Reporter: “So, Kondor how do you explain the Archers breaking through to win the E.L.F. title this season?”
Kondor picked up his mug of MonStar Energy drink, winced as he took a swig of the horrible concoction, and placed it carefully on the table. He took great care to be sure that the label was in perfect view of the camera before answering the question.
Kondor: He shrugged as he spoke. “I can’t explain it. These elves suck. They’ve never listen to anything I tell them. I guess it’s true that even a blind troll can find a runt from time to time.”
Reporter: “Do you expect them to compete and claim the title next season?”
Kondor: With an obvious scoff. “Are you kidding me? They had to play 35 matches over the course of two months to pull that off. There is no way that band of prissy pointy ears will hold to a work schedule like that. No chance. I’m shocked they did it this time.”
Reporter: “But Kondor, don’t you agree they have the talent to….”
He was interrupted as the side door opened and a handful of archers took the stage. The lead elf looked at Kondor with disdain.
Bellaluna: “What is he doing at our press conference? Security… Take Kondor back to his cell..I mean office. I’ll field the questions from here out. Let me address your questions. We heard them back stage while they were taking care of our makeup and wardrobe. First, we took the title because we wanted it and we are THE Archers of Avelon. Second, we have not decided if we will repeat as champions next season. We have other priorities.
First, we want to lay to rest the rumor that other High Elf teams may be our equals. They talk about the Exorcists, the Mirkwood Berserkers, the Phoenix Gate Guardians, and the Nandorins. We call them and any others to the field.”
Reporter: “But, the Archers have never beaten a team coached by Nightbreed and If my memory is correct, the Mirkwood Berserkers destroyed the Archers in their other meeting.”
Bellaluna: For a long moment she fixed her eyes on the insolent reporter. Anger boiled at his lack of respect. Soon, the reporter realized the very real danger he faced and slinked out of the room. The elf regained her composure before addressing the remaining reporters.
“None of the elves on this Archer squad were part of those unfortunate losses. But we have more pressing issues than dealing with other High Elves. Our attention is actually focused on our treasonous kindred. We publicly challenge any Dark Elf team of any team value to meet us on the pitch where we can humiliate them with both ball and blade. We will take an comers but the gauntlet is thrown specifically to the Ultimate Mr. Men, the Blackspine Reapers, Korando’s supposedly Elite Eleven, Malarone, the Replacement Bus Service, Sins and Punishment, and Titans Walk Among You. Our goal is simple. Kill or injure another 73 of the twisted perverts.”
2nd Reporter: “But, Ms Bellaluna Joydark. Some would say that you barely escaped another loss to the Dark Elf team In ELF We Trust a couple of days ago, and honestly, in this lighting, your complexion could lead some to believe you are descended from Dark Elf blood yourself. That is also speculation on the Old World Waagh Web.”
Bellaluna: Pretending to hold her rage in check. “Security, please take that reporter backstage to Kondor’s cell….office and send Kondor home. I will have a personal interview with our colleague from the press later. Sorry, but I cannot agree to the basis of that question. Rather I will close this interview by throwing the same challenge to any previous ‘major’ winner or team who is ‘legendary’ because they have played an outrageous number of games. The Archers exist to prove they are the best and we relish the chance to prove it on the field. Fleetfoot Revenge, Cult of Shadows, Ravatzewa, Born to Live Forever or the Blood Sea Bucaneers. We are looking for you. We are looking for you and several others.”
With that, Bellaluna tossed the microphone to the crowd and the elves left the stage.
(Artist rendition of Bellaluna Joydark as sketched at the press conference.)