“The Crash had planned a little game of bash the skeleton for this match. The plan backfired when it was revealed that United's skeleton horde had been swotting up on the ancient far eastern art of Ork-Fu, which describes a "smash chakra" somewhere between an Orc's left bollock and right bollock. Naturally Orcs everywhere cover this area with armour but careful study by the Gumbeasties revealed a gap in the Crash kit just large enough for a well aimed skeletal foot.

Salesi Yates and Zack Wills reduced a number of Orks to whipering green piles of rags, but it was throwa Joe Wilcox's Ork-Fu of star blitzer Oncomin Truk which produced the most medically challenging results.

Orc fists were significantly less effective against these ninja skeletons than had been hoped. Luckily Crash captain Squirrel Grippa called a blitz on the first kickoff and Jersey Slinga's charge on star mummy Mark Hadfield was so effective a whole new school of Mummy-Fu thought has now been opened in Slinga's name. It was a bright enough start to earn the Crash a defensive touchdown at the end of the first half, and an offensive one was very close to being scored at the end of the second despite desperate numerical odds...Nutshot Yield's otherwise impeccable game being ruined by a goal line fumble as the gobin squawked.

Crash armourers are under the hammer for their kit oversight.

Twahnlow Votes

3 Votes - Zack Wills
Showed very impressive ball handling for a dead guy with no musculature, and was a true master of the frightening Ork-Fu that lead to so many ko'd Orcs. Stood up to any and all reprisals too.

2 Votes - Salesi Yates
Earned his Ork-Fu black belt out there today with multiple Orc game-finishing moves. Also wasn't going to let his lack of size or armour allow any Orcy fist to end his game.

1 Vote - Joe Wilcox
Produced the hit of the match and played an adequate game otherwise, but the evasive side of his Ork-Fu study let him down at a critical moment.”