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 Issue 3 - December 18, 2503
FUMBBL Classifieds: Obituaries/Valedictories

  • Nails, Werewolf for IvanTheCow's Necromatic Team
    Nails was going to be one of the most well rounded Werewolves of his time. At the age of 16 games old he already had 11 touchdowns and 17 casualties for IvanTheCow's Necromantic team, IvanTheCow's Necromatic Team. Seeing his death coming, in his last game he had the most casualties of his career in only the first half before he was killed by a gruesome foul (the only casualty against the team for the game against Phillier's undead team, the Phatheds). With only 1 MVP, this underrated superstar had a bright future of killing and scoring cut short as he turned into a mindless zombie. He left behind his brother Claws and his thrower Black. You can bet on us following his career as a zombie for the Phatheds untill the day he finally stays down or till he takes up a position as an assistant coach.

  • Morthrog Manglebone, Ogre for Blood Blitzers
    Morthrog Manglebone, beloved star Ogre of the Blood Blitzers, was fouled to death in a match against Bubble Gum Crisis. Funkie the Dodger, the team's almost useless goblin, wrote the following poem to immortalize his friend.
    Morthrog,
    You was Fat
    You wuz dumb
    You wuz fouled by some bum
    Spiked in da head
    With a boot full o lead
    Now you iz dead
    You now in heaven fatso
    Cuz yer brain went ker-splatzo
    And we ate it for lunch with gusto!
    - da End!

  • Sven, Longbeard for Los Enanos Rabiosos
    On November 16th 2003, when Sven died, as a Dwarf Longbeard, he was the fourth most valuable player. His last match.

  • Suicide Al, Chaos Halfling for Syko Midgets
    Suicide Al, Chaos Halfling and team captain for the Syko Midgets, died on the pitch on November 15th, 2003. The death happened during the first half of the finals match for A.N.A.R.C.H.I.S.T Instant Stunty Tournament #8. At the time of his death, he was the most developed halfling player the Midgets had. Following his death, the team was subdued for the remainder of the half, then came back strong to win the tournament. During the awards ceremony, the coach of the Midgets dedicated the win to the memory of Suicide Al. His death leaves a halfing sized hole in the Midgets' roster, and a giant sized hole in the heart and soul of the team. Players who wish to fill out an application to fill this hole and take over as team captain are welcome to drop them off at the Midgets offices between the hours of 9 and 5. Halfings over 4'2" encouraged to apply.

  • Busty Brenda, Amazon Blitzer for Hooternanies
    A youthful young lady Busty Brenda: a blodge, guarding Amazon Blitzer formerly of the Hooternanies. Now slightly smelly as a reincarnated zombie - who decided to knock out two other team mates, when she realised she preferred to be on a team whose bits drop off.

  • Fly ing, Halfling for Mean Moot Machine
    Let a feast begin, let all stunties rest a little easier in their beds, for Fly ing, the most destructive thing on two (short) legs has been laid to rest. Following a frenzied but short career, the fling was accountable for no less than 42 casualties. He earned the most SPPs ever on a fling, and was the best blocker the land has ever seen for his size. Be wary, for the team lives on, and new monsters are ready to take his place. Now we can just wait for his protege's to follow in his wake, with one on 41 CAS. Long live the memory of Fly ing, and in his name do the Mad Moot Exiles leave a trail of terror in their wake. (Keep an eye out for Hamstead, being fouled every game and aimed at is not the way flings survive, hehe!)

