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 Issue 14 - January 3rd 2512
by Calthor

The following article is a Freestyle article. The author has incorporated three subjects, as voted upon in the forums. If you enjoy this type of article, be a good reader and let us know! That way, you're sure to see it return in the next issue...
The three subjects used in this article are:

  • Snotlings
  • The Wizard (as inducements)
  • Leagues

It's Saturday afternoon at the time of writing, my wife is gone for the weekend, and my mind can't let go of the idea of Snotling wizards – and it's all your fault, forcing me to write about Snotlings, Wizards, and Leagues.

Let's just pause a moment at the idea. The Ogre team consists of Snotlings and Ogres, which makes a wizard supporting the team either:

  1. strapped for cash, desperate, and at least slightly mentally disturbed
  2. a Snotling (Ogres are not reliable wizards, due to their Bone-headedness)
  3. both

Obviously, I think option c is the most likely, or at least the most fun. And that is what Blood Bowl is all about. We play this game to enjoy ourselves, and we enjoy the madness of Blood Bowl. We do differ in what specific pleasures we like to taste. Some of us enjoy the blood that clawpomp brings, while others stick to all-Zombie teams or no-block leagues.

Yet that is our perspective. We are the coaches and the spectators in the luxury skybox. We are the safe observers. We instruct the trainers and the players, yet we are safe and distant from the actual action.
Imagine the Snotling wizard. Snotlings, as a rule, don't grow very old, so he's a mere youngster, and hardly capable of understanding and controlling his potential as a mage. Yet the only way to survive in his harsh world, is to be of use, so the little wizard has been renting himself as a Blood Bowl wizard, mostly for Ogre teams, and occasionally for a Goblin or Orc team. The money allows him to pay for bodyguards, magic components, and enough is left over for him to live decently. Yet despite the wages he makes, and the bodyguards he has, a Blood Bowl wizard still has to cast his spell from the midst of the crowd. Imagine. His bodyguards, while burly and capable, have to keep a creature safe that is no taller than their knee, from a mass of mad Blood Bowl fans! It is not uncommon for a small (or large) riot to break out. In fact, it is rather rare if it doesn't happen. The bodyguards have to maintain position within such chaos, which is a feat on its own, and also refrain from stepping on their boss. Then finally, when the moment comes that the spell has to be cast, one of the bodyguards has to lift up the Snotling, but still allow him enough movement to properly cast his spell. When this happens during a rough riot, or during a game in which fans from both sides actively despise one another, it is a wonder the spell is even cast at all...

And then, when the Fireball misses all targets, the poor Snotling wizard has to get out alive, when all of the fans are disappointed with the results...
This same little Snotling might have a contract for a whole season (assuming we are dealing with a League, which is, after all, how Blood Bowl should be). Imagine that, having to survive such an ordeal week in, week out. No amount of gold is worth that, nor is there really enough glory in the job either.

The next time you play your game, remember the Snotling wizard. Remember the Halfling vendor selling McMurty's snacks, or the trainer telling the Minotaur to calm down. Think of who cleans up the body parts from the pitch. There is much that goes on to make your League work. There is a whole world of pixelated life out there, and you should take a moment to appreciate that.

For you never know if in the next life, you get reincarnated as a Snotling wizard, lost in the big city and strapped for cash (and unwilling to use his magic for less noble purposes)... You just never know...

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