DUQUESWOOD UNIVERSITY GREEN DUKES FALL TO HAWAI’I UNIVERSITEE IN SLOPPY NCBB OPENER

The Duqueswood Green Dukes got off to a clumsy start to their first season in the NCBB, losing 2-1 to Hawai’I Universitee in a rain-soaked match that was never as close as the final score might indicate. Hawai’i got touchdowns from renegade human linemen Justin Sinclair and Makana Meyer, taking a commanding 2-0 lead early in the second half and essentially putting the game away before the wood elf squad could manage to hold onto the ball for longer than a few seconds. A late score by highly recruited Green Dukes freshman wardancer Angorn Windfoot, however, did provide the Duqueswood faithful with some potential hope for the future, beyond reveling in the changing color of the leaves.

Things looked bad early for the Green Dukes when a torrential downpour swept over the pitch just before kick-off. The rains continued, and Duqueswood squandered some strong early blocking when normally surehanded sophomore thrower Elehorn Oakhand failed several attempts to pick up the ball, finally slipping on it and landing face-first in a mud puddle deep enough to drown him.
Oakhand persevered, however, splashing to the surface with the ball finally tucked under one arm.

Despite the inclement weather, Green Dukes Coach Gerric Smithson persisted with a conventional elven gameplan and shouted for Oakhand to execute a tricky field-reversing hand-off to Windfoot. Surprising no one in the stadium, save Smithson and perhaps a half-ogre or two, the sopping wet hand-off was immediately fumbled, leading directly to Hawai’i’s first touchdown.

Asked why he didn’t implement a different offense for the rainy weather, Smithson stared blankly into the distance, gritting his teeth. “Implement a different offence?” he said finally. “You mean like scratch up a whole different three plays on the forest floor before the game? Because this university doesn’t believe in books or chalkboards or … . Heck, I got 11 elves studying the leaf-eral arts and sciences here. I got one majoring in tree-bark, another missed practice this week because he had a 7-hour lab on root fungus. Let me say that again: root fungus. We’re just happy no one got killed.”

In the second half, the sky miraculously cleared up, and Hawai’i easily scooped up the kickoff. The chaos renegade squad quickly asserted their strength advantage to score a long, well-blocked rushing TD that left five Green Dukes unconscious and two seriously injured.

Hawai’i did leave enough time on the clock for Duqueswood to mount a late rally, which got to an exciting start when Windfoot grabbed the kick-off before Oakhand could fumble it again. Ignoring Coach Smithson’s directions to get the ball to the team’s thrower, Windfoot sprinted up field, leapt over renegade dark elf Dalen Morris, performing a flip and side aerial in midair. After landing, Windfoot high-stepped past the diving horns of renegade minotaur John Tuitupou, delivered a vicious stiff arm to late-charging human renegade lineman Matagi Thompson, and sprinted across the goal line to help the Green Dukes avoid the shutout.

“Yeah, that was not the play we—what did you call it before—implemented,” Smithson said of Windfoot’s touchdown. “Honestly, I’m not sure if I should be worried I got a headcase on my hands, or if I just found my new offense. Let’s just say, I’m going to make sure none of Windfoot’s classes this semester have lab components. And when it comes to his studies, I’m going to ask the dean if the kid could major in communications, or maybe sports medicine.”