  • Ug, Ogre for Ug's Mashers
    Ug once lived a quiet hermetic life in contemplation of all things culinary, in particularly dishes involving onions and spices. His life changed when he signed up to an NBC contract so he could watch all the cooking shows. Ug was channel surfing between shows one day when he happened across an MVP presentation involving Morg'N'Thorg, and a 19 course banquet served by and including halfling chefs. On seeing this, Ug decided that a Blood Bowl career beckoned, and so he descended from his mountain and dragged along a few Orcs he found to form a team called Ug's Mashers, letting them all know he was 'da Captain', and that he got da MVP feasts! As it turned out, Ug was a rather affectionate Ogre, and were it not from his appalling breath, his favoured pick up and hug manouever would have been very ineffective. Ug was soon predicted to become the record holder for most fans killed while asking for autographs due to this phenomenon. Unfortunately it was his signature move that led to his eventual demise,as he tried to hug the Real Ultimate Power Norse teams Minotaur Six Foot Boner, who despite his lewd name was actually afraid of non-violent contact, and over the course of two successive blocks managed to first seriously injure Ug, and then kill him after the apothecary had fixed the big lug. Long time Masher Wamash was heard to say "We's gonna miss Ug, he hogged all da MVP feasts, and he spent most of 'is time on da field pickin his nose, but he was our captain. *sniff* and we're gunna get revenge on dat big horny boner if it's da last fing we do!"

  • Family Life, Goblin for Tiny Explosions
    He never had much of a Family Life, except for his time on pitch, trying to hug and cuddle anyone close enough to death. No other Goblin ever before had mastered the art of assaulting unsuspecting players in such a fashion, and quite a number were already scared to (literally) death just by seeing him trying. His life ended by the hands of a Witch Elf in his 33rd game, which conceives his dream of dying in the arms of a woman, even though he quite likely envisioned it a little different. And yet, sad as his death is, he achieved everything a Blood Bowl player can - from interception to casualty.
    - Runs in Circles: "He MOOOhst certainly was MOOOh favourite"
    Runs in Circle is the PR manager and biggest supporter of the Tiny Explosions

  • Pulmonory, Snotling of the Alveoli Cloggers
    Pulmonary one of the most ardent members of the Alveoli Cloggers was sent to his reward in the semi finals of Stunty Cup II facing the Magic Nose Goblins.
    Pulmonary was a consummate team player, always there to keep the trolls pointed in the right direction, or throw an opportune backfield block.
    The coincidence that player 13 died in his 31st game will not be commented upon, suffice it to say he will be missed.

  • Oriella, of the Tampax Bay Buccaneers
    At last Oriella died.
    She was nice, maybe too nice for this game.
    Even during her last match vs Chuck Norse she was doing her duty smashing opponents (and gaining her 2nd skill). Evidently for the sucking Nuffle that was more than enough.
    Looking at her Bio, many coaces will remember her, some dancing for relief, some sad because of the bravery with which she threw herself in the heart of battle every time.
    We will miss her,
    R.I.P.
    Love,
    The Tampax Bay Buccaneers

  • Ortega, of the Steel Dogs
    Ortega Chaos warrior on the Steel Dogs was awarded a MVP for making a block where he broke his neck in such a beatifull way that he is stunned for the rest of his life in this match. It was his 2nd block in his first game. He was such a promising chaos warrior. May he RIP

  • Head Butcher of Slaanesh's Fine Meats and Deli
    Head Butcher of Slaanesh's Fine Meats and Deli died. He never made a regenerate roll his whole career the lazy, big, green git! A new menu item has been created to honor him. A whole pig smoked over a spit covered in honey. Its quite yummy and sure to satisfy the hungriest of trolls or minotaurs.

  • Tyramon Evereye, leader of the Crying Screamlords
    I will ever remember Tyramon Evereye the leader of the Crying Screamlords, my first FUMBBL Team. He died while playing the knockout qualifier for the Fumbbl Cup II.

  • Thigo, of Afterdark
    The bright star Thigo, who played in Afterdark], has left us. He never will live up to his promise now, at least he will be remembered as the ghoul who was agile as an elf. Some days have come and gone since his passing and now it doesn't hurt like it once did but during times like there you realise that there is too much violence in the game. Thigo will be remembered, may he rest in pieces. Those of you who were his friend can read about his death.

     
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