-eyes. I think the average game has something like over two hundred dice rolled per side. (Ed: It's actually more likely to be over double that figure.)

4. Read a coach's bio and their teams' bios before you play them — they may contain information important to you.

5. Read the FAQs and help files. This should really be #1. They will answer most of your questions — including why you don't ignore Fan Factor when creating a new team.

shadow46x2: 1: Read ... the ... rulebook.

And just remember:

Malthor: DON'T let your wife see all the pictures of hot women you have spent hours searching for on the internet and lovingly cropped to show maximum cleavage so that they can play on your Amazon team.

If you stop having fun, take a break, have a drink and get some.