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 Issue 17 - September 1st 2516

FUMBBL Classifieds: For Sale

by PainState

Get your hands on this blast from the past! The game-day program book for the last match the Competitive Eaters played before they walked off into the sunset. Inside you will find the game log of this match, sadly the game day notes taken by coach JackDaniels have faded over time.

Did you know?

Some players are more financially astute than others. Uzzy Banned is one who profited greatly from his legendary status when he released 'Der Likkle Lady', a miniature spiked ball and chain keyring which has taken the Old World by storm. It has also incidentally launched a huge legal battle between the Concerned Mothers Of The Empire who want it banned and the Altdorf Opticians Assosiation who have never been so busy!

Game day program book is in fair condition, creased down the middle and a beer stain on the back cover. Come by the Rusty Anchor, Middleberg and ask for big Al. For only 20 Gold Crowns you can get your hands on this beauty.

*****

A must have collector item for the fans of the Crossdressers; the game day brassier worn by Andrea Vahol. This brassier was certified as the brassier that she wore during the match she reached Legend status. It comes complete with blood stains, autographs of all the gals and an official certificate of authenticity.

Also included is a rare Crossdresser cross promotional piece they put out many years ago. The official Crossdressers make up kit and refresher for those nights on the town. Comes with lip stick, finger nail polish with glitz, eye lash liner and a booklet written by coach Dhaktokh himself. This is a literary classic forgotten in time, its title is: 'How to Crossdress in style and look great on the town or at half time of a match'.

If interested, come see Liz at the Glamour salon in Altdorf. For only 100 Gold Crowns you can get your hands on this one of a kind item.

*****

Looking for some rare Orc artifacts? Well, I've got what you are looking for, the manticore skin jockstrap worn by the Legend Pantheon. He wore this jock strap for ages and it is well broken in. He guided Chainsaw down the field and laid waste to all before him during his legendary run to greatness.

If you are interested in actually wearing this jockstrap of immense power you must have the waist size of a very large Black Orc or else you will look like you are wearing a diaper that is way too large. The jock is made in the classic style, a cup pocket up front and just a G-string running down the backside. This is one impressive relic of the past!

If interested, contact One Eye Louis at the emporium of Green Skin oddities, Altdorf. For only 50 Gold Crowns you can run around in style with this jock strap of power.

*****

This is a must have item for fans of good BBQ. Three cords of wood that have been seasoned and are ready for the smoker to give your meat that awesome smell and a taste that is one of a kind.

But this is not your ordinary wood that some peasant cut down, oh no, my Blood Bowl addicted friends. These are the last three cords of wood left from the legendary Treeman Geppetto, the wood was taken the day he was felled on the pitch. His immense size made it problematic to get his body off the pitch so the grounds crew just hacked him up into fifteen cords of wood.

If you are interested in this one of a kind wood too cook up some awesome smoked brisket or pork then come by the field house behind the Altdorf Old Bowl and ask for head grounds keeper Joe. Must buy the whole lot of three cords for 210 Gold Crowns. You must provide your own transportation to take away the wood.

*****

It has finally arrived in bookstores all over the empire. Bo Knows Blood Bowl Jacksons first three installments of his 10 book series: KaPOW! In your Face! The history, art and Tactics of Mighty Blow.

Bo was not able to complete his ten book series due to a Spiro level dice conspiracy that left him dead on the pitch. Friends of Bo have decided to release the first three books he finished before his untimely demise for personal financial gain. The publishing house of Shuster and Boogles have bought the rights to the books and now for the first time they can be bought at your local book store.

Coming to a book store near you are the first three gripping tales: Book #1: The History of Mighty Blow from the days of Antiquity to now. Book #2 The Anatomy of a Devastating Mighty Blow: Pro tips on how to lay them out. Book #3 Do you hit yes when it says 'do you wish to Pile On'? Oh, hell yes! But wait..

So, you need to head down to your local book store right now and buy all three books. Read the insight and knowledge that Bo is laying down to enlighten you and improve your game.

Hard Back copies are 6 Gold Crowns and Soft Back copies are 2 Gold Crowns.

What? package deal? Man, the knowledge that is found in these 3 books is so titanic, it would be a crime to discount them.

 
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