“Hockley Gaming Club vs Gouge Away Fellas – Game One

*Welcome sports fans to Hockley Gaming Channels first ever live Bloodbowl Extravaganza! Today we’d like to give a warm welcome to Hockley Gaming Club – what kinda fucking name is that? - Who’re up against the Gouge Away Fella’s! Says in my notes they’re time travellers lost in another dimension! What do ya make of that Bob?

*Bullshit Jim! I say keep sniffing that pixie dust lads!

*The crowd have turned out today in their droves, thousand of ‘em to be precise. It has to be said though the vast majority wear the Blue and White of the Gouge Away Fella’s – doesn’t look to good for the HGC boys does it Jim?

*It certainly doesn’t Bob. Both teams are limbering up on the sidelines now. They certainly don’t look like much these pasty skinned Humans. I’d wager my bollocks on them losing tonight if the missus hadn’t already cut them off!

* OK Bob bit too much information, looks like they’re about to start…. That’s it they're off!

With an almighty roar from the crowd and a resounding hoof John lofts the ball high into the air towards the Greenskins half.

*They’re going for it hammer and tongs down there! Looks like a group of the Gouge Away Fella’s are getting stuck into Big Dave. Holy Shit! Little Dan has just been pummelled to the floor! He’s not injured but it’s a damn fine start for the aggressive Greenskins!

Gouge Away take the offensive from the offset, smash the entire Human front row to the ground and grind down the right wing. Orc thrower Eyya Erwego grabs the ball and hangs back, probably waiting for the perfect opportunity to make the pass.

*What’re they doing Jim? They’ve left it wide open at the back! Here comes Dan and John! Man that had to hurt, what a punch by Dan! – someone had better remind that Thrower where he is, he’s dazed! There goes Rich, through the middle to grab the loose ball, man he has some pace – I don’t think the Orcs can catch him now he’s to far down the field…

HGC’s second catcher Ad is up now to support the offence by blocking the Orcs path back to the ball carrier.

*That lanky bastard has some bollocks he better watch his step!

*One more than the norm Bob, he’s had it now though Cakh Tuss was on him like a drunk on a kebab. He’ll be lucky if he wakes up for the second half! They're carting the body off the field now, and the Horde are going mental! GAF have their first knockout of the evening!

*Its not enough to stop them scoring Jim, the crowd are going wild Rich has just skipped over the line for HGC’s first ever Touchdown. Great play by Hockley Gaming Club! These scrawny humans certainly know a thing or two about BloodBowl.

*The Orc head coach is going crazy down there Jim! If I hadn’t heard him say they were a pile of shit I’d say it’s a good job we couldn’t hear him say that!

*Righto Bob!

*Its getting real hot now both teams are thirsty. The water boy better get back to the lake for a refill!

The two squads take on water and return to their respective halves.

*They’re off again Jim! Now these Greenskins know they’re in a fight!

*Oh, look at that, Bob. Luke’s putting the boot into the recently prone form of Gurr Onkas. That Black Orcs in real trouble, he’ll be lucky if his wedding tackle fits back on! He’s gotta leave the field! HGC have a Casualty!

*Bloodbowl at its best! That hairy Human has a real nasty streak!

*This is turning into one hell of a dust up! They’ve forgotten the ball!
Bone Machine has just sparked Nathan with a text book head butt! He’ll need a few stitches when the stars clear Bob!

*The Fellas have started to push forward now, and the HGC defensive line is having trouble holding them back. Little Dan, James and Big Dave have all been smashed to the floor by angry Orcs, and - oh my word, that's messy! I can't look!

The Ref puts the whistle to his lips and blows to signal the end of the first half. HGC lead by one touchdown to nothing. Surprisingly they’re up one in the Casualty department as well.

*Undoubtedly, they’re a handy bunch! It’s been a very closely fought game so far, but the superior skill of HGC has helped them considerably – will they be able to keep up this pace for another half? Anyway, back to the action. They’ve made a few changes on the pitch – Catcher Adam Markham has returned from the dugout, a little worse for wear but at least he's talking! No sign of Nathan though, I didn’t think we’d see him this side of Christmas. We'll be back right after a commercial break.
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*We're back, live and exclusive from GAF Arena. Hopefully both teams will continue this gripping showdown. Neither have given an inch so far!

