“A violent first match for the Laundrymen. Blurty was the shock disappearance of the team, killing himself with his first ever block and forgetting that he was meant to regenerate. A genius like that we won't see for some time.

Swampserpent played an excellent first half, keeping out of trouble while rotters were being banned left right and centre for fouling, or else being smashed off the pitch. With the second half a lucky scatter got the ball to Beavous, who trudged in for the draw while the rest of the team concentrated on pummelling. Big Stench worked his tentacles just the way he was meant to, and the rest of the team stayed mostly upright.

Deaths... we had a few. I think a journeyman dying on a failed GFI is something special. The Laundrymen tried their hardest to recruit more players, but the apo saved them from our clutches. And now, back to the filthy crevices from which we sprang.”