We are once again all sat round the large table at the Great Gobbo's cave. The low rocky ceiling is shrouded in blue smoke from a cigar that the Great Gobbo is puffing away on. The room is deadly quiet as brain cells are pushed to their absolute maximum as we try to find a new way to stop Red Nose Frank. Well most of us are, Honest John is working out how to sue the makers of water for nearly injuring us when the A Teem Tank exploded.

Russell: "I have an idea gang"
The Great Gobbo: "If it involves bluddy badgez I iz gunna klub yew ter deff wiv yer own tent peg!"
R: "No, its better than that. Before I met you guys I went on an adventure with an old man, and to get started we tied hundreds of balloons to his house. Eventually we took off and when it came time to land we just cut away balloons until we started to sink. We could attach some of those balls that you inflated with lighter than air marsh gas against the Dirty Cranberries..."
GG: "Shuttupshuttupshuttup!"
R: "Oh, yeah, right, I mean that THE SQUIRREL INFLATED, tie them to a deck chair and send a gobbo through the air to attack through the roof of this gnome's house."
GG: "Hmmm dats not as stoopid az it sowndz! Rite where are dem ballz?"
Uzzy Banned: "Dunno boss, I fink most of em arr floatin rownd in yer kave sumwhere"
GG: "Well go find em an meet me outside in five minutes"
KO! Magazine: "Hang on a second, who are you going to find stupid enough to pilot a balloon powered deckchair?"
GG: "Easy, sum o der nuttaz frum Deff Frum Abuvv will do it. Rite chop chop people we az ter get a move on."

Soon we are outside attaching floating footballs to one of the two deck chairs owned by the Great Gobbo. The Great Gobbo walks over with another goblin who is wearing a black Stetson cowboy hat, shades and a yellow neckerchief.

GG: "Rite I want yer ter meet Kurnel Kilgore der fifth, oo iz gunna pilot dis dek chair"
Kurnel Kilgore: "Do yer wanna surf?"
KO!: "Erm, not really no..."
KK: "Datz gud son, az yer eivver surf of fly dekk chairz!"
KO!: "Err Great Gobbo, is he alright?"
GG: "Ee iz a likkle eccentric I give yer, but ee iz sownd"
KK: "GNOMES DOANT SURF!!!!"
KO!: "What is he on about?"
KK: "RELEASE THE CHAIR!"

The Great Gobbo cuts the ropes anchoring the deck chair to the ground and it rises rapidly. Soon Kurnel Kilgore V is so high up he looks like a bird with football shaped zits.

KO!: "Err, GG, how is he going to get down?"
GG: "I tole yer, ee uses dis nife ter slowly cut away balloons.....an.....oh....bugga."

By now Kurnel Kilgore V is a mere speck in the sky.

GG: "Betta get sum moar ballz whilst I get anuvva pilot"

Soon the second deck chair is covered in floating footballs and the Great Gobbo has found another goblin from Deff Frum Abuvv desperate to fly.

GG: "Dis iz Kurnel Kurtz"
KO!: "Are you mad as well?"
Kurnel Kurtz: "I az a dreem about a snail crawlin along a strait razer blade"
KO!: "OoooKaaay, so that's a big fat yes then"
GG: "Shuttup bout yer bluddy dreems an tek dis nife. Wen yew iz reddy kut yerself free an tek off unnerstand?"
KK: "Yup"
GG: "Gud, den bugga off"

Kurnel Kurtz cuts the ropes and the deck chair slowly rises into the sky.

UB: "Err boss, iz dat der ovva deck chair?"
GG: "Yeh, why?"
UB: "Well didn't Grog Fizznekka brek it wen we ad dat hula party?"
GG: "Yeh I rememba, ee woz tryin ter katch starz an fell off it an bust der springz........."

We all look up at Kurnel Kurtz who waves back at us.

GG: "KEEP STILL YEW IDIOT OR DER CHAIR WILL KOLLAPSE!"

Kurnel Kurtz stands up on the chair and waves again. There is a sound like a giant mouse trap going off then nothing as hundreds of footballs float away into the sky.

GG: "Sumwun go get me sum moar deck chairz"
KO!: "Hang on a second, this Red Nose Frank lives in the moot?"
GG: "Korrekt"
KO!: "In a Halfling hole in the ground"
GG: "Obviously"
KO!: "SO THEN HIS HOUSE DOESN'T HAVE A ROOF THEN DOES IT AS IT IS UNDERGROUND!"

silence........

GG: "Yew meen ter tell me I az lozt all me dekk chairz fer nuffin"
KO!: "And killed two goblins yes!"
GG!: "Yew stoopid boy Russell! An if anywun breeves a wurd o dis ter der Big Gob or Krackerjack den it will be der last fing dey evva breeves, goddit?"
UB: "Yes boss"

The Great Gobbo stomps off in a foul mood....

TO BE CONTINUED.......