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 Issue 15 - December 24th 2514
Obituary

On the same day that Grim Toejam sadly passed away it is with deep regret that the Green Tide must also announce the death of another of their legends Nasty Eyepokka. The Great Gobbo and the Green Tide ask that you respect their privacy at this difficult time and that all Blood Bowl operations are on hold for the immediate future. All donations should be made out to the Great Gobbo Foundation. - The Great Gobbo

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It's with regret that I inform any fans of my Gods of Valhalla team is no more, due to the death of my legend Snow Troll Odin and super star Beserker Loki iii. Both were key killers in the team and I think they'll be missed (at least by anyone wanting a fresh batch of bodies which were often found in their opponents dug outs). - mr-maverick

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The Dark Avenger, powered by the leathery head of Mighty mouse was struck down by the hand of fate, in a heroic bodycheck by Ghuguth of the team, Greenie Machines, coached by Khysanth. The game was won by the orcs in the eleventh hour as Berserker Eric, leading a ragtag team of journeymen to hold the line!

The Dark Avenger was a feared beast for almost a year and a half. A mighty snow troll with Block, Jump Up, Piling On, Mighty Blow, Juggernaut and Guard. He died holding three records of the Hellbound; no small feat for a team with more than 1000 games. He was the longest lived rider with 152 games, including our 1000th ride! He held the charioteers most CAS and #1 all time ranked Norse SPP

No grave, shrine, or memorial stands were his corpse was left. For the hellspawn is made of spirit not flesh! Forged from malice and darkness, claws of hellsteel blessed in tears of the unavenged, the demon prince of the Hellbound Charioteers rides once more! A legend has fallen were a new one is born! Ride! - Arktoris

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These were dark times in Ruette Asylum's short history. Coach Harad paced backwards and forwards in the club's dingy back office. Three Wardancers dead in four games. No answers to the endless stream of destruction coming the team's way. Then he had a plan. Nuffle was clearly enjoying his misfortune. He should laugh along with him to get him back on side.

- 'Hey, Delores, what was the name of that Wardancer we could hire?'
- 'Err, Life expectancy one?'
- 'That's the one!' Harad smiled.
- 'You sure boss?'
- 'I'm sure.'

Nuffle certainly enjoyed it. - Harad

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Cal, the second best wood elf of all time, finally died. Being a filthy ranked picking team did not save him, with a string of 14 deaths in 16 games the dice finally landed on Cal.

Whilst I can imagine many will delight in his death, I've had a few messages from other coaches which always tells you he might be a bit special. He may have been a luxury player who never injured an opponent in 128 games but what a luxury. - Harad

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Gromstomp 'Limb Render' enters the funeral home and looks around. He is very offended by all the flowers and shrubbery all over the place. What in da heck is that? Gromstomp walks up to a pile of timber in the middle of the room and looks at some dead wood elf laying on top.

Well. he thinks to himself, that looks like a good place for a guy like that. Then his nose starts to tingle. He looks over and sees a table full of pastries, the good kind. He walks over and shoves a old granny with a cane to the side, she falls down and snaps her cane. He picks up a pasty tray and starts to walk out.

Sees a torch on the wall, picks it up and throws in into the funeral wood.

Gromstomp crests the hill and looks back. The wooden glade is all lighted up as the funeral home is on fire. Wood elves scrambling all over the place.

Gromstomp looks down and notices that his plate is now empty, dammit man, should of just sat on the back row and ate the entire spread, bonehead. - Painstate

 
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