*Gouge Away Fellas gave away the touchdown Jim…Anyway, back to the action!


*GAF’s Kick-off isn’t a good one, it’s landed at the feet of Nasty Luke! Big Dave drops Ikkah Bukkah with a sweet left while Lee sprints forward with a flying knee strike to the nose of Jooey Santacko – it’ll take some time for him to recover from that- ouch! Luke goes for the ball, oh my god he’s dropped it again Jim where did they get him from?

*HGC are in real trouble now if the Greenskins can steal the ball. They’re throwing everything they can but the plucky Humans won’t go down! Lineman Cakh Tuss has moved up to exert some pressure on Thrower Luke! In comes Ryan with a airborne head butt! You ever seen the like? Tuss went down like a cheap slut! Ryan really bailed HGC out of the shit there!

*They’ve got the momentum back now Bob, Luke snatches up the ball and launches it down field.

A deathly silence falls over the stadium ball whistles through the air in slow motion…

*Ad plucks it from the sky and sprints off towards the Endzone supported by Dan, Lee and Rich. Man that lad has pace! He's gotta be the fastest guy on the field!

*GAF are frantically peddling backwards, Orc Blitzer Gorry Jonns has found a way through to Ad! They went to sleep there. The Big Catcher has nimbly skipped to one side - what a let off! He’s like a 14 stone belly dancer Bob!

*Ryan and Dan bulldoze the remaining Orc defence to one side and make space for Ad to blast through. He ran through there like a retard on hot coals! Hockley Gaming Club get a well earned second touchdown! Great team effort eh Jim?

*One of the most complete touchdown’s I’ve seen in a long time, look at the fans Bob the Orc Horde are cheering for the Humans!

The teams line up again for the third drive of the match, Nathan remains comatose in the dugout.

*Big Dave and Dan go down to punishing Black Orc fists as Eyya Eerwego grabs the ball. The rest of the Orcs have lapped around the fragile Human defence. Looks like the day’s about to swing in the Orcs favour here Jim.

*They’ll need to move fast to stop this Cage closing, Dan’s back on his feet with a crunching uppercut to Bone Machine’s jaw, Lee drops Cakh Tuss with a slick elbow and John steps up with an illegal stomp. Fortunately the ref is oblivious to what’s going on, he gets away with it this time!

*This is turning into one ugly slugfest Jim, Big Dave has just been KO’ed by Jooey Santacko and Holy Shit! RIP! Little Dan is dead. The big troll went for him slipped and fell on top! There’s more claret than a West Hammerers United home game!

* The crowd are going wild tearing up the stands and throwing things! The stewards better get in there and bang a few heads! Nothing like a Bloodbowl fatality to liven the fans! This could be the turning point of the match! HGC are up shit creek without a paddle now Bob!

*Not just yet, an awesome revenge strike by John and Black Orc Bone Machine is out cold before he hits the deck! This is one hell of a rollercoaster match!

*Lee, Rich and Luke run forward to tie up the lone ball carrier. That Orc Thrower better have his best trainers on Jim, he’s gonna need em to get out of this mess!

*The Orcs are trying desperately to get back, three vs one at the back just doesn’t cut it! Gorry Jonns goes down to a counter attack from Ad, this could be game set and match! Lee smashes the Thrower to the floor, Rich grabs the loose ball and moves up to the Endzone. John lauches himself at a Black Orc with a furious flurry of strikes then winds up on a stretcher from a gruelling counter punch! Ouch!!

*In the dying seconds of the Game Dan lays the hoof into the prone throwers skull resulting in a knocked out orc and a red card. Rich saunters over the line just as the whistle blows to end the game.

*That’s it Bob, Hockley Gaming Club - and their new found Orc fans - are going absolutely crazy down there!!! They’re lapping up the applause!
Final Score Hockley Gaming Club 3-0 Gouge Away Fellas. That's all from the GAF Arena - we hope you've enjoyed the game and remember to tune in next time for HGC’s second professional Bloodbowl match!









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