Feast or Famine? An Insight into Stadium's Victuals.
When I was hired by the GLN to do free lance reporting I told the editor straight off that I would not write a typical article. Rules. Boring! Team development. Boring! What is exciting about a BllodBowl Match? The food and beer of course! So I am going to write an article rating the feed and drink at various stadiums.
We start off at the We Will Survive stadium. They were playing the Northwood Rangers.
Using my press pass I got front row seats and using the GLN business account I started ordering beer right off. They had a decent generic Bloodweiser that sold for the cheapest but as everyone is familair with it I skipped it. I went for a local stout and found out why they survived. This stout can bring the dead back to life to get another chance to sip this nectar! It had a strong creamy flavor and slid down your throat like liquid bread. To got with this exquisite stout they had wandering pretzel vendors. Let me tell you never had I such a delicious pretzel. These flings have created the perfect pretzel to go with the perfect stout. As my eyes wandered for the next vendor to come by I noticed Hit and Hide run in for a touchdown. This led to a huge cheer as apple brandy shots were half price for 2 turns after a We Will Survive touchdown. This local brandy lacks the depth and texture of a good Brettonian brandy but for local color and price it was a good enough to drink and you can also use it to strip the paint off your models! I can see why it is only served locally. After the match I was led to the We Will Survive "we didn't lose" after party where Joy Joy, the hobit fatality, was held in honor his painting on the mantel with a stout and a pretzel on each side of his painting. Typical hobbit grub (whch means filling and excellent) was served at the post game party and the injured hobbits were given comfortable chairs and served by a dutiful apothecary. We Will Survive are excellent hosts and their food is superb. Well worth the price of admission. 4/5 Pints for We Will Survives stadium vendors.
I next found myself booking a coach on Christer's business card heading for the Grotty Little Stadium. The Grotty Little Wankers were hosting the Thundersteppe Surge I got to the "stadium" which was a marked off piece of dirt with rocks and dirt outside the stadium to sit on/amongst. The goblins all showed up with coals and bags of dead rats to eat. They stayed away fromt he chaos dwarf fans that showed up and every so often a chaos dwarf would wander off and return with a goblin in chains. The thrifty chaos dwarfs have combined their two favorite past times slave raiding and BloodBowl, sheer genious! As I waited for a vendor (none arrived) I took in a little of the match which consisted of chaos dwarfs pummeling goblins. I asked a nearby fan where the grub was and he offered me a rat on a stick which I declined. He then offered me a sip from his flask which I took. After I had a burp produce flames I declined anymore of the local liquor. After the defeat the head Coach of the Wankers invited me back to the team house for a meal. As I got there i saw Grot Teef the Everliving eating live snotlings kept in the stars personal snotling pen. None of the other team members were eating when I inquired why i got a terse response about how there had been no one killed on the field and the coach only lets them eat the dead on the pitch. My lowest grade ever 0/5 Pints for the Wankers.
I quickly left the Wankers and noted that the next stadium I was to go to was in the land of the Tomb Kings. Tomb Kings eh? Well kings know how to feast! Upon reaching the stadium of the Bhagar Ancestors I took in the architecture. They have a very nice stadium, a sandy field in a huge sandstone colliseum. In this hot climate I was looking forward to a cold beer. The Bhagar ancestors were playing the Greenwood Raiders, a pro elf team that accepted a invitation to come and play in this land. The stadium slowly filled with a deathly silent audience of skeletons that looked at the field with a burning intensity. I looked around dismayed and realised my chance of feed and drink were low indeed. To my surprise i was wrong. It seems that the Baghar had gotten a prize contract with Bloodweiser and Bloodweiser had hired a family of hobbits to oversee distribution in this stadium! The skeltons bought the beer and food and went through the motions of consuming it. It was a bit spooky seeing chewed food and beer pass right down onto their seats! It seems that they were done with life but not it's trappings. I was given a cold Bloodweiser, not exciting but greatly appreciated in this climate. On the menu were also stale crisps, old sausages and for some reason.. lutfisk. It seems Bloodweiser used this stadium as a dumping ground for its old food that was no longer viable in stadiums with living fans. Prices were low and the atmoshphere of the game encouraged me to eat and drink to assure myself I was alive. The total silence except for the sound of bones breaking on the pitch was eerie but since I could eat and drink to my hearts content without fighting other fans for a vendor's attention I was satisfied. After the match I decided to tag along with the Greenwood Rangers back to civilization.1/5 pints for the Baghar Ancestors.